wishing to be back in 2005...
I would do things so much differently if I had a chances to go back to Dec. 15 2005... Heres a quick read from a lj on this same day
"Its been quite a week so far, with last final, grades, apartment, andone or two personal matters of mine that came out great in the end...so right now i'm freakin happy! kicks so much ass that everything iscoming together...I hope this feeling never ends, feels really goodsince lately I been down and stuff. Wooo! Need myself a nice coldsmoothie right now... I wonder who can make me one.... *ponders* Iwonder.... hmmm
It feels like a dream everytime I think about it,because everything is all perfect... I seriously can't stop smilling,its such a wonderful feeling that I thought would never come again
I can't wait
I can't wait till i'm in your arms again, so we may hug till the early morn'
I can't wait till i'm in your warmth again, so we may fight off the cold together
I can't wait till i'm in your sight, so that you can see the joy in my eyes when I see you
I can't wait till i'm close to you, so that I can tell you how beautiful you are
I can't wait till we are check to check, so that I can hold you close to me
I can't wait till we are nose to nose, so that I can kiss you again
I can't wait..."
god I was so sappy... But i guess thats what happens when your in love.
It's weird, right now with me and Mysti...we spend the whole week together... I wednesday I did some stupid again, I pushed her to truely tell me her feelings about me. Because up to that point we we're holding hands, hugging, snuggling in bed, and she even kissed me on my lips, twice! So i thought it was a good time to see were we stand. Of course she had the I don't know line. How the fuck can you not know, I mean it only takes a quick second to look in your heart and find if you love me or not. The whole time I told her, that I just want a answer on whats going on with us. If we had another chance to give it another go. Thats all, if there wasn't anything else holding you back she would have found it easy to answer. Sadly though, I think she just likes this other guy too much. Or she think she does.
Even her damn mom doesn't want her to go with this guy from all the werid things she has heard about him from his own best best best friend. Her mom knows I truely love Mysti and seriously, I have my head on straight, I have a bright future ahead of me, yes of course I have my dick head moments but who doesn't? I'm willing to learn from them and act differently the next time it happens. What mother wouldn't want a future son - in - law like me... She told me that if I'll be here to pick up the pieces if she does go with this guy and she knows it won't last long. I told her, I really would like to be there, but Mysti in my heart never dropped to 2nd place. She was always number 1 in my heart and I never once doubted it. For me, I don't want to be 2nd place in someones heart and I told her mom this. She understood what I was saying and that she hopes Mysti figures it out before she does something she is going to regret her whole life. There will be no one else that will love her, bring her happyness, security, and support more than I would have.
I don't know why she is dead set on this reason why we're broken up if it isn't that she has this guy lined up already. But, it gets more weird that I seriously don't know if she's screwing with my head or this other guy's head. Like who is she telling the truth to? I told her thursday night that I won't be calling her, or pushing her anymore, if she wanted me to come back to her house to call me. And she did call me. We snuggled, hugged, kissed, even horsed around in bed before we passed out. So what the fuck is going on? If she is sparing my feelings, this isn't working, it's making things worse. But if she did love me, why keep in ties with this guy? Just fucking tell him to cool it and that to back off. It ticks me off more that maybe she's keeping me around because I have a apartment and she is still going to school...But thats when I think about the past 3 years and thats not her, she wouldn't be that way, but neither would she be talking to this other guy around the clock...
So what the heck I'm I still doing here then? Well, maybe because it is a phase or something, too much stress with a few things, and she got this bond with this guy on a friendship level, that when things got really rocky she lead him on, but now didn't mean to do it... That or I'm just too fucking nice and I love her that much that I'm putting myself on the line just like what happen back in highschool...
What sucks she's at her sister's house, thats one strike for me that she wants me out of Mysti's life. Her husband too and probably is calling this guy over to come and keep her company... Can't stand it right now, but I'm keeping my cool, i'm not going to call, i'm not even going to bring it up.
Also, I know I've been asking for advice from a few friends and I know she has too... but it sucks because we always tell the story on how it makes us look good and them bad. I tried to talk to her about all of this, but she takes it like i'm pushing her... Just that only us two truely know whats going on between us and I think it should stay like that. Maybe we should have done it from the beginning of all this.
She's at work right now till about 1am, not sure if she's going to call me tonight. I mean for all I know this guy is probably over there right now with Mysti. I don't know why she's playing these games, because the more she does and leads me on, the worse its going to be if/when she tells me the good/bad news.
I still love her and I hope she figures it out
"Its been quite a week so far, with last final, grades, apartment, andone or two personal matters of mine that came out great in the end...so right now i'm freakin happy! kicks so much ass that everything iscoming together...I hope this feeling never ends, feels really goodsince lately I been down and stuff. Wooo! Need myself a nice coldsmoothie right now... I wonder who can make me one.... *ponders* Iwonder.... hmmm
It feels like a dream everytime I think about it,because everything is all perfect... I seriously can't stop smilling,its such a wonderful feeling that I thought would never come again
I can't wait
I can't wait till i'm in your arms again, so we may hug till the early morn'
I can't wait till i'm in your warmth again, so we may fight off the cold together
I can't wait till i'm in your sight, so that you can see the joy in my eyes when I see you
I can't wait till i'm close to you, so that I can tell you how beautiful you are
I can't wait till we are check to check, so that I can hold you close to me
I can't wait till we are nose to nose, so that I can kiss you again
I can't wait..."
god I was so sappy... But i guess thats what happens when your in love.
It's weird, right now with me and Mysti...we spend the whole week together... I wednesday I did some stupid again, I pushed her to truely tell me her feelings about me. Because up to that point we we're holding hands, hugging, snuggling in bed, and she even kissed me on my lips, twice! So i thought it was a good time to see were we stand. Of course she had the I don't know line. How the fuck can you not know, I mean it only takes a quick second to look in your heart and find if you love me or not. The whole time I told her, that I just want a answer on whats going on with us. If we had another chance to give it another go. Thats all, if there wasn't anything else holding you back she would have found it easy to answer. Sadly though, I think she just likes this other guy too much. Or she think she does.
Even her damn mom doesn't want her to go with this guy from all the werid things she has heard about him from his own best best best friend. Her mom knows I truely love Mysti and seriously, I have my head on straight, I have a bright future ahead of me, yes of course I have my dick head moments but who doesn't? I'm willing to learn from them and act differently the next time it happens. What mother wouldn't want a future son - in - law like me... She told me that if I'll be here to pick up the pieces if she does go with this guy and she knows it won't last long. I told her, I really would like to be there, but Mysti in my heart never dropped to 2nd place. She was always number 1 in my heart and I never once doubted it. For me, I don't want to be 2nd place in someones heart and I told her mom this. She understood what I was saying and that she hopes Mysti figures it out before she does something she is going to regret her whole life. There will be no one else that will love her, bring her happyness, security, and support more than I would have.
I don't know why she is dead set on this reason why we're broken up if it isn't that she has this guy lined up already. But, it gets more weird that I seriously don't know if she's screwing with my head or this other guy's head. Like who is she telling the truth to? I told her thursday night that I won't be calling her, or pushing her anymore, if she wanted me to come back to her house to call me. And she did call me. We snuggled, hugged, kissed, even horsed around in bed before we passed out. So what the fuck is going on? If she is sparing my feelings, this isn't working, it's making things worse. But if she did love me, why keep in ties with this guy? Just fucking tell him to cool it and that to back off. It ticks me off more that maybe she's keeping me around because I have a apartment and she is still going to school...But thats when I think about the past 3 years and thats not her, she wouldn't be that way, but neither would she be talking to this other guy around the clock...
So what the heck I'm I still doing here then? Well, maybe because it is a phase or something, too much stress with a few things, and she got this bond with this guy on a friendship level, that when things got really rocky she lead him on, but now didn't mean to do it... That or I'm just too fucking nice and I love her that much that I'm putting myself on the line just like what happen back in highschool...
What sucks she's at her sister's house, thats one strike for me that she wants me out of Mysti's life. Her husband too and probably is calling this guy over to come and keep her company... Can't stand it right now, but I'm keeping my cool, i'm not going to call, i'm not even going to bring it up.
Also, I know I've been asking for advice from a few friends and I know she has too... but it sucks because we always tell the story on how it makes us look good and them bad. I tried to talk to her about all of this, but she takes it like i'm pushing her... Just that only us two truely know whats going on between us and I think it should stay like that. Maybe we should have done it from the beginning of all this.
She's at work right now till about 1am, not sure if she's going to call me tonight. I mean for all I know this guy is probably over there right now with Mysti. I don't know why she's playing these games, because the more she does and leads me on, the worse its going to be if/when she tells me the good/bad news.
I still love her and I hope she figures it out