self-realization...its crazy.
i'll be the first to admit: IM A MESS. i'm the biggest mess anyone could ever be involved with. i'm moody and indecisive. and when i do make a decision, i cant make a right decision to save my life. i care too much about things that dont matter and people who dont care about me. i mean well, but im so weak that nothing ever works out the way i plan for it to. i love auburn. i didnt apply for college anywhere else because it was 'auburn or bust'. however, sometimes when i look at it, it could quite possibly be the worst decision i've ever made. sometimes it looks like more harm than good has come from it. its all so confusing. i want to tell myself: good job, you did the right thing finally. but something deep inside me says: you're still a complete disaster. i try so hard and yet i still fall so short of where i want to be. life has completely confused me this past week. people have completely confused me this past week. i have come to the realization i have to start from square one AGAIN. i hate that. eh, what can you do...nothing is ever what it seems to be. i love how much concern my sister and brother in law have for me. i can tell it hurts my sister to hear my stupid stories and stupid mistakes, but they care so much, they try to help so much...it really means the world to me. people who honestly care are exactly what i need right now. i dont wanna talk about my life or my problems in detail, i just want someone to understand. thats hard to find. especially when i know that someone understanding will probably also cause someone to be disappointed.
what im talking about is actually more of a 'wow' than a 'pow'. im just being hard on myself. and im confused so that doesnt help much. one of my friends once told me: lindsay, you cant always blame everyone else for your mistakes. and i know that. im starting to think that i am other peoples downfall instead of them being mine. something needs to change. grrr...
this week was crazy, but i learned alot. i overcame alot. i grew alot. thats all i can ask for.
love. love. love. i miss camp.
*LT*
what im talking about is actually more of a 'wow' than a 'pow'. im just being hard on myself. and im confused so that doesnt help much. one of my friends once told me: lindsay, you cant always blame everyone else for your mistakes. and i know that. im starting to think that i am other peoples downfall instead of them being mine. something needs to change. grrr...
this week was crazy, but i learned alot. i overcame alot. i grew alot. thats all i can ask for.
love. love. love. i miss camp.
*LT*