Tired, Stinky, and Completely Pissed
Today I have done nothing outside of eating, watching the Braves and sleeping. I hate it when you sometimes try too hard to do something and it eventually backfires. Not necessarily backfire, but it just hasn't happened the way that you wanted it to yet. I'm talking about the Braves in second place and Lucy. The Braves are in second place which COMPLETELY pisses me off for the simple fact that I am used to them already 10 games up on the competition by this time. Its hard to adjust to something like that so quickly. The other thing is that Lucy and I are "friends" today. It isn't a step down from what we were before, but it isn't the step that I wanted to take. I wanted up, not down, but not at the same level either. Its kinda crazy when you think about it. I have brought her something everytime that I have seen her. That isn't necessarily becasue I am trying to win her over, which I am, but it is because I wanted to. I never expect something in return for the things that I give her. That is like a cardinal sin for giving someone a gift. While I don't feel left out in the dark with her, I do not feel that everything is happening the way that it should by now. She is very special. Its as simple as that. I will never give up on her and I shouldn't. We don't know each other as much as we should. I think that may be the main reason that we have not progressed into a couple yet. With me, its what you see is what you get. I'm not gonna change for anyone. Thats the way I have always rolled and it will be that way as long as I live. She has the most beautiful everything that I have ever seen in my life. She is the closest thing to perfect that I have ever seen in my life. What can you say about people like that? There is nothing that you can. Its either that you can't say anything or you can't say enough. Its both with her. Weird that I of all people have nothing to say about someone. I guess thats what it is about her. We both like to be funny, which is great! I hate people that try their best to never crack a smirk. They are assholes. I can make anyone smile and that is one of my defining qualities. I don't care who you are. I can make the President laugh while he is discussing war with the cabinet. I don't care. Everyone needs to laugh and I like that she feels the same way. I am graduating this year and I am not about to leave someone like her behind me. I want her to be with me. I want to have the comfort that she will never have to worry about anything else in her life. I know that I could give her that. She seems to be motivation and it is weird that all of my life I have tried to find someone like her and all of a sudden she just falls rigth into my lap. AMAZING. Its all Brigman's fault. If I didn't see her at the lighthouse while I was illegally driving Brigman to see his "friend that is a girl" named Melody, then I would have never even thought of talking to Lucy. I also have to thank my cousin Elissa for setting me up with her. The truth is that I am never shy around anyone that I DON'T like, but if its around someone that I DO like, then its different. I don't know why I'm like that. I think that it hurts me sometimes. I try my best to play it off, but even my buddies know the truth. They see stright through me. Thats what sucks about it. If they ask me about how I feel about her and I say that I don't know, they know that I am giving them a lot of crap. Thats friends for you. I have a lot of them and I love every one of them. It is going to be tough to leave them in a year and I know that my life will be gone then. But if I am the luckiest man on the Earth, then maybe I will not have to forget about Lucy when I leave. Thats my MAIN goal for my senior year. I have to win her heart.