i actually feel a lot better now.
I was not finger-pointing in my last entry. I was being a jealous whiny brat.
Therapy was today. It was good. She pointed out that I'm actually closer to finishing that god-awful-never-to-be-referred-to-again list than I was before I lost my job. I am starting a Masters, I have job experience, and I actually am in a relationship with someone who ... I'd like to be with for a long time.
She suggested I start a Things I'm Grateful For list, which yes, I should do. I'm grateful that I'm working for my aunt and have some income, grateful my IC is under control (even with the cardboard diet), sooooo grateful for Greg, my awesome supportive friends (even if I'm no one's one person, I have lots of "persons"!), and my amazing family for their financial, moral, and culinary support (my mom cooks bland food for me and freezes it!) Have had a lot of good chats with Danielle, Tina, and Jess lately, and of course Erin and Caitlyn, who are now back (!), which has really been helpful in the last few weeks. Thanks guys, you are all great and I'm blessed to know you all. I admire you all for your strength, and hope one day I can aspire to it!
And I (think I) figured out that part of the issue was the actual going to and CELEBRATING these milestones: I haven't been (and I know this sounds bad, but I don't mean it that way) the center of attention in years. I know birthdays aren't as important as we get older, but I haven't really had a really great one in years. In fact, this last one really sucked. So I am thinking I might just throw myself a ridiculous 26th birthday party complete with invitations and RSVP cards and invite everyone I know. Maybe I'll even make you all dress up.
Even if it doesn't turn out to be a huge deal, having a birthday party would be really nice. I know it's unlikely that many people will be able to come to the party, but I'm still going to look forward to it anyway. Everything else I have to look forward to is years away, and also in the abstract. So I'm going to have a great 26th birthday party, damn it.
Yeah and can't go down on the pain medication dosage yet. Even with the cardboard diet. Sigh. Oh well, at least I'm flirting with going down and not up. Now, shall I have cardboard-flavored cardboard or sawdust-flavored cardboard for dinner? (Honestly, I just went shopping and bought enough hummus and pita to last me through the war! Thank God I like hummus and pita! But my options are plain pita and plain hummus or garlic hummus. At least I don't have to eat the pretzels!!!)
Therapy was today. It was good. She pointed out that I'm actually closer to finishing that god-awful-never-to-be-referred-to-again list than I was before I lost my job. I am starting a Masters, I have job experience, and I actually am in a relationship with someone who ... I'd like to be with for a long time.
She suggested I start a Things I'm Grateful For list, which yes, I should do. I'm grateful that I'm working for my aunt and have some income, grateful my IC is under control (even with the cardboard diet), sooooo grateful for Greg, my awesome supportive friends (even if I'm no one's one person, I have lots of "persons"!), and my amazing family for their financial, moral, and culinary support (my mom cooks bland food for me and freezes it!) Have had a lot of good chats with Danielle, Tina, and Jess lately, and of course Erin and Caitlyn, who are now back (!), which has really been helpful in the last few weeks. Thanks guys, you are all great and I'm blessed to know you all. I admire you all for your strength, and hope one day I can aspire to it!
And I (think I) figured out that part of the issue was the actual going to and CELEBRATING these milestones: I haven't been (and I know this sounds bad, but I don't mean it that way) the center of attention in years. I know birthdays aren't as important as we get older, but I haven't really had a really great one in years. In fact, this last one really sucked. So I am thinking I might just throw myself a ridiculous 26th birthday party complete with invitations and RSVP cards and invite everyone I know. Maybe I'll even make you all dress up.
Even if it doesn't turn out to be a huge deal, having a birthday party would be really nice. I know it's unlikely that many people will be able to come to the party, but I'm still going to look forward to it anyway. Everything else I have to look forward to is years away, and also in the abstract. So I'm going to have a great 26th birthday party, damn it.
Yeah and can't go down on the pain medication dosage yet. Even with the cardboard diet. Sigh. Oh well, at least I'm flirting with going down and not up. Now, shall I have cardboard-flavored cardboard or sawdust-flavored cardboard for dinner? (Honestly, I just went shopping and bought enough hummus and pita to last me through the war! Thank God I like hummus and pita! But my options are plain pita and plain hummus or garlic hummus. At least I don't have to eat the pretzels!!!)