[fic] Senga x Nikaido - Unspoken [1/1]
Title: Unspoken
Author: BG
Pairing: Senga Kento x Nikaido Takashi, Fujigaya Taisuke x Nikaido Takashi
Ratings: PG +
Disclaimer: I do not own them.
archive
NB. This has been in the works for well over a year T___T I was going to write from Fujigaya’s point of view as well…..maybe in another year or so I’ll finally finish his part.
You may wish to read In Lieu Of. It would probably make more sense if you do.
I was nervous. I had my hands shoved so far into my pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking like crazy. I plastered a smile on but when I walked into that practice room I was struck by the intense urge to run for my life. I knew Johnny’s was a popular agency and I knew there were a lot of juniors but nothing could have prepared me for it. I felt my smile slide right off my face.
I could feel someone’s eyes watching me. It was rather disconcerting and I tried to glance around discretely but with the sheer volume of boys milling around that studio it was like searching for a needle in a haystack. I sighed and my bangs fell forward across my line of sight.
I pretty much jumped out of my skin when a hand caught my shoulder and I jerked my head up to meet his laughing eyes. My breath caught in my throat and the skin on the back of my neck prickled. He told me his name was Nikaido and asked to be my friend. At the time I hadn’t realized what it meant when my heart beat that little bit faster.
I smiled. He told me I looked cute when I smiled a real smile.
I blushed.
I spent a lot of time with Nikaido. He introduced me to many other juniors but truth be told I pretty much just followed him everywhere. Nikaido was friendly with everyone but he took great care when listening to the staff-san as they relayed various informations to us. It didn’t take me very long to realize that my first impression of Nikaido being quiet, serious and studious was far off base.
It hadn’t taken long at all for my heart to beat faster that the sound of his voice or his stomach to do a rather curious flip-flop at the sight of his smile. I had been young. I hadn’t realized how much Nikaido affected me until it was too late. I hadn’t realized how much he meant to me.
After Kis-My-Ft2 was formed Nikaido changed. It was subtle but it was definite. I had closed my eyes against the changes and figured it was just the pressure of being in a group with older more experienced members. Nikaido was different. He stopped waiting for me after practice. Sometimes he didn’t take my calls, he used to answer even when they came at all hours of the night. Mails I sent went unanswered.
I had ignored the signs and pretended that everything would right itself again. The truth was we were growing apart. It scared me silly. I plastered my smile on and I pretended.
It had been foolish of me.
When I saw it that first time it made me sick to my stomach; golden hands against that creamy skin. I wanted to bound through the door and rip them apart. The anger bubbled up and pressed against my throat until I wanted to scream….or cry.
Nikaido’s eyes were closed and his head was tilted back. I watched, my hands clenched at my side, as his back arched and his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. I watched as Nikaido lifted a hand and hesitated before dropping it back to his side.
Now that I was aware of it I saw it all the time. I saw the hold Fujigaya had over Nikaido and I hated him for it. When I walked in on an intensely private scene between Kitayama and Fujigaya I hated him even more.
Did Nikaido know?
Then I realized, of course he knew.
Most of the time when I tried to ask about it Nikaido brushed me away, my concern was disregarded. I wanted to scream at him, to grab at his shoulders and shake the sense back into him.
I asked him once.
“Why don’t you just give up?”
He told me.
“It isn’t a case of giving up. It isn’t like that at all.”
After that I left it alone for a long time. I didn’t understand. If it was something of convenience then why did Nikaido seem so discontent? And Fujigaya obviously doesn’t love him. I’ve seen it; Fujigaya is neither considerate nor gentle when he’s with Nikaido.
Why would you keep going back? Was he in love?
I never expected it to happen. I thought he’d brush me away not open his arms and hold me close to him. I knew by now that I was in love with him. He accepted my kisses and I never asked about the fading bruises that marred his perfect skin; elongated bruises that circled his arms and adorned the curve of his hips.
I didn’t ask about the times he disappeared anymore. I didn’t want to know.
When Nikaido was with me I wanted to believe that he was really there with me. I didn’t want to know if he was imagining someone else. He was kissing me, touching me, holding me in his arms. I wanted to believe that.
I had to.
I could feel tears well in my eyes.
“It’s enough like this.”
I looked at him in disbelief.
“How is it enough? How?”
Nikaido just looked away, averting his gaze.
“If I were to fall in love I’d want everything.”
I could barely believe what I was saying. Nikaido looked at me with an expression I had never encountered on his features before. It left me speechless. He leaves me breathless.
He walks away. Again and again he turns away and I always let him.
If I could reach out, if I could find my words to tell him, would he stay? Or would he turn, as he always does, back to him
Nikaido showed up on my doorstep late one evening. He was drenched and shivering and in all my years of knowing Nikaido, never before have I seen him look so small. He offered me a small grateful smile as I ushered him inside once I got over my shock.
He was toeing out of his shoes when I walked back into the foyer. He glanced up at me through his damp fringe with dark eyes and my heart skipped a beat. I threw a towel at his head and he mumbled thanks.
“Your parents.”
“Visiting family.”
He looped the towel around his neck and peeled of his wet jacket. He stalked past me shrugging out of his button down shirt. He met my eye as he passed and I forgot to breathe.
He snagged my hand and dragged me down the hall. By the time we reached my room he was half naked and his pants were undone. He did an odd hop step and a jump and kicked them into the bathroom across the hall before falling through the doorway into my room. We went down in a tangled heap and he was laughing.
He looked happier than he had in a long time.
His smile made me melt and he pulled me against him. His skin was cold and he was shivering but his hands moved constantly across my skin, his breath was erratic and his laughter breathless.
I wondered briefly what had happened but he kissed me again and covered my body with his. I let myself get lost.
He holds my hand sometimes. Not all the time. I don’t ask him why but I fold my hand inside his whenever he reaches for me. The bruises have faded and Nikaido always meets my eye now. I was happy.
So when I opened the change room door the scene I witnessed hit me so hard I was winded. I dropped my bag and my skates. I couldn’t hear anything over the roar of my heartbeat. I watched mute as Nikaido’s dark glassy eyes opened and his gaze met mine.
Was it all a lie then? Everything?
I saw Nikaido push at Fujigaya’s shoulders, could see his lips open, as if to call my name. I didn’t want to hear it.
I walked away.
I never said the words aloud.
I can’t help but wonder if maybe, maybe if I had had the courage, maybe if I had said them, would things be different? But I hadn’t said them and now the moment has slipped away. I didn’t say them and now it’s gone.
It’s gone.
It’s like it was never there.
How can something unspoken seem so loud?
xXx
AN. Bah~ >>
Author: BG
Pairing: Senga Kento x Nikaido Takashi, Fujigaya Taisuke x Nikaido Takashi
Ratings: PG +
Disclaimer: I do not own them.
archive
NB. This has been in the works for well over a year T___T I was going to write from Fujigaya’s point of view as well…..maybe in another year or so I’ll finally finish his part.
You may wish to read In Lieu Of. It would probably make more sense if you do.
I was nervous. I had my hands shoved so far into my pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking like crazy. I plastered a smile on but when I walked into that practice room I was struck by the intense urge to run for my life. I knew Johnny’s was a popular agency and I knew there were a lot of juniors but nothing could have prepared me for it. I felt my smile slide right off my face.
I could feel someone’s eyes watching me. It was rather disconcerting and I tried to glance around discretely but with the sheer volume of boys milling around that studio it was like searching for a needle in a haystack. I sighed and my bangs fell forward across my line of sight.
I pretty much jumped out of my skin when a hand caught my shoulder and I jerked my head up to meet his laughing eyes. My breath caught in my throat and the skin on the back of my neck prickled. He told me his name was Nikaido and asked to be my friend. At the time I hadn’t realized what it meant when my heart beat that little bit faster.
I smiled. He told me I looked cute when I smiled a real smile.
I blushed.
I spent a lot of time with Nikaido. He introduced me to many other juniors but truth be told I pretty much just followed him everywhere. Nikaido was friendly with everyone but he took great care when listening to the staff-san as they relayed various informations to us. It didn’t take me very long to realize that my first impression of Nikaido being quiet, serious and studious was far off base.
It hadn’t taken long at all for my heart to beat faster that the sound of his voice or his stomach to do a rather curious flip-flop at the sight of his smile. I had been young. I hadn’t realized how much Nikaido affected me until it was too late. I hadn’t realized how much he meant to me.
After Kis-My-Ft2 was formed Nikaido changed. It was subtle but it was definite. I had closed my eyes against the changes and figured it was just the pressure of being in a group with older more experienced members. Nikaido was different. He stopped waiting for me after practice. Sometimes he didn’t take my calls, he used to answer even when they came at all hours of the night. Mails I sent went unanswered.
I had ignored the signs and pretended that everything would right itself again. The truth was we were growing apart. It scared me silly. I plastered my smile on and I pretended.
It had been foolish of me.
When I saw it that first time it made me sick to my stomach; golden hands against that creamy skin. I wanted to bound through the door and rip them apart. The anger bubbled up and pressed against my throat until I wanted to scream….or cry.
Nikaido’s eyes were closed and his head was tilted back. I watched, my hands clenched at my side, as his back arched and his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. I watched as Nikaido lifted a hand and hesitated before dropping it back to his side.
Now that I was aware of it I saw it all the time. I saw the hold Fujigaya had over Nikaido and I hated him for it. When I walked in on an intensely private scene between Kitayama and Fujigaya I hated him even more.
Did Nikaido know?
Then I realized, of course he knew.
Most of the time when I tried to ask about it Nikaido brushed me away, my concern was disregarded. I wanted to scream at him, to grab at his shoulders and shake the sense back into him.
I asked him once.
“Why don’t you just give up?”
He told me.
“It isn’t a case of giving up. It isn’t like that at all.”
After that I left it alone for a long time. I didn’t understand. If it was something of convenience then why did Nikaido seem so discontent? And Fujigaya obviously doesn’t love him. I’ve seen it; Fujigaya is neither considerate nor gentle when he’s with Nikaido.
Why would you keep going back? Was he in love?
I never expected it to happen. I thought he’d brush me away not open his arms and hold me close to him. I knew by now that I was in love with him. He accepted my kisses and I never asked about the fading bruises that marred his perfect skin; elongated bruises that circled his arms and adorned the curve of his hips.
I didn’t ask about the times he disappeared anymore. I didn’t want to know.
When Nikaido was with me I wanted to believe that he was really there with me. I didn’t want to know if he was imagining someone else. He was kissing me, touching me, holding me in his arms. I wanted to believe that.
I had to.
I could feel tears well in my eyes.
“It’s enough like this.”
I looked at him in disbelief.
“How is it enough? How?”
Nikaido just looked away, averting his gaze.
“If I were to fall in love I’d want everything.”
I could barely believe what I was saying. Nikaido looked at me with an expression I had never encountered on his features before. It left me speechless. He leaves me breathless.
He walks away. Again and again he turns away and I always let him.
If I could reach out, if I could find my words to tell him, would he stay? Or would he turn, as he always does, back to him
Nikaido showed up on my doorstep late one evening. He was drenched and shivering and in all my years of knowing Nikaido, never before have I seen him look so small. He offered me a small grateful smile as I ushered him inside once I got over my shock.
He was toeing out of his shoes when I walked back into the foyer. He glanced up at me through his damp fringe with dark eyes and my heart skipped a beat. I threw a towel at his head and he mumbled thanks.
“Your parents.”
“Visiting family.”
He looped the towel around his neck and peeled of his wet jacket. He stalked past me shrugging out of his button down shirt. He met my eye as he passed and I forgot to breathe.
He snagged my hand and dragged me down the hall. By the time we reached my room he was half naked and his pants were undone. He did an odd hop step and a jump and kicked them into the bathroom across the hall before falling through the doorway into my room. We went down in a tangled heap and he was laughing.
He looked happier than he had in a long time.
His smile made me melt and he pulled me against him. His skin was cold and he was shivering but his hands moved constantly across my skin, his breath was erratic and his laughter breathless.
I wondered briefly what had happened but he kissed me again and covered my body with his. I let myself get lost.
He holds my hand sometimes. Not all the time. I don’t ask him why but I fold my hand inside his whenever he reaches for me. The bruises have faded and Nikaido always meets my eye now. I was happy.
So when I opened the change room door the scene I witnessed hit me so hard I was winded. I dropped my bag and my skates. I couldn’t hear anything over the roar of my heartbeat. I watched mute as Nikaido’s dark glassy eyes opened and his gaze met mine.
Was it all a lie then? Everything?
I saw Nikaido push at Fujigaya’s shoulders, could see his lips open, as if to call my name. I didn’t want to hear it.
I walked away.
I never said the words aloud.
I can’t help but wonder if maybe, maybe if I had had the courage, maybe if I had said them, would things be different? But I hadn’t said them and now the moment has slipped away. I didn’t say them and now it’s gone.
It’s gone.
It’s like it was never there.
How can something unspoken seem so loud?
xXx
AN. Bah~ >>