(no subject)
Today was, for the most part, a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day... or 24 hours I guess. It's been a day that has made me rethink a lot of things about... well... everything... more specifically people, art, college, and myself. I've reached some conclusions about each...
People. They don't always think. They don't always do what you'd like. They don't all understand me. The also aren't perfect. And sometimes they, consciously or not, hurt each other a little bit. In the past, I, myself, have been the biggest offender. I've really been trying to stop being so selfish though. Maybe I haven't gotten rid of all my bad karma though.
Art. I don't like a lot of theater. Well, that's not true. I like to watch most theater. I don't necessary appreciate it all on the same level. And i definitely don't like to work with most theater. That's much of the reason I'm getting into film which, clearly, has the same problems. But I feel like there's more potential to do the stuff I want to do. Although I must say, the past few weeks have restored my faith in theater just a bit. Knowing that other people share my sensibilities and opinions and affinity for a certain kind of work is very nice. My work I want to be remembered for at Skidmore is "Experiments in Eden," and that will probably happen. "Professor Taranne" was for fun. It was to give people something funny and entertaining, and visually stimulating. I was not trying to move mountains with the latter piece, though I still created it based around my artistic philosophy. I just want people to take it for what it was.
College. Academia is a big circle jerk. You go to school, you get a degree in either something practical or something interesting. If something interesting, you have to either throw away that education when you graduate and find a completely unrelated job, or you have to keep going to school until you get your phd and then you really cant do anything but write books for academics and teach. All well and good for the people within Academia, but then what are you doing for the world? Nothing. Just passing on education to a very small and elitist group for no practical purpose. I want to change that, I mean, at least for myself. I want to devote myself to spreading the things that people know and take knowledge out of the elitist realm of academia and bring it to people through art and media. God, what a fucking task.
Myself. I am extremely smart, extremely talented, and extremely subtle and i don't that's a very good combination all the time. (It's pretty funny also that I'm saying how subtle I am while bluntly calling myself smart and talented, but usually i'm subtle). I'm not good at articulating myself through talking. Writing I'm a little bit better. But, I am an artist. I articulate my ideas in other ways. I do not like being forced to then take those ideas and translate them. That defeats the purpose. I have an extreme passion inside that no one has pushed out until recently and now I just don't know what to do with it.
I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed by all I want to do, all I have to do, all I want to know and share, all I want to create, and all I want to give.
Not everyone will appreciate my work. I know that. I'm learning to care a little less. But there will be people who do get it, who do appreciate it, and will learn and think because of it.
I think I just established myself as the tortured artist.
I am so ready to graduate and move on out of Skidmore into a new part of my life.
People. They don't always think. They don't always do what you'd like. They don't all understand me. The also aren't perfect. And sometimes they, consciously or not, hurt each other a little bit. In the past, I, myself, have been the biggest offender. I've really been trying to stop being so selfish though. Maybe I haven't gotten rid of all my bad karma though.
Art. I don't like a lot of theater. Well, that's not true. I like to watch most theater. I don't necessary appreciate it all on the same level. And i definitely don't like to work with most theater. That's much of the reason I'm getting into film which, clearly, has the same problems. But I feel like there's more potential to do the stuff I want to do. Although I must say, the past few weeks have restored my faith in theater just a bit. Knowing that other people share my sensibilities and opinions and affinity for a certain kind of work is very nice. My work I want to be remembered for at Skidmore is "Experiments in Eden," and that will probably happen. "Professor Taranne" was for fun. It was to give people something funny and entertaining, and visually stimulating. I was not trying to move mountains with the latter piece, though I still created it based around my artistic philosophy. I just want people to take it for what it was.
College. Academia is a big circle jerk. You go to school, you get a degree in either something practical or something interesting. If something interesting, you have to either throw away that education when you graduate and find a completely unrelated job, or you have to keep going to school until you get your phd and then you really cant do anything but write books for academics and teach. All well and good for the people within Academia, but then what are you doing for the world? Nothing. Just passing on education to a very small and elitist group for no practical purpose. I want to change that, I mean, at least for myself. I want to devote myself to spreading the things that people know and take knowledge out of the elitist realm of academia and bring it to people through art and media. God, what a fucking task.
Myself. I am extremely smart, extremely talented, and extremely subtle and i don't that's a very good combination all the time. (It's pretty funny also that I'm saying how subtle I am while bluntly calling myself smart and talented, but usually i'm subtle). I'm not good at articulating myself through talking. Writing I'm a little bit better. But, I am an artist. I articulate my ideas in other ways. I do not like being forced to then take those ideas and translate them. That defeats the purpose. I have an extreme passion inside that no one has pushed out until recently and now I just don't know what to do with it.
I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed by all I want to do, all I have to do, all I want to know and share, all I want to create, and all I want to give.
Not everyone will appreciate my work. I know that. I'm learning to care a little less. But there will be people who do get it, who do appreciate it, and will learn and think because of it.
I think I just established myself as the tortured artist.
I am so ready to graduate and move on out of Skidmore into a new part of my life.