Aspasia - A cabin - 6/5/07
Finally, the muse wants out and I am in a place mentally where I can write again. It's been a difficult summer. I hope people enjoy, this may be a little less polished than my usual.
**********
Aspasia comes out of the cellar, and pauses when the stir of a gentle breeze passes through the room, carrying the aroma of tobacco that was not fresh the night before. Not fresh like this.
She spots the open door leading to the deck, and wrinkles her nose as the dim light fails to make clear if there is anyone outside. As the woman crosses the room, her eyes take in the book.
It's been moved.
In an instant Aspasia diverts in her path, glancing down at the open page, at the pen laid so carefully, to direct the path of her eyes. It is enough.
***
“Beloved, it is the same as the year before. I don’t know where you are tonight. Or who you might be with.”
***
Added next to this is written in another hand, " ? " and after a space "Only you."
The woman catches a breath, despite the fact it is only reflexive and not needed. Then, she is acutely aware of her surroundings, all senses on edge - searching for signs of his presence.
Then, from outside the scent of burning tobacco floats...
Aspasia spins away from the table and through the open door to the deck outside. She frames a one word question into the night air.
"Raven?"
There is a second of perfect silence, then she can hear the grin on his voice. "Well it ain't the Easter Bunny."
Automatically, the tone of his words causes Aspasia to smile in return. "A human sized rabbit with sharp, pointy teeth? I should hope not. Rabbits aren't even useful to me for food."
She reaches behind and shuts the door, leaning slightly against it.
He looks well.
The fingers of Aspasia’s right hand brush through her hair as the woman exhales. "Have you been awake long?"
When did you arrive? Where did you stay?
Raven smiles easily, leaning against a rail instead of perched upon it. She simply gazes at the Guide, drinking him with her eyes.
"No, not long..." He puts out the cigarette and glances up at her again. "You seemed... very sad last night. I was reluctant to interfere. Your pain was palpable though..." Is that genuine concern in his voice?
Aspasia tilts her head to one side, expression softening, "You were near last night? I didn't sense it."
As is her habit, the fingers of her right hand lift to trace over her lower lip while the woman takes a moment to compose her thoughts.
So he watched, but remained distant. Once that would not have been the case.
Perhaps the safest path - although not the one of my heart’s desiring. And It is as he feels things must be.
And I must learn to be accepting of that.
"Recent events have been trying, but nothing I will not survive." A rueful smile lights her eyes. "Seeing you lightens my heart. I suppose I was feeling lonely last night.” A pause. “No."
Again, her hand combs through Aspasia's black hair as the woman inhales. "I was missing you. It was more than just being alone."
I was missing a part of my soul. This last bit, the Amazon keeps to her silent thoughts while she glances at the curling trail of smoke from the extinguished cigarette.
The hat tilts down slightly, casting Raven’s face in shadow. "I feel I am responsible for the pain of your heart... at least a goodly portion of it..." His voice is soft, barely heard above the breeze.
"And a goodly portion of the joy I have felt as well these recent years." She straightens up and steps away from the closed door. "The Fates give and take in equal measure." Aspasia's voice matches his, low in volume.
"It hasn't saved you from the pull of the Beast."
Oh love. That is not your burden. Do not make it so.
Aspasia looks skyward, then at his shaded face again. "It wasn't so much the pull of the beast, as my acceptance of the cost. It was the payment for revenge."
For justice.
She takes another half-step forward, closing the space between them. "Besides, I won't lose myself. I have an anchor that holds me back. A promise not to fall that far."
"I have been where Exodus stands now, and I pulled back from the edges, and that was without knowing you were in the world." Aspasia pauses, "Now that I do, why would I ever want to leave it?"
There, plainly spoken. As if he did not already understand.
"So you've made a decision then... between the Warrior-protector and the Gangrel-mother then?" His voice almost carries a note of playfulness to her ears.
"Those are aspects of who I am, Raven." Aspasia pauses, "What others see in me. What they want to see, or need to see."
She runs a hand across her lower lip. "I do not think that is what I am in your eyes." The woman glances down then up, her grey-green gaze is steady.
"If so, I would rather it otherwise."
"What you are to me has nothing to do with how anyone else sees you. What you are to others should not be your chiefest concern either..." Raven’s eyes seek hers again.
"What should matter is what you are to yourself- let everything else blow away. Be what you will, Aspasia..." Her name comes from his lips like a prayer this time.
Listening to the tone of his voice, a hopeful expression softens the lines of the Amazon’s face and warmth shines from her eyes.
"Let the world deal with it because whatever you choose, Mother, Warrior, neither or a unique mixture of... whatever... will be good for this world because that is your true nature."
Tilting her head slightly to the right, Aspasia murmurs, "The World is far easier to deal with than my childer or our clan. They fret at my actions.” She gestures with an open hand. “You fret at the results. I prefer the latter."
"Besides, A mother must sometimes be harsh, despite the bond of love - or because of it. A warrior will be harsh. That is the nature of what it means to be called such." She fingers the leather necklace hanging about her neck.
"My nature is in part a reflection of all those. And," Aspasia raises her voice for emphasis, "a reflection of how others see me. Some eyes have greater weight than others to shaping that at aspect of who I am."
Raven’s smile is genuine, touched with irony. "I never fret over you. My concern is when you turn down a darkened path is all, but that's as natural as the wind." His head cocks to the side a bit. "Besides, it's like I said, your true nature is a good one... it will out in the end if you allow it."
"Do you think I am not allowing it?" Aspasia moves a few steps across the deck, to rest her hands on the railing, not quite within arm's reach of Raven.
With a lazy smirk, he drawls, "I think you're a bit distracted... preoccupied... running in too many directions to be true to yourself. To busy with the dilemmas of others."
“Hm.” She murmurs. "Not in this place. Our place." Her tone is one of denial. Aspasia folds her arms and leans forward on the railing, looking out at the trees. "It is a refuge. Peace is here for a night or a hour. Alone, or in your company.".
"Out among our kind, I am what they need me to be. Childer, Line, Clan, Allies. Society. Here?" The woman shurgs.
Raven points a finger at her. "That's the problem. You are what they need you to be. That needs to end simply because most of the time, they and their society are not worth it. It should be the other way around if anything. Teach them and guide them away from their petty ways...not that I think it would help." He shrugs.
"I am not the Guide. If I remember correctly that is your role. Isn't it?" Aspasia's eyes sparkle a touch as she glances over her shoulder.
The man seems genuinely agitated as he retorts "Don't play coy with me... it doesn't suit ya. Besides..." Raven calms and chuckles "... I think the world could do with more than just one guide. Just don't lose yourself in it, okay?" His eyes speak more concern than his voice.
"More than one guide? Perhaps the world may have need of it. I am content however with the one beside me." And would have no other. She offers another smile - as if in reassurance, then turns back to look out into the beckoning dark.
"And I promise not to get lost."
"You best not... and not to the Beast either this time... don't get lost..." His hand uplifts and a solitary finger smoothes Aspasia’s hair away from her face so he can see it better "... to them..."
The woman’s eyes close with his delicate touch. "Them? ...The clan?"
A pause.
"Would you come find me if I did?"
She exhales a slow breath.
"Not just to the Clan, to the Society in general... and yes, I would come for you if you did. Not that that gives you an excuse..." Raven trails off, perhaps uncertain that the humor is appropriate at the moment...
"Not that we should need an excuse." A slight smile is visible in the curve of her lips, even in profile. Aspasia turns her head and looks questioningly at Raven. "Tell me of your recent travels. I did not expect to see you here. How did fate conspire to make that come to pass?"
She sees a devil-may-care glint in his eye as his voice drops to a low tenor husk. "Twern't Fate. This is for me.... bitch has the rest of the year... I figure I can have one night for me an' you..."
Aspasia's voice drops in register as well, mirroring Raven's tone with a soft alto. "For us?"
Even as her right evebrow arches up in a question, the smile on the woman's face warms visibly by degrees. "One night that’s ours. No other obligations?” It becomes clear that she is trying to understand any unspoken intent behind his words, even as Aspasia turns slightly, resting her hip against the deck railing and looking at him directly.
This is all but asking for him. For he already knows how I would answer.
It satisfies honor.
If this is what we can steal from the Fates, I will accept it gladly and try not to be greedy.
In response, his eyes lock on hers as Raven steps forward, his intent to kiss her obvious.
That is all the encouragement she needs and Aspasia leans forward, hands lifting up to wrap about his shoulders. "Remind me to offer prayers to the Moirae... Later."
****
The Amazon woke the next night in an empty cabin and she smiled into the darkness.
**********
Aspasia comes out of the cellar, and pauses when the stir of a gentle breeze passes through the room, carrying the aroma of tobacco that was not fresh the night before. Not fresh like this.
She spots the open door leading to the deck, and wrinkles her nose as the dim light fails to make clear if there is anyone outside. As the woman crosses the room, her eyes take in the book.
It's been moved.
In an instant Aspasia diverts in her path, glancing down at the open page, at the pen laid so carefully, to direct the path of her eyes. It is enough.
***
“Beloved, it is the same as the year before. I don’t know where you are tonight. Or who you might be with.”
***
Added next to this is written in another hand, " ? " and after a space "Only you."
The woman catches a breath, despite the fact it is only reflexive and not needed. Then, she is acutely aware of her surroundings, all senses on edge - searching for signs of his presence.
Then, from outside the scent of burning tobacco floats...
Aspasia spins away from the table and through the open door to the deck outside. She frames a one word question into the night air.
"Raven?"
There is a second of perfect silence, then she can hear the grin on his voice. "Well it ain't the Easter Bunny."
Automatically, the tone of his words causes Aspasia to smile in return. "A human sized rabbit with sharp, pointy teeth? I should hope not. Rabbits aren't even useful to me for food."
She reaches behind and shuts the door, leaning slightly against it.
He looks well.
The fingers of Aspasia’s right hand brush through her hair as the woman exhales. "Have you been awake long?"
When did you arrive? Where did you stay?
Raven smiles easily, leaning against a rail instead of perched upon it. She simply gazes at the Guide, drinking him with her eyes.
"No, not long..." He puts out the cigarette and glances up at her again. "You seemed... very sad last night. I was reluctant to interfere. Your pain was palpable though..." Is that genuine concern in his voice?
Aspasia tilts her head to one side, expression softening, "You were near last night? I didn't sense it."
As is her habit, the fingers of her right hand lift to trace over her lower lip while the woman takes a moment to compose her thoughts.
So he watched, but remained distant. Once that would not have been the case.
Perhaps the safest path - although not the one of my heart’s desiring. And It is as he feels things must be.
And I must learn to be accepting of that.
"Recent events have been trying, but nothing I will not survive." A rueful smile lights her eyes. "Seeing you lightens my heart. I suppose I was feeling lonely last night.” A pause. “No."
Again, her hand combs through Aspasia's black hair as the woman inhales. "I was missing you. It was more than just being alone."
I was missing a part of my soul. This last bit, the Amazon keeps to her silent thoughts while she glances at the curling trail of smoke from the extinguished cigarette.
The hat tilts down slightly, casting Raven’s face in shadow. "I feel I am responsible for the pain of your heart... at least a goodly portion of it..." His voice is soft, barely heard above the breeze.
"And a goodly portion of the joy I have felt as well these recent years." She straightens up and steps away from the closed door. "The Fates give and take in equal measure." Aspasia's voice matches his, low in volume.
"It hasn't saved you from the pull of the Beast."
Oh love. That is not your burden. Do not make it so.
Aspasia looks skyward, then at his shaded face again. "It wasn't so much the pull of the beast, as my acceptance of the cost. It was the payment for revenge."
For justice.
She takes another half-step forward, closing the space between them. "Besides, I won't lose myself. I have an anchor that holds me back. A promise not to fall that far."
"I have been where Exodus stands now, and I pulled back from the edges, and that was without knowing you were in the world." Aspasia pauses, "Now that I do, why would I ever want to leave it?"
There, plainly spoken. As if he did not already understand.
"So you've made a decision then... between the Warrior-protector and the Gangrel-mother then?" His voice almost carries a note of playfulness to her ears.
"Those are aspects of who I am, Raven." Aspasia pauses, "What others see in me. What they want to see, or need to see."
She runs a hand across her lower lip. "I do not think that is what I am in your eyes." The woman glances down then up, her grey-green gaze is steady.
"If so, I would rather it otherwise."
"What you are to me has nothing to do with how anyone else sees you. What you are to others should not be your chiefest concern either..." Raven’s eyes seek hers again.
"What should matter is what you are to yourself- let everything else blow away. Be what you will, Aspasia..." Her name comes from his lips like a prayer this time.
Listening to the tone of his voice, a hopeful expression softens the lines of the Amazon’s face and warmth shines from her eyes.
"Let the world deal with it because whatever you choose, Mother, Warrior, neither or a unique mixture of... whatever... will be good for this world because that is your true nature."
Tilting her head slightly to the right, Aspasia murmurs, "The World is far easier to deal with than my childer or our clan. They fret at my actions.” She gestures with an open hand. “You fret at the results. I prefer the latter."
"Besides, A mother must sometimes be harsh, despite the bond of love - or because of it. A warrior will be harsh. That is the nature of what it means to be called such." She fingers the leather necklace hanging about her neck.
"My nature is in part a reflection of all those. And," Aspasia raises her voice for emphasis, "a reflection of how others see me. Some eyes have greater weight than others to shaping that at aspect of who I am."
Raven’s smile is genuine, touched with irony. "I never fret over you. My concern is when you turn down a darkened path is all, but that's as natural as the wind." His head cocks to the side a bit. "Besides, it's like I said, your true nature is a good one... it will out in the end if you allow it."
"Do you think I am not allowing it?" Aspasia moves a few steps across the deck, to rest her hands on the railing, not quite within arm's reach of Raven.
With a lazy smirk, he drawls, "I think you're a bit distracted... preoccupied... running in too many directions to be true to yourself. To busy with the dilemmas of others."
“Hm.” She murmurs. "Not in this place. Our place." Her tone is one of denial. Aspasia folds her arms and leans forward on the railing, looking out at the trees. "It is a refuge. Peace is here for a night or a hour. Alone, or in your company.".
"Out among our kind, I am what they need me to be. Childer, Line, Clan, Allies. Society. Here?" The woman shurgs.
Raven points a finger at her. "That's the problem. You are what they need you to be. That needs to end simply because most of the time, they and their society are not worth it. It should be the other way around if anything. Teach them and guide them away from their petty ways...not that I think it would help." He shrugs.
"I am not the Guide. If I remember correctly that is your role. Isn't it?" Aspasia's eyes sparkle a touch as she glances over her shoulder.
The man seems genuinely agitated as he retorts "Don't play coy with me... it doesn't suit ya. Besides..." Raven calms and chuckles "... I think the world could do with more than just one guide. Just don't lose yourself in it, okay?" His eyes speak more concern than his voice.
"More than one guide? Perhaps the world may have need of it. I am content however with the one beside me." And would have no other. She offers another smile - as if in reassurance, then turns back to look out into the beckoning dark.
"And I promise not to get lost."
"You best not... and not to the Beast either this time... don't get lost..." His hand uplifts and a solitary finger smoothes Aspasia’s hair away from her face so he can see it better "... to them..."
The woman’s eyes close with his delicate touch. "Them? ...The clan?"
A pause.
"Would you come find me if I did?"
She exhales a slow breath.
"Not just to the Clan, to the Society in general... and yes, I would come for you if you did. Not that that gives you an excuse..." Raven trails off, perhaps uncertain that the humor is appropriate at the moment...
"Not that we should need an excuse." A slight smile is visible in the curve of her lips, even in profile. Aspasia turns her head and looks questioningly at Raven. "Tell me of your recent travels. I did not expect to see you here. How did fate conspire to make that come to pass?"
She sees a devil-may-care glint in his eye as his voice drops to a low tenor husk. "Twern't Fate. This is for me.... bitch has the rest of the year... I figure I can have one night for me an' you..."
Aspasia's voice drops in register as well, mirroring Raven's tone with a soft alto. "For us?"
Even as her right evebrow arches up in a question, the smile on the woman's face warms visibly by degrees. "One night that’s ours. No other obligations?” It becomes clear that she is trying to understand any unspoken intent behind his words, even as Aspasia turns slightly, resting her hip against the deck railing and looking at him directly.
This is all but asking for him. For he already knows how I would answer.
It satisfies honor.
If this is what we can steal from the Fates, I will accept it gladly and try not to be greedy.
In response, his eyes lock on hers as Raven steps forward, his intent to kiss her obvious.
That is all the encouragement she needs and Aspasia leans forward, hands lifting up to wrap about his shoulders. "Remind me to offer prayers to the Moirae... Later."
****
The Amazon woke the next night in an empty cabin and she smiled into the darkness.