(no subject)
Who: Cloud herobydefault and Simon dawndigger
What: Father/Son Chitchat
When: Sorta recently? Before today, anyway.
Where: Outside Kamina's house
Summary: Cloud and Simon have a little talk D|
Rating: G
Finally -finally- things had calmed down enough for Cloud to fulfill his promise and get ahold of Simon. It hadn’t sounded very serious (when your definition of “serious” is hinged on who’s contracted a fatal disease you have to be rather selective with the division of your attention) but it was enough for Simon to wait until Cloud could really devote himself to the topic of conversation.
Cloud had an idea of what it could be. Simon still hadn’t come home, after all.
Instead he made his way over to the house he and Kamina shared, hoping that the latter wouldn’t be there. He was fully aware that Kamina didn’t like him very much, but he found it mattering less and less to him every day. What mattered was Simon’s opinion, after all.
…but if Simon wanted to stay with Kamina, wasn’t that saying something about how his opinion was changing?
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Simon hadn’t been dwelling on the issue too much, so that would be probably be some consolation to Cloud if he knew. It had, however, been something he had given a great deal of thought before finally deciding, just to make sure that he was certain of it. Not that he couldn’t take it back if the need arose - he knew that Cloud would welcome him back if he changed his mind. But he was no longer a child, really; it was time to follow through on his decisions, make up his own mind about the issues that involved him.
And he knew that was something that Cloud really had to learn about him. It didn’t mean he didn’t need a father, or want one- far from it, as Cloud had given him something he’d wanted badly and sorely missed.
But sooner or later, even kids had to strike out on their own right?
When Cloud headed over to the house, Simon was outside, digging away in a tunnel deep underground. A sign was posted at the tunnel entrance, with a series of dots arranged in a pattern Cloud ought to recognize, as the sign is obviously for him. It said “journal”.
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A knock rewarded Cloud with silence, which he really should’ve seen coming. The sky was clear and the weather was -thankfully- not too hot; of course they would be outside. Kamina was more than likely raising hell somewhere, and if Simon wasn’t with him he was most likely…
“Digging,” Cloud murmured with a smile and stepped back from the door, searching for a tunnel entrance nearby. Lo and behold, a hole in the ground with a sign nearby. Cloud recognized the letters as easily as he would printed word, but he crouched and brushed his fingers over the bumps anyway.
Slipping the journal from his belt and flipping it open to the call page, Cloud scrolled until he located Simon’s picture and just tapped it twice with his pen for a quick ping. C’mon son, pick up.
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Simon was working steadily when he heard the sharp “ping” of the journal, halting in mid-turn of the drill and shifting back to pull it out and open it to the first page. Cloud was calling him, so that meant he was ready to talk. ...Well. Ready or not, it was apparently time to take care of this. Abandoning his project, he immediately turned around and heading back to the entrance. Within moments his head poked out, and he set the journal aside so he could climb up. “Ah, Papa! You came!”
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“Sorry it took so long,” Cloud said, and straightened to give Simon room to surface like the little mole person he was. The fact that Simon called him “Papa” was comforting in its own right. Maybe this wouldn’t go as poorly as he thought.
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Simon offered up a smile, scuffing a hand over his face to wipe at a smudge of dirt. As usual it failed miserably, but it was a habit he couldn’t really break. Dusting himself off would really be a waste of time at this point - he’s covered from head to toe in dirt.
“It’s okay,” he shrugged, scratching the back of his head. “It wasn’t really a big deal. I didn’t want to overwhelm you or anything.”
Especially with Kadaj at work again. That was the last thing he wanted to deal with, but since Cloud was already working on it, Simon was content to support him as best as he could- or, if not that, then at least stay out of his way.
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Cloud automatically reached over and wiped at the smudge himself, though his help really didn’t do much good and he felt a little silly afterwards. “So…did you wanna go inside or just sit out here?” He figured Simon would want to be closer to the dirt and not track a horrific mess through the house, since the odds of either he or Kamina cleaning it up were astronomically low.
Personally he didn’t mind just throwing himself on the grass and having their talk right there. It would certainly help with the nerves; ever since he was small, planned talks just never seemed to go well for him, save for the one promise by the well. Even then though, the results were…questionable. Since Tifa didn’t seem to want him to keep it any more.
…okay enough of that. Simon. Here. Talk. Focus, Cloud.
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Simon glanced around, pondering it for a moment, then lifted his shoulders in another little shrug, gesturing to the ground. “We don’t have to go anywhere- I don’t mind just sitting here for a while. If aniki comes back, we can go for a walk.” The implication that it was a conversation Simon didn’t really want Kamina to hear probably wasn’t lost to Cloud.
He wasn’t about to admit it, but he himself was a little nervous; he had no idea how Cloud was going to respond, and he didn’t want to ruin their relationship. Losing Cloud just wasn’t an option for him- not one he could handle right now.
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“All right.” Cloud gestured and just plopped down right where he was. Even as he did that, he reflected on how different things were between them. Just a couple months ago Simon was seven, blind and almost entirely dependant on Cloud for everything. Their lives were tied so closely together; usually if you knew where one of them was, the other wasn’t very far away. It had been frustrating for them both at times, Cloud was sure, but at the same time…
Well, it was selfish. He didn’t like to think that the only reason he looked after Simon was the satisfaction of being needed by someone, but that had played a large part. It was nice, to know that someone not only just wanted you around or didn’t mind if you were around, but required your presence to just get by. An ego-booster.
Holy, he was shallow.
But now, Simon not only didn’t need him around, he almost seemed to flourish without Cloud’s hovering presence. It didn’t help that Cloud wasn’t sure of how to act around him half the time. With only about a ten year difference as opposed to fifteen, Simon was more like a little brother now than the son he looked after. It had been nice being a father, even if only for a little while…but with Denzel safely back home (hopefully, don’t think about the possibilities, just believe that Denzel was safe back home for the sake of your sanity, Cloud) and Simon abruptly grown, Cloud was feeling…inadequate. He didn’t know this Simon like Kamina did. What could he do to help Simon, now?
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Simon rested in the grass for a while, lying back and watching the clouds drift by. He’d done this in his world, too, adjusting to the fact that there were clouds again, after seven years of seeing nothing but darkness and dirt- and naturally wondering if the beautiful blue sky he’d remembered from Luceti had just been a dream all along. He’d been so happy to learn that wasn’t true, even if it meant they were trapped.
Lately he’d been puzzling over plenty that had happened in the recent months since his return to the town, anything and everything from his family to the daily goings-on of the village. Even the smallest things, like what to eat, who to see, where to dig. He hadn’t even gone digging for treasure yet, though he’d at least discussed it with Anise already.
…Speaking of Anise.
….No, no, not derailing to that right now. He had other things to take care of first.
“I’m gonna stay with Kamina,” he blurted, swallowing hard immediately after. He hadn’t meant to say it so up-front like that.
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Cloud’s head ducked automatically, almost as if Simon had shouted at him. He lifted a knee and loosely wrapped his arms around it, and pursed his lips; he’d known it would happen. He’d had a very good idea that this was what their talk was going to be about, after all, but it was still a blow. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was something he’d done, something he’d said.
He really wasn’t very fun to be around. Probably not nearly as fun as Kamina.
“Oh,” Cloud murmured, resting his chin atop his knee. He wished he could say something more comforting, but it seemed as if his mind had drawn a blank; every reasonable shred of logic had fled in favor of the worry, ‘Was it me?’ That alone was enough evidence to prove that he wasn’t fit to be Simon’s caretaker any longer. He couldn’t even stop thinking about himself long enough to consider Simon’s own troubles.
Clearing his throat, Cloud attempted to summon some maturity and take the blow like a man. “Well, that’s…that’s fine. I know you and Kamina are close. And…and you two can take great care of each other, so. …so.”
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“It’s not…” Simon trailed off even as he began, looking visibly uncertain - probably as much as Cloud himself. He wasn’t sure how to explain himself without upsetting Cloud further, though he sort of knows it’s already a lost cause. So he tried again, “It’s… because Yoko’s gone. We don’t know what happened, and aniki has that whole house with no one else there. And you have Aerith, and Zack, and Tifa now, too… and I’ll be right across the street, so I’m still right here…” And since he had never been very good at talking, he trailed off again, sitting up and digging a finger idly into the dirt. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair, to either of them. What else could he do?
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Cloud glanced over at Simon and felt a pang of shame; he wasn’t being fair. Who was the adult between them, anyhow? So he summoned a smile and reached over to ruffle Simon’s hair, amused when it showered dust onto his shoulders. “It’s fine. And I know. And…” He paused, wondering if he should continue. There wasn’t any harm in it, really; he could be honest with Simon. “I think I saw this coming.”
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Simon lifted his arm to wipe at his face again, leaving a smear of dust on his already-dirty jacket sleeve, visibly surprised by that. “You… you knew?”
He hadn’t even known it was coming. How had Cloud known? Had he done something wrong? Was Cloud relieved, then…?
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“Yeah.” Cloud ruffled his hair again, then brought his hand back to hold onto his knee, resting his cheek against it and looking over at Simon. “I don’t think…” Cloud trailed off, unsure; he didn’t know how to word it without hurting Simon’s feelings. Or rather, he didn’t know if the only way he could phrase it would hurt Simon’s feelings or not.
“I don’t think,” he continued uncertainly, “that…it’s the same as it was before. It’s…hard…for me to accept, but you…you’re not seven anymore. Or…blind. Or as- …or like you were before.” He chewed nervously on his bottom lip, hoping to Holy that he was making sense to Simon. “It’s just…different.”
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Simon’s eyes lowered at that, trying, trying not to get upset by that. It wasn’t the same, Cloud was exactly right. He just hadn’t imagined that it had changed as much as it apparently had.
“I can try to call you Cloud again, if it makes you feel too weird,” he murmured, a little reluctantly. “You don’t have to be my papa just because you took care of me when I was little.”
It’s not what he wants, far from it. But what else could he say? To force that sort of obligation on Cloud- that’s not right. Why would anyone as young as Cloud want a teenage son, anyway? He’d been cute and needy and dependant on the man as a small child, but now? He was probably too much work, anyway. Kamina had enough trouble instilling confidence in him, so why would Cloud want to try? He was too kind a person to carry that sort of burden.
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A sort of vague panic gripped Cloud at that, and his hands tightened involuntarily. “…if…if you want to.” He didn’t want Simon to, far from it, but why would Simon want to do something so childish as to cling to a father figure he no longer needed or wanted? Cloud couldn’t expect that out of Simon, he’d given him more than enough just being a son for a year. All children had to grow up and leave some time. Hell, he’d done the same when he was Simon’s age. And granted, his mother had fourteen years to grow accustomed to the idea, Cloud wasn’t Simon’s real father. He wasn’t even there during the more difficult times of Simon’s life. What right did he have to demand Simon stay with him, or refer to him as a father?
He didn’t have a right. None at all.
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Simon glanced over and, in a flash of genius working its way through his uncertainty, reached out to touch Cloud’s arm, expression a bit hopeful, but not expectant. “I don’t. Not really. It’s just… if it’s what you want.” He didn’t want to lose Cloud, either. He just couldn’t stay the same way. “But… if it’s okay… maybe we can just get used to each other again…”
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The touch on his arm drew Cloud’s gaze and he felt the worry lift at Simon’s words. “I…wouldn’t mind if you still called me that.” He paused, then went a step further. “Simon, I don’t know how to explain it but…you helped me more than I helped you. Even if it was seven years ago for you, it…” Trailing off, Cloud shifted tactics and slung an arm around Simon’s shoulders, instead.
“If you think you can put up with me getting used to you being more mature than me, I’m willing to relearn you. Is that okay?”
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A smile immediately crossed Simon’s lips at the companionable embrace, leaning comfortably against Cloud’s side. It’s a huge relief that they both agreed to it. “I’ll keep calling you that, then. And… I don’t know about being more mature, but… I’ll try to show you who I am, now.”
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Relief washed over Cloud when Simon leaned against him without hesitation, and he let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding. Simon didn’t want to cut ties completely, thank God. He didn’t know how’d he’d have managed it if Simon had wanted to move on.
“Doesn’t look like I have as much to learn as I thought,” he pointed out, amused, and gestured to Simon’s tunnel entrance for further clarification. Some things never change.
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Simon blushed immediately, fidgeting a little at the sudden attention on his tunnel. “A-actually, I was making a tunnel that would go to your house, and connect with the old shelter we made… I thought it would be good to have, just in case…”
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Cloud raised his brows, impressed. He’d actually been contemplating asking Simon if he was planning on digging a new tunnel system, but it seemed like Simon had been thinking ahead of him. “Good idea. Where were you planning to connect it to, so that I know where to expect a hole in my yard?”
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“I was thinking maybe the back door?” Simon scratched the back of his head, a bit sheepish. “I don’t want to hurt Aerith’s garden or anything…”
He hadn’t really given it much thought, since he dug wherever the ground took him, not where he thought it would be best to go. Though it occurred to him- “I could put it somewhere else, if you don’t want it too close to the house…!” He didn’t want to cause any problems, of course.
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“No no, that’s fine.” Cloud flapped his hand idly, shifting his weight to support them both better. Talking to Simon wasn’t so difficult once he managed to get past thinking of him as his seven-year-old son and more like…
…well. A little brother, almost.
“I was half worried you’d want to keep the entrance in your old room. That’d be a little awkward. …convenient for you if you wanted to come over for breakfast I guess, though.”
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Unaware of Cloud’s thoughts, Simon relaxed, visibly relieved, and nodded in agreement. “Yeah… because you need a spare room for Tifa now, right? Since she’s living there, and Denzel’s…” He trailed off. It seemed wrong, just clearing out Denzel’s room to make room for his own adoptive mother. At least Simon had somewhere else to go. But if Denzel came back, where would that leave them?
…Anyway. “I guess that settles a couple of things, huh.”
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Cloud didn’t miss the note in Simon’s voice when he mentioned Denzel, but didn’t pick on it. He didn’t want to discuss something that worrisome with Simon anyway; had to keep his chin up, after all.
“I guess so. Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
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Simon lifted his shoulders a bit, hesitating. He had plenty to discuss with Cloud, but… didn’t Cloud have enough to worry about already? Maybe if it was about him, rather than Simon himself… it was an awkward subject, after all.
“Hey, um…” Fidget, fidget. “Are you… with someone? You know…”
‘Awkward subject’ would be putting it lightly.
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Freeze.
Oh Holy. Oh shit. Oh no, no, no. He couldn’t hardly describe it to himself, how in Hades’ evil name was he supposed to try and make sense of a threesome -a threesome for Hades’ sake, a relationship with three people and oh God what would his mother think if she knew- to a fourteen-year-old that he raised for a year and had to re-evaluate his entire relationship with because of some crazy, warped time-shifting discrepancies that littered Luceti like refuse in the Midgar slums?
“…uhh…” Simon could probably feel how tense Cloud was. “S…sort of…why do you ask?”
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Simon blinked at Cloud’s sudden unease, peering up at him questioningly. “Just something Nina said…” At the name, irritation flickered briefly over his expression, fading just as quickly as it had appeared. Clearly he has no desire to repeat the conversation he had with her. “And um. …No reason.” Blush. It was kind of embarrassing to talk about, the kind of things he was leading up to, but he knew what sort of answer Kamina would give him, so…
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Nina.
Cloud’s expression darkened considerably and he wondered -not for the first time and certainly not for the last- why in the world he bothered to even befriend that nosy bitch. If she was going around spouting things about his love life to people who really just shouldn’t be told -how in God’s name did she even find out, anyway?- then he should just cut ties with her and be done with it. Then he wouldn’t have this awkward and potentially humiliating situations so readily on hand.
…well, Simon wasn’t to blame for this, and he’d asked. He deserved some sort of explanation, at least. But how to even start? “…well…um.”
…Oh Holy he had no idea.
“Well, I…guess the answer is yes. …well it’s definitely yes. But um. It’s…it’s weird.” Cloud switched tracks, voice a bit higher than usual. “What exactly did she say?”
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Simon fidgeted again, ducking his head and hugging his knees to his chest. “Um… she said that Zack, Aerith, and Tifa were all your wives… but Zack’s not a girl, so why would she said it like that? And you’re not married, either.” He blushed, burying his face to his knee. It couldn’t mean that, could it? Not really.
…Right?
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Cloud covered his face.
Nina.
Nina.
Letting his hands drop with a sigh, Cloud moved to explain himself as best as he could. “Nina likes to call Zack, Aerith and Tifa my wives because we live in the same house and because they usually end up doing all the housework. It’s…it’s kind of a social thing, but not really, too. It’s hard to explain. But she didn’t mean I was married to all of them, because obviously that’d be impossible.”
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Simon took a long moment to reply, his voice half-muffled, still against his knees. “My dad used to say that a wife is somebody you spend forever with. Does it really mean nothing… that she called them that? You were going to marry, Tifa, but you didn’t…”
Considering how odd Cloud had been acting around all of them recently… come to think of it, they’d all been strange, and rather sneaky. Just what was going on when he wasn’t looking?
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Cloud mimicked Simon’s pose then, drawing up his own knees and hugging them loosely. “Tifa is a special case, Simon. I don’t know how to explain it.” His voice is firm on that front, at least. Tifa…Tifa was a special case.
“I have a lot of history with all three of them; there’s a lot you don’t know. I can tell you if you want to know, but it’ll be a long story and-” (and you might think less of me for it) “-and you might not like a lot of what you hear.”
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Simon finally lifted his head, watching Cloud for a moment- studying his posture, his visible discomfort, everything. Cloud obviously wasn’t happy about this.
Sigh. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy…
“You don’t have to tell me,” he mumbled. “Not if you don’t want to. It’s a secret, right? Everybody has secrets…”
‘Even me.’
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Cloud worried at his bottom lip, torn. Simon was right; everyone had secrets to keep, and it really wasn’t fair to expect so much out of a person. But…
“…Tifa and I grew up together. I had such a huge crush on her; she was my neighbor, but I was such a quiet kid. We didn’t really talk.” Cloud smiles a little bit; that’s a sign of getting over something painful, right? Smiling. Maybe talking would help. “I didn’t get along with a lot of the kids in my town. They’d pick on me and I’d get into fights. It got to the point where I’d be going home every day with a bruise or a split lip or a black eye. And Tifa was usually friends with each of those kids. She never said anything to me, though, about the fighting.
When I was about your age, I decided to leave home and join this one fighting group. It was mostly to impress her. I called her out to the well in the middle of town and we talked. And then…I left.” Cloud rested his chin atop his knee, dropping his other leg with a sigh. “We’ve both changed a lot over the past ten years. Me probably much more than her. And it’s just…not the same anymore, what I have with Tifa.”
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Simon fell into silence to listen; it was one thing he was really good at, hearing other people out. Even if there was a stark contrast between Cloud and Kamina, they both still needed an ear to listen to them talk. Everyone needed that at some point in their life.
“It’s okay to just be friends,” he murmured. “There’s nothing wrong with that at all. When you like someone, but they don’t like you… it’s okay. As long as you’re friends.”
Because losing friends was the worst thing in the world, wasn’t it? Especially to people who don’t have very many.
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That brought another smile to Cloud’s face, even if this one was considerably sadder than the first. He didn’t know how to explain to Simon that in this case it might be harder on all parties involved if they did remain friends. “I thought so, too. Or I hope so.”
He rested his forehead against his knee, at a loss as to where he should begin to explain Aerith, or heaven forbid, Zack.
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Simon recognized Cloud’s discomfort again, thinking for a moment. He opted to have mercy on him; if the subject was so touchy that Cloud had trouble even thinking about discussing it, maybe it wasn’t the right time for it.
“Have you ever kissed a girl?” he asked instead, cheeks practically glowing. Maybe making himself uncomfortable was the best way to let Cloud settle down?
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The abrupt change in topic made Cloud start slightly, but he turned to provide Simon his full attention. “A few times.” And then it dawned on him why Simon might ask, and he grinned widely.
“Is there something you’d like to share?”
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Red, red, red.
“I-I um.” Oh god, so red. “I had to… um…” Yes. Definitely a tomato face. “I had to kiss Anise… last week, I mean…”
And he could still remember her teasing so clearly.
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“You had to?” Cloud raised an eyebrow. He didn’t know this Anise girl, but he couldn’t think of any reason why Simon would find himself without any other-
Oh. The sign. Of course, judging by Simon’s reaction he wasn’t too put out by the suggestion and resulting action, but rather by the fact that he hadn’t done it under his own power. Oh yes, Cloud could recognize the signs of a crush as easily as the next hick-town pre-stalker. “Well, it shouldn’t be so bad since you didn’t have a choice. Unless, I mean, you’d rather have done it yourself.”
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Dying. Just. Dying. “P-Papa!” Simon flailed a bit, eyes widening. “I didn’t- I mean- I already-“ Well, alright, Yoko didn’t exactly qualify as an excuse anymore. She was older, and… obviously liked Kamina. It was embarrassing, actually, thinking back and not recognizing the signs of-
…Tangent, tangent. He wasn’t talking about Yoko. …Not that he really wanted to talk about Anise, either…
“You’re not supposed to kiss people like that,” he mumbled, giving up on attempting a real explanation. “She got kind of mad.”
Though she was pretty nice to him afterwards, too.
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“Everybody got kind of mad about that sign,” Cloud pointed out, finally relieved to be on more familiar ground, “but even if she did she probably won’t hold it against you for long. We didn’t exactly have much of a choice.”
Cloud reached over and ruffled Simon’s hair a little more roughly than usual, smiling again. “Besides, maybe she got mad because she wanted you to kiss her because you wanted to.”
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Simon thought he was going to just die. He ducked his head from the hair ruffle, burying his face in his hands. “She said I stole her first kiss. Girls don’t like that kind of thing, do they? And… and I’m always digging, so I’m always dirty, and there’s lots of guys cooler than me-“ Like Kamina- “And I’m not really good at anything… I don’t know what to do.”
Or how to feel, or how to act, or… anything, really. He was still pretty damn hopefully when it came to girls.
…And everything else, for that matter. Except digging. He could handle digging- it’s why he spent so much time underground, after all.
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Oh good God it was like a blue-tinted mirror. Sweet Holy.
“Have you talked to her since then?”
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Crawling in a hole and staying there for a few years sounded like a wonderful plan. “…No… not really.”
The very thought of talking to her was sort of mortifying. Girls were kind of scary, affecting boys the way they did. And Anise was doubly scary because she could probably kick his ass.
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“You should try.” Cloud nudged Simon. “You might not get an answer you want to hear, but until you do you’re going to stay feeling exactly the way you do now. Forever. Is that all right with you?”
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“I… I don’t know.” Simon looked down again, examining the ground rather intently. “I can’t get a wrong answer when I don’t even know what the question is. It’s not fair to anybody, when you don’t know what you want but expect something…”
And he never had been any good at talking to people, especially about his own issues.
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So familiar. Overanalyzing conversation to the point of paranoia, unable to even open his mouth and speak in fear of upsetting someone. Cloud didn’t know if he’d come a long way from that point, or gone so far backward that he could identify it from a mile away.
Talking with someone else about their problems always made Cloud feel so hypocritical, though. That, and he always ended up giving people the same advice that had been given to him. “Then you should just start with ‘hello.’”
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“Hello?” Simon echoed, baffled. “It’s really that easy? I don’t know where to go from there…!”
A simple greeting was one thing, but that couldn’t help him with an entire conversation, could it?
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Cloud shrugged. “Hello’s a good start. After that, it’s up to her to say something. If all she says is hello back, then you at least know that she’s not angry enough to keep from talking to you, and you can say whatever you want.”
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“W-well…” Simon shifted uncomfortably, eyes still lowered. “I don’t think she’s that angry… I just don’t want to make her mad again. I’m not so good at that, though, so I’m worried…”
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Cloud sighed again, and this time reached over and thumped Simon on the back, much like he’d seen Kamina do. “Are you a man or aren’t you? Where’s that burning spirit you told me about? You can’t spend all your time hiding from a girl just because you’re scared of making her angry; you’ll probably just make her angrier sitting around waiting for her to come to you to talk.”
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…Sigh. Even Cloud’s telling him to be manly now, huh? “…I guess… you’re right. It wouldn’t be nice to ignore her either, just because I’m worried about upsetting her or something…”
Still would be a lot easier to just hide in a hole for a while, though. Definitely.
“…Thanks, Papa,” he finally murmured, offering up a tiny smile. “I’ll try it.”
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“Trust me, Simon, it’s better than sitting around and waiting for opportunities to come to you.” Cloud stood, doing a quick squat to crack the joints of his knees before straightening and stretching his arms above his head. “You can’t move forward if you don’t take a step. You can hide from Anise as long as you want, but she’ll still be moving forward while you’re standing still. So buck up and mosey already.”
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…..What. That was ridiculous.
“…That was kind of uncool, Papa,” Simon stated rather unapologetically, looking skeptical and lifting a brow. After a moment, however, he smiled again. “But it was really nice, anyway. I’ll try to talk to her, and… um. Mosey, I guess. Whatever that means…”
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What the heck, uncool. What was with people and- okay forget it. Nobody understood the pure and simple truth that was his vocabulary, and he didn’t expect them to. “Mosey means to move it, uncool or not. So I’m giving you an ultimatum; if you don’t talk to Anise by this time next week, I’m talking to her for you and telling her that you’re sorry for stealing her first kiss and would like to make it up with a second one.”
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OH GOD WHAT-
Simon spluttered immediately, eyes as wide as they could possibly be. “P-Papa! That’s not- you shouldn’t- it’s just-“ Evil. “You can’t do that!”
He didn’t think he could get any more mortified than this.
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Cloud raised a brow. “I can and I will. Looks like you need a kick in the pants to get going, so there you have it.”
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Simon buried his face against his knees again, this time to hide the inevitable (and apparently endless) blush. Cloud was merciless. “Papaaaaaa…”
Girls really were dangerous. If he’d talked to Kamina about it, it would have been even worse…
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Cloud crouched with a lopsided grin, reaching over and ruffling Simon’s hair with both hands. “Oh come on, it’s not so bad. Once you get past those initial two sentences, you’ll wonder what you were so worried about. Besides, you don’t want some other eligible bachelor to scoop her up while you’re hiding away in the ground, do you?”
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Simon just groaned, lifting his head to give Cloud a rather pitiful and pleading look. “One week, really…?”
That seemed like such a tiny window of opportunity… but he just had to talk to her, right? He didn’t have to do anything… or k-kiss her again. Talking would be easy in comparison.
Not that Anise was hard to k- no, no, no, bad tangent. Not with Cloud right there.
-----
“One week is plenty of time to say hello.” Cloud wasn’t going to change his mind, no matter how many puppy-dog looks his son gave him. “Five days to work up the nerve, two more to spill the beans to Kamina and six minutes to rush for your journal before Kamina beats you to it.”
-----
Oh god the conditions are changing- “I-I have to tell Kamina!?” Words could not express the horror on Simon’s expression. He could imagine all too vividly how he would react to that sort of information, and he’d probably be disappointed if Simon wasn’t face down against Anise’s chest instead of just talking to her. That would be much worse.
-----
“Well, just know that if you do he’ll be a lot harsher on you than I’m being right now.” Cloud knew -knew- that Kamina wouldn’t stand for this pussyfooting around, not one bit. He hardly knew the teenager, but could tell from what older Simon had told him and what he’d seen himself that Kamina was like Zack only less understanding, less patient and on about six full bottles of Hyper.
-----
“I know that,” Simon mumbled, just about facepalming. He would never forget the hot springs incident, the words “mountains and valleys” an ever-present source of embarrassment for himself on Kamina’s behalf. It had been an awful lot of fun, though.
And hidden things really were meant to be se- hold that thought. Anise hadn’t liked that one, either.
-----
“Then just get it over with, Simon. I know you’re worried, but it’ll be fine; you’re sincere. Be honest and be sincere, and she’ll notice that.” And some chicks dig that kind of shyness anyhow, if his own experiences were anything to go by.
-----
“I don’t have a choice, do I?” Simon sighed faintly, flopping back on the grass to watch the sky once more. “No matter what I do, she’s gonna find out something.” It’s just a matter of whether it’s friendship or something infinitely more embarrassing. “Guess I’ll just do it…”
It wasn’t as if it was a chore to talk to Anise, anyway. Far from it; it was a lot of fun, and surprisingly easy, especially with his past experience (or lack thereof) with talking to girls.
-----
Cloud shrugged again; Simon would get over it. He’d talk to Anise and then everything would be all right.
…speaking of…
“I think I need to meet this Anise girl anyway, if you like her so much. She must be someone interesting to catch your attention like this.” Cloud stretched out on the grass next to Simon, slipping his hands behind his head and closing his eyes against the sunlight.
-----
“Um… you can if you want, I guess…” Simon glanced over, cheeks still a bit pink from the previous half of the conversation. “She’s kind of like Yoko. Just don’t tell her any of this, okay?”
Or anything embarrassing, for that matter. That was the last thing he needed, really.
-----
“Won’t tell a soul.” Cloud, without opening his eyes, reached up and crossed his heart with his finger. “And there’s no hurry. I can wait for you to get more comfortable with her before I meet her.”
-----
“Mm.” Simon closed his eyes, a little relieved that Cloud was being so understanding. It wasn’t as if Anise was his girlfriend or anything- meeting Cloud didn’t have to be anything really special. It would be like him meeting this Jade person Anise was always talking about. Just an older friend they admire, who had nothing to do with… well, anything else.
…Moving on. “Hey, um… think I should remake the tunnels, now that I’m bigger?”
-----
“I don’t think that’d be a bad idea.” Cloud turned slightly to regard Simon thoughtfully. “If you could make them big enough, people could use them for when things get dangerous. We could do that shelter program we’d planned before.”
-----
“The shelter we made should still be here,” Simon nodded, closing his eyes to plot out the map he’d originally made in his mind. “I’ll check it once I finish the tunnel to your house.” How strange, to not be calling it his house, as well. “If we could protect the tunnels, or at least cover the entrances, water wouldn’t make them collapse again.”
-----
Cloud chewed on the inside of his cheek; they could always spread a tarp over the entrances, but that really wouldn’t do too much good. They needed to make a physical barrier around the actual things…and if they were going to get completely organized, they’d make them large enough to set ladders down the sides so people could climb down, rather than slide in and hope it’s not too deep. They needed lights and-
Okay, this was getting very complicated. At this rate, they could just go to the real tunnels. It was impractical to think they could make the tunnels Simon was digging a refuge for the larger part of the Luceti population, as noble an idea it was. But he didn’t want to create a place where just he and his own would be safe…
A thought occurred to Cloud just then. “Simon,” he asked slowly, sitting up, “do you think you could dig down into the actual tunnels?”
-----
“The tunnels…?” Simon blinked, looking over in surprise. He hadn’t thought of that. “But isn’t there a barrier?” He didn’t know much about the tunnels, but last he’d heard they were impossible to get into. Perhaps he’d just have to go down and examine them himself, just to be certain.
-----
“Inside the tunnels, yeah; but what about from above? John might not’ve thought about someone tunnelling into his lab from above ground.” Cloud didn’t want to subject Simon to that kind of danger, but if he was with him-
John wanted to take Zack or Aerith, after all. Cloud had to have a way to get them back, and Simon wanted to help. It wasn’t…taking advantage of him, was it?
-----
Simon nodded slowly, expression turning thoughtful. “It’s worth a try. I can work on that instead of this tunnel, just to see if it works. It shouldn’t take very long at all.”
It would be really nice to do something of use, instead of just standing back on the sidelines. He didn’t mind being out of danger, but he hated being useless, now more than ever.
-----
“Don’t do it just yet…we should get ready, in case there’s a fight. He’ll probably be pissed about us breaking in, after all.” Cloud felt marginally better about things now that he had a sort-of plan, and the bunches in his shoulders relaxed somewhat. That little whisper in the back of his head persisted that not only had he already put Zack and Aerith in danger with his stupidity, but now he was dragging Simon into it; Cloud firmly told it to shut up.
He would be with Simon, this wouldn’t be the same as last time. If things got really sticky, Simon could burrow right back out as Cloud covered up his escape. If he was really worried about things, he could always employ some help. Sigmund, probably.
-----
“A fight?” Simon echoed, suddenly worried- not so much for him, but for whatever mess Cloud had gotten himself into this time. “You think he’ll cause a lot of trouble? …What happened, anyway? You seem really worried about something.”
He already had the Geostigma to worry about… what else was wrong?
-----
Cloud pursed his lips, wondering if he should tell Simon. He didn’t want to add to Simon’s troubles when there wasn’t anything he could do about it; besides, he was only fourteen. He was just a kid.
No…no, this was Cloud’s problem.
“Don’t worry about it, Simon. I- …I’m just being cautious.”
-----
Cloud got a look for that, as Simon was visibly unimpressed. “Liar.” He sighed. “It’s okay, though. Just tell me when you want me to check the tunnels, I guess.”
Though he was sorely tempted to do it whether Cloud wanted him to or not. The suggestion was a good one, and if it helped, what was the harm in just checking? If there was a barrier, there was no problem, and if there wasn’t, he’d just have to be stealthy enough for John to not notice him at all.
-----
“Thanks.” Cloud was grateful Simon didn’t press the issue. Truthfully, sometimes he felt as if he attempted to explain everything that bothered him he’d suddenly realize it was too much and end up running off and hiding away beneath a rock for the next two years. So long as he only focused on one or two problems at a time, he could work past things. Yeah, everything was fine, there were just a couple issues to work on; no big deal.
-----
Simon just nodded again, falling into another uncomfortable silence. He wasn’t entirely sure of what to say; they’d covered all the issues, but he didn’t want to just say “go away” or anything. Finally, he mumbled, “Do you, um… do you think we could… hang out sometime? Nothing serious, or… I don’t know. Just for fun.” He hadn’t been able to do that with anyone but Kamina for a very long time.
-----
Cloud realized he was blushing, but managed to toss a half-smile in Simon’s direction before looking away, embarrassed. Truthfully he’d been a little nervous about them drifting apart once Simon had moved out. It only made sense; that time that he and Tifa had been engaged and Zack had left to give them space had put some distance between them, and Cloud hadn’t been happy about that in the least. With Simon’s relocation to Kamina’s house, his disinterest in spending time with Cloud would surely follow.
To hear straight from the horse’s mouth that Simon still wanted to spend time with him...well. It was a relief, and it was flattering and it was a spot of good news that he’d sorely needed. “That’d be great.”
-----
Simon brightened instantly at Cloud’s answer, beaming with a broad smile, and shifted a bit to lean against his adoptive father once more, dirt and all. Cloud wasn’t the only one relieved to know that they wouldn’t be split apart completely. In the end, they really were too important to one another to lose each other with just a little distance.
“Yeah,” he replied quietly, closing his eyes, content. “It’ll be really great.”
-----
His arm immediately circling around his shoulders, Cloud tilted his head to face the sky, eyes closing against the sunlight again. Then he fisted his hand in the front of Simon’s shirt and threw himself back to flop onto the grass, pulling Simon down with him and letting out a loud sigh.
-----
Simon let himself be dragged down, settling comfortably against Cloud. It felt just like when they used to cuddle, but… different. Different than lying around with Kamina, too. But he’d always been something of a sucker for physical affection, so he just smiled and lifted his gaze to watch the sky again, reaching out towards it after a long moment.
“Aniki says we’ll go to the moon someday,” he said quietly, fingers closing into a fist. “So someday we have to get out of here, past the barrier, and we’ll take the sky. Until then… I want to be here, with everyone…”
-----
“The entire sky, huh…? That’s a hefty dream.” Knowing what awaited Simon in his future made Cloud both proud and depressed simultaneously; he would accomplish great things…but at such great prices. It just wasn’t fair. Cloud turned to rest his cheek against Simon’s hair.
“If anyone can do it, you can.”
-----
Simon relaxed at the contact, letting his hand drop back down again. “Not alone, though. I always need somebody with me. But… when I’m part of a team, nobody can stop us. That’s how it should be, right? Nobody should have to do anything alone.”
Not when he had Kamina, or Yoko, or Rossiu, or even Cloud and the others of Luceti around. Here or there, he had so many people around to support him, now. He didn’t have any reason to hesitate or be afraid.
-----
Not having an adequate response for such an observation, Cloud only hummed and closed his eyes again, fingers tapping lightly against Simon’s shoulder. Maybe he should have those memories of Simon’s future suppressed…he didn’t want to accidentally spill something.
Or if he did, would he be able to change Simon’s future? Make it so Kamina never died, or make it so that Simon wouldn’t have to suffer all those things alone? What would be right and what would be wrong, in this kind of situation?
-----
Unaware of Cloud’s indecision, Simon just went back to relaxing, content to use Cloud’s arm as a pillow, watching the clouds of the sky pass them by. It was such a beautiful day- a perfect one for just lounging around and talking about whatever came to mind. He’d never known this sort of peace before coming to Luceti, underground or on the surface of his world. It was unfair, how wonderful yet cruel the village within the barrier could be.
’That’s why… we have to get out somehow. Even if we can’t see it, with the barrier here, we can’t ever really be free.’
-----
“Missed you,” Cloud mumbled on a whim. Half of what he said was lost when his voice came out softer than he’d intended, another portion into Simon’s hair. He wasn’t even sure the boy had heard him.
-----
Simon had heard him, actually; he felt a twinge of guilt, even though he had nothing to do with the fact that he’d been sent home for seven years. So much had changed for him, but for Cloud, he’d just lost a son for a little while. He’d lost the chance to raise Simon for those seven years, as well, and that was something neither of them could get back. At the very least, though, Simon could sympathize. A lot.
“…I missed you, too,” he whispered, hand shifting to grip Cloud’s shirt- childishly, like he used to when he was blind and lost and so very lonely. The years in Jiha had been cold and lifeless compared to his experiences in Luceti. Digging, digging, day after day, finding nothing but more dirt, most of the time. Words couldn’t express how much he’d missed the surface, and the family that had taken him in.
-----
Cloud’s fingers found Simon’s hair and he scratched lightly, as if petting a cat. Simon’s fist in his shirt was a weight and a comfort, and he let himself smile again, something he was finding himself do often when in Simon’s presence. It was almost as if the fear and the worry and the voice that never shut up faded into white noise when around him. If this was what it was like to be the semi-adoptive father figure to someone, he wondered what it would be like to have his own.
He wondered if he ever would have his own.
Until then, he had Simon. Until Luceti’s system took him again, or until the next crisis swept by and scooped him up as one victim among many. Even with that looming ahead, all Cloud could pay attention to was Simon’s head on his arm, Simon’s fist in his shirt, his hair against his cheek and the sun on their faces. Maybe things here were uncertain and maybe they both had dark futures ahead…but until then, they had now.
And now would be enough.
What: Father/Son Chitchat
When: Sorta recently? Before today, anyway.
Where: Outside Kamina's house
Summary: Cloud and Simon have a little talk D|
Rating: G
Finally -finally- things had calmed down enough for Cloud to fulfill his promise and get ahold of Simon. It hadn’t sounded very serious (when your definition of “serious” is hinged on who’s contracted a fatal disease you have to be rather selective with the division of your attention) but it was enough for Simon to wait until Cloud could really devote himself to the topic of conversation.
Cloud had an idea of what it could be. Simon still hadn’t come home, after all.
Instead he made his way over to the house he and Kamina shared, hoping that the latter wouldn’t be there. He was fully aware that Kamina didn’t like him very much, but he found it mattering less and less to him every day. What mattered was Simon’s opinion, after all.
…but if Simon wanted to stay with Kamina, wasn’t that saying something about how his opinion was changing?
-----
Simon hadn’t been dwelling on the issue too much, so that would be probably be some consolation to Cloud if he knew. It had, however, been something he had given a great deal of thought before finally deciding, just to make sure that he was certain of it. Not that he couldn’t take it back if the need arose - he knew that Cloud would welcome him back if he changed his mind. But he was no longer a child, really; it was time to follow through on his decisions, make up his own mind about the issues that involved him.
And he knew that was something that Cloud really had to learn about him. It didn’t mean he didn’t need a father, or want one- far from it, as Cloud had given him something he’d wanted badly and sorely missed.
But sooner or later, even kids had to strike out on their own right?
When Cloud headed over to the house, Simon was outside, digging away in a tunnel deep underground. A sign was posted at the tunnel entrance, with a series of dots arranged in a pattern Cloud ought to recognize, as the sign is obviously for him. It said “journal”.
-----
A knock rewarded Cloud with silence, which he really should’ve seen coming. The sky was clear and the weather was -thankfully- not too hot; of course they would be outside. Kamina was more than likely raising hell somewhere, and if Simon wasn’t with him he was most likely…
“Digging,” Cloud murmured with a smile and stepped back from the door, searching for a tunnel entrance nearby. Lo and behold, a hole in the ground with a sign nearby. Cloud recognized the letters as easily as he would printed word, but he crouched and brushed his fingers over the bumps anyway.
Slipping the journal from his belt and flipping it open to the call page, Cloud scrolled until he located Simon’s picture and just tapped it twice with his pen for a quick ping. C’mon son, pick up.
-----
Simon was working steadily when he heard the sharp “ping” of the journal, halting in mid-turn of the drill and shifting back to pull it out and open it to the first page. Cloud was calling him, so that meant he was ready to talk. ...Well. Ready or not, it was apparently time to take care of this. Abandoning his project, he immediately turned around and heading back to the entrance. Within moments his head poked out, and he set the journal aside so he could climb up. “Ah, Papa! You came!”
-----
“Sorry it took so long,” Cloud said, and straightened to give Simon room to surface like the little mole person he was. The fact that Simon called him “Papa” was comforting in its own right. Maybe this wouldn’t go as poorly as he thought.
-----
Simon offered up a smile, scuffing a hand over his face to wipe at a smudge of dirt. As usual it failed miserably, but it was a habit he couldn’t really break. Dusting himself off would really be a waste of time at this point - he’s covered from head to toe in dirt.
“It’s okay,” he shrugged, scratching the back of his head. “It wasn’t really a big deal. I didn’t want to overwhelm you or anything.”
Especially with Kadaj at work again. That was the last thing he wanted to deal with, but since Cloud was already working on it, Simon was content to support him as best as he could- or, if not that, then at least stay out of his way.
-----
Cloud automatically reached over and wiped at the smudge himself, though his help really didn’t do much good and he felt a little silly afterwards. “So…did you wanna go inside or just sit out here?” He figured Simon would want to be closer to the dirt and not track a horrific mess through the house, since the odds of either he or Kamina cleaning it up were astronomically low.
Personally he didn’t mind just throwing himself on the grass and having their talk right there. It would certainly help with the nerves; ever since he was small, planned talks just never seemed to go well for him, save for the one promise by the well. Even then though, the results were…questionable. Since Tifa didn’t seem to want him to keep it any more.
…okay enough of that. Simon. Here. Talk. Focus, Cloud.
-----
Simon glanced around, pondering it for a moment, then lifted his shoulders in another little shrug, gesturing to the ground. “We don’t have to go anywhere- I don’t mind just sitting here for a while. If aniki comes back, we can go for a walk.” The implication that it was a conversation Simon didn’t really want Kamina to hear probably wasn’t lost to Cloud.
He wasn’t about to admit it, but he himself was a little nervous; he had no idea how Cloud was going to respond, and he didn’t want to ruin their relationship. Losing Cloud just wasn’t an option for him- not one he could handle right now.
------
“All right.” Cloud gestured and just plopped down right where he was. Even as he did that, he reflected on how different things were between them. Just a couple months ago Simon was seven, blind and almost entirely dependant on Cloud for everything. Their lives were tied so closely together; usually if you knew where one of them was, the other wasn’t very far away. It had been frustrating for them both at times, Cloud was sure, but at the same time…
Well, it was selfish. He didn’t like to think that the only reason he looked after Simon was the satisfaction of being needed by someone, but that had played a large part. It was nice, to know that someone not only just wanted you around or didn’t mind if you were around, but required your presence to just get by. An ego-booster.
Holy, he was shallow.
But now, Simon not only didn’t need him around, he almost seemed to flourish without Cloud’s hovering presence. It didn’t help that Cloud wasn’t sure of how to act around him half the time. With only about a ten year difference as opposed to fifteen, Simon was more like a little brother now than the son he looked after. It had been nice being a father, even if only for a little while…but with Denzel safely back home (hopefully, don’t think about the possibilities, just believe that Denzel was safe back home for the sake of your sanity, Cloud) and Simon abruptly grown, Cloud was feeling…inadequate. He didn’t know this Simon like Kamina did. What could he do to help Simon, now?
-----
Simon rested in the grass for a while, lying back and watching the clouds drift by. He’d done this in his world, too, adjusting to the fact that there were clouds again, after seven years of seeing nothing but darkness and dirt- and naturally wondering if the beautiful blue sky he’d remembered from Luceti had just been a dream all along. He’d been so happy to learn that wasn’t true, even if it meant they were trapped.
Lately he’d been puzzling over plenty that had happened in the recent months since his return to the town, anything and everything from his family to the daily goings-on of the village. Even the smallest things, like what to eat, who to see, where to dig. He hadn’t even gone digging for treasure yet, though he’d at least discussed it with Anise already.
…Speaking of Anise.
….No, no, not derailing to that right now. He had other things to take care of first.
“I’m gonna stay with Kamina,” he blurted, swallowing hard immediately after. He hadn’t meant to say it so up-front like that.
-----
Cloud’s head ducked automatically, almost as if Simon had shouted at him. He lifted a knee and loosely wrapped his arms around it, and pursed his lips; he’d known it would happen. He’d had a very good idea that this was what their talk was going to be about, after all, but it was still a blow. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was something he’d done, something he’d said.
He really wasn’t very fun to be around. Probably not nearly as fun as Kamina.
“Oh,” Cloud murmured, resting his chin atop his knee. He wished he could say something more comforting, but it seemed as if his mind had drawn a blank; every reasonable shred of logic had fled in favor of the worry, ‘Was it me?’ That alone was enough evidence to prove that he wasn’t fit to be Simon’s caretaker any longer. He couldn’t even stop thinking about himself long enough to consider Simon’s own troubles.
Clearing his throat, Cloud attempted to summon some maturity and take the blow like a man. “Well, that’s…that’s fine. I know you and Kamina are close. And…and you two can take great care of each other, so. …so.”
-----
“It’s not…” Simon trailed off even as he began, looking visibly uncertain - probably as much as Cloud himself. He wasn’t sure how to explain himself without upsetting Cloud further, though he sort of knows it’s already a lost cause. So he tried again, “It’s… because Yoko’s gone. We don’t know what happened, and aniki has that whole house with no one else there. And you have Aerith, and Zack, and Tifa now, too… and I’ll be right across the street, so I’m still right here…” And since he had never been very good at talking, he trailed off again, sitting up and digging a finger idly into the dirt. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair, to either of them. What else could he do?
-----
Cloud glanced over at Simon and felt a pang of shame; he wasn’t being fair. Who was the adult between them, anyhow? So he summoned a smile and reached over to ruffle Simon’s hair, amused when it showered dust onto his shoulders. “It’s fine. And I know. And…” He paused, wondering if he should continue. There wasn’t any harm in it, really; he could be honest with Simon. “I think I saw this coming.”
-----
Simon lifted his arm to wipe at his face again, leaving a smear of dust on his already-dirty jacket sleeve, visibly surprised by that. “You… you knew?”
He hadn’t even known it was coming. How had Cloud known? Had he done something wrong? Was Cloud relieved, then…?
-----
“Yeah.” Cloud ruffled his hair again, then brought his hand back to hold onto his knee, resting his cheek against it and looking over at Simon. “I don’t think…” Cloud trailed off, unsure; he didn’t know how to word it without hurting Simon’s feelings. Or rather, he didn’t know if the only way he could phrase it would hurt Simon’s feelings or not.
“I don’t think,” he continued uncertainly, “that…it’s the same as it was before. It’s…hard…for me to accept, but you…you’re not seven anymore. Or…blind. Or as- …or like you were before.” He chewed nervously on his bottom lip, hoping to Holy that he was making sense to Simon. “It’s just…different.”
-----
Simon’s eyes lowered at that, trying, trying not to get upset by that. It wasn’t the same, Cloud was exactly right. He just hadn’t imagined that it had changed as much as it apparently had.
“I can try to call you Cloud again, if it makes you feel too weird,” he murmured, a little reluctantly. “You don’t have to be my papa just because you took care of me when I was little.”
It’s not what he wants, far from it. But what else could he say? To force that sort of obligation on Cloud- that’s not right. Why would anyone as young as Cloud want a teenage son, anyway? He’d been cute and needy and dependant on the man as a small child, but now? He was probably too much work, anyway. Kamina had enough trouble instilling confidence in him, so why would Cloud want to try? He was too kind a person to carry that sort of burden.
-----
A sort of vague panic gripped Cloud at that, and his hands tightened involuntarily. “…if…if you want to.” He didn’t want Simon to, far from it, but why would Simon want to do something so childish as to cling to a father figure he no longer needed or wanted? Cloud couldn’t expect that out of Simon, he’d given him more than enough just being a son for a year. All children had to grow up and leave some time. Hell, he’d done the same when he was Simon’s age. And granted, his mother had fourteen years to grow accustomed to the idea, Cloud wasn’t Simon’s real father. He wasn’t even there during the more difficult times of Simon’s life. What right did he have to demand Simon stay with him, or refer to him as a father?
He didn’t have a right. None at all.
-----
Simon glanced over and, in a flash of genius working its way through his uncertainty, reached out to touch Cloud’s arm, expression a bit hopeful, but not expectant. “I don’t. Not really. It’s just… if it’s what you want.” He didn’t want to lose Cloud, either. He just couldn’t stay the same way. “But… if it’s okay… maybe we can just get used to each other again…”
-----
The touch on his arm drew Cloud’s gaze and he felt the worry lift at Simon’s words. “I…wouldn’t mind if you still called me that.” He paused, then went a step further. “Simon, I don’t know how to explain it but…you helped me more than I helped you. Even if it was seven years ago for you, it…” Trailing off, Cloud shifted tactics and slung an arm around Simon’s shoulders, instead.
“If you think you can put up with me getting used to you being more mature than me, I’m willing to relearn you. Is that okay?”
-----
A smile immediately crossed Simon’s lips at the companionable embrace, leaning comfortably against Cloud’s side. It’s a huge relief that they both agreed to it. “I’ll keep calling you that, then. And… I don’t know about being more mature, but… I’ll try to show you who I am, now.”
-----
Relief washed over Cloud when Simon leaned against him without hesitation, and he let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding. Simon didn’t want to cut ties completely, thank God. He didn’t know how’d he’d have managed it if Simon had wanted to move on.
“Doesn’t look like I have as much to learn as I thought,” he pointed out, amused, and gestured to Simon’s tunnel entrance for further clarification. Some things never change.
-----
Simon blushed immediately, fidgeting a little at the sudden attention on his tunnel. “A-actually, I was making a tunnel that would go to your house, and connect with the old shelter we made… I thought it would be good to have, just in case…”
-----
Cloud raised his brows, impressed. He’d actually been contemplating asking Simon if he was planning on digging a new tunnel system, but it seemed like Simon had been thinking ahead of him. “Good idea. Where were you planning to connect it to, so that I know where to expect a hole in my yard?”
-----
“I was thinking maybe the back door?” Simon scratched the back of his head, a bit sheepish. “I don’t want to hurt Aerith’s garden or anything…”
He hadn’t really given it much thought, since he dug wherever the ground took him, not where he thought it would be best to go. Though it occurred to him- “I could put it somewhere else, if you don’t want it too close to the house…!” He didn’t want to cause any problems, of course.
-----
“No no, that’s fine.” Cloud flapped his hand idly, shifting his weight to support them both better. Talking to Simon wasn’t so difficult once he managed to get past thinking of him as his seven-year-old son and more like…
…well. A little brother, almost.
“I was half worried you’d want to keep the entrance in your old room. That’d be a little awkward. …convenient for you if you wanted to come over for breakfast I guess, though.”
-----
Unaware of Cloud’s thoughts, Simon relaxed, visibly relieved, and nodded in agreement. “Yeah… because you need a spare room for Tifa now, right? Since she’s living there, and Denzel’s…” He trailed off. It seemed wrong, just clearing out Denzel’s room to make room for his own adoptive mother. At least Simon had somewhere else to go. But if Denzel came back, where would that leave them?
…Anyway. “I guess that settles a couple of things, huh.”
-----
Cloud didn’t miss the note in Simon’s voice when he mentioned Denzel, but didn’t pick on it. He didn’t want to discuss something that worrisome with Simon anyway; had to keep his chin up, after all.
“I guess so. Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
-----
Simon lifted his shoulders a bit, hesitating. He had plenty to discuss with Cloud, but… didn’t Cloud have enough to worry about already? Maybe if it was about him, rather than Simon himself… it was an awkward subject, after all.
“Hey, um…” Fidget, fidget. “Are you… with someone? You know…”
‘Awkward subject’ would be putting it lightly.
-----
Freeze.
Oh Holy. Oh shit. Oh no, no, no. He couldn’t hardly describe it to himself, how in Hades’ evil name was he supposed to try and make sense of a threesome -a threesome for Hades’ sake, a relationship with three people and oh God what would his mother think if she knew- to a fourteen-year-old that he raised for a year and had to re-evaluate his entire relationship with because of some crazy, warped time-shifting discrepancies that littered Luceti like refuse in the Midgar slums?
“…uhh…” Simon could probably feel how tense Cloud was. “S…sort of…why do you ask?”
-----
Simon blinked at Cloud’s sudden unease, peering up at him questioningly. “Just something Nina said…” At the name, irritation flickered briefly over his expression, fading just as quickly as it had appeared. Clearly he has no desire to repeat the conversation he had with her. “And um. …No reason.” Blush. It was kind of embarrassing to talk about, the kind of things he was leading up to, but he knew what sort of answer Kamina would give him, so…
-----
Nina.
Cloud’s expression darkened considerably and he wondered -not for the first time and certainly not for the last- why in the world he bothered to even befriend that nosy bitch. If she was going around spouting things about his love life to people who really just shouldn’t be told -how in God’s name did she even find out, anyway?- then he should just cut ties with her and be done with it. Then he wouldn’t have this awkward and potentially humiliating situations so readily on hand.
…well, Simon wasn’t to blame for this, and he’d asked. He deserved some sort of explanation, at least. But how to even start? “…well…um.”
…Oh Holy he had no idea.
“Well, I…guess the answer is yes. …well it’s definitely yes. But um. It’s…it’s weird.” Cloud switched tracks, voice a bit higher than usual. “What exactly did she say?”
-----
Simon fidgeted again, ducking his head and hugging his knees to his chest. “Um… she said that Zack, Aerith, and Tifa were all your wives… but Zack’s not a girl, so why would she said it like that? And you’re not married, either.” He blushed, burying his face to his knee. It couldn’t mean that, could it? Not really.
…Right?
-----
Cloud covered his face.
Nina.
Nina.
Letting his hands drop with a sigh, Cloud moved to explain himself as best as he could. “Nina likes to call Zack, Aerith and Tifa my wives because we live in the same house and because they usually end up doing all the housework. It’s…it’s kind of a social thing, but not really, too. It’s hard to explain. But she didn’t mean I was married to all of them, because obviously that’d be impossible.”
-----
Simon took a long moment to reply, his voice half-muffled, still against his knees. “My dad used to say that a wife is somebody you spend forever with. Does it really mean nothing… that she called them that? You were going to marry, Tifa, but you didn’t…”
Considering how odd Cloud had been acting around all of them recently… come to think of it, they’d all been strange, and rather sneaky. Just what was going on when he wasn’t looking?
-----
Cloud mimicked Simon’s pose then, drawing up his own knees and hugging them loosely. “Tifa is a special case, Simon. I don’t know how to explain it.” His voice is firm on that front, at least. Tifa…Tifa was a special case.
“I have a lot of history with all three of them; there’s a lot you don’t know. I can tell you if you want to know, but it’ll be a long story and-” (and you might think less of me for it) “-and you might not like a lot of what you hear.”
-----
Simon finally lifted his head, watching Cloud for a moment- studying his posture, his visible discomfort, everything. Cloud obviously wasn’t happy about this.
Sigh. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy…
“You don’t have to tell me,” he mumbled. “Not if you don’t want to. It’s a secret, right? Everybody has secrets…”
‘Even me.’
-----
Cloud worried at his bottom lip, torn. Simon was right; everyone had secrets to keep, and it really wasn’t fair to expect so much out of a person. But…
“…Tifa and I grew up together. I had such a huge crush on her; she was my neighbor, but I was such a quiet kid. We didn’t really talk.” Cloud smiles a little bit; that’s a sign of getting over something painful, right? Smiling. Maybe talking would help. “I didn’t get along with a lot of the kids in my town. They’d pick on me and I’d get into fights. It got to the point where I’d be going home every day with a bruise or a split lip or a black eye. And Tifa was usually friends with each of those kids. She never said anything to me, though, about the fighting.
When I was about your age, I decided to leave home and join this one fighting group. It was mostly to impress her. I called her out to the well in the middle of town and we talked. And then…I left.” Cloud rested his chin atop his knee, dropping his other leg with a sigh. “We’ve both changed a lot over the past ten years. Me probably much more than her. And it’s just…not the same anymore, what I have with Tifa.”
-----
Simon fell into silence to listen; it was one thing he was really good at, hearing other people out. Even if there was a stark contrast between Cloud and Kamina, they both still needed an ear to listen to them talk. Everyone needed that at some point in their life.
“It’s okay to just be friends,” he murmured. “There’s nothing wrong with that at all. When you like someone, but they don’t like you… it’s okay. As long as you’re friends.”
Because losing friends was the worst thing in the world, wasn’t it? Especially to people who don’t have very many.
-----
That brought another smile to Cloud’s face, even if this one was considerably sadder than the first. He didn’t know how to explain to Simon that in this case it might be harder on all parties involved if they did remain friends. “I thought so, too. Or I hope so.”
He rested his forehead against his knee, at a loss as to where he should begin to explain Aerith, or heaven forbid, Zack.
-----
Simon recognized Cloud’s discomfort again, thinking for a moment. He opted to have mercy on him; if the subject was so touchy that Cloud had trouble even thinking about discussing it, maybe it wasn’t the right time for it.
“Have you ever kissed a girl?” he asked instead, cheeks practically glowing. Maybe making himself uncomfortable was the best way to let Cloud settle down?
-----
The abrupt change in topic made Cloud start slightly, but he turned to provide Simon his full attention. “A few times.” And then it dawned on him why Simon might ask, and he grinned widely.
“Is there something you’d like to share?”
-----
Red, red, red.
“I-I um.” Oh god, so red. “I had to… um…” Yes. Definitely a tomato face. “I had to kiss Anise… last week, I mean…”
And he could still remember her teasing so clearly.
-----
“You had to?” Cloud raised an eyebrow. He didn’t know this Anise girl, but he couldn’t think of any reason why Simon would find himself without any other-
Oh. The sign. Of course, judging by Simon’s reaction he wasn’t too put out by the suggestion and resulting action, but rather by the fact that he hadn’t done it under his own power. Oh yes, Cloud could recognize the signs of a crush as easily as the next hick-town pre-stalker. “Well, it shouldn’t be so bad since you didn’t have a choice. Unless, I mean, you’d rather have done it yourself.”
-----
Dying. Just. Dying. “P-Papa!” Simon flailed a bit, eyes widening. “I didn’t- I mean- I already-“ Well, alright, Yoko didn’t exactly qualify as an excuse anymore. She was older, and… obviously liked Kamina. It was embarrassing, actually, thinking back and not recognizing the signs of-
…Tangent, tangent. He wasn’t talking about Yoko. …Not that he really wanted to talk about Anise, either…
“You’re not supposed to kiss people like that,” he mumbled, giving up on attempting a real explanation. “She got kind of mad.”
Though she was pretty nice to him afterwards, too.
-----
“Everybody got kind of mad about that sign,” Cloud pointed out, finally relieved to be on more familiar ground, “but even if she did she probably won’t hold it against you for long. We didn’t exactly have much of a choice.”
Cloud reached over and ruffled Simon’s hair a little more roughly than usual, smiling again. “Besides, maybe she got mad because she wanted you to kiss her because you wanted to.”
-----
Simon thought he was going to just die. He ducked his head from the hair ruffle, burying his face in his hands. “She said I stole her first kiss. Girls don’t like that kind of thing, do they? And… and I’m always digging, so I’m always dirty, and there’s lots of guys cooler than me-“ Like Kamina- “And I’m not really good at anything… I don’t know what to do.”
Or how to feel, or how to act, or… anything, really. He was still pretty damn hopefully when it came to girls.
…And everything else, for that matter. Except digging. He could handle digging- it’s why he spent so much time underground, after all.
-----
Oh good God it was like a blue-tinted mirror. Sweet Holy.
“Have you talked to her since then?”
-----
Crawling in a hole and staying there for a few years sounded like a wonderful plan. “…No… not really.”
The very thought of talking to her was sort of mortifying. Girls were kind of scary, affecting boys the way they did. And Anise was doubly scary because she could probably kick his ass.
-----
“You should try.” Cloud nudged Simon. “You might not get an answer you want to hear, but until you do you’re going to stay feeling exactly the way you do now. Forever. Is that all right with you?”
-----
“I… I don’t know.” Simon looked down again, examining the ground rather intently. “I can’t get a wrong answer when I don’t even know what the question is. It’s not fair to anybody, when you don’t know what you want but expect something…”
And he never had been any good at talking to people, especially about his own issues.
-----
So familiar. Overanalyzing conversation to the point of paranoia, unable to even open his mouth and speak in fear of upsetting someone. Cloud didn’t know if he’d come a long way from that point, or gone so far backward that he could identify it from a mile away.
Talking with someone else about their problems always made Cloud feel so hypocritical, though. That, and he always ended up giving people the same advice that had been given to him. “Then you should just start with ‘hello.’”
-----
“Hello?” Simon echoed, baffled. “It’s really that easy? I don’t know where to go from there…!”
A simple greeting was one thing, but that couldn’t help him with an entire conversation, could it?
-----
Cloud shrugged. “Hello’s a good start. After that, it’s up to her to say something. If all she says is hello back, then you at least know that she’s not angry enough to keep from talking to you, and you can say whatever you want.”
-----
“W-well…” Simon shifted uncomfortably, eyes still lowered. “I don’t think she’s that angry… I just don’t want to make her mad again. I’m not so good at that, though, so I’m worried…”
-----
Cloud sighed again, and this time reached over and thumped Simon on the back, much like he’d seen Kamina do. “Are you a man or aren’t you? Where’s that burning spirit you told me about? You can’t spend all your time hiding from a girl just because you’re scared of making her angry; you’ll probably just make her angrier sitting around waiting for her to come to you to talk.”
-----
…Sigh. Even Cloud’s telling him to be manly now, huh? “…I guess… you’re right. It wouldn’t be nice to ignore her either, just because I’m worried about upsetting her or something…”
Still would be a lot easier to just hide in a hole for a while, though. Definitely.
“…Thanks, Papa,” he finally murmured, offering up a tiny smile. “I’ll try it.”
-----
“Trust me, Simon, it’s better than sitting around and waiting for opportunities to come to you.” Cloud stood, doing a quick squat to crack the joints of his knees before straightening and stretching his arms above his head. “You can’t move forward if you don’t take a step. You can hide from Anise as long as you want, but she’ll still be moving forward while you’re standing still. So buck up and mosey already.”
-----
…..What. That was ridiculous.
“…That was kind of uncool, Papa,” Simon stated rather unapologetically, looking skeptical and lifting a brow. After a moment, however, he smiled again. “But it was really nice, anyway. I’ll try to talk to her, and… um. Mosey, I guess. Whatever that means…”
-----
What the heck, uncool. What was with people and- okay forget it. Nobody understood the pure and simple truth that was his vocabulary, and he didn’t expect them to. “Mosey means to move it, uncool or not. So I’m giving you an ultimatum; if you don’t talk to Anise by this time next week, I’m talking to her for you and telling her that you’re sorry for stealing her first kiss and would like to make it up with a second one.”
-----
OH GOD WHAT-
Simon spluttered immediately, eyes as wide as they could possibly be. “P-Papa! That’s not- you shouldn’t- it’s just-“ Evil. “You can’t do that!”
He didn’t think he could get any more mortified than this.
-----
Cloud raised a brow. “I can and I will. Looks like you need a kick in the pants to get going, so there you have it.”
-----
Simon buried his face against his knees again, this time to hide the inevitable (and apparently endless) blush. Cloud was merciless. “Papaaaaaa…”
Girls really were dangerous. If he’d talked to Kamina about it, it would have been even worse…
-----
Cloud crouched with a lopsided grin, reaching over and ruffling Simon’s hair with both hands. “Oh come on, it’s not so bad. Once you get past those initial two sentences, you’ll wonder what you were so worried about. Besides, you don’t want some other eligible bachelor to scoop her up while you’re hiding away in the ground, do you?”
-----
Simon just groaned, lifting his head to give Cloud a rather pitiful and pleading look. “One week, really…?”
That seemed like such a tiny window of opportunity… but he just had to talk to her, right? He didn’t have to do anything… or k-kiss her again. Talking would be easy in comparison.
Not that Anise was hard to k- no, no, no, bad tangent. Not with Cloud right there.
-----
“One week is plenty of time to say hello.” Cloud wasn’t going to change his mind, no matter how many puppy-dog looks his son gave him. “Five days to work up the nerve, two more to spill the beans to Kamina and six minutes to rush for your journal before Kamina beats you to it.”
-----
Oh god the conditions are changing- “I-I have to tell Kamina!?” Words could not express the horror on Simon’s expression. He could imagine all too vividly how he would react to that sort of information, and he’d probably be disappointed if Simon wasn’t face down against Anise’s chest instead of just talking to her. That would be much worse.
-----
“Well, just know that if you do he’ll be a lot harsher on you than I’m being right now.” Cloud knew -knew- that Kamina wouldn’t stand for this pussyfooting around, not one bit. He hardly knew the teenager, but could tell from what older Simon had told him and what he’d seen himself that Kamina was like Zack only less understanding, less patient and on about six full bottles of Hyper.
-----
“I know that,” Simon mumbled, just about facepalming. He would never forget the hot springs incident, the words “mountains and valleys” an ever-present source of embarrassment for himself on Kamina’s behalf. It had been an awful lot of fun, though.
And hidden things really were meant to be se- hold that thought. Anise hadn’t liked that one, either.
-----
“Then just get it over with, Simon. I know you’re worried, but it’ll be fine; you’re sincere. Be honest and be sincere, and she’ll notice that.” And some chicks dig that kind of shyness anyhow, if his own experiences were anything to go by.
-----
“I don’t have a choice, do I?” Simon sighed faintly, flopping back on the grass to watch the sky once more. “No matter what I do, she’s gonna find out something.” It’s just a matter of whether it’s friendship or something infinitely more embarrassing. “Guess I’ll just do it…”
It wasn’t as if it was a chore to talk to Anise, anyway. Far from it; it was a lot of fun, and surprisingly easy, especially with his past experience (or lack thereof) with talking to girls.
-----
Cloud shrugged again; Simon would get over it. He’d talk to Anise and then everything would be all right.
…speaking of…
“I think I need to meet this Anise girl anyway, if you like her so much. She must be someone interesting to catch your attention like this.” Cloud stretched out on the grass next to Simon, slipping his hands behind his head and closing his eyes against the sunlight.
-----
“Um… you can if you want, I guess…” Simon glanced over, cheeks still a bit pink from the previous half of the conversation. “She’s kind of like Yoko. Just don’t tell her any of this, okay?”
Or anything embarrassing, for that matter. That was the last thing he needed, really.
-----
“Won’t tell a soul.” Cloud, without opening his eyes, reached up and crossed his heart with his finger. “And there’s no hurry. I can wait for you to get more comfortable with her before I meet her.”
-----
“Mm.” Simon closed his eyes, a little relieved that Cloud was being so understanding. It wasn’t as if Anise was his girlfriend or anything- meeting Cloud didn’t have to be anything really special. It would be like him meeting this Jade person Anise was always talking about. Just an older friend they admire, who had nothing to do with… well, anything else.
…Moving on. “Hey, um… think I should remake the tunnels, now that I’m bigger?”
-----
“I don’t think that’d be a bad idea.” Cloud turned slightly to regard Simon thoughtfully. “If you could make them big enough, people could use them for when things get dangerous. We could do that shelter program we’d planned before.”
-----
“The shelter we made should still be here,” Simon nodded, closing his eyes to plot out the map he’d originally made in his mind. “I’ll check it once I finish the tunnel to your house.” How strange, to not be calling it his house, as well. “If we could protect the tunnels, or at least cover the entrances, water wouldn’t make them collapse again.”
-----
Cloud chewed on the inside of his cheek; they could always spread a tarp over the entrances, but that really wouldn’t do too much good. They needed to make a physical barrier around the actual things…and if they were going to get completely organized, they’d make them large enough to set ladders down the sides so people could climb down, rather than slide in and hope it’s not too deep. They needed lights and-
Okay, this was getting very complicated. At this rate, they could just go to the real tunnels. It was impractical to think they could make the tunnels Simon was digging a refuge for the larger part of the Luceti population, as noble an idea it was. But he didn’t want to create a place where just he and his own would be safe…
A thought occurred to Cloud just then. “Simon,” he asked slowly, sitting up, “do you think you could dig down into the actual tunnels?”
-----
“The tunnels…?” Simon blinked, looking over in surprise. He hadn’t thought of that. “But isn’t there a barrier?” He didn’t know much about the tunnels, but last he’d heard they were impossible to get into. Perhaps he’d just have to go down and examine them himself, just to be certain.
-----
“Inside the tunnels, yeah; but what about from above? John might not’ve thought about someone tunnelling into his lab from above ground.” Cloud didn’t want to subject Simon to that kind of danger, but if he was with him-
John wanted to take Zack or Aerith, after all. Cloud had to have a way to get them back, and Simon wanted to help. It wasn’t…taking advantage of him, was it?
-----
Simon nodded slowly, expression turning thoughtful. “It’s worth a try. I can work on that instead of this tunnel, just to see if it works. It shouldn’t take very long at all.”
It would be really nice to do something of use, instead of just standing back on the sidelines. He didn’t mind being out of danger, but he hated being useless, now more than ever.
-----
“Don’t do it just yet…we should get ready, in case there’s a fight. He’ll probably be pissed about us breaking in, after all.” Cloud felt marginally better about things now that he had a sort-of plan, and the bunches in his shoulders relaxed somewhat. That little whisper in the back of his head persisted that not only had he already put Zack and Aerith in danger with his stupidity, but now he was dragging Simon into it; Cloud firmly told it to shut up.
He would be with Simon, this wouldn’t be the same as last time. If things got really sticky, Simon could burrow right back out as Cloud covered up his escape. If he was really worried about things, he could always employ some help. Sigmund, probably.
-----
“A fight?” Simon echoed, suddenly worried- not so much for him, but for whatever mess Cloud had gotten himself into this time. “You think he’ll cause a lot of trouble? …What happened, anyway? You seem really worried about something.”
He already had the Geostigma to worry about… what else was wrong?
-----
Cloud pursed his lips, wondering if he should tell Simon. He didn’t want to add to Simon’s troubles when there wasn’t anything he could do about it; besides, he was only fourteen. He was just a kid.
No…no, this was Cloud’s problem.
“Don’t worry about it, Simon. I- …I’m just being cautious.”
-----
Cloud got a look for that, as Simon was visibly unimpressed. “Liar.” He sighed. “It’s okay, though. Just tell me when you want me to check the tunnels, I guess.”
Though he was sorely tempted to do it whether Cloud wanted him to or not. The suggestion was a good one, and if it helped, what was the harm in just checking? If there was a barrier, there was no problem, and if there wasn’t, he’d just have to be stealthy enough for John to not notice him at all.
-----
“Thanks.” Cloud was grateful Simon didn’t press the issue. Truthfully, sometimes he felt as if he attempted to explain everything that bothered him he’d suddenly realize it was too much and end up running off and hiding away beneath a rock for the next two years. So long as he only focused on one or two problems at a time, he could work past things. Yeah, everything was fine, there were just a couple issues to work on; no big deal.
-----
Simon just nodded again, falling into another uncomfortable silence. He wasn’t entirely sure of what to say; they’d covered all the issues, but he didn’t want to just say “go away” or anything. Finally, he mumbled, “Do you, um… do you think we could… hang out sometime? Nothing serious, or… I don’t know. Just for fun.” He hadn’t been able to do that with anyone but Kamina for a very long time.
-----
Cloud realized he was blushing, but managed to toss a half-smile in Simon’s direction before looking away, embarrassed. Truthfully he’d been a little nervous about them drifting apart once Simon had moved out. It only made sense; that time that he and Tifa had been engaged and Zack had left to give them space had put some distance between them, and Cloud hadn’t been happy about that in the least. With Simon’s relocation to Kamina’s house, his disinterest in spending time with Cloud would surely follow.
To hear straight from the horse’s mouth that Simon still wanted to spend time with him...well. It was a relief, and it was flattering and it was a spot of good news that he’d sorely needed. “That’d be great.”
-----
Simon brightened instantly at Cloud’s answer, beaming with a broad smile, and shifted a bit to lean against his adoptive father once more, dirt and all. Cloud wasn’t the only one relieved to know that they wouldn’t be split apart completely. In the end, they really were too important to one another to lose each other with just a little distance.
“Yeah,” he replied quietly, closing his eyes, content. “It’ll be really great.”
-----
His arm immediately circling around his shoulders, Cloud tilted his head to face the sky, eyes closing against the sunlight again. Then he fisted his hand in the front of Simon’s shirt and threw himself back to flop onto the grass, pulling Simon down with him and letting out a loud sigh.
-----
Simon let himself be dragged down, settling comfortably against Cloud. It felt just like when they used to cuddle, but… different. Different than lying around with Kamina, too. But he’d always been something of a sucker for physical affection, so he just smiled and lifted his gaze to watch the sky again, reaching out towards it after a long moment.
“Aniki says we’ll go to the moon someday,” he said quietly, fingers closing into a fist. “So someday we have to get out of here, past the barrier, and we’ll take the sky. Until then… I want to be here, with everyone…”
-----
“The entire sky, huh…? That’s a hefty dream.” Knowing what awaited Simon in his future made Cloud both proud and depressed simultaneously; he would accomplish great things…but at such great prices. It just wasn’t fair. Cloud turned to rest his cheek against Simon’s hair.
“If anyone can do it, you can.”
-----
Simon relaxed at the contact, letting his hand drop back down again. “Not alone, though. I always need somebody with me. But… when I’m part of a team, nobody can stop us. That’s how it should be, right? Nobody should have to do anything alone.”
Not when he had Kamina, or Yoko, or Rossiu, or even Cloud and the others of Luceti around. Here or there, he had so many people around to support him, now. He didn’t have any reason to hesitate or be afraid.
-----
Not having an adequate response for such an observation, Cloud only hummed and closed his eyes again, fingers tapping lightly against Simon’s shoulder. Maybe he should have those memories of Simon’s future suppressed…he didn’t want to accidentally spill something.
Or if he did, would he be able to change Simon’s future? Make it so Kamina never died, or make it so that Simon wouldn’t have to suffer all those things alone? What would be right and what would be wrong, in this kind of situation?
-----
Unaware of Cloud’s indecision, Simon just went back to relaxing, content to use Cloud’s arm as a pillow, watching the clouds of the sky pass them by. It was such a beautiful day- a perfect one for just lounging around and talking about whatever came to mind. He’d never known this sort of peace before coming to Luceti, underground or on the surface of his world. It was unfair, how wonderful yet cruel the village within the barrier could be.
’That’s why… we have to get out somehow. Even if we can’t see it, with the barrier here, we can’t ever really be free.’
-----
“Missed you,” Cloud mumbled on a whim. Half of what he said was lost when his voice came out softer than he’d intended, another portion into Simon’s hair. He wasn’t even sure the boy had heard him.
-----
Simon had heard him, actually; he felt a twinge of guilt, even though he had nothing to do with the fact that he’d been sent home for seven years. So much had changed for him, but for Cloud, he’d just lost a son for a little while. He’d lost the chance to raise Simon for those seven years, as well, and that was something neither of them could get back. At the very least, though, Simon could sympathize. A lot.
“…I missed you, too,” he whispered, hand shifting to grip Cloud’s shirt- childishly, like he used to when he was blind and lost and so very lonely. The years in Jiha had been cold and lifeless compared to his experiences in Luceti. Digging, digging, day after day, finding nothing but more dirt, most of the time. Words couldn’t express how much he’d missed the surface, and the family that had taken him in.
-----
Cloud’s fingers found Simon’s hair and he scratched lightly, as if petting a cat. Simon’s fist in his shirt was a weight and a comfort, and he let himself smile again, something he was finding himself do often when in Simon’s presence. It was almost as if the fear and the worry and the voice that never shut up faded into white noise when around him. If this was what it was like to be the semi-adoptive father figure to someone, he wondered what it would be like to have his own.
He wondered if he ever would have his own.
Until then, he had Simon. Until Luceti’s system took him again, or until the next crisis swept by and scooped him up as one victim among many. Even with that looming ahead, all Cloud could pay attention to was Simon’s head on his arm, Simon’s fist in his shirt, his hair against his cheek and the sun on their faces. Maybe things here were uncertain and maybe they both had dark futures ahead…but until then, they had now.
And now would be enough.