TW: Improbabilities [T-M]

[lt_indigo]

Fandom:
Torchwood

Title:
Improbabilities

In which Jack and Ianto have another unfortunate bedroom experience, Rhys loses a leg and the author has an unexpected visit.

Author:
lt_indigo

Pairing(s):
Jack/Ianto

Warning(s):
Crack. Extreme, ridiculous crack. Also, self-insert.

Disclamer:
I belong to me.

Comments

[badly_knitted]

*snorfle*

So, let me get this straight - everytime the poor boys end up having badfic sex, one or more of the other characters finds a limb or two missing?

ROFLMAO!

I'm glad they didn't show up on my doorstep asking me to fix it, I would have been too busy laughing! And now I keep imagining them both in kit form with exchangeable parts and add-ons for special occasions, just snap the pieces together, easily detachable for reconfiguring, wings, tails and tentacles optional... Oh dear, I really would have been the worst person for them to come to for help, I just would have made their situation worse. O.O

Inspired lunacy! Thanks so much for writing this. *grins*

[lt_indigo]

The extra body parts have to come from somewhere. I thought about Owen, but he complained a lot, so I decided to leave him out of it for now.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. It kind of took on a life of its own. I wasn't supposed to be in it, for a start. But then the idea of offering Ianto my coffee was too funny not to include.

Jack with tentacles. Do you know, I did consider mentioning your drunken, octopus-like Jack. I now wish I had, with real tentacles.

[badly_knitted]

Here's a fic you simply HAVE to read - I came across it last night.

http://marita-c.livejournal.com/27903.html

I have a weakness for tentacles and Torchwood, it just feels like a natural fit. Well, with Jack everything is a natural fit, lol!

I remember reading a fic one time where Ianto became a contortionist before they even made it to bed. They were going up the stairs in the Hub, Jack behind Ianto, I think his arms were around Ianto's waist, but somehow Ianto had his arms around Jack's neck. I re-read the passage several times but could never figure out how it was possible o.O

[lt_indigo]

Oh, dear god! I nearly laughed myself into an asthma attack!

I'm not a big fan of tentacles, or suckers (they freak me out, tbh), but that was just so ridiculously disgusting it worked. Thank you for sharing.

[badly_knitted]

Glad you liked it, it just made me laugh so much, I felt sorry for Ianto getting stained purple all over but I'm sure he'd say it was worth the inconvenience in the end, even if he HAS inadventently become dad to a squid, lol!

Ianto has obviously been completely corrupted by Jack and Torchwood.

[lt_indigo]

It was just amazing. As soon as Owen found the purple patch, I could picture Ianto being exactly the same.

Squid baby, though. I think Owen's reaction there was the best that could be hoped for: panic tinged with a healthy amount of being completely and utterly grossed out.

Jack could corrupt me any day. Maybe not with tentacles, though. Not even purple tentacles. *shudder*

[badly_knitted]

We all have our likes and dislikes. I love things with tentacles, but I hate big spiders, they're all spindly and UGH! *shudders* I think they're really the only living things that really creep me out, I'm okay with snakes, mice, rats, bats, beetles, slugs (as long as I don't tread on them), frogs, even maggots, but big spiders, NOOO!

[lt_indigo]

I let myself be a big girl with spiders if I'm on my own. If I'm at school, the kids scream and I just look at them as if they're being idiots. Occasionally I will actually catch said spider if it hangs around long enough, just to wind up my boy-heavy classes.

[badly_knitted]

I have been known to scream while chasing a spider around a room trying to catch it, lol! I won't kill them unless they're injured. I don't like those scuttling legs though. *shudders*

[lt_indigo]

Nope, too many legs. I won't kill them either; catch and chuck out the window.

[badly_knitted]

They get turfed out in the garden here. I don't think most of them like it much, being house spiders, lol!

I'm fine with small spiders though, some of them are quite cute.

[lt_indigo]

I feel sure I'd be pretty hacked off if someone chucked me out in the cold from their nice, toasty house. Not as if spiders take up much house space, I suppose.

I don't mind tiny ones or, weirdly, tarantulas. They're big enough to keep an eye on, and nice and slow (normally). Anything in the middle, though? Yuck.

[lt_indigo]

And now I have visions of all the spiders Ianto has evicted from the Hub having some kind of gathering, and invading en masse to freak Jack out *evil grin*

[badly_knitted]

Tarantulas give me the squiggles.

Anything less than a centimetre if fine, and I like the little black and white jumping spiders which are half that. So sweet to see them hop onto things. Hopping things have never bothered me, I love grasshoppers and frogs too.