Party at Shelby's Hizzouse; hell at my moms!
I am so excited about spring break!! I get to go back to Missouri for a week. I will probably be at Shelby's for a few days and I know it will be great bcause it always is. We'll hopefull have a party and she'll have everyone over.
I am a little worried about seeing my mom though. She's the whole reason I came up here again and I know she's just going to give me shit. All she does is bring me down and try to make me look and feel like a failure. I use to complain about her to everyone, my dad, my friends, other family members, and no one believed me. then people actually started to see her for who she really was. I was happy about it to... she could't hide anymore.
but the thing is I thought in some way tthat would make her change... if people knew HOW she was then maybe she would be... embaressed. She's not, she's worse. And I still have to deal with her B.S. almost everyday. I hate the way she is, and I find myself asking Is it possible to hate someone and at the same time love them?
3/27/04
EDIT:
I think I had a break through conversation with my mom last night. It started with me just going off on her and basically saying I wasn't going to be her bitch any more. Later on in the night she called me to tell me she didn't want to have anything with me and I said that was fine because i didn't need her. We yelled at each other for about two hours. The past was brought up and everything that it involves. That led to me crying and just telling her everything. She started to cry too. I can't believe she was crying. As much as I hate some of the things shes put me through and as many times as she's made me cry I HATE IT when I make her cry. So there we were crying and eventually we agreed to work on our relationship. And she said she wants to be apart of my life. I really don't think I could live with out her; I mean she is my mom even through EVERYTHING. God all the things. So we talked a little while longer and said our good byes and I told her I would come see her on Spring Break.
I feel as though we have had this same conversation a thousand times befor. We are all nice too each other for awhile then things go back to the way they were. I don't know though it seems different this time. Maybe it was her crying maybe it was me standing up for myself maybe it will be different. We'll see.
I am a little worried about seeing my mom though. She's the whole reason I came up here again and I know she's just going to give me shit. All she does is bring me down and try to make me look and feel like a failure. I use to complain about her to everyone, my dad, my friends, other family members, and no one believed me. then people actually started to see her for who she really was. I was happy about it to... she could't hide anymore.
but the thing is I thought in some way tthat would make her change... if people knew HOW she was then maybe she would be... embaressed. She's not, she's worse. And I still have to deal with her B.S. almost everyday. I hate the way she is, and I find myself asking Is it possible to hate someone and at the same time love them?
3/27/04
EDIT:
I think I had a break through conversation with my mom last night. It started with me just going off on her and basically saying I wasn't going to be her bitch any more. Later on in the night she called me to tell me she didn't want to have anything with me and I said that was fine because i didn't need her. We yelled at each other for about two hours. The past was brought up and everything that it involves. That led to me crying and just telling her everything. She started to cry too. I can't believe she was crying. As much as I hate some of the things shes put me through and as many times as she's made me cry I HATE IT when I make her cry. So there we were crying and eventually we agreed to work on our relationship. And she said she wants to be apart of my life. I really don't think I could live with out her; I mean she is my mom even through EVERYTHING. God all the things. So we talked a little while longer and said our good byes and I told her I would come see her on Spring Break.
I feel as though we have had this same conversation a thousand times befor. We are all nice too each other for awhile then things go back to the way they were. I don't know though it seems different this time. Maybe it was her crying maybe it was me standing up for myself maybe it will be different. We'll see.