a summer gone
well i havent updated since april. thats a hella long time to go with out updating and a lot of time to pass and allow events and thoughts to take place
may- this concluded my first year at the institute. i managed to skirt by right above the cut off so i can activate my scholarship in the fall. i went on fourth class ftx which consisted of being throwing out in the woods for three days with little food and pretty much surviving as best as you can. it was also at this point that i decided not to follow up and starting dating brit again. i decided to go with emily instead. at the time i looked at it as emily hadnt broke my heart, was closer in age, and would be in college 45 mins away from me so she was ahead of brit in the important catagories. i went to my second DC101 chili cook off with the headliner being hoobastank and ahd a decent time.
june- well my friends finally graduated high school and there was fun had by most. apart from a few rumors that i heard which made me physically sick when i saw brit things seemed to be going alright. things with emily started to fall apart and i didnt want to pursue them further which ended in a messy break up since i ahd trouble explaining why i didnt want to be with her anymore. after breaking up with emily i had a run in with a pissed off dad from a a previous relationship that resulted in scaring the shit out of me. kind of turned me off from ever being with somebody younger than me but i guess if they are over 18 its different. anyhoo.... this is where things started to get complicated. it was during this month that i started fooling around with my mom's friend. 31 year old and a 19 year old. thats crazy enough but the back ground of being my mom's best friend sent it into jerry springer shit
july- i did alright for msot of july. this was when the air force sent me to texas for rsp which was a royal pain in the ass. while i was down there i ended up involved with about 6 different girls. nothign happened just the possibility that something could with each. i guess this is where i started to fall into deviancy. it was also around this time that i read the satanic bible and started to pick up a bit darker persona in private which would ultimately surface.
august- well this is the end where right now i have finally gotten everything to start winding down. i used to be a nice guy. yea i had my mistakes in things but i usually felt remorseful about them. now it was to the point that i didnt really care anymore. im darker then i ahve been. i moved into the satanic rituals which im currently reading. i worked my way into getting one ex to cheat on her bf with me, which had a negative effect of almost getting her pregnant which is almost taken care of and should be negative. i also was able to go out with a girl, get dinner and a movie, without paying for anything and sleep with her that night. did i have any desire in this two girls, not really but i just didnt care anymore.
everybody has been trying to change me into something else. they think they know the path but they dont know shit either. my best friend tryes to say that through god all things are possible, yet i watch her in a dead end long distance relationship that will traumatize her when it fails, which is a matter of when, not if. religion is a crutch that prevents people from assuming responsibily for their own actions. they deny there instincts because they have been taught that those insticts are sinful.they live there lives in fear and they contradict everything that they do. how can you preach toleration of all peoples yet refuse to grant those rights to people on the grounds of sexual orientation. every sin that they live in fear of results in physical, mental, and emotional gratification so why deny this.
i am not what most people would consider a good person. but im happy for the most part with the life i lead. so it doesnt work out the way i want it to most of the time but thats how life goes. i cant predict how things will tuen out any more then the next person, but denying things in this life is no life worth living. so you abstain from all of thses things in this life. and then you die tomorrow and end up going nowhere since there is no afterlife. well now youve wasted it all. lkive for the moment. have fun when you can and stop worrying about what other people think
well i kind of lost my train of thought since i started this around 3 in the morning and went to bed before finishing it. so i guess ill leave it right here and fix it later when i remember whats going on
may- this concluded my first year at the institute. i managed to skirt by right above the cut off so i can activate my scholarship in the fall. i went on fourth class ftx which consisted of being throwing out in the woods for three days with little food and pretty much surviving as best as you can. it was also at this point that i decided not to follow up and starting dating brit again. i decided to go with emily instead. at the time i looked at it as emily hadnt broke my heart, was closer in age, and would be in college 45 mins away from me so she was ahead of brit in the important catagories. i went to my second DC101 chili cook off with the headliner being hoobastank and ahd a decent time.
june- well my friends finally graduated high school and there was fun had by most. apart from a few rumors that i heard which made me physically sick when i saw brit things seemed to be going alright. things with emily started to fall apart and i didnt want to pursue them further which ended in a messy break up since i ahd trouble explaining why i didnt want to be with her anymore. after breaking up with emily i had a run in with a pissed off dad from a a previous relationship that resulted in scaring the shit out of me. kind of turned me off from ever being with somebody younger than me but i guess if they are over 18 its different. anyhoo.... this is where things started to get complicated. it was during this month that i started fooling around with my mom's friend. 31 year old and a 19 year old. thats crazy enough but the back ground of being my mom's best friend sent it into jerry springer shit
july- i did alright for msot of july. this was when the air force sent me to texas for rsp which was a royal pain in the ass. while i was down there i ended up involved with about 6 different girls. nothign happened just the possibility that something could with each. i guess this is where i started to fall into deviancy. it was also around this time that i read the satanic bible and started to pick up a bit darker persona in private which would ultimately surface.
august- well this is the end where right now i have finally gotten everything to start winding down. i used to be a nice guy. yea i had my mistakes in things but i usually felt remorseful about them. now it was to the point that i didnt really care anymore. im darker then i ahve been. i moved into the satanic rituals which im currently reading. i worked my way into getting one ex to cheat on her bf with me, which had a negative effect of almost getting her pregnant which is almost taken care of and should be negative. i also was able to go out with a girl, get dinner and a movie, without paying for anything and sleep with her that night. did i have any desire in this two girls, not really but i just didnt care anymore.
everybody has been trying to change me into something else. they think they know the path but they dont know shit either. my best friend tryes to say that through god all things are possible, yet i watch her in a dead end long distance relationship that will traumatize her when it fails, which is a matter of when, not if. religion is a crutch that prevents people from assuming responsibily for their own actions. they deny there instincts because they have been taught that those insticts are sinful.they live there lives in fear and they contradict everything that they do. how can you preach toleration of all peoples yet refuse to grant those rights to people on the grounds of sexual orientation. every sin that they live in fear of results in physical, mental, and emotional gratification so why deny this.
i am not what most people would consider a good person. but im happy for the most part with the life i lead. so it doesnt work out the way i want it to most of the time but thats how life goes. i cant predict how things will tuen out any more then the next person, but denying things in this life is no life worth living. so you abstain from all of thses things in this life. and then you die tomorrow and end up going nowhere since there is no afterlife. well now youve wasted it all. lkive for the moment. have fun when you can and stop worrying about what other people think
well i kind of lost my train of thought since i started this around 3 in the morning and went to bed before finishing it. so i guess ill leave it right here and fix it later when i remember whats going on