And the Angels Were Silent

[halosphere]

Date: May 18th, around two AM
Location: Outside the manor
Status: Public
Summary: Raphael, on the verge of insanity, searches for hope or at the very least a sign that he is not alone.

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[quickneatuntrac]

It had been an enjoyable evening in the bar and he didn't quite feel like sleeping yet. What he did feel like was some fresh air.

He bid the others goodbye and went outside, walking slowly across the grounds until he spotted a figure beneath a tree doing ... what? Gardening? Planting someting?

He walked over, hands in his pockets. "I don't think it's going to grow just like that," he observed.

[halosphere]

Raphael blinked up at the man, curling around the fragile plant protectively. "I don't want it to die!" he said, with a little more force than he intended. "It can't die! It can't die!"

[lordofsin]

Belial liked the night; not because he subscribed to any silly stereotypes about demons, but because he liked the cool calmness of it. He wasn't always nocturnal, but there were times when he did prefer to sleep during the day and enjoy the night.

He raised an eyebrow as he approached the little spectacle; he had been planning to keep an eye on Raphael, after all. "Water it, then."

[quickneatuntrac]

"I've never been much of a gardener," he said. "But for all I know, plants need water to grow if they were uprooted and replanted. It doesn't look like it's going to rain. Besides - is there a reason you're doing your gardening in the middle of the night?"

[halosphere]

Raphael's gaze shifted to the two men. Belial he recognized - his aura was sharp against his own and it made the scars on his shoulders ache. He didn't know who the other man was, but he had to admit that they were both right. But...

He looked around. There were no puddles or a well to draw from, which meant he would have to go inside and leave the poor plant to fend for itself. Raphael lightly touched the stem, dull eyes reflecting the night. "I don't have any water," he finally said. "I can't just leave it here alone, what if something happens to it when I'm gone?" He tried not to imagine the blue petals crushed underfoot or the leaves shriveled up. Belial was a demon and an evil one at that. What if he hurt the poor flower just to spite him?

He curled his fingers around it protectively. "Mine," he said.

[lordofsin]

Moving forward, Belial knelt by Raphael. "Let me do it," he offered.

He cupped his hand, and water appeared in it. If the other man was staying here, he'd notice something sooner or later; might as well be sooner.

[halosphere]

Raphael blinked in surprise a few times, then was struck with a pang of guilt at the mental accusation. That was what, the third time? Smiling gratefully he gently tilted Belial's cupped hand with his own shivering one and let the miracled water drop onto the soil surrounding the plant.

His smile broadened when he felt the plant happily soak in its nourishment.

And Raphael, unable to contain himself, launched himself at Belial and hugged him tightly.

[quickneatuntrac]

Well, those two seemed to be getting on just fine.

Silently and smoothly, he disappeared into the shadows of the manor grounds to enjoy the night.

[halosphere]

Raphael immediately felt guilty again when he sensed the other man leave. That's what I do, I drive people away... Tears spilled from his eyes and he buried his face in Belial's shirt, breaking into sobs. It all seemed so hopeless. "I don't know what to do... Father has abandoned me, left me to be killed... I am such a burden to my brothers... I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!"

He sniffled into the damp fabric, only mildly aware that the demon was probably not thrilled about having angel tears dampening his nice clothing.

Raphael's mind drifted to the tiny plant that had been cast away. Someone had decided they didn't want it anymore. Instead of giving it away or replanting it somewhere they had thrown it away. Yanked it from its pot and left it to die. Like what Father did to me... "It... It doesn't deserve to die!" he wailed. "It can't die! It can't die!"

[lordofsin]

It took every ounce of self-control Belial had not to cringe and push Raphael off him. Lovely - now the other man had left, too. Normally he'd have taken advantage of the opportunity, but he really didn't want to be alone with a weeping angel.

"Look, it's not going to die." He sat stiffly, gripping Raphael by the shoulders and trying to hold him away from himself. "I'll keep an eye on it."

Abandoned by God and feeling hopeless. Excellent. All he'd have to do now would be to show pity, get Raphael to open up, and worsen that doubt. Slowly, he began to stroke Raphael's back in soothing circles, avoiding the wounds. "What do you mean, He abandoned you?"

[halosphere]

Raphael didn't bother wiping away the tears that shone on his cheeks. "He left me to die!" he sniffled, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. "He stripped me of my powers -I can't even defend myself!- and let me get attacked by a Hellbeast... He won't answer when I cry out. I just can't feel Him anymore! Gabriel says I need to have more Faith but I just don't! He left me! I can't return to Heaven and the only reason he didn't wipe me away from Existence was so that Hellbeast could do it!"

He started crying all over again, not caring that he had once been a mighty Archangel. "I... I don't want to die..." he said hoarsely. "It isn't fair! Just because Father doesn't want me..."

[lordofsin]

Belial pulled Raphael closer, continuing to stroke his back, and kept his expression symphathetic. "Of course Gabriel would say you need to have more faith. He doesn't know how you feel. How can he?"

He reached up with his other hand and wiped Raphael's tears, before surreptitiously wiping his hand on the angel's shoulder under pretext of holding him. "Your Father does that often, you know. He creates things, creates angels, and then decides that He doesn't want them any longer, like a child grown sick of a new toy. Why do you still cling to Him?"

This was almost too easy.

[halosphere]

"Because I still love Him," he muttered, sniffling as he buried his face further into the damp fabric of his clothes. He was about to point out that Gabriel understood because he had been Exiled but all that did was start a new wash of tears as he realized it proved the Crown's point.

He didn't know how long he was there sobbing, only that when he finally ran out of tears he pulled away, scrubbing at his weepy eyes. "I owe you an apology, Belial. From the moment you arrived I have been so terrified of you. A demon of your rank could reduce me to goo with a thought." He shivered at the thought. Or maybe it was the infernal aura against his vulnerable... what? Soul? Essence? Presence? Still, Raphael ignored the pain and reached into his pocket and pulled out a long bright red feather with gold dusted on the edges.

"I want you to have this," he said quietly, placing the feather in his hand.

[lordofsin]

Even a Crown of Satan couldn't "reduce an angel to goo with a thought", or Belial would have taken advantage of that power long ago.

He blinked for a moment, staring at the bright feather in his hand. The lingering traces of Presence in it were a slight irritation, but he barely noticed. A feather. Raphael had just given him a feather from one of his severed wings. Did the fool not realise that you simply didn't trust a demon like this, that his feathers were not something to be given away lightly, or did he think that the loss of his wings made it harmless?

"Thank you," he finally said, tucking the feather away in his pocket. "Might I know why? And I'm curious - why do you still love Him? He clearly doesn't care about what becomes of you." As he said this, he reached up to cradle Raphael's cheek in his hand. He wanted Raphael to think that he cared, after all.

[halosphere]

Raphael leaned into the touch, ignoring the infernal burn against him. He closed his eyes a moment before speaking. "I wanted you to have it," he said simply. "Angels don't just give away their feathers after all... It's a sign of trust."

He looked into the Crown's eyes. "I know He doesn't care what becomes of me, but I cannot simply stop loving someone." That was his problem, wasn't it...? That was why he had so willingly believed Hadassah when she... she...

Raphael swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "I know you're right, Belial, but I simply cannot change who I am or what I feel. I wish I could..." He shook his head. "I really wish I could... I don't want to be an angel anymore. That's why I cut off my wings... I'm not an angel! I'm not an angel!"

[lordofsin]

Raphael trusted him. Belial didn't know whether to laugh or pinch the bridge of his nose. He kept his tone soothing, however.

"Keep loving Him, then, but don't expect anything in return; He evidently doesn't care about your love, or even whether you live or die. You waste love on Him and His creations."