WHY?????
I just completly bled my heart and soul to ashley.....AGAIN!!!! What am I doing, every time I talk to her I get emo, the lonleyness starts to set in.......I need to pull away, but I don't know IF I can....I just don't know...I know how I feel about and I'm sure me telling her is just gonna hurt me in the long run but I needed to get it off my chest...It was eating away....getting worse.....It wouldn't be so bad If I didn't have to see her everyday....I really thought I was over her...Really I did, and then her and Matt broke up, I guess I had it in my head That I needed to be there for her......I was hoping that maybe something would happen between us.....All it did was hurt me more...I did this to myself....I needed to pull away, and I did...I was getting away from it....and then I let her pull me back in. I shouldn't have done it but I did. I can't go back....I'm beginning to think That I'm still love with her...I can't do it though, I don't know if I could go back with her.....I see the same thing happening again...My days end so shitty......I'm glad I got it off my chest though..I need to. And then her just telling me that sometimes she thinks she likes me and then thinks that maybe she's just telling herself that...and that she has mixed feelings is fucking with me....HARDCORE.
I shouldn't be the way I am with her...I really shouldn't be...With all the shit that has happened between us..I shouldn't even wanna talk to her....Why am I such a good friend to her???? In being such a good friend to her I just hurt myself worse....I have it in my head that maybe being this way that some day maybe we can be together again or something......its killing me...I need to pull away...But I can't, I'm very emotionally attached...Seans gonna hate me.
I put my guard down...I mean..I was like ashley proof...and then her and Matt broke up and then she started to be nice again...the nice she was before....The nice I fell in love with...I let her in back into my life....I don't know If I regret doing it....I probably shouldn't have done it....But I did...
I've found that after you have had someone close to you...you miss that feeling everytime your alone...you miss the cuddling and the making out and shit like that....The call you have to look forward to when you get home from somewhere....You miss the little things in a relationship...
I can't believe that I thought I was still in love with her...Its not like I was lying but then she said something about being glad that I told her because she was beginning to think that I didn't...Thats fuckin' with me too...I know she still loves Matt...I know for sure...I couldn't get involved with anyone let alone her when she still has feelings for someone else.....Its asking for trouble...Thats why I never got involved with anyone after Ashley...I didn't want to do to them what she had done to me....I know how it feels....IT SUCKS!!!! I couldn't do that to anyone else....
I guess that why I never hung out with her, I was afraid that she may come onto me or something and then I'd get attached then she would do to me what she did before.....I can't handle it..I wouldn't be able to do it...Thats for sure!!!
Schools almost out...Maybe over summer Vacation I can Mend My Heart....That is if I get it back.... :(
I shouldn't be the way I am with her...I really shouldn't be...With all the shit that has happened between us..I shouldn't even wanna talk to her....Why am I such a good friend to her???? In being such a good friend to her I just hurt myself worse....I have it in my head that maybe being this way that some day maybe we can be together again or something......its killing me...I need to pull away...But I can't, I'm very emotionally attached...Seans gonna hate me.
I put my guard down...I mean..I was like ashley proof...and then her and Matt broke up and then she started to be nice again...the nice she was before....The nice I fell in love with...I let her in back into my life....I don't know If I regret doing it....I probably shouldn't have done it....But I did...
I've found that after you have had someone close to you...you miss that feeling everytime your alone...you miss the cuddling and the making out and shit like that....The call you have to look forward to when you get home from somewhere....You miss the little things in a relationship...
I can't believe that I thought I was still in love with her...Its not like I was lying but then she said something about being glad that I told her because she was beginning to think that I didn't...Thats fuckin' with me too...I know she still loves Matt...I know for sure...I couldn't get involved with anyone let alone her when she still has feelings for someone else.....Its asking for trouble...Thats why I never got involved with anyone after Ashley...I didn't want to do to them what she had done to me....I know how it feels....IT SUCKS!!!! I couldn't do that to anyone else....
I guess that why I never hung out with her, I was afraid that she may come onto me or something and then I'd get attached then she would do to me what she did before.....I can't handle it..I wouldn't be able to do it...Thats for sure!!!
Schools almost out...Maybe over summer Vacation I can Mend My Heart....That is if I get it back.... :(