(no subject)
Babygirl is sick... she'll stay awake so long as the tv's on, so I turned it off. Thumper's off with... his friend and likely said friend's mother. Sore spot at the moment. He told me that a member of said family mentioned that they did not want to see me at family events anymore. These people have been my second family since... I was about 6 years old. They are being poisoned to me... by both him and the friend. I have no doubt that it's both of them. The friend... well he likes to make himself a little too comfortable around here sometimes, I think. And I've gotten on him about it a few times. We'll be returning bottles to get milk and meanwhile he'll want rides all over two different counties. He's never had to support himself, though, so he doesn't get it. He teaches my daughter racial slurs, because he thinks it's funny. And while, yes it's funny, it's just not appropriate. He'll raid the fridge and eat whatever without a glance. Had to make extra trip to the store to salvage dinner a couple of times now. He comes over here and downloads stuff because he doesn't have cable at home. While I don't mind, my phone happens to be VoIP, so his downloading interferes with that. He gets cranky if I tell him to stop it while I'm on the phone... okay yeah not a rant I meant to get into. (Two days later, just had to get it that off my chest at that moment. His mom bought us groceries, so I'm feeling more tolerant.)
I try to lose myself in the good things... and I've been doing a damn good job of it lately, but it bites me in the ass. After years of resisting, I got into Thumper's email. Turns out if I turn to him about something I'm upset, he goes back to his uhh friend? ex? and laughs about it with her. Says I'm crazy. That that's what I deserve. Now... he got into my logfiles last year... and I still hear about it constantly. I don't know... I don't remember getting joy out of his pain. Ever actually. Yes, I said he was lazy, I said he didn't care, didn't care enough to actually take action, said he was spineless. No doubt those things were said. But sometimes I swear... I could get into a car wreck and he'd show up the hospital giggling about it saying that it proved he was a better driver or something. This is love to him. This is something we will ALWAYS disagree on.
Had a long talk with his mother yesterday. Kind of curious to see if she'll change her stance on anything that was said. If not, then I'm in the clear there. She was very obviously not happy about my Xmas plans... get to that in a sec... but the rest she seemed to understand. *Shrugs* I think his mother is like my mother in that way... fair weather friend. She's just a bit more.. honest about it then my mother was... I typed is... there had to fix that. Won't go into the details of that convo in any case. Not publicly anyway :)
It's interesting how "the car" has become such a major issue with the ex. Ah, background on that one. It was bought in summer '08 by my grandmother because he needed to get to work 90 minutes away (a job that last approximately 3 weeks)... and I needed my car to take my mother to her various cancer-related doctor's appointments. So, he was kind of forced to get his license, but we got the car a few days before so it was titled and registered in my name. It's been kept in my name for various reasons... including for insurance purposes and to...deter his threats to take off with Sephie. Now the way he sees it my family gave him this car and it should be his free and clear. I think I should get something out of it if I was to sign it over to him. Mind you...I'm not saying he has to pay what was paid for it in the first place... but quite honestly.. I could sell that car right now and be caught up on most if not all of my bills for the next two months. Letting it go free kinda makes me cringe. And no, I did not pay for it in the first place, but I have put a lil over 2k in it between registration, insurance etc. Furthermore, I offered to let him have it for about half of what a dealership would sell it for. Even in payments. So, I dunno. Maybe I'm just the "crazyfuckingbitch" there...but seriously...I'm not going to just "gift" a car to someone if I don't have to. And quite honestly, it seems stupid to even expect me to do so. It'd be different had he been the one paying the upkeep and what not, but he wasn't AND my family did buy it therefore I feel some sort of justification.
The above quoted name...was apparently something he was calling me behind my back for awhile. Actually said it to someone who is a close friend of MINE and then bragged about how said friend thought it was funny. Said friend apparently remembers hearing it and laughing at it out pure WTF? "All about the he says she says BS."
On to the happy... above mentioned friend... and below mentioned partner in drinking glory... same person, is moving in 2 weeks. Going to be out of driving distance for the first time since I met 'im face to face the first time. That was summer 04... any avid readers will realize who I'm referring to at this point. However... he quite randomly threw an invite out to bring all 3 of us out to his new place for Xmas and New Years. Yes, I said ALL 3 of us. As in me, Sephie AND Thumper (the ex). Nice guy huh? Take into consideration...Thumper refers to him as a certain nickname that essentially means the other man, the one someone cheats with. Thumper, needless to say declined, but I am... well excited is not the word. And yes, Sephie is coming with me...no way could I leave her for that long or not spend Xmas with her. And yeah, you know all this shit is in the open anyway so I'll just say it... spending Xmas.. which happens to my fav holiday (I know it's blasphemy, but bear with me for a sec), with the ONLY person in this world who gives me chills with a single touch... is just...wow. Also the only person who's ever done that for the record. Another topic for below... Funny thing is, he knows Xmas makes me all kinds of sentimental/nostalgic/emo, and that kind of stuff used to scare him off... and now he's inviting it. I would ask if hell froze over, but I don't want to jinx it. Lol. And New Years... ladies and gents... get this, we only get a full moon on New Years Eve once every 19-20 years. It's only happened once before in my lifetime needless to say. This year it will happen again. And I will be with he who is highly affected by full moons...in all the right ways. (Cancer sun/Leo moon person for Felix's info :p)
"To leave you there by yourself chained to fate,
I alone love you,
I alone tempt you,
I alone love you,
Fear is not the end of this." (Live - I Alone) Of course :)
Loud over my cheap, but effective headphones. Coincidental actually, something Thumper wrote earlier got a certain Limp Bizkit song in my head.. and the mp3 list is alpa-ordered... not a huge jump from Limp to Live.
Now back to other topics.. hmm.. oh Xmas! I have this idealistic thing about Xmas. I realize more or less it's all about corporate greed and materialistic things these days, but... somewhere there's still this part of me that thinks it's when...those who celebrate it.. actually I'll go ahead and say all of North America... and pry other places... take a fucking chill pill. Perhaps this is just me having rose colored glasses about the whole thing and I'm fine with that. It still seems like goodwill toward men is more in effect around Xmas time then any other time of the year. I'm a huge fan of Xmas trees and cheesy lil animated singing stuffed animals and claymation movies... and the snow... the snow is a must. I'm a fan of bright wrapping paper and tender moments. I will stare at up a lit up Xmas tree for hours lost in thought. I adore a lot of the Xmas songs, even some of the religious ones are great. Beautiful in some cases. The only song I can even semi play on piano happens to "Silent Night." I like the tradition of it all. Yes, I liked being a kid and getting stuff for Xmas, sure. It's pretty fun watching Sephie get all excited over her gifts though. I won't lie... I'm a lil irritated at times that I haven't gotten a wrapped gift in over two years. Not for bdays or Xmas or any other holidays. The pitfalls of being the family gift wrapping service. Ah well... hopefully that'll change in the near future. Stupidly enough... that simple act of having something wrapped would mean a lot. BUT... yes, back to the positives... my name is Luci, I've been an (out of the closet) Satanist for... 13+ years... atheist for 20+ years and I love Xmas. Don't like it? Bite me! Heh.
I gotta get in touch with Squirrelly one of these days. I've been looking for someone to discuss certain things with who will GET it.. and isn't involved. I've been failing. It occurred to me earlier that's because he's not around. Stupid navy. But I will dedicate that 'bite me' to him because it's his old fav phrase.
I dunno, I guess Xmas just hits me the same way power ballads do... or freakin' Bryan Adams ballads... I grew up on his shit. And Toad the Wet Sprocket's Fear Album... almost anything REM. Soul Asylum's Grave Dancer's Union. First CD I ever owned. True story. My mother didn't like me listening to the song entitled 99% because it's got a lyric in it that says "I can't touch you because you feel so fuckin' fine" She said it was different if she said it because I wouldn't obsess on it. Um, uh Robbie? I'm PRETTY sure your constant playing of NIN's Pretty Hate Machine loud enough to rattle the windows wasn't any better. She didn't like me listening to a couple tracks on that either o.O. Still my fav album of all time. Heh, there's my Xmas parody jams. Gotta re-associate one of these tracks too. My father's favorite band when I was little was 10,000 Maniacs. I re-associated that one over some seriously toxic everclear with 'someone' (who randomly played one of their songs at the time and did not know of my association for it o.O) a couple weeks ago. Good stuff. It got stuck in my head. I told him to help. He led me to another song of theirs that's now in my head A LOT. Did you think of the irony of you sending that to me? No pry not. No worries... didn't take it as such. It's just such a passionate song, so I dig it. These parody songs got picked up after WRIF... that's Riff out of Detroit for the nonlocals played "I am Santa Clause" when my mother and I were on our way to a concert. Don't even remember what show that was. To the tune of Ironman by the way.
What was other topic... oh yeah the one I'm not sure I'm supposed to be, uh, public with. Let me go trip down memory lane for a sec and see if I previously covered it. Yeah...semi covered...see journal entry uhhh July 11th, 2004. Was going to elaborate on the comfyness mentioned there. Won't repeat myself at the moment. Would pry just cause friction somehow... probably in my house o.O
I wonder if that poor cancerian knows he's going to get subjected to my horrid singing of these parody songs... And there's one I must re-associate...damn cancers! *Giggles* Okay, I'll say no offense to those present... the person I say "damn cancers" about there should know who they are and will likely never read this anyway. And sure as hell never admit to it if he did.
Okay one more listen to "Ho Ho Fucking Ho" which was discovered a couple years after the rest of these tracks... then on to the sappy nonXmas stuff and proofreading. So... yeah it's almost 4AM... wide awake.
Aw fuck, I missed all of Family Guy writing this. Ah well... shall seek other amusement for now. Let's see.. what's my mood...
I try to lose myself in the good things... and I've been doing a damn good job of it lately, but it bites me in the ass. After years of resisting, I got into Thumper's email. Turns out if I turn to him about something I'm upset, he goes back to his uhh friend? ex? and laughs about it with her. Says I'm crazy. That that's what I deserve. Now... he got into my logfiles last year... and I still hear about it constantly. I don't know... I don't remember getting joy out of his pain. Ever actually. Yes, I said he was lazy, I said he didn't care, didn't care enough to actually take action, said he was spineless. No doubt those things were said. But sometimes I swear... I could get into a car wreck and he'd show up the hospital giggling about it saying that it proved he was a better driver or something. This is love to him. This is something we will ALWAYS disagree on.
Had a long talk with his mother yesterday. Kind of curious to see if she'll change her stance on anything that was said. If not, then I'm in the clear there. She was very obviously not happy about my Xmas plans... get to that in a sec... but the rest she seemed to understand. *Shrugs* I think his mother is like my mother in that way... fair weather friend. She's just a bit more.. honest about it then my mother was... I typed is... there had to fix that. Won't go into the details of that convo in any case. Not publicly anyway :)
It's interesting how "the car" has become such a major issue with the ex. Ah, background on that one. It was bought in summer '08 by my grandmother because he needed to get to work 90 minutes away (a job that last approximately 3 weeks)... and I needed my car to take my mother to her various cancer-related doctor's appointments. So, he was kind of forced to get his license, but we got the car a few days before so it was titled and registered in my name. It's been kept in my name for various reasons... including for insurance purposes and to...deter his threats to take off with Sephie. Now the way he sees it my family gave him this car and it should be his free and clear. I think I should get something out of it if I was to sign it over to him. Mind you...I'm not saying he has to pay what was paid for it in the first place... but quite honestly.. I could sell that car right now and be caught up on most if not all of my bills for the next two months. Letting it go free kinda makes me cringe. And no, I did not pay for it in the first place, but I have put a lil over 2k in it between registration, insurance etc. Furthermore, I offered to let him have it for about half of what a dealership would sell it for. Even in payments. So, I dunno. Maybe I'm just the "crazyfuckingbitch" there...but seriously...I'm not going to just "gift" a car to someone if I don't have to. And quite honestly, it seems stupid to even expect me to do so. It'd be different had he been the one paying the upkeep and what not, but he wasn't AND my family did buy it therefore I feel some sort of justification.
The above quoted name...was apparently something he was calling me behind my back for awhile. Actually said it to someone who is a close friend of MINE and then bragged about how said friend thought it was funny. Said friend apparently remembers hearing it and laughing at it out pure WTF? "All about the he says she says BS."
On to the happy... above mentioned friend... and below mentioned partner in drinking glory... same person, is moving in 2 weeks. Going to be out of driving distance for the first time since I met 'im face to face the first time. That was summer 04... any avid readers will realize who I'm referring to at this point. However... he quite randomly threw an invite out to bring all 3 of us out to his new place for Xmas and New Years. Yes, I said ALL 3 of us. As in me, Sephie AND Thumper (the ex). Nice guy huh? Take into consideration...Thumper refers to him as a certain nickname that essentially means the other man, the one someone cheats with. Thumper, needless to say declined, but I am... well excited is not the word. And yes, Sephie is coming with me...no way could I leave her for that long or not spend Xmas with her. And yeah, you know all this shit is in the open anyway so I'll just say it... spending Xmas.. which happens to my fav holiday (I know it's blasphemy, but bear with me for a sec), with the ONLY person in this world who gives me chills with a single touch... is just...wow. Also the only person who's ever done that for the record. Another topic for below... Funny thing is, he knows Xmas makes me all kinds of sentimental/nostalgic/emo, and that kind of stuff used to scare him off... and now he's inviting it. I would ask if hell froze over, but I don't want to jinx it. Lol. And New Years... ladies and gents... get this, we only get a full moon on New Years Eve once every 19-20 years. It's only happened once before in my lifetime needless to say. This year it will happen again. And I will be with he who is highly affected by full moons...in all the right ways. (Cancer sun/Leo moon person for Felix's info :p)
"To leave you there by yourself chained to fate,
I alone love you,
I alone tempt you,
I alone love you,
Fear is not the end of this." (Live - I Alone) Of course :)
Loud over my cheap, but effective headphones. Coincidental actually, something Thumper wrote earlier got a certain Limp Bizkit song in my head.. and the mp3 list is alpa-ordered... not a huge jump from Limp to Live.
Now back to other topics.. hmm.. oh Xmas! I have this idealistic thing about Xmas. I realize more or less it's all about corporate greed and materialistic things these days, but... somewhere there's still this part of me that thinks it's when...those who celebrate it.. actually I'll go ahead and say all of North America... and pry other places... take a fucking chill pill. Perhaps this is just me having rose colored glasses about the whole thing and I'm fine with that. It still seems like goodwill toward men is more in effect around Xmas time then any other time of the year. I'm a huge fan of Xmas trees and cheesy lil animated singing stuffed animals and claymation movies... and the snow... the snow is a must. I'm a fan of bright wrapping paper and tender moments. I will stare at up a lit up Xmas tree for hours lost in thought. I adore a lot of the Xmas songs, even some of the religious ones are great. Beautiful in some cases. The only song I can even semi play on piano happens to "Silent Night." I like the tradition of it all. Yes, I liked being a kid and getting stuff for Xmas, sure. It's pretty fun watching Sephie get all excited over her gifts though. I won't lie... I'm a lil irritated at times that I haven't gotten a wrapped gift in over two years. Not for bdays or Xmas or any other holidays. The pitfalls of being the family gift wrapping service. Ah well... hopefully that'll change in the near future. Stupidly enough... that simple act of having something wrapped would mean a lot. BUT... yes, back to the positives... my name is Luci, I've been an (out of the closet) Satanist for... 13+ years... atheist for 20+ years and I love Xmas. Don't like it? Bite me! Heh.
I gotta get in touch with Squirrelly one of these days. I've been looking for someone to discuss certain things with who will GET it.. and isn't involved. I've been failing. It occurred to me earlier that's because he's not around. Stupid navy. But I will dedicate that 'bite me' to him because it's his old fav phrase.
I dunno, I guess Xmas just hits me the same way power ballads do... or freakin' Bryan Adams ballads... I grew up on his shit. And Toad the Wet Sprocket's Fear Album... almost anything REM. Soul Asylum's Grave Dancer's Union. First CD I ever owned. True story. My mother didn't like me listening to the song entitled 99% because it's got a lyric in it that says "I can't touch you because you feel so fuckin' fine" She said it was different if she said it because I wouldn't obsess on it. Um, uh Robbie? I'm PRETTY sure your constant playing of NIN's Pretty Hate Machine loud enough to rattle the windows wasn't any better. She didn't like me listening to a couple tracks on that either o.O. Still my fav album of all time. Heh, there's my Xmas parody jams. Gotta re-associate one of these tracks too. My father's favorite band when I was little was 10,000 Maniacs. I re-associated that one over some seriously toxic everclear with 'someone' (who randomly played one of their songs at the time and did not know of my association for it o.O) a couple weeks ago. Good stuff. It got stuck in my head. I told him to help. He led me to another song of theirs that's now in my head A LOT. Did you think of the irony of you sending that to me? No pry not. No worries... didn't take it as such. It's just such a passionate song, so I dig it. These parody songs got picked up after WRIF... that's Riff out of Detroit for the nonlocals played "I am Santa Clause" when my mother and I were on our way to a concert. Don't even remember what show that was. To the tune of Ironman by the way.
What was other topic... oh yeah the one I'm not sure I'm supposed to be, uh, public with. Let me go trip down memory lane for a sec and see if I previously covered it. Yeah...semi covered...see journal entry uhhh July 11th, 2004. Was going to elaborate on the comfyness mentioned there. Won't repeat myself at the moment. Would pry just cause friction somehow... probably in my house o.O
I wonder if that poor cancerian knows he's going to get subjected to my horrid singing of these parody songs... And there's one I must re-associate...damn cancers! *Giggles* Okay, I'll say no offense to those present... the person I say "damn cancers" about there should know who they are and will likely never read this anyway. And sure as hell never admit to it if he did.
Okay one more listen to "Ho Ho Fucking Ho" which was discovered a couple years after the rest of these tracks... then on to the sappy nonXmas stuff and proofreading. So... yeah it's almost 4AM... wide awake.
Aw fuck, I missed all of Family Guy writing this. Ah well... shall seek other amusement for now. Let's see.. what's my mood...