and she said thank god it's fatal, thank god it's fatal and not shy
Uncomfortable realization number one: I'm 21 and stuck in a place I hate doing a job I hate to pay for schooling that has yet to teach me a goddamn thing.
Uncomfortable realization number two: The only thing in recent memory that has brought me joy is the goddamn epic fic. And I don't have the time to write it like I used to thanks to said job and aforementioned useless schooling.
May this be the winter of my discontent, because I don't know what to do anymore. It's an endless fucking cycle. I have a job to help pay for my college with will hopefully help me get a higher paying job. Except just knowing I have to work tomorrow makes me want to scream into my pillow. And the more money that I don't actually have that gets sunk into my education, the more I just lose my mind because it's so expensive and I didn't have the money in the first place and I'm not fucking learning anything. What is the point of it? Out of the money that's been burned, what do I know now that I didn't before? That maybe it'd be interesting to write a character who is a tantric buddhist. That's it.
More and more I think about all that money I don't actually have going away, knowing I'm going to have to pay it all back later, and I just start to freak out. It's like I'm stuck in a hole and I'm just making the hole deeper.
I might possibly be freaking out. And the knowledge that I can't do a damn thing about it is what's really fucking with me.
Originally posted at DW. Comment here or there. DW comments:
Uncomfortable realization number two: The only thing in recent memory that has brought me joy is the goddamn epic fic. And I don't have the time to write it like I used to thanks to said job and aforementioned useless schooling.
May this be the winter of my discontent, because I don't know what to do anymore. It's an endless fucking cycle. I have a job to help pay for my college with will hopefully help me get a higher paying job. Except just knowing I have to work tomorrow makes me want to scream into my pillow. And the more money that I don't actually have that gets sunk into my education, the more I just lose my mind because it's so expensive and I didn't have the money in the first place and I'm not fucking learning anything. What is the point of it? Out of the money that's been burned, what do I know now that I didn't before? That maybe it'd be interesting to write a character who is a tantric buddhist. That's it.
More and more I think about all that money I don't actually have going away, knowing I'm going to have to pay it all back later, and I just start to freak out. It's like I'm stuck in a hole and I'm just making the hole deeper.
I might possibly be freaking out. And the knowledge that I can't do a damn thing about it is what's really fucking with me.
Originally posted at DW. Comment here or there. DW comments: