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[ltxobvious]

Has anyone seen the final scene of Burn After Reading? There's a line that goes something like "Jesus, what a clusterfuck. What have we learned? I guess we learned not to do it again. Fucked if I know what it was we did, but we sure won't do it again." Kind of sums up the current state of my marriage.

Comments

[midnightsreveng]

it was actually easy to follow and now i understand your predicament much better. i was in a similar situation when i was 20 with a girl who wanted to get married and was acting the same exact way. she was a manipulator too. these girls need a ton of attention and always seem to go against the grind. sometimes it's very difficult to REALLY know what's going on in their head, as you can understand to full capacity. the girl that i was seeing was also VERY much my type, and that notion that she was the only one i wanted to see i just simply had to let go. these good qualities will eclipse the solid facts, and you have to maintain your realist approach to this relationship, but of course you can never be cut and dry about it and emotionless, so just keep your head above water with wanting to please her and understanding your military career is more important to you than doing something reckless on a whim.

i personally think the "i never loved you" thing is bull, but obv. nobody except her knows the truth. whether it is true or not, it IS cruel and she must realize that this statement hurts you probably more than anything else. again, from personal experience, i had this one girl i loved tell me horrible things, really mean, cruel things that i could hardly believe she was saying, and for no good reason either. i hung up on her and didnt answer her calls for awhile, she was sorry once i came back.

to me, his is just a case of she DID love you, but now that the circumstances suck, she just doesn't feel that way so she's being a bitch because she can't get her way and needs to vent. no girl that doesn't love you is going to marry you, that's fucking ridiculous, no way i believe that. the shitty thing is maybe now she doesn't feel that way only because of the circumstances, and THIS IS A GIRL THAT YOU CAN'T EVER BE HAPPY WITH. you are never going to be able to be happy or make someone else happy, if they have this shitty attitude about everything, so that in itself is a reason to not feel bad if this doesn't work out.

i do believe that you cared more about her than she did about you truthfully, the person that gives the most to a relationship or cares the most is ALWAYS the one that gets hurt. think about your past relationships where you didn't care that much...you didnt get hurt did you? the only way to keep ahead in this race is to realize the futility of fighting for something that's not worth the time. I'm not saying give up, but i am saying if she's going to be a bitch and whine, then just let her, she got herself into this, and none of this is your fault, so listen to her but don't try to "fix" things as much as you possibly are now. girls communicate differently than men, they complain and just want to be heard, men try to fix things. you trying to fix things can even be misconstrued as being "suffocating" or annoying or something...go figure. don't feed into that too much or she'll just lash out at you in more cruel ways, the best way is to hold a neutral stance, be positive, and just hear her out. let her voice her concerns, but don't get out a map and a fuckin notebook and write things down to fix everything. she has to just learn to be happy wherever she is and honestly grow up a little.

just keep your chin up.

[ltxobvious]

Good points, all. That's almost exactly what I'm thinking now. I agree that shes almost entirely full of shit and just saying she never loved me because it will make it easier for her to deal with if she convinces herself of it. But you're exactly right. Even if she is lying, the fact that she'd say things like this paints of a picture of her character that I don't like. So even if she is just bullshitting me and herself, this doesn't seem like the kind of girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm almost positive that when I'm physically there with her she'll realize how wrong she is, but chances are slim that I'm going to allow her to just pretend this never happened. I fully understand freaking out because we got married so fast and so young, but there's no excuse for the things she's said to me. Even with Brittany, no matter how badly I wanted out I was never cruel about it, and I would never try to claim that I never cared about her, because it would hurt her deeply even though we both would know it was a lie.

I'm going to be absolutely fine. My stress management now consists of throwing myself fully into my job, and spending my off time working out and reading to better my mind and body, and hanging out with my friends. If I stay busy enough, I don't have the time to dwell and depress myself. Far better than my old habits (drinking heavily and doing something dangerous and stupid), although I did go off-roading with my friend and as we were driving down a mountain pulled myself completely out of his car and sat in the windowframe. Probably some of the most fun I've had since I got here, even if my other friend did get his enormous truck stuck in mud and we had to call a tow company to get him out.