that would be so bad it's good, except it's not bad enough to be good enough.
Poppies bleed petals of sheer excess. You and I, this sweet battleground.
The summer has been slowly lingering on day after day. It’s funny that ‘they’ say that time flies when you are having fun, because it really is going pretty slow. Everything is just steady, and I’m very content with that right now. This month I bled a little too much of my hard-earned money on things I shouldn’t have. I’m kind of pissed off at myself. I guess I can just be relieved that I’m not at rock bottom like I used to be. I don’t blow $100+ on alcohol a week like I used to. The thought of myself a couple months ago really depresses me. God, I was hopeless. I was at the point where I was not even fazed by reality. I lost my job. I never went to school. I looked terrible. I really don’t know how the fuck I graduated. I’m not even sure if I really knew my own identity. I actually didn’t really have one…I don’t think I could have been any more dead. It’s so complicated to dig yourself out of that disgusting hole, but somehow I did it. I just have to realize that the key to happiness with myself is to find the wisdom to know the difference between what I can and cannot change. I have to learn that I can’t be dependent on anything else but myself. I can do it.
Anyway, Ben moved out and got his own apartment. It’s very nice. It was a balcony overlooking the pool! I love balconies. (that sounds so lame) I bought him a grill for his birthday to put on his balcony. Yesterday after work I helped him move in. I was exhausted even though I didn’t really do half as much as he did. We are going to get a kitten to keep him company! I’m excited. I want to name him.
I’m so bummed that Dana is leaving today. I’m going to miss her so much. We have so much fun...even when we do absolutely nothing. I wish we were as good of friends in high school. Meh. You should be jealous that I have such a good friend.
I'm lucky. :)