How do you document real life when it gets more like fiction each day??
this was a great weekend. it was crazy insane. i love my bestest friend Fushion; she is always there for me- even, evidently when i call her at 3 am with scary messages that i don't remember leaving. i was able to talk about things that have been bothering me for about a week or so, and it was good to talk. i needed to talk. i needed to talk to her. so horray for that-even though today showed me that i am far from okay. its weird because i very rarely feel the need to talk about myself, but i've had that feeling for awhile, and it really warmed my heart to see that my friend came through for me. i know, i should expect that- i mean, my friends are usually there for me, but i still feel weird asking them to be. i know i know, im silly. but so much of the time i don't feel like i'm worth it, or that i'm being crazy or silly or stupid and that i shouldn't bother people with the things that go on in my head. but i felt like the best way to get me to stop thinking these specific things, was to talk about it and so i'm really glad i did. i was really getting to a point of completely hating myself. no, im not crazy and things did not magically fix themselves because i had a conversation with Fushion, but it did help. and saturday, even though it was not a good day in some aspects, today was much improved in certain areas, although i totally backtracked in another area....but enough of that.
friday night was pretty normal- low key, a night spent at jay's house just hanging out- we had originally planned on having a big party, but that changed last minute and it was just a few of us hanging out and watching GOOFY ASS MOVIES!!! Jay, Jessie, Jenn, Niki, Kirsten, and I hung out. We just sat around having really random conversations and chilled. We all needed to not be at home doing nothing and we all needed to get together. I was exhausted, but we stayed until a little after 2, when finally I was ready to pass out so then we came back home. Tadah.
saturday- cynthia, jackie, and i went down to Norfolk. We ended up going out to The Wave with Josh and Ley and OMG I had soooo much fun. Haha, the details of how messed up I was will be left out of the world of LJ. *giggles* I ran into this really cute girl, and asked her to dance with me- only to discover that we knew each other! Haha. Not very well, we've met a few times. She's this very amusing girl who last year asked my friend about me, whether I was a lesbian or not and my friend didn't know and so she told my friend that she would definately turn me into one, if I wasn't. Needless to say, I was like uhhh okay (last year). So it was fun running into her and she is a great dancer, and we danced for like 30-45 minutes together. Leave it to me, to run into random people at a club in a city I've never been to before! Haha. Then, after more drinks, Cynthia wanted to make out with me, so I did- I made out with a straight girl. How random. Whatever. I love my friends when they are drunk- why do I always end up making out with them!? HAHA!! Anyhoos, and then I went back out and danced with some random strangers that I didn't know, somehow ending up on the little front stage dancing like a crazy person. Oh, but it was so much fun, and we all know how much I love to dance! Haha. And instead of drunk dialing, I drunk texted people. DC and I had a very flirtatious text conversation where she said I needed to stop making out with other people because I was her girlfriend and I was like well if I'm your girlfriend prove it and make out with me so she said next time she saw me, she was going to kiss me and I was like okay I'll be waiting and she called me a slut, which is really not fair at all! Haha. CRAZY. And then I had a weird text convo with Jay and she said she wasn't going to have phone sex with me randomly out of the blue and I was like okay, I'm confused- so then I we talked on the phone for a few minutes. I brought up the fact to Cynthia and Jacklyn that Jay and I act like we are each other's girlfriends- the support we give each other, the petnames, the calls, everything- she and I were like "I miss you!" on the phone- it's so cute its naseating haha. I love my friends!! :)
So then, Sunday (today)- I woke up at 9am to find Ley staring at me. I was like um goodmorning and felt really weird for a little bit about it. LOL, so he and I got up and we went to breakfast together. We left the hotel room looking like a cute little straight couple in our pajamas and was greeted by the maid service in the hallway, it was cute. And then I went back to sleep for a bit while he and other people showered, but then Jackie made me get up and shower before her cause she just got in the bed not too long before hand and I had had it all night. So I did, and then we went to see RENT!!!! Front row people, I love this show! And the cast was really young, but they were AMAZING! The show was sooooo awesome. I wish that I could see it again. Haha. I will give you an in person update about it at a later time. I'm way too tired to give it the justice that it deserves. Then we headed back to RVa, our home.
My weekend rocked- today I managed to do something about some of the problems I've been having in one area and stepped back in the problems of another area...so I really don't know where I am. I was told to call someone if I needed to and I did, but they didn't answer...so lalala....ooops. I think I am going to take a nap now perhaps because I feel like I haven't slept in 2 weeks. And maybe I should sleep.
*****************************************EDIT******************************************
So it was a little awkward seeing DC today. LOL. She made fun of me for my drunken texts and she was like so yea...whats going on. I have to say, it was a little weird. And she kept giving me weird looks and I was like what's that for. And we joked about us having sex at one point cause i was like note to self dont let me get breast cancer and she was like what you want me to give you weekly breast exams, we arent having sex and i was like yea not yet, and she was like yet...uhh and i was like am i scaring you and she was like yes and i was like good, you need to feel uncomfortable for a little bit haha. and she kept calling me a slut and I kept telling her she was so much moreso of a slut than I was. We basically confused everyone and we pretende to make out during straight sex on LWord cause we were both like uuuuuh no. Then in the car when she was dropping me off, she said that I've changed and she was like you are different from the person I met last year. Is that a bad thing I wonder? She had valid points, but I think she was off a bit-I'm happier now than I was last year so I'm less tense about things, thats all. But it was weird being in the car trying to explain. She doesn't understand where my logic came from but she understands it at the same time. I don't know. It's very weird. I wish I could explain to her everything, but I don't really understand where I am coming from half the time. We had this weird conversation about relationships and monogamy and she was like LeaAnne, when did you start thinking this. And I was like I don't know, I have this weird understanding of the world right now and I tried to explain it. She totally agrees with me, but she feels sad that I've...gotten this veiwpoint of the world? I don't know, I guess I'm not longer the innocent naive girl that I was last year on a lot of things. I don't think its necessarily a bad thing, and I don't think she was saying it was...just different. Am I really that different? Yes...I am...my thinking process is totally different...so yea...life is currently uncomplicatedly complicated...if that makes sense...and I am perfectly happy with it...which is I guess why it surprises DC so much that it was my idea and that I'm so fine with it... weird... oh wells... she will live... we are hanging out this week and doing something (not making out or having sex lol!!)
LWord was COLD! Lauren has to invest in heat! That is all for now...I have a ton of things to think about now as I try to get warm....
friday night was pretty normal- low key, a night spent at jay's house just hanging out- we had originally planned on having a big party, but that changed last minute and it was just a few of us hanging out and watching GOOFY ASS MOVIES!!! Jay, Jessie, Jenn, Niki, Kirsten, and I hung out. We just sat around having really random conversations and chilled. We all needed to not be at home doing nothing and we all needed to get together. I was exhausted, but we stayed until a little after 2, when finally I was ready to pass out so then we came back home. Tadah.
saturday- cynthia, jackie, and i went down to Norfolk. We ended up going out to The Wave with Josh and Ley and OMG I had soooo much fun. Haha, the details of how messed up I was will be left out of the world of LJ. *giggles* I ran into this really cute girl, and asked her to dance with me- only to discover that we knew each other! Haha. Not very well, we've met a few times. She's this very amusing girl who last year asked my friend about me, whether I was a lesbian or not and my friend didn't know and so she told my friend that she would definately turn me into one, if I wasn't. Needless to say, I was like uhhh okay (last year). So it was fun running into her and she is a great dancer, and we danced for like 30-45 minutes together. Leave it to me, to run into random people at a club in a city I've never been to before! Haha. Then, after more drinks, Cynthia wanted to make out with me, so I did- I made out with a straight girl. How random. Whatever. I love my friends when they are drunk- why do I always end up making out with them!? HAHA!! Anyhoos, and then I went back out and danced with some random strangers that I didn't know, somehow ending up on the little front stage dancing like a crazy person. Oh, but it was so much fun, and we all know how much I love to dance! Haha. And instead of drunk dialing, I drunk texted people. DC and I had a very flirtatious text conversation where she said I needed to stop making out with other people because I was her girlfriend and I was like well if I'm your girlfriend prove it and make out with me so she said next time she saw me, she was going to kiss me and I was like okay I'll be waiting and she called me a slut, which is really not fair at all! Haha. CRAZY. And then I had a weird text convo with Jay and she said she wasn't going to have phone sex with me randomly out of the blue and I was like okay, I'm confused- so then I we talked on the phone for a few minutes. I brought up the fact to Cynthia and Jacklyn that Jay and I act like we are each other's girlfriends- the support we give each other, the petnames, the calls, everything- she and I were like "I miss you!" on the phone- it's so cute its naseating haha. I love my friends!! :)
So then, Sunday (today)- I woke up at 9am to find Ley staring at me. I was like um goodmorning and felt really weird for a little bit about it. LOL, so he and I got up and we went to breakfast together. We left the hotel room looking like a cute little straight couple in our pajamas and was greeted by the maid service in the hallway, it was cute. And then I went back to sleep for a bit while he and other people showered, but then Jackie made me get up and shower before her cause she just got in the bed not too long before hand and I had had it all night. So I did, and then we went to see RENT!!!! Front row people, I love this show! And the cast was really young, but they were AMAZING! The show was sooooo awesome. I wish that I could see it again. Haha. I will give you an in person update about it at a later time. I'm way too tired to give it the justice that it deserves. Then we headed back to RVa, our home.
My weekend rocked- today I managed to do something about some of the problems I've been having in one area and stepped back in the problems of another area...so I really don't know where I am. I was told to call someone if I needed to and I did, but they didn't answer...so lalala....ooops. I think I am going to take a nap now perhaps because I feel like I haven't slept in 2 weeks. And maybe I should sleep.
*****************************************EDIT******************************************
So it was a little awkward seeing DC today. LOL. She made fun of me for my drunken texts and she was like so yea...whats going on. I have to say, it was a little weird. And she kept giving me weird looks and I was like what's that for. And we joked about us having sex at one point cause i was like note to self dont let me get breast cancer and she was like what you want me to give you weekly breast exams, we arent having sex and i was like yea not yet, and she was like yet...uhh and i was like am i scaring you and she was like yes and i was like good, you need to feel uncomfortable for a little bit haha. and she kept calling me a slut and I kept telling her she was so much moreso of a slut than I was. We basically confused everyone and we pretende to make out during straight sex on LWord cause we were both like uuuuuh no. Then in the car when she was dropping me off, she said that I've changed and she was like you are different from the person I met last year. Is that a bad thing I wonder? She had valid points, but I think she was off a bit-I'm happier now than I was last year so I'm less tense about things, thats all. But it was weird being in the car trying to explain. She doesn't understand where my logic came from but she understands it at the same time. I don't know. It's very weird. I wish I could explain to her everything, but I don't really understand where I am coming from half the time. We had this weird conversation about relationships and monogamy and she was like LeaAnne, when did you start thinking this. And I was like I don't know, I have this weird understanding of the world right now and I tried to explain it. She totally agrees with me, but she feels sad that I've...gotten this veiwpoint of the world? I don't know, I guess I'm not longer the innocent naive girl that I was last year on a lot of things. I don't think its necessarily a bad thing, and I don't think she was saying it was...just different. Am I really that different? Yes...I am...my thinking process is totally different...so yea...life is currently uncomplicatedly complicated...if that makes sense...and I am perfectly happy with it...which is I guess why it surprises DC so much that it was my idea and that I'm so fine with it... weird... oh wells... she will live... we are hanging out this week and doing something (not making out or having sex lol!!)
LWord was COLD! Lauren has to invest in heat! That is all for now...I have a ton of things to think about now as I try to get warm....