Disco Items
Maybe it's time I upgraded to a camera phone because I feel like I missed an opportunity today. Stop and Shop had a big rack full of "Disco Items," which as it turns out is just short for Discounted Items, but I would have had a lot of fun Photoshopping in a disco ball on one of the shelves interspersed with the sundry crap. On closer inspection, I saw that one of the Disco Items was Garlic and Onion Jam! Of all things to invoke nostalgia! While I have never tasted this delectable treat, it brings me back to my Mad magazine reading days of yore when I used to have a subscription to th Johnson Smith Co's Things you never knew existed but can't live without! This is where you go to buy plastic ice cubes with a fly in them or yuke flavored gag bubble gum. Naturally I couldn't help thinking about how funny it would be to send my kid brother off to school with a peanut butter and garlic onion jam sandwich. Too bad he's 24.
Speaking of youth... My company started offering free beverages at work (" With Benefits") but now this just encouraged people to have a drink at a whim any time during the day and promptly tripled our consumption of deadly styrofoam cups. In a new campaign called "Earth Day Every Day" we received a new aluminum thermos cup today. It's not a bad cup. It even has a Name:___________ area because the last time they tried this everyone took them home because it was hard to keep track of which cup was yours at the lunch table. I'm taking suggestions of what to write in that space. My brainstorm cleared to sunny skies after just one single idea, Slim Shady. But I don't want to create distractions with people asking me how can I be slim if I'm so phat? Returning to the point, I do have one complaint about the cup. My hand doesn't fit inside so I can't very well clean it. This might pose a problem if I'm to avoid giving up my exemplary attendance record to illness. So I asked my admin if there are any plans to provide brushes and dish soap at the sinks in the cafe. She said I'm not the first person to ask her that. Not to be outdone, I raised the stakes: "It might be an even better idea to get some child labor dishwashers in here that have really small hands! I bet no one else thought of that!"
Got a problem? Call the engineers. We got answers. Aww yeah.
Tired of your Molotov Cocktail burning your hands? Solved.
Speaking of youth... My company started offering free beverages at work (" With Benefits") but now this just encouraged people to have a drink at a whim any time during the day and promptly tripled our consumption of deadly styrofoam cups. In a new campaign called "Earth Day Every Day" we received a new aluminum thermos cup today. It's not a bad cup. It even has a Name:___________ area because the last time they tried this everyone took them home because it was hard to keep track of which cup was yours at the lunch table. I'm taking suggestions of what to write in that space. My brainstorm cleared to sunny skies after just one single idea, Slim Shady. But I don't want to create distractions with people asking me how can I be slim if I'm so phat? Returning to the point, I do have one complaint about the cup. My hand doesn't fit inside so I can't very well clean it. This might pose a problem if I'm to avoid giving up my exemplary attendance record to illness. So I asked my admin if there are any plans to provide brushes and dish soap at the sinks in the cafe. She said I'm not the first person to ask her that. Not to be outdone, I raised the stakes: "It might be an even better idea to get some child labor dishwashers in here that have really small hands! I bet no one else thought of that!"
Got a problem? Call the engineers. We got answers. Aww yeah.
Tired of your Molotov Cocktail burning your hands? Solved.