(no subject)

[lubunbun]

does ne one really know me... really? or like me really? i am struggling with this lately. who is real... what am i being used for.... who has no intentions of hurthing me? who really wants to know how i am at the end of the day!

i am sitting next to a social butterfly and i am actually annoyed ... holy crap. is this possible... sometimes i wonder why i can be soo annoying... i wish i was just me - minus the annoyances... i cant help or see... i guess. i try hard but i dont want to be someone i am not. again i sturggle and am parnoid that no one really likes me... they are just around me to be around someone else or to get something or bacause they think they have to like me...

why am i such an easy pushover.... so easy to use. so generous... oh well i can be evil i can be a bitch and never be sure of what i am really thinking in this mind of mine. true friends unite... where? genuine people exist where? even my parents love isnt near enough genuine... where is the genuine love my life has yet to show me!?

depressing thoughts run through my mind.... i feel sooo used.... and so sad. no one likes me... what the fuck did i ever do!?