update?
I didn't know I still had one of these. If this isn't throwback to sophomore year, good god. I'm pretty confident no one I know or care about will be reading this. Obviously if you're offended by that as you read this, I was wrong. I refuse to proceed with caution though. Waste of my fucking time.
Schuyler is the greatest. I'm so comfortable around him. We literally talked all night. Well, I mean, talked and made out but there was a lot of talking involved. We just seem to be on the same wavelength about so many things. The timing just sucks a lot. Because he leaves Friday for the weekend and then I leave Sunday for two weeks, and then we have a month to hang out. But he's not the only person I want to see. Its my last high school summer, it's something I really want to be spending with my friends that I may never be this close to again. I want to get drunk and laugh with the class of '07 while I still can.
But part of me is so tired of the drama associated with that. I don't want to deal with the catty high school girl attitudes, and I don't want to deal with this rivalry bullshit. I hate that I can't hang out with one of my favorite people because I broke his best friend's heart. Fuck that. I should be able to hang out with who I want to hang out with and if you got your heartbroken you suck it the fuck up so shit isn't always this uncomfortable.
It's exhausting. But it's refreshing to hang out with people who has had some time since high school to at least get the drama out of their system. It's nice to think that somewhere along the line people just won't care what you do anymore.
I'm not saying I want a relationship with him. I think if you're going into college in a relationship you're probably half retarded. I don't know him well enough to make it work, even if we spend the entire month of August together. He's the perfect little summer fling though because there's so little pressure.
This summer had so much potential back in like, March. Just post SRO, big bonding session, but pre- prom drama. Pre- We never see each other anymore (internship). I think this two week vacation is exactly what the doctor ordered. I've felt obligated to go out every night, stay up way too late and not have the energy to go out the next night, but that doesn't stop me.
I've mended all the shit I messed up, or at least to the extent that I can. I don't have a guilty conscience about anything. But I'm so not comfortable leaving relationships and friendships open ended. I'm so tempted to just fuck it all and take blame for stuff I didn't do just to get the bad feelings out of the air, but I'm so unconvinced that I did anything else wrong it wouldn't be sincere and I'd kick myself for letting other people's opinions drown out my pride.
Schuyler is the greatest. I'm so comfortable around him. We literally talked all night. Well, I mean, talked and made out but there was a lot of talking involved. We just seem to be on the same wavelength about so many things. The timing just sucks a lot. Because he leaves Friday for the weekend and then I leave Sunday for two weeks, and then we have a month to hang out. But he's not the only person I want to see. Its my last high school summer, it's something I really want to be spending with my friends that I may never be this close to again. I want to get drunk and laugh with the class of '07 while I still can.
But part of me is so tired of the drama associated with that. I don't want to deal with the catty high school girl attitudes, and I don't want to deal with this rivalry bullshit. I hate that I can't hang out with one of my favorite people because I broke his best friend's heart. Fuck that. I should be able to hang out with who I want to hang out with and if you got your heartbroken you suck it the fuck up so shit isn't always this uncomfortable.
It's exhausting. But it's refreshing to hang out with people who has had some time since high school to at least get the drama out of their system. It's nice to think that somewhere along the line people just won't care what you do anymore.
I'm not saying I want a relationship with him. I think if you're going into college in a relationship you're probably half retarded. I don't know him well enough to make it work, even if we spend the entire month of August together. He's the perfect little summer fling though because there's so little pressure.
This summer had so much potential back in like, March. Just post SRO, big bonding session, but pre- prom drama. Pre- We never see each other anymore (internship). I think this two week vacation is exactly what the doctor ordered. I've felt obligated to go out every night, stay up way too late and not have the energy to go out the next night, but that doesn't stop me.
I've mended all the shit I messed up, or at least to the extent that I can. I don't have a guilty conscience about anything. But I'm so not comfortable leaving relationships and friendships open ended. I'm so tempted to just fuck it all and take blame for stuff I didn't do just to get the bad feelings out of the air, but I'm so unconvinced that I did anything else wrong it wouldn't be sincere and I'd kick myself for letting other people's opinions drown out my pride.