Bad things come in threes.
And I have drawn the third.
Yad ho, groja UL. I am now home from my third hospital stay in a little over a year. I had either a second or (more probably) the same kidney stone that I thought was gone a month ago. This occurred (of course) during my first day of work in New York.
By the way, I am in New York.
I had to leave early, which fortunately the guy who hired me was okay with, and spent nearly an hour grunting and nearly screaming with pain until I got back to my brother's apartment to where I still (fortunately) had the generic Percoset from the previous bout. Then another 45 minutes or so for it to work.
I spent Monday night through Wednesday morning hoping it would pass on its own, then reluctantly went to the emergency room at Long Island College Hospital... yes, the acronym is Lich, my gamer friends ...where I stayed, for not very useful reasons, until Thursday evening, surrounded by screaming people who would occasionally (for entertainment purposes, I assume) shit themselves. This happened three times, by the way. Not to me. I was not THAT bored, though it was close.
Thursday they finally moved me to my own room, which was apparently some head surgery guy's private suite, very nice, no one else, great view of Miss Liberty and her torch. It also had the famous Screaming Window, which, when the wind was blowing (and it did during the entire time I was there) made a sound remarkably like what you would get if you lined up about a hundred people around a building from you and stabbed them each in the kidney at the same time. This made my dreams very interesting. The morphine they gave me made my dreams very vivid. It was an alright combination.
Friday at 4 I was prepped for surgery, put out with general anaesthesia at 4:30-ish, and woke up around 7:45 wondering why my back still hurt.
The easy answer is because during the time I was out, they inserted a small camera and device combo into a VERY sensitive tube, slid it up through my bladder, and FIRED LASERS at the stone in my ureter.
...
Yes, folks, Star Wars could have been filmed in my penis. This brings to mind a famous quote by my dear friend Ms Pajer, which I will not now repeat.
They also placed a stent in there to do something about preventing infection or such, I did not grok it fully, which they will have to take out in a week or so. This device currently hurts only slightly less than the stone did, so I am still experiencing the pleasures of heavy drugs, but they tell me this will go away. There is a good chance that they are lying.
I am also experiencing the wonderful pleasure of pissing blood, which I do not wish on anyone in the world. It is likely that this is because occasionally, the lasers missed the stone.
...!
Only imperial troops have this kind of accuracy. I would not be surprised if, at some point, I discovered floating in my favorite porcelain bowl the burned and contorted corpses of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.
I think I already produced a Jawa.
On the one hand, I am no longer possessed of a painful kidney stone. Tai-shar Lich! On the other hand, it may be a week before I can again work, because of pain and drugs and stent removal. The gripping hand is, I had better get my F*ing health insurance working, or I will be so far in debt it will not matter if I ever work again.
So it goes.
Well, dovie-andi se tovya sagain. If anyone would like to write to me, to prove that I actually live here, that would be a help. I'll be happy to email my address to anyone who asks for it. If you'd rather not, no problem. If you'd rather I suffer, well, then why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling donut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?
To those who live in or are in NY for whatever reason, no need to visit or call or anything while I'm drugged up (I'm less fun than you might think) but I'd be happy to hang out whenever I'm not working. Let me know.
Until then, tonzura koite!
And I've had my three, so if anything else happens, I officially call shenanigans.
(disith bullets, will avoid, mullen shetland's body... disith bullets, will avoid, mullen shetland's body...)
Oh, and if you can be the first person to accurately identify ALL of the movie, book, and TV references I put into this message, I will someday, somehow, produce for you ... a cookie. I can't predict its tastiness right now, but I will do my best. Milk may also be involved.
Lucael out.
Yad ho, groja UL. I am now home from my third hospital stay in a little over a year. I had either a second or (more probably) the same kidney stone that I thought was gone a month ago. This occurred (of course) during my first day of work in New York.
By the way, I am in New York.
I had to leave early, which fortunately the guy who hired me was okay with, and spent nearly an hour grunting and nearly screaming with pain until I got back to my brother's apartment to where I still (fortunately) had the generic Percoset from the previous bout. Then another 45 minutes or so for it to work.
I spent Monday night through Wednesday morning hoping it would pass on its own, then reluctantly went to the emergency room at Long Island College Hospital... yes, the acronym is Lich, my gamer friends ...where I stayed, for not very useful reasons, until Thursday evening, surrounded by screaming people who would occasionally (for entertainment purposes, I assume) shit themselves. This happened three times, by the way. Not to me. I was not THAT bored, though it was close.
Thursday they finally moved me to my own room, which was apparently some head surgery guy's private suite, very nice, no one else, great view of Miss Liberty and her torch. It also had the famous Screaming Window, which, when the wind was blowing (and it did during the entire time I was there) made a sound remarkably like what you would get if you lined up about a hundred people around a building from you and stabbed them each in the kidney at the same time. This made my dreams very interesting. The morphine they gave me made my dreams very vivid. It was an alright combination.
Friday at 4 I was prepped for surgery, put out with general anaesthesia at 4:30-ish, and woke up around 7:45 wondering why my back still hurt.
The easy answer is because during the time I was out, they inserted a small camera and device combo into a VERY sensitive tube, slid it up through my bladder, and FIRED LASERS at the stone in my ureter.
...
Yes, folks, Star Wars could have been filmed in my penis. This brings to mind a famous quote by my dear friend Ms Pajer, which I will not now repeat.
They also placed a stent in there to do something about preventing infection or such, I did not grok it fully, which they will have to take out in a week or so. This device currently hurts only slightly less than the stone did, so I am still experiencing the pleasures of heavy drugs, but they tell me this will go away. There is a good chance that they are lying.
I am also experiencing the wonderful pleasure of pissing blood, which I do not wish on anyone in the world. It is likely that this is because occasionally, the lasers missed the stone.
...!
Only imperial troops have this kind of accuracy. I would not be surprised if, at some point, I discovered floating in my favorite porcelain bowl the burned and contorted corpses of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.
I think I already produced a Jawa.
On the one hand, I am no longer possessed of a painful kidney stone. Tai-shar Lich! On the other hand, it may be a week before I can again work, because of pain and drugs and stent removal. The gripping hand is, I had better get my F*ing health insurance working, or I will be so far in debt it will not matter if I ever work again.
So it goes.
Well, dovie-andi se tovya sagain. If anyone would like to write to me, to prove that I actually live here, that would be a help. I'll be happy to email my address to anyone who asks for it. If you'd rather not, no problem. If you'd rather I suffer, well, then why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling donut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?
To those who live in or are in NY for whatever reason, no need to visit or call or anything while I'm drugged up (I'm less fun than you might think) but I'd be happy to hang out whenever I'm not working. Let me know.
Until then, tonzura koite!
And I've had my three, so if anything else happens, I officially call shenanigans.
(disith bullets, will avoid, mullen shetland's body... disith bullets, will avoid, mullen shetland's body...)
Oh, and if you can be the first person to accurately identify ALL of the movie, book, and TV references I put into this message, I will someday, somehow, produce for you ... a cookie. I can't predict its tastiness right now, but I will do my best. Milk may also be involved.
Lucael out.