Monday
I saw the Psychiatrist. He genuinely seemed like a nice man, and was interested in what I had to say. He's "concerned, but confident", something that seems to be becoming a motto. It's good that I'm terrified by what happened, he reassured me.
It's also good that I'm transitioning. It's one of my strongest parts of my life, and it's such a good thing.
Finally, it's good that I see all sorts of good qualities in myself. It's bad that the trouble comes from not having affirmation that other people see those qualities, to the point where it's made me doubt my self worth enough to make me give up and do what I did.
It's going to take an end to the rejection to make me feel as if that's been overcome, and (in part) finding a career that's rewarding, where my efforts can be valued and respected; and that's not something I can control myself.
Getting better is going to be difficult. It's certainly not going to be swift.
But he feels I'm past my lowest point now; I've had my nadir, my crisis, and I've sought help.
Had a visit from my new Manager in the afternoon. Thankfully, it seems that he's of the "love is all" Christians; he really does care about what's happened to me. It was reassuring.
Spent the evening online, with friends. John popped on before work and I gave him something to smile about and keep him buoyed up for the evening. I worry about that boy.
Most of my time last night was in the company of Adelle, and I actually laughed out loud for the first time since that dark night on Thursday. We were being *very* silly. Looking forward to having her over this weekend.
It's also good that I'm transitioning. It's one of my strongest parts of my life, and it's such a good thing.
Finally, it's good that I see all sorts of good qualities in myself. It's bad that the trouble comes from not having affirmation that other people see those qualities, to the point where it's made me doubt my self worth enough to make me give up and do what I did.
It's going to take an end to the rejection to make me feel as if that's been overcome, and (in part) finding a career that's rewarding, where my efforts can be valued and respected; and that's not something I can control myself.
Getting better is going to be difficult. It's certainly not going to be swift.
But he feels I'm past my lowest point now; I've had my nadir, my crisis, and I've sought help.
Had a visit from my new Manager in the afternoon. Thankfully, it seems that he's of the "love is all" Christians; he really does care about what's happened to me. It was reassuring.
Spent the evening online, with friends. John popped on before work and I gave him something to smile about and keep him buoyed up for the evening. I worry about that boy.
Most of my time last night was in the company of Adelle, and I actually laughed out loud for the first time since that dark night on Thursday. We were being *very* silly. Looking forward to having her over this weekend.