Sunstreaker's Third Installment
Faces of the Sun
Title: Faces of the Sun
Universe: loosely G1 cartoon. In series with Focus of the Sun and What Moves the Sun, it also follows all the events of The Faction That Sparked Him, Anything You Like (through chapter 3, Everything for You), and Love Shared is Multiplied.
Rating: PG-13 for language and implications of suspected incest
Pairing: Sunstreaker moving closer to that new one he’s been crushing on (Sunstreaker/OC), with Bluestreak/Sideswipe in the background.
Summary: Sunstreaker has more depth - more ‘faces’ - he can access than most bots would guess. Among others, he shows he has helpful, thoughtful, and protective faces to his allies, even though he remains prickly to the core.
Author's Notes: It has been too long since I spent quality time with the mecha who live in my head-space!! Also, in case it matters, the Cybertronians in these stories use the word “frag” as a common curse word with much the same grammar we do, but it has a very specific and literal meaning: to get fragged is to get injured or killed by friendly fire. (Remember, kids, Friendly Fire Isn’t!) It is a swear word not with sexual implications but battle implications, which is appropriate for a culture so steeped in war. 5565 words.
.
-:- Radio transmission -:-
Sunstreaker was finally feeling like his normal self. He and Sideswipe had a rolling patrol duty cycle together followed by a day off where they got to play video games and plan a prank on Red Alert. “It’ll be a welcome back present for him, to show we’re glad he got out of Ratchet’s clutches!” They decided they would wait to pull it on him until he had seen one real emergency and proven he could handle it. Their perfect joke should not be wasted on Red Alert if it would be more damaging than funny. “Let’s not be the fraggers that put Red Alert back in stasis!” they agreed.
They met Bluestreak in the common room when he got off duty that afternoon. That felt completely right. They shared a round of energon. Bluestreak told them about the events of his shift on console: Skyfire and Seaspray had an interesting time helping the humans with a reusable rocket that missed its landing at sea. “Skyfire wanted to offer to carry their payloads to orbit for them to avoid repeats going forward but Prime himself said no and Ironhide said it might be something worth bartering with the humans. It was weird having both of them in the comm center at once Prime barely fits and-”
Sunstreaker stopped feeling so normal when Swoop and Starrunner walked into the galley together and got cubes of energon. Don’t they look like a happy couple? his worse nature prodded at him. Bet they went flying together today - pretty sure that was on Mirage’s new watchbill. He scowled into his energon cube and wished he’d gone straight for the high-test fuel today instead of starting with the sustenance grade. Primus fraggit I am jealous of that Dinobot.
He was not hearing the continuation of Bluestreak’s story. He did not see Sideswipe wave them over. He reengaged reality when Sideswipe scooted closer to Bluestreak, to make room across from Sunstreaker for Starrunner to sit. Oh frag me, he thought, and realized he was expected to make room on his bench for Swoop.
Rather than make a scene - he both wanted an excuse to talk to Starrunner and hoped to avoid ever talking to him, ever again - he gave Swoop half the bench. A Dinobot slur queued up for his vocalizer; he took a drink instead of saying anything. Starrunner was leaning on the table to give his attention to Bluestreak around Sideswipe.
That position made it too easy for Sunstreaker to study his crush from a new angle.
Bluestreak finished the story the flyers’ arrival had interrupted. They all laughed.
Sunstreaker hadn’t heard a word, but he laughed anyway. Get a fragging grip, he told himself.
Sideswipe said, "That reminds me of the time..." and embarked on a story of his own that hinged on an authority figure not fitting in a space. Bluestreak, Swoop, and Starrunner ate it up, even when Sideswipe outed how much trouble he and his twin got into that time.
Sunstreaker was caught up in their enthusiasm. "Fragging worth it!" he said, clinking his cube with Sideswipe’s.
Starrunner said, "I want to be more like you."
Sunstreaker realized Starrunner was looking at him when he said it. It put him in a minor panic, so he focused on his brother.
Sideswipe noticed Sunstreaker’s expression and smirked. Making optic contact with Sunstreaker, he said, "I heard a rumor that Ratchet is making more like us." He covered for Sunstreaker by asking Swoop, "Is there any truth to the story that you're building more dedicated fighting types?"
The Dinobot answered, "Awk! Aye, Sideswipe. A fighting gestalt."
"How does that work?" Sideswipe asked.
"Me Swoop know about the hardware, pretty simple. Not very different from individual. Five that make one. Him Ratchet say real key to gestalt is script. Software. Her Cobweb know about that." Swoop looked very happy to have been asked.
Sunstreaker was grudgingly impressed. “Sounds more like building five triple changers,” he said. “Each with a root mode, his own alt mode, and a body-part mode. That slagger, Scrapper, is himself, a loader, and a leg.”
"Do you think Cobweb would tell us about it, if we went to visit?" Sideswipe asked.
Swoop thought about that a tick. "Hmmm. No injured in medical tonight. Her Cobweb just there working on projects. Her quiet, not unfriendly," like he was talking himself into it. "Me Swoop think yes. Want to go?"
Sunstreaker was grateful: I can beg off if they go to medical, get out of having to deal with Double-oh Seven!
Starrunner made to stand up, but Sideswipe stopped him. "You've been cooped up in medical enough since you got here," he said, "and technical stuff bores Sunshine over there!"
Sunstreaker flashed his optics once at Sideswipe, Frag no! Let him go with you, Sides. He said nothing.
"Why don't you two have a round for us, and we can catch up later?" Sideswipe finished.
Fragger! Primus smelt me to slag right now, Sunstreaker thought.
Starrunner smiled at both of them.
The three left. Sunstreaker reached back in memory for what Starrunner had said. Decided to start there. "Why in the pit would you want to be more like us? We're just a pair of slagging grunts." Wait, does that sound like I’m flirting?
"You are more than that! You have presence and certainty. You made Starscream's Trine fear you. You're brave, and tenacious, and tough. And I heard about what you did for me: that was brave in a different way." Starrunner sounded so sure to Sunstreaker.
"Ha!" Sunstreaker could not help but be flattered. Get a grip! he admonished himself again. "That's-" what I think of you, he almost said, "a load of slag," he said instead. He tried to scowl. He felt the edges of his lips curve up despite himself.
Starrunner smiled back. "No it isn't!" he said, "You just don't know how I- others see you."
Are you flirting with me?!? Sunstreaker felt he had a goofy grin on his face but didn't care.
"You're direct. You're certain and strong. I wish - I want to be more direct, more certain, stronger." Starrunner said.
"You're plenty strong," Sunstreaker said. "And I don't know how long you were on assignment among the 'Cons - but going in like that makes you a tough fragger. Then you chose to break cover and help Grimlock. Grimlock, who tried to slag you. You looked totally fragging certain to me- us." Why am I talking so much? Shut the frag up!
Starrunner almost asked, What do you mean, 'break cover'? but Sunstreaker continued, and Starrunner was not going to stop him if he was ready to actually talk to him.
Sunstreaker said, "And coming here like you did, with no guarantee anybody would remember you. That was decisive. Fragging direct." Makes you a 'presence' all right. Sunstreaker hoped he was flirting back. What is wrong with me?
Starrunner was smiling at him and Sunstreaker really liked that. Purple-edged red optics reflected a ghost of the blue of his own back at Sunstreaker. "I guess it was. I didn't want to leave Cobweb."
"She's here now, though," Sunstreaker said. "That worked itself out." Is Cobweb your lover? Have I been jealous of the wrong mech?
Starrunner's brow furrowed. "You do it, too!" he said.
"Do what?" Sunstreaker had no idea what Starrunner meant. He felt his own faceplates mirror Starrunner’s.
"Use the feminine pronouns for Cobweb. Swoop does that. I thought it was just one of his Dinobot quirks,” Starrunner said. “What makes Cobweb a 'she' in this language? Is it because he's small? Are all the minibots 'she'?"
Of all the turns their conversation could have taken, Sunstreaker would never have dreamed up this one. He was taken aback a moment. "She's a femme," he said slowly, "pretty clearly. You can sense the spark-energy near her if you pay attention." What the slag?
Starrunner seemed more confused than Sunstreaker, "I've known Cobweb since I first powered up... never met anyone whose presence felt the same."
"Wait. What?" Sunstreaker sputtered. No, I am more confused than you are.
"Cobweb was there when I became self-aware. And Shockwave. I can always feel Cobweb's spark, no matter how far apart we are." Starrunner said.
Are you twins too?!? Sunstreaker found the thought of meeting another pair of twin sparks exciting.
Starrunner kept going, "Less intense lately, which I don't understand. I thought that was just me. A ‘child’-ish sort of connection," he said, using an old Cybertronian word for child that Sunstreaker had not heard in vorns. "Cobweb calls me that, anyway."
Wait. What? Sunstreaker processed. "You're her child," he said. You are not anything I thought you were! He scowled.
"What?" Starrunner clearly did not understand what that meant. If he were making a joke, Sunstreaker would be very impressed once he got over being the butt of it somehow.
Sunstreaker repeated the old Cybertronian word, "- means you are her child. Her offspring. And it means she is your primary spark giver. Your mother. The old Cybertronian packed a lot into a single word. Declension, or some such slag."
Starrunner was silent.
"You must be crazy-young to still feel her spark all the time." Wasn’t that supposed to wear off in a stellar cycle after a spark-creation? Not like a spark-split. Sunstreaker blinked as if to adjust his view of the mech sitting across from him.
"I don't know. Time seems to run differently here. I don't know how to say how old I am." Starrunner sounded perfectly sincere.
Sunstreaker fought down his tendency to anger: it was not Starrunner's fault the rumor had taken hold that he was a long lost secret agent. He cycled air in thought, and went to drain his cube of energon, but found it was already empty. "I need another drink," he muttered, then asked Starrunner, "Want a refill?"
"Yes, please," Starrunner said, "high grade."
Sunstreaker shook his head, a quick, small movement, not for Starrunner. "Me too," he said.
Sunstreaker took both their cubes to the dispensers. He felt Starrunner watching him and wondered what else he didn’t know. I need to recalibrate. Does defecting from the faction that sparked him make him even tougher than what I thought he was? He wasn’t returning to us, he was running into the unknown. Flying on faith. Frag me.
As Sunstreaker returned to sit back down and slide Starrunner his fuel, he asked, "You don't have the older Cybertronian words, do you?" He stepped through a sample of what he found in his memory that was in the earlier database and not in the later one. They were words with subtle distinctions: creator-not-spark-giver, child-of-differentiating-spark-giver, creation-sparked-by-Vector-Sigma, sibling-sharing-a-creator, spontaneous-product-of-spark-bond, short-battle-of-many-casualties, enemy-turned-friend, and sibling-now-enemy.
Sunstreaker had never thought about how much the language changed over the course of the war. He had not realized how many words connected to family the constant battle losses affected. He had never noticed how many versions of ‘child’ there were.
"I recognize none of them," Starrunner said slowly, as if he were dredging his memory banks. "None of those are in my vocabulary." He sipped his drink and blinked as if the sensation of it were new to him.
You are very young, Sunstreaker thought. Out loud, he said, "They fell out of use. I have them because I was created early in this latest war." Am I an old fragger now?
"Cobweb was my only friend before I came here," Starrunner confided. "Shockwave was our Master, and spoke very little." He paused, thinking.
Sunstreaker registered Starrunner used an old Cybertronian word for Master, one that came with implications of Slave-Owner as well as Teacher. Sunstreaker felt out of his depth but wanted to be helpful. "Shockwave's a fragging drone," he whispered, wondering if Shockwave were Starrunner's father - differentiating spark giver - but feeling it would be wrong to ask. If he only knew Shockwave and Cobweb on Cybertron… and Shockwave was their Master… Sunstreaker struggled to keep his expression neutral despite the wave of rage he felt in that moment for Shockwave.
"Shockwave never spoke of either of us to the other," Starrunner said slowly, turning his energon cube round and round, and Sunstreaker felt his holding tank churn in time with it. "Cobweb used 'he' for Shockwave to me, and I heard Cobweb use 'he' for me to Shockwave. So, I always used 'he' for Cobweb. Mostly in my own thoughts, I think I never have spoken more than a sentence to Shockwave about Cobweb. If that."
Am I in the wrong, telling you this instead of letting Cobweb sort it out? Sunstreaker thought. If Cobweb even knows how to sort this slag out. He growled.
"What does that mean?" Starrunner asked, cocking his head to one side.
Sunstreaker tried to smile at Starrunner but felt his brow furrow with it. He relaxed his faceplates and forced a laugh. "It means," he started, buying himself another few processor cycles, "that fragger Shockwave gave you the minimum vocabulary." Yes, keep it light. This convo got Pit dark super fast. "And Ratchet didn't check to know you could use an upgrade." Tried to laugh it off, "We'll have to give him slag about it."
Starrunner laughed with him, just because he liked hearing Sunstreaker laugh. "Yeah, we'll have to."
"Wanna go now?" Sunstreaker asked, mischief in his eyes.
"Why not?" Starrunner asked without hesitation.
"Best fragging question! Let's go." Sunstreaker grinned.
-X-X-X-
Sunstreaker threw the med bay doors open as if he had every right to barge through them. "Hey, Ratch'!" he called. Starrunner followed a few steps behind.
Swoop and Cobweb were showing Sideswipe and Bluestreak something on a table near the stasis chambers. All four looked up. "Coming to learn about gestalts?" Bluestreak asked brightly. "It's really interesting Cobweb knows all about them from Devastator she helped Shockwave her Master copy their code for a project-"
"That's cool, Blue," Sunstreaker interrupted. "Where's Ratchet?"
Bluestreak shrugged.
Before Bluestreak could get rambling again, Cobweb answered, "Ratchet is on a procurement run with Wheeljack. Can Swoop and I help you?"
Sunstreaker and Starrunner crossed the room to join them. Starrunner answered, "Can you give me the old Cybertronian words? Sunstreaker helped me figure out I am missing extensive vocabulary, Mother." The word sounded awkward and pointed to Sunstreaker’s audios.
Cobweb's minimal faceplates flashed through a series of reactions: surprised, frightened, confused, and settled out at being pleased. "It'll take me a few breems to create a list," she said.
Swoop squawked. "No need! Me Swoop know where spare databank is. You Starrunner can download entire dictionary."
"Do you mind if I get a copy, too, Swoop?" Cobweb asked. "I don't have the old Cybertronian in a databank. My vocabulary is also incomplete."
"It in here," Swoop said, walking deeper in the bay. Cobweb and Starrunner followed him.
Not in a databank? Sunstreaker thought, That means she has some spark knowledge from a past life. Cobweb's a respark, and knows it, he watched them interact with Swoop. What the frag was Shockwave doing? He joined Sideswipe and Bluestreak.
Bluestreak started on about all the things Swoop and Cobweb told them about gestalts. Sunstreaker was not really listening.
Sideswipe noticed. He wrapped an arm around Bluestreak's shoulders and gently jostled his lover to break his train of thought. "What was that," he asked his brother softly, "Cobweb is Starrunner's mother?"
"Sounds like," Sunstreaker answered, matching Sideswipe's conspiring tone. "He said she always calls him 'child'," not the English word, "but he didn't fragging know what it meant. Didn't even know she's a femme. They were raised together by Shockwave."
Sunstreaker thought he could see the moment each of them drew the same conclusion he had. Bluestreak looked aghast. Sideswipe looked murderous. Bluestreak sputtered. Sideswipe growled, "Shockwave's his father, both their creator?"
"Looks like."
By Cybertronian standards, that was pure wrong. The nearest human word was 'incest,' taboo even if the new spark (or respark) consented: a creator had too much power over a creation to let it be okay.
Bluestreak said exactly one sentence, "Cobweb fears Shockwave." His expression said there was too much going on in his processor for him to vocalize in his usual way.
"I don't have words," Sideswipe grated.
The three stood in solemn silence until Swoop distracted them. "Awk!" he started, "All done." He was shooing Cobweb and Starrunner back to where they stood. "Now have all Cybertronian, Quintesson, and Earth translations."
"I have never seen a Quintesson," Starrunner said.
"Me neither," Cobweb said. "And I hope not to."
-X-X-X-
When Cobweb decided she'd told them all she could about gestalts, she shooed them out of the med bay. "I'm going to work a bit longer and try to catch some recharge before Ratchet returns," she said. "Have a good night, boys."
Sunstreaker was feeling odd. Not bad, but weird. About Cobweb. He made sure he was last in line to leave. He let the doors fall closed behind the others and stood with his hands on them. He cleared his throat, and turned back to Cobweb. She brightened optics in question.
Sunstreaker had not registered before how close to white her optics were. Blue tinged, no red.
"I don't know how to say this," he started, looking at the floor. "And I don't want to scare you. Ever. You've been through some slag. I," he raised his eyes to meet hers again. He knelt to not tower over her. "I can only imagine how hard you both fought to get here. Starrunner," he paused. "He fragging saved my life. I owe him. So, I owe you. Anybody gives you slag here, anybody threatens you or scares you, either of you, you tell me, okay? I will personally demolish anyone who offers to hurt you."
Cobweb was clearly taken aback. Her optics remained bright and sharp.
The doors hit Sunstreaker in the back, "You coming, bro?" Sideswipe said. But he saw how his brother was positioned and thought he understood. He let the doors fall closed again.
"That's all," he stood up. "Sides and me, we have your back. Okay? Blue, too. I'm sure Swoop. You don't have to keep hiding in medical."
Cobweb smiled grimly at him and dimmed optics.
Sunstreaker left.
-X-X-X-
Sunstreaker had an actual patrol with Starrunner a handful of days later. He dreaded it. He almost asked Sideswipe to trade duty days with him, but talked himself out of it: How much of a fraggin’ coward am I?
After feeling awkward when they met at turnover to take over from Cliffjumper and Hound, Sunstreaker found Starrunner was actually fun to go drive the route with. Starrunner scanned ahead for him, let him know when he could completely open the throttle and when there was human traffic to slow him down. He reached a new personal earthside ground speed record.
It was nothing compared to the speeds he knew the MiG could reach, but Starrunner said he didn’t mind at all the circling back. -:-I enjoy any excuse to fly,-:- Starrunner told him on their way back to the Ark. -:-I am glad Mirage started putting me on the watchbill.-:-
-:-Me too,-:- Sunstreaker agreed, unthinking. Why did I say that? He decided he might as well stay in auto mode as long as possible while Starrunner was around, to avoid embarrassing himself by grinning like a fool again. He could feel it on his faceplates and was grateful to have the Lamborghini shape masking it.
-:-Maybe-:- Starrunner started, hesitated, then finished, -:-maybe we can fly for fun sometime?-:-
-:-I’d like that,-:- Sunstreaker answered immediately. Then, it dawned on him what that might be. Did he just fragging ask me out?!?
They finished their patrol in silence. Sunstreaker had never been so grateful to see Gears or Trailbreaker before, when both were waiting to meet them for turnover. They gave him the cover to talk to Trailbreaker, insult Gears, and avoid making optic contact with Starrunner.
As Trailbreaker and Gears took off to stand their watch, Starrunner headed into the Ark. “Catch you later, Sunstreaker,” he said, walking away.
Sunstreaker stood as if rooted to the spot for a click. He felt very wrong, knowing Starrunner was really very young. I really fragging like him, he thought, and I definitely wanna interface with him. What the slag is wrong with me?
Sunstreaker walked into the Ark with audios on high alert for steps, hoping to identify Starrunner’s gait to avoid him if he were around. Thankfully, the wash rack was empty, so he spent some time under the hot spray, trying to wash away the dream memory of flying with Starrunner. The real thing had ended so badly, he felt guilty for wanting to take the Seeker up on his offer.
Is he still a Seeker if he isn’t a Decepticon? he wondered. Is that a body type, a role, or a title? He banged his forehead lightly against the wall as if to jar some sense back into his processors. Why the frag do I care what to call him?
Giving it up as a lost cause, he failed to notice that his feet took him to medical after he was dry. He did not barge in, did not throw the doors open like he usually did when invading the medics’ space. Instead, he opened one door minimally and slipped in through it. Cobweb and Ratchet were working in the midst of five projects that were starting to look like fully-formed mechs on five repair tables. He was halfway across the room to them when Ratchet looked up.
“What the slag are you doing here?” Ratchet asked immediately.
Sunstreaker stopped but said nothing. I don’t fragging know, he thought.
Ratchet seemed to process something about the look on Sunstreaker’s face. “My office, Sunshine, right now,” he ordered, heading that way himself. “I’ll handle this, Cobweb, and get back with you in a bit.”
Cobweb dimmed optics once at his retreating back. She must have deemed Sunstreaker’s business none of hers because she pretended not to notice him.
That suited Sunstreaker just fine.
Ratchet was perched on the front edge of his desk when Sunstreaker joined him in his office. “Close the door. Sit. Talk,” the CMO ordered. All business. Arms crossed over his chestplate.
Sunstreaker closed the door and sat down. Nothing that made any sense to him queued up for his vocalizer, so he said nothing.
Ratchet waited. He tapped the fingers of one hand on the rerebrace under it.
The noise seemed to reach Sunstreaker. He realized where he was. “What the frag is wrong with me? I didn’t mean to come here.”
Sunstreaker felt the not-touch of Ratchet’s specialized scans run over him. He wanted to stand back up and leave, but didn’t.
“What the frag is wrong with you?” Ratchet relaxed his posture a bit. “Physically, you’re fine. For once.”
Sunstreaker cycled air faster. “I should go,” he said. He still didn’t stand up to leave.
“No,” Ratchet said, “spit it out, Sunshine. I’m no talk therapist, and you’re no talker, so my skills may still be just the slag for you.”
Sunstreaker growled. “What the frag is wrong with me?” he repeated. “I found out Starrunner is a very new spark, maybe not a vorn aware, maybe not even a decivorn. I keep thinking that should turn me off of him,” he stared at the floor, not wanting to see Ratchet’s face as he confessed what a monster he truly was, “because I realized I was interested in him for being such a tough fragger, being undercover among the ‘Cons for Primus-knew-how long. He saved my aft, maybe even my spark that day in the valley… but he’s a sparklet. And that made me think he might be even stronger than I thought, to have defected as soon as he could… I’ve been avoiding him, but I think he asked me on a date today… I think I’m Pit-bound for saying yes...”
Sunstreaker did not look up. He did not see that Ratchet had one optic bright - the equivalent of a human eyebrow raise - and was having trouble settling on a facial expression at Sunstreaker’s predicament.
Ratchet schooled his faceplates. "Are you asking me if you're a predator?”
Sunstreaker looked up at that. Said nothing: he didn’t have to, his mortified expression said enough.
Ratchet felt a little proud of Sunstreaker for not being the complete aft some still thought he was. He also felt a little sad, realizing Sunstreaker had internalized the thought that he might be a monster.
“I think there are two separate mistakes in your processing,” Ratchet said levelly. He was not picking on Sunstreaker, not wanting to tear him down further than he had torn himself already. “One, is how you see yourself in this. Have you ever forced interfacing on someone?"
"No." Immediate it came, and disgusted he sounded.
"Have you ever wanted to?" Ratchet asked.
"No." Immediate again, and horrified.
"So, keep it that way. You are not a predator in that way. Your job in battle is to be a predator, and you’re fragging good at it - thank Primus and your creator! - but that is completely different. The Autobots who fear you because of it are short-sighted idiots who don’t understand what you do for us all.” Ratchet was never one to pull a verbal punch when it was merited.
Sunstreaker’s jaw dropped in the middle of Ratchet praising him.
Ratchet would have made a joke about open mouths and exhaust, if the topic at hand were not so serious.
“The second mistake, is how you see him in this. You have consumed too much human media. Fragging Law and Order. NCIS. True Crime. Whatever the slag you and your brother watch. We have no - repeat, We Have No - physical or mental developmental stages to dictate an age of consent. That concept is not ours. We have respect for consent. Or, we should. And it sounds like you do. You are not in a position of authority over him. Nor him, you. If he wants you, and you want him, great. Just be sure you want him and not your fantasy of him." That was the limit of Ratchet’s idea of relationship advice.
Sunstreaker’s processor started working again. How many times has Starrunner nearly died? he wondered. How many life-and-death situations are enough Life Experience to credit a spark with maturity for interfacing? Life-and-death… isn’t that more serious than life-and-love - er, sex?
"Starrunner is his real name,” Sunstreaker said slowly. “He was not a double agent." That was a fantasy. "Starrunner is a defector, not a spy or a traitor. He was born into a body bearing Decepticon badging, and he chose to break the slag away." Is that harder than being a spy? “All of his actions still stand. Is he actually braver than I was giving him credit for? Sparked and shipped here, he did us no harm, and came back to help us, that first time we encountered him. He helped Grimlock! Openly defied Starscream’s authority. Ran right into the fight that turned his first frame to sludge without a second thought, with no weapons.”
Ratchet dimmed optics in agreement with all of that.
"One tough fragger." Sunstreaker could not hide the admiration in that phrase if he tried.
“You have that in common,” Ratchet said, “you walking smelter. Is that all you came in here for?” He smirked.
Sunstreaker smirked back. “Yeah, Ratch’, I think it is.” He did not thank him. He did stand up and move toward the door to leave.
“Get the frag out of my med bay,” Ratchet said, standing up as Sunstreaker opened the door, “I have slag to do.” Ratchet's smile denied any sting the words might have carried.
-X-X-X-
At the midday turnover, nearly a week later, Sunstreaker and Cliffjumper relieved Starrunner and Mirage on patrol. Sunstreaker barely got a look at Starrunner before Mirage started his data dump. Mirage debriefed Sunstreaker while Cliffjumper waited impatiently. Starrunner lingered until Mirage had gone inside. As Sunstreaker transformed, Starrunner said, “Can I meet you here tonight after your watch? It will be a dark moon and the weather is supposed to be cloudless. Perfect skies for flying.”
Sunstreaker’s processor failed him. His engine revved unintended.
Starrunner laughed happily. “I’ll take that for a yes!” he said, reaching a hand toward the Lamborghini's roofline that did not touch before walking into the Ark.
Cliffjumper was already too far down the dirt road from the Ark to hear any of it.
Sunstreaker could not have said afterward what happened on that patrol. If Cliffjumper was his usual annoying self, Sunstreaker didn’t notice. (He was.) If Team Devastator was building a skyscraper in the tiny town of Vernonia, Sunstreaker didn’t see it. (They were not.) If it rained on them once, in the early afternoon, just enough to put rain spots on Sunstreaker’s otherwise flawless finish, Sunstreaker did not feel it. (It did.)
He was bitterly disappointed when they rolled in for the midnight turnover and only their relieving mechs were waiting for them. Suddenly sideways at Cliffjumper, disappointed in the lack of interesting things on the patrol, and itching from the grit on his skin, Sunstreaker transformed. He barked, “Cliffjumper, give them the run-down. I have to get this slag off my windshield.”
He missed the shocked responses of their replacements and Cliffjumper's defense of him as he stalked through the main entrance. (One said, "How are you in one piece, Jumper?" The other said, "Did he just say he trusts you?" Cliffjumper answered, "Yeah - he didn't even offer to rip my arms off once!")
As he hit the door to the washrack, he nearly ran bodily into Starrunner leaving it. He stopped cold.
“Just the one I want to see!” Starrunner said, flashing a sun-through-fog smile at him.
“Primus!” Sunstreaker said, optics locked on Starrunner’s, You didn’t stand me up! he thought, but said, “Gimme a few ticks to clean this slag up.”
“Of course!” Starrunner beamed. “I’ll be right out front.” And he left Sunstreaker to get himself together.
Sunstreaker could not help himself: he had to spend at least a few minutes touching up his polish after washing away the dust of patrol. His hands shook but he chamoised himself off anyway. It’s no big deal, he told himself. It became a mantra in his processor as he declared himself as perfect as always and headed out to meet his date. No big fraggin' deal.
Unbeknownst to Sunstreaker, after they left their gestalt educational session that evening nearly two weeks prior, Bluestreak coached Starrunner to stop waiting for Sunstreaker to make the first move. “Sunny has already done all he will allow himself to and all he has ever had to do with any lover because he is used to being orbited so he does not pull his satellites in. You will have to do a deorbit burn."
Starrunner played that memory on repeat for himself as he waited outside for Sunstreaker to reappear. The idea for how to do that had presented itself while they were chatting during their patrol. Starrunner turned over the words in his mind, like looking at an unfamiliar weapon in his hands, studying it from every angle to be sure what it was and how to use it without injuring himself. “Do a deorbit burn,” he said to the cold clear sky above him.
Sunstreaker emerged. He saw Starrunner standing a few strides from the Ark, looking contemplatively up at the stars. He paused, taking in the sight to remember later: specks of starlight bright enough to reflect fuzzily in the flawless matte black finish of his back and wings, the red glow of his optics flirting with the violet wavelengths, and Autobot badges resting openly where the Decepticon line art had once been. Starrunner noticed him and turned fully toward him, smiling in a way that made his spark flicker. He thought he noticed something about Starrunner’s chestplate that was different. “Is that new?” he asked, stepping slowly forward, gaze darting from the deep crimson Autobot sigil on Starrunner’s chestplate to his optics and back repeatedly as the distance closed.
Starrunner knew exactly what caught his eye. “Yes. I just got it done today.”
“That’s not a badge,” Sunstreaker said.
“No,” Starrunner answered though it was not a question, “I wanted it permanent. It can’t be lost, or taken easily.” They stopped about an arm’s reach apart, face to face.
“You got it etched in your plating?” Sunstreaker raised his hand as if to touch it but stopped halfway between their bodies. Etching has to hurt like the Pit!
Maybe now is my deorbit burn, Starrunner thought, as if daring himself. His next move surprised Sunstreaker twice: he reached out and took Sunstreaker’s outstretched hand in both of his, and slowly stepped into it, bringing their joined hands to rest on the new etching. “Do you like it?” he asked, his face open and wanting approval. Taking the look on Sunstreaker’s face for an affirmative answer, he asked, “Is this okay?” as he gently squeezed the yellow hand he held.
Sunstreaker floundered. He dimmed optics once for 'yes' and gripped the hands holding his. He let his engine turn over as Starrunner’s smile returned. "My Star-" he breathed.
Title: Faces of the Sun
Universe: loosely G1 cartoon. In series with Focus of the Sun and What Moves the Sun, it also follows all the events of The Faction That Sparked Him, Anything You Like (through chapter 3, Everything for You), and Love Shared is Multiplied.
Rating: PG-13 for language and implications of suspected incest
Pairing: Sunstreaker moving closer to that new one he’s been crushing on (Sunstreaker/OC), with Bluestreak/Sideswipe in the background.
Summary: Sunstreaker has more depth - more ‘faces’ - he can access than most bots would guess. Among others, he shows he has helpful, thoughtful, and protective faces to his allies, even though he remains prickly to the core.
Author's Notes: It has been too long since I spent quality time with the mecha who live in my head-space!! Also, in case it matters, the Cybertronians in these stories use the word “frag” as a common curse word with much the same grammar we do, but it has a very specific and literal meaning: to get fragged is to get injured or killed by friendly fire. (Remember, kids, Friendly Fire Isn’t!) It is a swear word not with sexual implications but battle implications, which is appropriate for a culture so steeped in war. 5565 words.
.
-:- Radio transmission -:-
Sunstreaker was finally feeling like his normal self. He and Sideswipe had a rolling patrol duty cycle together followed by a day off where they got to play video games and plan a prank on Red Alert. “It’ll be a welcome back present for him, to show we’re glad he got out of Ratchet’s clutches!” They decided they would wait to pull it on him until he had seen one real emergency and proven he could handle it. Their perfect joke should not be wasted on Red Alert if it would be more damaging than funny. “Let’s not be the fraggers that put Red Alert back in stasis!” they agreed.
They met Bluestreak in the common room when he got off duty that afternoon. That felt completely right. They shared a round of energon. Bluestreak told them about the events of his shift on console: Skyfire and Seaspray had an interesting time helping the humans with a reusable rocket that missed its landing at sea. “Skyfire wanted to offer to carry their payloads to orbit for them to avoid repeats going forward but Prime himself said no and Ironhide said it might be something worth bartering with the humans. It was weird having both of them in the comm center at once Prime barely fits and-”
Sunstreaker stopped feeling so normal when Swoop and Starrunner walked into the galley together and got cubes of energon. Don’t they look like a happy couple? his worse nature prodded at him. Bet they went flying together today - pretty sure that was on Mirage’s new watchbill. He scowled into his energon cube and wished he’d gone straight for the high-test fuel today instead of starting with the sustenance grade. Primus fraggit I am jealous of that Dinobot.
He was not hearing the continuation of Bluestreak’s story. He did not see Sideswipe wave them over. He reengaged reality when Sideswipe scooted closer to Bluestreak, to make room across from Sunstreaker for Starrunner to sit. Oh frag me, he thought, and realized he was expected to make room on his bench for Swoop.
Rather than make a scene - he both wanted an excuse to talk to Starrunner and hoped to avoid ever talking to him, ever again - he gave Swoop half the bench. A Dinobot slur queued up for his vocalizer; he took a drink instead of saying anything. Starrunner was leaning on the table to give his attention to Bluestreak around Sideswipe.
That position made it too easy for Sunstreaker to study his crush from a new angle.
Bluestreak finished the story the flyers’ arrival had interrupted. They all laughed.
Sunstreaker hadn’t heard a word, but he laughed anyway. Get a fragging grip, he told himself.
Sideswipe said, "That reminds me of the time..." and embarked on a story of his own that hinged on an authority figure not fitting in a space. Bluestreak, Swoop, and Starrunner ate it up, even when Sideswipe outed how much trouble he and his twin got into that time.
Sunstreaker was caught up in their enthusiasm. "Fragging worth it!" he said, clinking his cube with Sideswipe’s.
Starrunner said, "I want to be more like you."
Sunstreaker realized Starrunner was looking at him when he said it. It put him in a minor panic, so he focused on his brother.
Sideswipe noticed Sunstreaker’s expression and smirked. Making optic contact with Sunstreaker, he said, "I heard a rumor that Ratchet is making more like us." He covered for Sunstreaker by asking Swoop, "Is there any truth to the story that you're building more dedicated fighting types?"
The Dinobot answered, "Awk! Aye, Sideswipe. A fighting gestalt."
"How does that work?" Sideswipe asked.
"Me Swoop know about the hardware, pretty simple. Not very different from individual. Five that make one. Him Ratchet say real key to gestalt is script. Software. Her Cobweb know about that." Swoop looked very happy to have been asked.
Sunstreaker was grudgingly impressed. “Sounds more like building five triple changers,” he said. “Each with a root mode, his own alt mode, and a body-part mode. That slagger, Scrapper, is himself, a loader, and a leg.”
"Do you think Cobweb would tell us about it, if we went to visit?" Sideswipe asked.
Swoop thought about that a tick. "Hmmm. No injured in medical tonight. Her Cobweb just there working on projects. Her quiet, not unfriendly," like he was talking himself into it. "Me Swoop think yes. Want to go?"
Sunstreaker was grateful: I can beg off if they go to medical, get out of having to deal with Double-oh Seven!
Starrunner made to stand up, but Sideswipe stopped him. "You've been cooped up in medical enough since you got here," he said, "and technical stuff bores Sunshine over there!"
Sunstreaker flashed his optics once at Sideswipe, Frag no! Let him go with you, Sides. He said nothing.
"Why don't you two have a round for us, and we can catch up later?" Sideswipe finished.
Fragger! Primus smelt me to slag right now, Sunstreaker thought.
Starrunner smiled at both of them.
The three left. Sunstreaker reached back in memory for what Starrunner had said. Decided to start there. "Why in the pit would you want to be more like us? We're just a pair of slagging grunts." Wait, does that sound like I’m flirting?
"You are more than that! You have presence and certainty. You made Starscream's Trine fear you. You're brave, and tenacious, and tough. And I heard about what you did for me: that was brave in a different way." Starrunner sounded so sure to Sunstreaker.
"Ha!" Sunstreaker could not help but be flattered. Get a grip! he admonished himself again. "That's-" what I think of you, he almost said, "a load of slag," he said instead. He tried to scowl. He felt the edges of his lips curve up despite himself.
Starrunner smiled back. "No it isn't!" he said, "You just don't know how I- others see you."
Are you flirting with me?!? Sunstreaker felt he had a goofy grin on his face but didn't care.
"You're direct. You're certain and strong. I wish - I want to be more direct, more certain, stronger." Starrunner said.
"You're plenty strong," Sunstreaker said. "And I don't know how long you were on assignment among the 'Cons - but going in like that makes you a tough fragger. Then you chose to break cover and help Grimlock. Grimlock, who tried to slag you. You looked totally fragging certain to me- us." Why am I talking so much? Shut the frag up!
Starrunner almost asked, What do you mean, 'break cover'? but Sunstreaker continued, and Starrunner was not going to stop him if he was ready to actually talk to him.
Sunstreaker said, "And coming here like you did, with no guarantee anybody would remember you. That was decisive. Fragging direct." Makes you a 'presence' all right. Sunstreaker hoped he was flirting back. What is wrong with me?
Starrunner was smiling at him and Sunstreaker really liked that. Purple-edged red optics reflected a ghost of the blue of his own back at Sunstreaker. "I guess it was. I didn't want to leave Cobweb."
"She's here now, though," Sunstreaker said. "That worked itself out." Is Cobweb your lover? Have I been jealous of the wrong mech?
Starrunner's brow furrowed. "You do it, too!" he said.
"Do what?" Sunstreaker had no idea what Starrunner meant. He felt his own faceplates mirror Starrunner’s.
"Use the feminine pronouns for Cobweb. Swoop does that. I thought it was just one of his Dinobot quirks,” Starrunner said. “What makes Cobweb a 'she' in this language? Is it because he's small? Are all the minibots 'she'?"
Of all the turns their conversation could have taken, Sunstreaker would never have dreamed up this one. He was taken aback a moment. "She's a femme," he said slowly, "pretty clearly. You can sense the spark-energy near her if you pay attention." What the slag?
Starrunner seemed more confused than Sunstreaker, "I've known Cobweb since I first powered up... never met anyone whose presence felt the same."
"Wait. What?" Sunstreaker sputtered. No, I am more confused than you are.
"Cobweb was there when I became self-aware. And Shockwave. I can always feel Cobweb's spark, no matter how far apart we are." Starrunner said.
Are you twins too?!? Sunstreaker found the thought of meeting another pair of twin sparks exciting.
Starrunner kept going, "Less intense lately, which I don't understand. I thought that was just me. A ‘child’-ish sort of connection," he said, using an old Cybertronian word for child that Sunstreaker had not heard in vorns. "Cobweb calls me that, anyway."
Wait. What? Sunstreaker processed. "You're her child," he said. You are not anything I thought you were! He scowled.
"What?" Starrunner clearly did not understand what that meant. If he were making a joke, Sunstreaker would be very impressed once he got over being the butt of it somehow.
Sunstreaker repeated the old Cybertronian word, "- means you are her child. Her offspring. And it means she is your primary spark giver. Your mother. The old Cybertronian packed a lot into a single word. Declension, or some such slag."
Starrunner was silent.
"You must be crazy-young to still feel her spark all the time." Wasn’t that supposed to wear off in a stellar cycle after a spark-creation? Not like a spark-split. Sunstreaker blinked as if to adjust his view of the mech sitting across from him.
"I don't know. Time seems to run differently here. I don't know how to say how old I am." Starrunner sounded perfectly sincere.
Sunstreaker fought down his tendency to anger: it was not Starrunner's fault the rumor had taken hold that he was a long lost secret agent. He cycled air in thought, and went to drain his cube of energon, but found it was already empty. "I need another drink," he muttered, then asked Starrunner, "Want a refill?"
"Yes, please," Starrunner said, "high grade."
Sunstreaker shook his head, a quick, small movement, not for Starrunner. "Me too," he said.
Sunstreaker took both their cubes to the dispensers. He felt Starrunner watching him and wondered what else he didn’t know. I need to recalibrate. Does defecting from the faction that sparked him make him even tougher than what I thought he was? He wasn’t returning to us, he was running into the unknown. Flying on faith. Frag me.
As Sunstreaker returned to sit back down and slide Starrunner his fuel, he asked, "You don't have the older Cybertronian words, do you?" He stepped through a sample of what he found in his memory that was in the earlier database and not in the later one. They were words with subtle distinctions: creator-not-spark-giver, child-of-differentiating-spark-giver, creation-sparked-by-Vector-Sigma, sibling-sharing-a-creator, spontaneous-product-of-spark-bond, short-battle-of-many-casualties, enemy-turned-friend, and sibling-now-enemy.
Sunstreaker had never thought about how much the language changed over the course of the war. He had not realized how many words connected to family the constant battle losses affected. He had never noticed how many versions of ‘child’ there were.
"I recognize none of them," Starrunner said slowly, as if he were dredging his memory banks. "None of those are in my vocabulary." He sipped his drink and blinked as if the sensation of it were new to him.
You are very young, Sunstreaker thought. Out loud, he said, "They fell out of use. I have them because I was created early in this latest war." Am I an old fragger now?
"Cobweb was my only friend before I came here," Starrunner confided. "Shockwave was our Master, and spoke very little." He paused, thinking.
Sunstreaker registered Starrunner used an old Cybertronian word for Master, one that came with implications of Slave-Owner as well as Teacher. Sunstreaker felt out of his depth but wanted to be helpful. "Shockwave's a fragging drone," he whispered, wondering if Shockwave were Starrunner's father - differentiating spark giver - but feeling it would be wrong to ask. If he only knew Shockwave and Cobweb on Cybertron… and Shockwave was their Master… Sunstreaker struggled to keep his expression neutral despite the wave of rage he felt in that moment for Shockwave.
"Shockwave never spoke of either of us to the other," Starrunner said slowly, turning his energon cube round and round, and Sunstreaker felt his holding tank churn in time with it. "Cobweb used 'he' for Shockwave to me, and I heard Cobweb use 'he' for me to Shockwave. So, I always used 'he' for Cobweb. Mostly in my own thoughts, I think I never have spoken more than a sentence to Shockwave about Cobweb. If that."
Am I in the wrong, telling you this instead of letting Cobweb sort it out? Sunstreaker thought. If Cobweb even knows how to sort this slag out. He growled.
"What does that mean?" Starrunner asked, cocking his head to one side.
Sunstreaker tried to smile at Starrunner but felt his brow furrow with it. He relaxed his faceplates and forced a laugh. "It means," he started, buying himself another few processor cycles, "that fragger Shockwave gave you the minimum vocabulary." Yes, keep it light. This convo got Pit dark super fast. "And Ratchet didn't check to know you could use an upgrade." Tried to laugh it off, "We'll have to give him slag about it."
Starrunner laughed with him, just because he liked hearing Sunstreaker laugh. "Yeah, we'll have to."
"Wanna go now?" Sunstreaker asked, mischief in his eyes.
"Why not?" Starrunner asked without hesitation.
"Best fragging question! Let's go." Sunstreaker grinned.
-X-X-X-
Sunstreaker threw the med bay doors open as if he had every right to barge through them. "Hey, Ratch'!" he called. Starrunner followed a few steps behind.
Swoop and Cobweb were showing Sideswipe and Bluestreak something on a table near the stasis chambers. All four looked up. "Coming to learn about gestalts?" Bluestreak asked brightly. "It's really interesting Cobweb knows all about them from Devastator she helped Shockwave her Master copy their code for a project-"
"That's cool, Blue," Sunstreaker interrupted. "Where's Ratchet?"
Bluestreak shrugged.
Before Bluestreak could get rambling again, Cobweb answered, "Ratchet is on a procurement run with Wheeljack. Can Swoop and I help you?"
Sunstreaker and Starrunner crossed the room to join them. Starrunner answered, "Can you give me the old Cybertronian words? Sunstreaker helped me figure out I am missing extensive vocabulary, Mother." The word sounded awkward and pointed to Sunstreaker’s audios.
Cobweb's minimal faceplates flashed through a series of reactions: surprised, frightened, confused, and settled out at being pleased. "It'll take me a few breems to create a list," she said.
Swoop squawked. "No need! Me Swoop know where spare databank is. You Starrunner can download entire dictionary."
"Do you mind if I get a copy, too, Swoop?" Cobweb asked. "I don't have the old Cybertronian in a databank. My vocabulary is also incomplete."
"It in here," Swoop said, walking deeper in the bay. Cobweb and Starrunner followed him.
Not in a databank? Sunstreaker thought, That means she has some spark knowledge from a past life. Cobweb's a respark, and knows it, he watched them interact with Swoop. What the frag was Shockwave doing? He joined Sideswipe and Bluestreak.
Bluestreak started on about all the things Swoop and Cobweb told them about gestalts. Sunstreaker was not really listening.
Sideswipe noticed. He wrapped an arm around Bluestreak's shoulders and gently jostled his lover to break his train of thought. "What was that," he asked his brother softly, "Cobweb is Starrunner's mother?"
"Sounds like," Sunstreaker answered, matching Sideswipe's conspiring tone. "He said she always calls him 'child'," not the English word, "but he didn't fragging know what it meant. Didn't even know she's a femme. They were raised together by Shockwave."
Sunstreaker thought he could see the moment each of them drew the same conclusion he had. Bluestreak looked aghast. Sideswipe looked murderous. Bluestreak sputtered. Sideswipe growled, "Shockwave's his father, both their creator?"
"Looks like."
By Cybertronian standards, that was pure wrong. The nearest human word was 'incest,' taboo even if the new spark (or respark) consented: a creator had too much power over a creation to let it be okay.
Bluestreak said exactly one sentence, "Cobweb fears Shockwave." His expression said there was too much going on in his processor for him to vocalize in his usual way.
"I don't have words," Sideswipe grated.
The three stood in solemn silence until Swoop distracted them. "Awk!" he started, "All done." He was shooing Cobweb and Starrunner back to where they stood. "Now have all Cybertronian, Quintesson, and Earth translations."
"I have never seen a Quintesson," Starrunner said.
"Me neither," Cobweb said. "And I hope not to."
-X-X-X-
When Cobweb decided she'd told them all she could about gestalts, she shooed them out of the med bay. "I'm going to work a bit longer and try to catch some recharge before Ratchet returns," she said. "Have a good night, boys."
Sunstreaker was feeling odd. Not bad, but weird. About Cobweb. He made sure he was last in line to leave. He let the doors fall closed behind the others and stood with his hands on them. He cleared his throat, and turned back to Cobweb. She brightened optics in question.
Sunstreaker had not registered before how close to white her optics were. Blue tinged, no red.
"I don't know how to say this," he started, looking at the floor. "And I don't want to scare you. Ever. You've been through some slag. I," he raised his eyes to meet hers again. He knelt to not tower over her. "I can only imagine how hard you both fought to get here. Starrunner," he paused. "He fragging saved my life. I owe him. So, I owe you. Anybody gives you slag here, anybody threatens you or scares you, either of you, you tell me, okay? I will personally demolish anyone who offers to hurt you."
Cobweb was clearly taken aback. Her optics remained bright and sharp.
The doors hit Sunstreaker in the back, "You coming, bro?" Sideswipe said. But he saw how his brother was positioned and thought he understood. He let the doors fall closed again.
"That's all," he stood up. "Sides and me, we have your back. Okay? Blue, too. I'm sure Swoop. You don't have to keep hiding in medical."
Cobweb smiled grimly at him and dimmed optics.
Sunstreaker left.
-X-X-X-
Sunstreaker had an actual patrol with Starrunner a handful of days later. He dreaded it. He almost asked Sideswipe to trade duty days with him, but talked himself out of it: How much of a fraggin’ coward am I?
After feeling awkward when they met at turnover to take over from Cliffjumper and Hound, Sunstreaker found Starrunner was actually fun to go drive the route with. Starrunner scanned ahead for him, let him know when he could completely open the throttle and when there was human traffic to slow him down. He reached a new personal earthside ground speed record.
It was nothing compared to the speeds he knew the MiG could reach, but Starrunner said he didn’t mind at all the circling back. -:-I enjoy any excuse to fly,-:- Starrunner told him on their way back to the Ark. -:-I am glad Mirage started putting me on the watchbill.-:-
-:-Me too,-:- Sunstreaker agreed, unthinking. Why did I say that? He decided he might as well stay in auto mode as long as possible while Starrunner was around, to avoid embarrassing himself by grinning like a fool again. He could feel it on his faceplates and was grateful to have the Lamborghini shape masking it.
-:-Maybe-:- Starrunner started, hesitated, then finished, -:-maybe we can fly for fun sometime?-:-
-:-I’d like that,-:- Sunstreaker answered immediately. Then, it dawned on him what that might be. Did he just fragging ask me out?!?
They finished their patrol in silence. Sunstreaker had never been so grateful to see Gears or Trailbreaker before, when both were waiting to meet them for turnover. They gave him the cover to talk to Trailbreaker, insult Gears, and avoid making optic contact with Starrunner.
As Trailbreaker and Gears took off to stand their watch, Starrunner headed into the Ark. “Catch you later, Sunstreaker,” he said, walking away.
Sunstreaker stood as if rooted to the spot for a click. He felt very wrong, knowing Starrunner was really very young. I really fragging like him, he thought, and I definitely wanna interface with him. What the slag is wrong with me?
Sunstreaker walked into the Ark with audios on high alert for steps, hoping to identify Starrunner’s gait to avoid him if he were around. Thankfully, the wash rack was empty, so he spent some time under the hot spray, trying to wash away the dream memory of flying with Starrunner. The real thing had ended so badly, he felt guilty for wanting to take the Seeker up on his offer.
Is he still a Seeker if he isn’t a Decepticon? he wondered. Is that a body type, a role, or a title? He banged his forehead lightly against the wall as if to jar some sense back into his processors. Why the frag do I care what to call him?
Giving it up as a lost cause, he failed to notice that his feet took him to medical after he was dry. He did not barge in, did not throw the doors open like he usually did when invading the medics’ space. Instead, he opened one door minimally and slipped in through it. Cobweb and Ratchet were working in the midst of five projects that were starting to look like fully-formed mechs on five repair tables. He was halfway across the room to them when Ratchet looked up.
“What the slag are you doing here?” Ratchet asked immediately.
Sunstreaker stopped but said nothing. I don’t fragging know, he thought.
Ratchet seemed to process something about the look on Sunstreaker’s face. “My office, Sunshine, right now,” he ordered, heading that way himself. “I’ll handle this, Cobweb, and get back with you in a bit.”
Cobweb dimmed optics once at his retreating back. She must have deemed Sunstreaker’s business none of hers because she pretended not to notice him.
That suited Sunstreaker just fine.
Ratchet was perched on the front edge of his desk when Sunstreaker joined him in his office. “Close the door. Sit. Talk,” the CMO ordered. All business. Arms crossed over his chestplate.
Sunstreaker closed the door and sat down. Nothing that made any sense to him queued up for his vocalizer, so he said nothing.
Ratchet waited. He tapped the fingers of one hand on the rerebrace under it.
The noise seemed to reach Sunstreaker. He realized where he was. “What the frag is wrong with me? I didn’t mean to come here.”
Sunstreaker felt the not-touch of Ratchet’s specialized scans run over him. He wanted to stand back up and leave, but didn’t.
“What the frag is wrong with you?” Ratchet relaxed his posture a bit. “Physically, you’re fine. For once.”
Sunstreaker cycled air faster. “I should go,” he said. He still didn’t stand up to leave.
“No,” Ratchet said, “spit it out, Sunshine. I’m no talk therapist, and you’re no talker, so my skills may still be just the slag for you.”
Sunstreaker growled. “What the frag is wrong with me?” he repeated. “I found out Starrunner is a very new spark, maybe not a vorn aware, maybe not even a decivorn. I keep thinking that should turn me off of him,” he stared at the floor, not wanting to see Ratchet’s face as he confessed what a monster he truly was, “because I realized I was interested in him for being such a tough fragger, being undercover among the ‘Cons for Primus-knew-how long. He saved my aft, maybe even my spark that day in the valley… but he’s a sparklet. And that made me think he might be even stronger than I thought, to have defected as soon as he could… I’ve been avoiding him, but I think he asked me on a date today… I think I’m Pit-bound for saying yes...”
Sunstreaker did not look up. He did not see that Ratchet had one optic bright - the equivalent of a human eyebrow raise - and was having trouble settling on a facial expression at Sunstreaker’s predicament.
Ratchet schooled his faceplates. "Are you asking me if you're a predator?”
Sunstreaker looked up at that. Said nothing: he didn’t have to, his mortified expression said enough.
Ratchet felt a little proud of Sunstreaker for not being the complete aft some still thought he was. He also felt a little sad, realizing Sunstreaker had internalized the thought that he might be a monster.
“I think there are two separate mistakes in your processing,” Ratchet said levelly. He was not picking on Sunstreaker, not wanting to tear him down further than he had torn himself already. “One, is how you see yourself in this. Have you ever forced interfacing on someone?"
"No." Immediate it came, and disgusted he sounded.
"Have you ever wanted to?" Ratchet asked.
"No." Immediate again, and horrified.
"So, keep it that way. You are not a predator in that way. Your job in battle is to be a predator, and you’re fragging good at it - thank Primus and your creator! - but that is completely different. The Autobots who fear you because of it are short-sighted idiots who don’t understand what you do for us all.” Ratchet was never one to pull a verbal punch when it was merited.
Sunstreaker’s jaw dropped in the middle of Ratchet praising him.
Ratchet would have made a joke about open mouths and exhaust, if the topic at hand were not so serious.
“The second mistake, is how you see him in this. You have consumed too much human media. Fragging Law and Order. NCIS. True Crime. Whatever the slag you and your brother watch. We have no - repeat, We Have No - physical or mental developmental stages to dictate an age of consent. That concept is not ours. We have respect for consent. Or, we should. And it sounds like you do. You are not in a position of authority over him. Nor him, you. If he wants you, and you want him, great. Just be sure you want him and not your fantasy of him." That was the limit of Ratchet’s idea of relationship advice.
Sunstreaker’s processor started working again. How many times has Starrunner nearly died? he wondered. How many life-and-death situations are enough Life Experience to credit a spark with maturity for interfacing? Life-and-death… isn’t that more serious than life-and-love - er, sex?
"Starrunner is his real name,” Sunstreaker said slowly. “He was not a double agent." That was a fantasy. "Starrunner is a defector, not a spy or a traitor. He was born into a body bearing Decepticon badging, and he chose to break the slag away." Is that harder than being a spy? “All of his actions still stand. Is he actually braver than I was giving him credit for? Sparked and shipped here, he did us no harm, and came back to help us, that first time we encountered him. He helped Grimlock! Openly defied Starscream’s authority. Ran right into the fight that turned his first frame to sludge without a second thought, with no weapons.”
Ratchet dimmed optics in agreement with all of that.
"One tough fragger." Sunstreaker could not hide the admiration in that phrase if he tried.
“You have that in common,” Ratchet said, “you walking smelter. Is that all you came in here for?” He smirked.
Sunstreaker smirked back. “Yeah, Ratch’, I think it is.” He did not thank him. He did stand up and move toward the door to leave.
“Get the frag out of my med bay,” Ratchet said, standing up as Sunstreaker opened the door, “I have slag to do.” Ratchet's smile denied any sting the words might have carried.
-X-X-X-
At the midday turnover, nearly a week later, Sunstreaker and Cliffjumper relieved Starrunner and Mirage on patrol. Sunstreaker barely got a look at Starrunner before Mirage started his data dump. Mirage debriefed Sunstreaker while Cliffjumper waited impatiently. Starrunner lingered until Mirage had gone inside. As Sunstreaker transformed, Starrunner said, “Can I meet you here tonight after your watch? It will be a dark moon and the weather is supposed to be cloudless. Perfect skies for flying.”
Sunstreaker’s processor failed him. His engine revved unintended.
Starrunner laughed happily. “I’ll take that for a yes!” he said, reaching a hand toward the Lamborghini's roofline that did not touch before walking into the Ark.
Cliffjumper was already too far down the dirt road from the Ark to hear any of it.
Sunstreaker could not have said afterward what happened on that patrol. If Cliffjumper was his usual annoying self, Sunstreaker didn’t notice. (He was.) If Team Devastator was building a skyscraper in the tiny town of Vernonia, Sunstreaker didn’t see it. (They were not.) If it rained on them once, in the early afternoon, just enough to put rain spots on Sunstreaker’s otherwise flawless finish, Sunstreaker did not feel it. (It did.)
He was bitterly disappointed when they rolled in for the midnight turnover and only their relieving mechs were waiting for them. Suddenly sideways at Cliffjumper, disappointed in the lack of interesting things on the patrol, and itching from the grit on his skin, Sunstreaker transformed. He barked, “Cliffjumper, give them the run-down. I have to get this slag off my windshield.”
He missed the shocked responses of their replacements and Cliffjumper's defense of him as he stalked through the main entrance. (One said, "How are you in one piece, Jumper?" The other said, "Did he just say he trusts you?" Cliffjumper answered, "Yeah - he didn't even offer to rip my arms off once!")
As he hit the door to the washrack, he nearly ran bodily into Starrunner leaving it. He stopped cold.
“Just the one I want to see!” Starrunner said, flashing a sun-through-fog smile at him.
“Primus!” Sunstreaker said, optics locked on Starrunner’s, You didn’t stand me up! he thought, but said, “Gimme a few ticks to clean this slag up.”
“Of course!” Starrunner beamed. “I’ll be right out front.” And he left Sunstreaker to get himself together.
Sunstreaker could not help himself: he had to spend at least a few minutes touching up his polish after washing away the dust of patrol. His hands shook but he chamoised himself off anyway. It’s no big deal, he told himself. It became a mantra in his processor as he declared himself as perfect as always and headed out to meet his date. No big fraggin' deal.
Unbeknownst to Sunstreaker, after they left their gestalt educational session that evening nearly two weeks prior, Bluestreak coached Starrunner to stop waiting for Sunstreaker to make the first move. “Sunny has already done all he will allow himself to and all he has ever had to do with any lover because he is used to being orbited so he does not pull his satellites in. You will have to do a deorbit burn."
Starrunner played that memory on repeat for himself as he waited outside for Sunstreaker to reappear. The idea for how to do that had presented itself while they were chatting during their patrol. Starrunner turned over the words in his mind, like looking at an unfamiliar weapon in his hands, studying it from every angle to be sure what it was and how to use it without injuring himself. “Do a deorbit burn,” he said to the cold clear sky above him.
Sunstreaker emerged. He saw Starrunner standing a few strides from the Ark, looking contemplatively up at the stars. He paused, taking in the sight to remember later: specks of starlight bright enough to reflect fuzzily in the flawless matte black finish of his back and wings, the red glow of his optics flirting with the violet wavelengths, and Autobot badges resting openly where the Decepticon line art had once been. Starrunner noticed him and turned fully toward him, smiling in a way that made his spark flicker. He thought he noticed something about Starrunner’s chestplate that was different. “Is that new?” he asked, stepping slowly forward, gaze darting from the deep crimson Autobot sigil on Starrunner’s chestplate to his optics and back repeatedly as the distance closed.
Starrunner knew exactly what caught his eye. “Yes. I just got it done today.”
“That’s not a badge,” Sunstreaker said.
“No,” Starrunner answered though it was not a question, “I wanted it permanent. It can’t be lost, or taken easily.” They stopped about an arm’s reach apart, face to face.
“You got it etched in your plating?” Sunstreaker raised his hand as if to touch it but stopped halfway between their bodies. Etching has to hurt like the Pit!
Maybe now is my deorbit burn, Starrunner thought, as if daring himself. His next move surprised Sunstreaker twice: he reached out and took Sunstreaker’s outstretched hand in both of his, and slowly stepped into it, bringing their joined hands to rest on the new etching. “Do you like it?” he asked, his face open and wanting approval. Taking the look on Sunstreaker’s face for an affirmative answer, he asked, “Is this okay?” as he gently squeezed the yellow hand he held.
Sunstreaker floundered. He dimmed optics once for 'yes' and gripped the hands holding his. He let his engine turn over as Starrunner’s smile returned. "My Star-" he breathed.