Jesus.
Every stupid thing I have done since getting divorced, mainly meaning thinking I could trust my ex's friends, has come back to haunt me tonight. They all want a soap opera and they all twist things and CHRIST I just want this over. Joey is the only one actually defending me, of all people. He knows me better than any of them and so he knows when to say enough is enough, Leslie isn't like that.
I really don't care. Let every person in Mobile think I am a fucking whore I don't care any more.
Because anyone who knows me, really knows me, knows that those rumors are BS. I don't think I can talk to any of our mutual acquaintances, even the ones I like who haven't done anything. I need a clean break. I need away from it all.
I would like move to Alaska or something....except....for once I'm semi-happy in Mobile. My friends have moved back, I live with my sister, etc. It might be great to get away from the drama, but I don't know if I should just adandon my support system right now. That might be the stupidest decision in a long line of stupid decisions. When you don't trust many people, it's probably not smart to abandon the ones you do trust.
JESUS. Every time I smile, I start to get happy. Something happens. JESUS.
When we were on the Empire State Building, my mom said, look at the moon. And it was really cool - a bright reddish orange color and exactly in half. Do you know what my first thought was? "I don't need to look at the moon, if I want to see something broken in half and bleeding, all I need to do is look at my heart." The moon looked like my heart, and I couldn't stand to look at it.
Divorce sucks and it knocks you to the ground and it makes you feel like a failure. And then when you do stupid STUPID things because you are hurting, those things come back to haunt you in the form of rumors that are much worse than anything you ever did. And you hurt for the failure and for being so naieve and you want the hurt to just GO AWAY and you wonder if it ever really will.
I really don't care. Let every person in Mobile think I am a fucking whore I don't care any more.
Because anyone who knows me, really knows me, knows that those rumors are BS. I don't think I can talk to any of our mutual acquaintances, even the ones I like who haven't done anything. I need a clean break. I need away from it all.
I would like move to Alaska or something....except....for once I'm semi-happy in Mobile. My friends have moved back, I live with my sister, etc. It might be great to get away from the drama, but I don't know if I should just adandon my support system right now. That might be the stupidest decision in a long line of stupid decisions. When you don't trust many people, it's probably not smart to abandon the ones you do trust.
JESUS. Every time I smile, I start to get happy. Something happens. JESUS.
When we were on the Empire State Building, my mom said, look at the moon. And it was really cool - a bright reddish orange color and exactly in half. Do you know what my first thought was? "I don't need to look at the moon, if I want to see something broken in half and bleeding, all I need to do is look at my heart." The moon looked like my heart, and I couldn't stand to look at it.
Divorce sucks and it knocks you to the ground and it makes you feel like a failure. And then when you do stupid STUPID things because you are hurting, those things come back to haunt you in the form of rumors that are much worse than anything you ever did. And you hurt for the failure and for being so naieve and you want the hurt to just GO AWAY and you wonder if it ever really will.