Learning How to Live (17/22)
Learning How To Live
Authors: jerseystrife , idioticonion and alixzin
Rating: mild M for some unpleasant adult themes
Summary: Something is terribly wrong with Barney Stinson and his friends have all started to notice him avoiding them. When questions arise, Barney fights to keep his secrets and to keep the life he's grown comfortable with living.
Disclaimer: Sadly, none of us own either of the shows.
Note: This is one of my favorite parts! <3 And of course, a million thanks to roland44 for the beta.
Previous Chapters: One| Two| Three| Four| Five| Six| Seven| Eight| Nine| Ten| Eleven| Twelve| Thirteen| Fourteen| Fifteen| Sixteen
The lady came through the door of the coffee shop, looking around apprehensively. She was dressed conservatively, a little stuffily, her graying hair teased and combed into a style that was probably chic ten years ago, but her eyes were kind and when she saw James she headed straight for him.
"Excuse me, are you Mr. Stinson?"
James nodded and got to his feet, gesturing for her to join him. She sat down, putting her purse on the table and placed both her gloved hands on top of it. She took a deep breath, as if to collect herself, then finally looked James in the eye. "Mr. Stinson. James. On the telephone you told me that you might have some information on the whereabouts of my son?" her voice cracked on the last word and there was no mistaking the eagerness in her gaze, the longing.
"Ma'am," James began. "The person I believe to be your son is very seriously ill. Leukemia."
Katherine Howser blanched, but steadied herself quickly. James found himself admiring her sense of determination. Twelve years without talking to her son and she still was determined to find him.
"Doogie had Leukemia when he was a child." she said calmly.
"I didn't know that... But I'll get to that later. What's important right now is that he needs a bone marrow transplant." This was hard, so hard. But James knew that, at this stage, it was very likely he'd lose Barney anyway. At least this way his Mom would have some closure and perhaps he could let go of a tiny fraction of his own guilt.
"You're sure it's him?"
James nodded. "As sure as I can be, Ma'am."
Katherine nodded, her fingers curling around the handle of her purse, knuckles whitening.
"Then please, James, take me to my son."
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1993
Katherine’s arms wrapped around him before he realized she was there. She held him for a moment to remind him how much she loved him and would miss him. If she had tried to say that downstairs, Doogie would have been embarrassed with the extra mothering she would have done in front of Vinnie. It was one of those teenage boy things about being too cool to really hug your mother in front of your friends.
Her little boy was so much taller than he used to be and he was getting muscular and more athletic looking despite his tendency to avoid sports. It was hard to watch him grow up and know that she had to let him go at some point. Sometimes she felt she was cheated out of all the little things most mothers get to enjoy about children because Doogie had grown up so fast. But all mothers had to let go of their children eventually to let them blossom into adulthood. She was lucky enough to be allowed to witness such an event in a young man's life.
Doogie let the hug last a lot longer than he would have in any other situation but she didn't mind because it would strengthen her resolve to let him go. It was his choice to begin growing up and she had to stand by his decisions and let him make them on his own.
"Bye mom," he said, turning in her arms to give her a proper hug.
She turned her head to kiss his cheek. It was a harder reach than it used to be. Then she stepped back, releasing him. "Are you sure you're ready to go out on your own? Going to Europe on your own could be very dangerous."
"Mom, since I was six years old I knew what I wanted to do. I've planned everything in my life to reach my goal of being a doctor like dad. I'm not saying I regret the way things turned out but I feel like I've lost sight of what it is to be my age. Vinnie, Janine, Wanda--they all went through this too."
He seemed so strong and manly at this moment. This was not her little boy but a man trying to be himself. Katherine couldn't hide her pride in him. He was everything she had hoped he would become when she had first laid her eyes on him as a baby. Doogie had grown up so wonderfully but he was right. He didn't have that unknowing moment in his life of 'what if'. Many teenagers faced that same question but her son had always known what he wanted to do since he was six. It was only natural he felt left out of the loop. He was right of course, but Katherine had gotten used to her son being correct about most things. He needed to know more about himself before he could be comfortable in being an adult.
This was his moment of 'what if'.
"They had to find out about themselves and what they wanted to do. They have grown past me mom and I feel like I need to discover what I want to be outside of being a doctor. I have to do this for me."
Katherine smiled sadly. "I know."
"You do?" Her son seemed surprised.
"I'm not up here to convince you not to go, Doogie. I went through the same thing at your age. Your father did as well. But I am here to be your mother and worry about you. Promise me that you'll return and not forget all about us?"
His smile seemed to light up the room. "I promise."
Kathrine couldn't resist stealing one more hug.
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Barney was unconscious when they arrived. There was some confusion at the hospital reception while Katherine and James attempted to explain that Katherine was a blood relative and also that Barney seemed to have two different names. The administrator in charge even threatened to get the police involved at one stage.
Meanwhile, Ted and Robin (who were on Barney-watch that day) kept back and watched everything unfold from afar, not quite able to grasp what was happening. Robin had been very quiet and withdrawn for the past couple of days and Ted was beginning to worry about her. It was only the fact that Lily had told him that she would need to begin grieving that he still allowed her to come to the hospital at all.
They had all accepted that Barney was dying. It was horrible, but there was no getting away from it.
"Who is she?" asked Robin, jolting Ted back into the present. It was the first time she'd spoken to him all day.
"I have no idea. Perhaps a relative of Barney's Mom or something?"
"She looks very well-to-do," Robin observed, her brow creasing into a frown.
"Looks like there's some sort of commotion going on, anyway," replied Ted. James was having an exchange of harsh words with one of the nurses. "Should we go over and help?"
Robin touched his arm. "No, we've done everything we can. Perhaps James just wants some family time with… him…"
Ted saw her swallow convulsively, saw her fingernails make deep gouges in the Styrofoam coffee cup she was holding. He saw everything at the moment and somehow wished he didn't.
"He- He-", Robin tried to talk but then shook her head, her hair falling in a curtain across her face, hiding her tears.
Ted put his arm around her and pulled her close.
"I'll talk to James later. Find out what's going on with the nurses."
But Ted wasn't thinking about James or the strange woman or the nurses. He was thinking about Robin and Marshall and Lily and how in the hell they were going to hold it together for the next few weeks while their best friend faded away in front of their eyes.
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"Doogie."
Kathrine Howser moved further into the room and sat down beside his bed.
The room was still fuzzy around the edges of his vision and he wasn't too sure what was going on. The lights were making the room tint in smeared colors and he was sure that the chair next to his bed wasn't leaning to the side as much as his mind said it was.
He was still pretty sure he was dreaming from all the drugs they were pumping him because there was no way his mother would fly to him when she didn't even know where he was. Barney wasn't even sure if he knew where he was. It was very bright. The white walls were reflecting rainbow colors. Rainbows need rain to reflect the light and the drops of water split the light to make all the colors of the visible spectrum. Was there rain today?
His mom touched his hand, taking it into her own as she sat down in the dangerously leaning chair. Why didn't she tip sideways like the chair?
Her fingers were stroking the back of his hand that didn't have drugs being pumped into it. People can't feel things in dreams, they just remember what the feeling would be like and trick their mind into thinking they were feeling it. Was he feeling this, or was he thinking he was feeling it?
"Oh honey...”
Water dripped on his hand. The rainbow colors were from the rain. It had to be raining because his hand was wet.
Barney blinked a few times and his eyes focused. His mother was sitting in the chair next to the bed. He tried to speak but he was really tired. His throat didn't seem to want to work. This was a dream. His mom couldn't be here. She wasn't Barney Stinson's mom. She was Doogie Howser's mom. He was Barney Stinson. He wasn't Doogie. He was Barney. He squeezed his eyes shut as a small, sharp pain bloomed in the back of his eyes.
He hurt.
What was going on? He opened his eyes to glance around. There was a strange woman by the bed. She looked a little familiar. Did he get put into a hospital because of some jealous boyfriend finding out he happened to sleep with their girlfriend? Was that her mother? He felt his eyes slipping closed as they lacked the ability to focus again.
Sleeping seemed like a good idea.
Authors: jerseystrife , idioticonion and alixzin
Rating: mild M for some unpleasant adult themes
Summary: Something is terribly wrong with Barney Stinson and his friends have all started to notice him avoiding them. When questions arise, Barney fights to keep his secrets and to keep the life he's grown comfortable with living.
Disclaimer: Sadly, none of us own either of the shows.
Note: This is one of my favorite parts! <3 And of course, a million thanks to roland44 for the beta.
Previous Chapters: One| Two| Three| Four| Five| Six| Seven| Eight| Nine| Ten| Eleven| Twelve| Thirteen| Fourteen| Fifteen| Sixteen
The lady came through the door of the coffee shop, looking around apprehensively. She was dressed conservatively, a little stuffily, her graying hair teased and combed into a style that was probably chic ten years ago, but her eyes were kind and when she saw James she headed straight for him.
"Excuse me, are you Mr. Stinson?"
James nodded and got to his feet, gesturing for her to join him. She sat down, putting her purse on the table and placed both her gloved hands on top of it. She took a deep breath, as if to collect herself, then finally looked James in the eye. "Mr. Stinson. James. On the telephone you told me that you might have some information on the whereabouts of my son?" her voice cracked on the last word and there was no mistaking the eagerness in her gaze, the longing.
"Ma'am," James began. "The person I believe to be your son is very seriously ill. Leukemia."
Katherine Howser blanched, but steadied herself quickly. James found himself admiring her sense of determination. Twelve years without talking to her son and she still was determined to find him.
"Doogie had Leukemia when he was a child." she said calmly.
"I didn't know that... But I'll get to that later. What's important right now is that he needs a bone marrow transplant." This was hard, so hard. But James knew that, at this stage, it was very likely he'd lose Barney anyway. At least this way his Mom would have some closure and perhaps he could let go of a tiny fraction of his own guilt.
"You're sure it's him?"
James nodded. "As sure as I can be, Ma'am."
Katherine nodded, her fingers curling around the handle of her purse, knuckles whitening.
"Then please, James, take me to my son."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1993
Katherine’s arms wrapped around him before he realized she was there. She held him for a moment to remind him how much she loved him and would miss him. If she had tried to say that downstairs, Doogie would have been embarrassed with the extra mothering she would have done in front of Vinnie. It was one of those teenage boy things about being too cool to really hug your mother in front of your friends.
Her little boy was so much taller than he used to be and he was getting muscular and more athletic looking despite his tendency to avoid sports. It was hard to watch him grow up and know that she had to let him go at some point. Sometimes she felt she was cheated out of all the little things most mothers get to enjoy about children because Doogie had grown up so fast. But all mothers had to let go of their children eventually to let them blossom into adulthood. She was lucky enough to be allowed to witness such an event in a young man's life.
Doogie let the hug last a lot longer than he would have in any other situation but she didn't mind because it would strengthen her resolve to let him go. It was his choice to begin growing up and she had to stand by his decisions and let him make them on his own.
"Bye mom," he said, turning in her arms to give her a proper hug.
She turned her head to kiss his cheek. It was a harder reach than it used to be. Then she stepped back, releasing him. "Are you sure you're ready to go out on your own? Going to Europe on your own could be very dangerous."
"Mom, since I was six years old I knew what I wanted to do. I've planned everything in my life to reach my goal of being a doctor like dad. I'm not saying I regret the way things turned out but I feel like I've lost sight of what it is to be my age. Vinnie, Janine, Wanda--they all went through this too."
He seemed so strong and manly at this moment. This was not her little boy but a man trying to be himself. Katherine couldn't hide her pride in him. He was everything she had hoped he would become when she had first laid her eyes on him as a baby. Doogie had grown up so wonderfully but he was right. He didn't have that unknowing moment in his life of 'what if'. Many teenagers faced that same question but her son had always known what he wanted to do since he was six. It was only natural he felt left out of the loop. He was right of course, but Katherine had gotten used to her son being correct about most things. He needed to know more about himself before he could be comfortable in being an adult.
This was his moment of 'what if'.
"They had to find out about themselves and what they wanted to do. They have grown past me mom and I feel like I need to discover what I want to be outside of being a doctor. I have to do this for me."
Katherine smiled sadly. "I know."
"You do?" Her son seemed surprised.
"I'm not up here to convince you not to go, Doogie. I went through the same thing at your age. Your father did as well. But I am here to be your mother and worry about you. Promise me that you'll return and not forget all about us?"
His smile seemed to light up the room. "I promise."
Kathrine couldn't resist stealing one more hug.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barney was unconscious when they arrived. There was some confusion at the hospital reception while Katherine and James attempted to explain that Katherine was a blood relative and also that Barney seemed to have two different names. The administrator in charge even threatened to get the police involved at one stage.
Meanwhile, Ted and Robin (who were on Barney-watch that day) kept back and watched everything unfold from afar, not quite able to grasp what was happening. Robin had been very quiet and withdrawn for the past couple of days and Ted was beginning to worry about her. It was only the fact that Lily had told him that she would need to begin grieving that he still allowed her to come to the hospital at all.
They had all accepted that Barney was dying. It was horrible, but there was no getting away from it.
"Who is she?" asked Robin, jolting Ted back into the present. It was the first time she'd spoken to him all day.
"I have no idea. Perhaps a relative of Barney's Mom or something?"
"She looks very well-to-do," Robin observed, her brow creasing into a frown.
"Looks like there's some sort of commotion going on, anyway," replied Ted. James was having an exchange of harsh words with one of the nurses. "Should we go over and help?"
Robin touched his arm. "No, we've done everything we can. Perhaps James just wants some family time with… him…"
Ted saw her swallow convulsively, saw her fingernails make deep gouges in the Styrofoam coffee cup she was holding. He saw everything at the moment and somehow wished he didn't.
"He- He-", Robin tried to talk but then shook her head, her hair falling in a curtain across her face, hiding her tears.
Ted put his arm around her and pulled her close.
"I'll talk to James later. Find out what's going on with the nurses."
But Ted wasn't thinking about James or the strange woman or the nurses. He was thinking about Robin and Marshall and Lily and how in the hell they were going to hold it together for the next few weeks while their best friend faded away in front of their eyes.
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"Doogie."
Kathrine Howser moved further into the room and sat down beside his bed.
The room was still fuzzy around the edges of his vision and he wasn't too sure what was going on. The lights were making the room tint in smeared colors and he was sure that the chair next to his bed wasn't leaning to the side as much as his mind said it was.
He was still pretty sure he was dreaming from all the drugs they were pumping him because there was no way his mother would fly to him when she didn't even know where he was. Barney wasn't even sure if he knew where he was. It was very bright. The white walls were reflecting rainbow colors. Rainbows need rain to reflect the light and the drops of water split the light to make all the colors of the visible spectrum. Was there rain today?
His mom touched his hand, taking it into her own as she sat down in the dangerously leaning chair. Why didn't she tip sideways like the chair?
Her fingers were stroking the back of his hand that didn't have drugs being pumped into it. People can't feel things in dreams, they just remember what the feeling would be like and trick their mind into thinking they were feeling it. Was he feeling this, or was he thinking he was feeling it?
"Oh honey...”
Water dripped on his hand. The rainbow colors were from the rain. It had to be raining because his hand was wet.
Barney blinked a few times and his eyes focused. His mother was sitting in the chair next to the bed. He tried to speak but he was really tired. His throat didn't seem to want to work. This was a dream. His mom couldn't be here. She wasn't Barney Stinson's mom. She was Doogie Howser's mom. He was Barney Stinson. He wasn't Doogie. He was Barney. He squeezed his eyes shut as a small, sharp pain bloomed in the back of his eyes.
He hurt.
What was going on? He opened his eyes to glance around. There was a strange woman by the bed. She looked a little familiar. Did he get put into a hospital because of some jealous boyfriend finding out he happened to sleep with their girlfriend? Was that her mother? He felt his eyes slipping closed as they lacked the ability to focus again.
Sleeping seemed like a good idea.