(no subject)
So much to think about. I'm done with finals, and that feels amazing. Like really really amazing. I don't think I did well in any of my classes, and I've reason to believe I may not have gotten any A's this semester, but it just feels so great for it to be over. I did the best I could, and it's done for. I'm going back to SB in a few days, and that should be good. Well, both good and bad. I can't wait to see my friends and Parker should be good, and actually everyone on their own time should be fun. I'm not really looking forward to the stress of being told where I should be spending my time, but it should still be fine. I'm also not looking forward though to be leaving Malia. We've been hitting things off quite well. The one small problem is that once again it's taking me some time to open up to her. And it's not that I really feel that she'll hurt me if I do because she's so caring, but I just have a very very hard time to opening up to people, especially when I've been single for a while and I've gone back into my solitude mode. The place where I write what I want down here, post what I want so that only some people can see things, and then keep the rest to myself. I say this because Malia last night told me that I gave a sort of far off feeling to her. She actually kept changing how she was phrasing it because there was no clear word for how I made it feel, but far off is the one that stuck the most with me, and I know it's because I don't know what to say. I'm trying to compile a list of truths for her which I don't tell most people, a list of truths some of you might not even know. I'm still going to keep some things secret because I can't tell her everything in the first few weeks of dating, but I would like to let her know at least where I'm coming from so that she can know some of why I'm so quiet.
I realize she still doesn't really know much about who I am. I mean who she sees is me, and I haven't given her reason to believe otherwise, but she still sees me as a guy with all of his shit together. I mean shit, I have my goals, I go to school, I do what I can, but I spend most of my time just barely holding on. I'm tenacious, and sometimes to a fault. I think I'm going to go and write my private entry now to get my head clear for what I want to say or not say.
Oh, and as one last thing, my Internet is gone again. I think the person I was taking the Internet from has either blocked me, or more likely gone away for winter and has turned everything off in his house. I at least hope it's that because if he blocked me it means that I have to buy my own Internet, and I don't want to pay for that. I know, I'm cheap, but there really is no reason that if I don't bog down his speeds that I shouldn't use his connection. I know I'd let people use mine until they started using too much, or some how start to slow me down. But anyway, more later, happy Holidays, peace.
I realize she still doesn't really know much about who I am. I mean who she sees is me, and I haven't given her reason to believe otherwise, but she still sees me as a guy with all of his shit together. I mean shit, I have my goals, I go to school, I do what I can, but I spend most of my time just barely holding on. I'm tenacious, and sometimes to a fault. I think I'm going to go and write my private entry now to get my head clear for what I want to say or not say.
Oh, and as one last thing, my Internet is gone again. I think the person I was taking the Internet from has either blocked me, or more likely gone away for winter and has turned everything off in his house. I at least hope it's that because if he blocked me it means that I have to buy my own Internet, and I don't want to pay for that. I know, I'm cheap, but there really is no reason that if I don't bog down his speeds that I shouldn't use his connection. I know I'd let people use mine until they started using too much, or some how start to slow me down. But anyway, more later, happy Holidays, peace.