(no subject)
Head pain... almost got through the night without the head pain... he went to bed hours ago saying his head really hurt. Probably passed out because I gave him a Benedryl. So evil I am... Such a bitch. It's like I just want to reply... and point out how many things are inaccurate. Point out the incorrect time line; the incorrect budgeting... the incorrect reasons for my behaviors. The incorrect reasons for my lack of behavior. It's all so twisted. And you know the kicker is, he's been talking about another journal he has now so that I won't see it... so it stands to be reasoned that if he wrote that in his fjournal, he meant for me to see it, because he knows I check that. He doesn't like it... but he knows. He's always felt that his (publicly accessible) journal is not meant to be read except by those he wants to read it.
It's just become utterly pointless. I can talk till I'm blue in the face and he doesn't hear me... it's apparently not important enough to listen to. Don't I feel loved. As I sit here on the phone with my local power company... who gave me a shut off notice... sent on the 16th... that I didn't find... wedged into my couch until last Weds... Right before all the holidays that made it impossible for me to seek help with it.. le sigh. Got a one week extension on that though. Time to talk to DHS. Well 8AM will be... I should just crash now and set an alarm... Hmm... I'm bad with alarms... unless I actually have something I NEED to get up for at that minute. Anyway... it's like... trying to talk him anymore is pointless. It all comes back to the same old lines, arguements... etc. I do it out of frustration... not actually thinkin' that it will help anything. I don't want to face him lately... so I hide as much as I can... Sephie's now ate on my bed a few times. She clings if I'm awake...unless I tell her no and then she runs to him screaming. We made cookies last night, she helped with dinner, we decorated the tree the night before, will finish the tree and the rest of living room tonight... To his credit he did get the tree up... as much as a pain in the neck as that was... (the stand for my tree was missing... ended up using my mother's) and yes, he brought up the boxes. The rest of the time? Well 4chan is much more interesting... as are certain other people. And YES I do talk to people a lot as well... well let's be honest...a person, but shit...I dunno he told me every xmas up here wasn't good so I guess it doesn't matter to him... the xmas stuff.
I was hoping to start my next blog with happy news... and there is that... Sephie and I are spending Christmas and New Years with...well that person mentioned below as said below. It's officially booked now. Hence the ticker. Not worried about being there... looking forward to that part, a lot, worrying about leaving.. worrying about the after effects. I've been mentioning it to Sephie when he's not around so that she won't be surprised. She's going to get two xmas's. One here on the 20th... and the traditional one there on the 25th. War zone here, my human tranquilizer there. Don't get me wrong, there are some good things here. I will miss the hell out of creatures. I dunno, maybe I'll miss Thumper...I think we could both use this break. You know what though? It's 7:30 AM and I should not be awake... . Will write more tomorrow or so... I want to keep that ticker at the top...it gives me hope for better days ahead.
It's just become utterly pointless. I can talk till I'm blue in the face and he doesn't hear me... it's apparently not important enough to listen to. Don't I feel loved. As I sit here on the phone with my local power company... who gave me a shut off notice... sent on the 16th... that I didn't find... wedged into my couch until last Weds... Right before all the holidays that made it impossible for me to seek help with it.. le sigh. Got a one week extension on that though. Time to talk to DHS. Well 8AM will be... I should just crash now and set an alarm... Hmm... I'm bad with alarms... unless I actually have something I NEED to get up for at that minute. Anyway... it's like... trying to talk him anymore is pointless. It all comes back to the same old lines, arguements... etc. I do it out of frustration... not actually thinkin' that it will help anything. I don't want to face him lately... so I hide as much as I can... Sephie's now ate on my bed a few times. She clings if I'm awake...unless I tell her no and then she runs to him screaming. We made cookies last night, she helped with dinner, we decorated the tree the night before, will finish the tree and the rest of living room tonight... To his credit he did get the tree up... as much as a pain in the neck as that was... (the stand for my tree was missing... ended up using my mother's) and yes, he brought up the boxes. The rest of the time? Well 4chan is much more interesting... as are certain other people. And YES I do talk to people a lot as well... well let's be honest...a person, but shit...I dunno he told me every xmas up here wasn't good so I guess it doesn't matter to him... the xmas stuff.
I was hoping to start my next blog with happy news... and there is that... Sephie and I are spending Christmas and New Years with...well that person mentioned below as said below. It's officially booked now. Hence the ticker. Not worried about being there... looking forward to that part, a lot, worrying about leaving.. worrying about the after effects. I've been mentioning it to Sephie when he's not around so that she won't be surprised. She's going to get two xmas's. One here on the 20th... and the traditional one there on the 25th. War zone here, my human tranquilizer there. Don't get me wrong, there are some good things here. I will miss the hell out of creatures. I dunno, maybe I'll miss Thumper...I think we could both use this break. You know what though? It's 7:30 AM and I should not be awake... . Will write more tomorrow or so... I want to keep that ticker at the top...it gives me hope for better days ahead.