Yea it's the whole confronting my fears thing. It's also a big spiritual thing. Basically when I was in my former coven they had a period of solitude before initiation. I knew that I wanted to go through it so I kind of mentally began geering up for it. Of course the coven and I decided to go different ways and I never got that far.
So every time anyone mentioned anything about initiating or ordeals, even if it was a different group, I would get really jealous. So I asked myself if it was just the not getting to belong, and I realized that was part of it but the challenge of it was also part of it. Also it seems I'm destined to be a solitary practitioner for awile. The only reason I can gather for that one is that it's something that I would never choose for myself and therefore has alot of growth potential. So I designed this whole ritual to follow the ordeal of facing my fear, and it's finally done and timing was finally right that Tomarrow . . . technically today now . . . I'm going to actually do it.
Sorry about all of the whining. It really feels like my body is trying to sabotage this whole thing and a little like I'm in over my head. But I'm pretty sure it will pass and I haven't tried hard enough to justify failure yet.
So every time anyone mentioned anything about initiating or ordeals, even if it was a different group, I would get really jealous. So I asked myself if it was just the not getting to belong, and I realized that was part of it but the challenge of it was also part of it. Also it seems I'm destined to be a solitary practitioner for awile. The only reason I can gather for that one is that it's something that I would never choose for myself and therefore has alot of growth potential. So I designed this whole ritual to follow the ordeal of facing my fear, and it's finally done and timing was finally right that Tomarrow . . . technically today now . . . I'm going to actually do it.
Sorry about all of the whining. It really feels like my body is trying to sabotage this whole thing and a little like I'm in over my head. But I'm pretty sure it will pass and I haven't tried hard enough to justify failure yet.
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