Here It Goes!!( A letter to Ashley. H)
I'm trying to Write my Heart away, There is an overwhelming force just bearing down it, so i'm gonna untill its gone. Or At Least Try.
I really need to get this out, so whatever it takes, its gonna come out.
Ashley(Hope). I Remember everything thats happened between us, I remember the first time I seen you. The feelings I felt for you. How it felt to hear how much you liked Brian. How it felt when you told me you still liked Stanko Alot. I fell into...I guess you could call depression, and you were really the only thing that kept me going, you were the light at the end of the tunnel. The feeling I would when you would get on-line, my heart, I'd just get excited(not like that sickoz). How it felt to tell you how i really felt, the whole deal. That whole 2 months or so, where I waited to be with you, So you could get over Brian, I waited very patienlty. Yeah, It was hard, but the thought of just being with you kept me going. Fuck, I went to every Regular Season football game, Excpet one, That one game, I got fed up with waiting, Me and Nichole only cuddled and that was it. I told you about it and you got pissed. I remember you telling me that you made up your mind and you knew what you wanted. The thoughts going through my head 4th hour and how fast my heart was beating....I didn't know what to do. The feeling the first time you kissed me. The feeling just for me to be around you was heaven for me.....That is what i wanted....I could just sit there with you and do nothing and just hold you or anything, and i'd be happy. The feelings I had for you were and are undescribable, words can't capture, no matter how hard i tried, no matter what i wrote, I felt there was always that one thing, the one thing that was left un-written. And it was left un-written because it couldn't be wrote. That one thing left un-written was love, you can't write love or buy it. Love is one thing left un-touched my the Material Bullshit in the world. Not to be all weird and ex-boyfriendish, but the taste of your lips, I don't know if it was just you, but that taste doesn't taste like anything else, doesn't feel like anything else, I guess you could call it the Ultimate High. No drugs or anything like could you give you that feeling, Everything in the world was perfect at that exact moment are lips met, Like everything was moving in slowmotion.
I don't see how you could have been so careless as you were with me, I don't see how i made as long as i did with how you treated me. Breaking up with you was the hardest thing for me to ever do, I don't think you'll ever fully understand how hard it was for me to do that. It was like I stabbed myself in the heart, and then you pushed it in deeper by telling me that you hadn't liked me for 3 weeks. Then you twisted it, and I really don't give a damn what yours and matts reason for going out was, Both of you were my friends, But doing what you 2 did, Isn't something friends do to eachother, both of you knew I was still in love with you and I loved you. I'll admitt i was bitter, but i'd say i had every right to feel how i felt.
I guess you and Matt think I'm trying to make you hate him, take it however you will, But Ashley, I thought we had friendship better than that. We really got close as friends, and that was ok with me, to just be your friend. I was happy with that. I guess I was wrong, because were obviously not as good of friends as I thought we were. I was suprised when Matt gave me shit about him and ashley heyes flirting considering all I did was ask you if you knew what happened, it wasn't my business but it seemed like there was more there, for you to turn around my intention to find out what happeneded is bullshit. Both of you can think i'm trying to make you hate him, thats not what I'm trying to do, but for him to just sort of lash out at me and not find out what i was trying to do isn't fair. I think i'm done for now, maybe with our friendship for abit cause its obvious I can't be there for you and ask about whats going on with out it being taken the wrong way, thats ok, Maybe people need to grow up some. I probably do, so i'm gonna go do that.
I really need to get this out, so whatever it takes, its gonna come out.
Ashley(Hope). I Remember everything thats happened between us, I remember the first time I seen you. The feelings I felt for you. How it felt to hear how much you liked Brian. How it felt when you told me you still liked Stanko Alot. I fell into...I guess you could call depression, and you were really the only thing that kept me going, you were the light at the end of the tunnel. The feeling I would when you would get on-line, my heart, I'd just get excited(not like that sickoz). How it felt to tell you how i really felt, the whole deal. That whole 2 months or so, where I waited to be with you, So you could get over Brian, I waited very patienlty. Yeah, It was hard, but the thought of just being with you kept me going. Fuck, I went to every Regular Season football game, Excpet one, That one game, I got fed up with waiting, Me and Nichole only cuddled and that was it. I told you about it and you got pissed. I remember you telling me that you made up your mind and you knew what you wanted. The thoughts going through my head 4th hour and how fast my heart was beating....I didn't know what to do. The feeling the first time you kissed me. The feeling just for me to be around you was heaven for me.....That is what i wanted....I could just sit there with you and do nothing and just hold you or anything, and i'd be happy. The feelings I had for you were and are undescribable, words can't capture, no matter how hard i tried, no matter what i wrote, I felt there was always that one thing, the one thing that was left un-written. And it was left un-written because it couldn't be wrote. That one thing left un-written was love, you can't write love or buy it. Love is one thing left un-touched my the Material Bullshit in the world. Not to be all weird and ex-boyfriendish, but the taste of your lips, I don't know if it was just you, but that taste doesn't taste like anything else, doesn't feel like anything else, I guess you could call it the Ultimate High. No drugs or anything like could you give you that feeling, Everything in the world was perfect at that exact moment are lips met, Like everything was moving in slowmotion.
I don't see how you could have been so careless as you were with me, I don't see how i made as long as i did with how you treated me. Breaking up with you was the hardest thing for me to ever do, I don't think you'll ever fully understand how hard it was for me to do that. It was like I stabbed myself in the heart, and then you pushed it in deeper by telling me that you hadn't liked me for 3 weeks. Then you twisted it, and I really don't give a damn what yours and matts reason for going out was, Both of you were my friends, But doing what you 2 did, Isn't something friends do to eachother, both of you knew I was still in love with you and I loved you. I'll admitt i was bitter, but i'd say i had every right to feel how i felt.
I guess you and Matt think I'm trying to make you hate him, take it however you will, But Ashley, I thought we had friendship better than that. We really got close as friends, and that was ok with me, to just be your friend. I was happy with that. I guess I was wrong, because were obviously not as good of friends as I thought we were. I was suprised when Matt gave me shit about him and ashley heyes flirting considering all I did was ask you if you knew what happened, it wasn't my business but it seemed like there was more there, for you to turn around my intention to find out what happeneded is bullshit. Both of you can think i'm trying to make you hate him, thats not what I'm trying to do, but for him to just sort of lash out at me and not find out what i was trying to do isn't fair. I think i'm done for now, maybe with our friendship for abit cause its obvious I can't be there for you and ask about whats going on with out it being taken the wrong way, thats ok, Maybe people need to grow up some. I probably do, so i'm gonna go do that.