Reflections of the past...
I went through the live journal again. It seams I do that about every year or so. To look back and reflect on where I am. Oddly enough it seems I usually do this around the times I have to go to funerals. It is very hard for me right now as many painful deaths were brought back by the latest loss to my family. My Uncle Lloyd was very close to me. He was there When my grandmother died nearly 17 years ago. While that pain has dulled to a dull ache the pain from Steven, My Uncle Kevin, My grandfather, and several others is still very fresh and open wounds. I miss them so much sometimes I don't think the pain will end. I was looking back and since my husband and I were married I have attended more than 15 funerals. That is more than 2 a year. no one should ever have to do that. I am surprised the man is still here. I know what I am like when I am in emotional pain. I have gotten much better at dealing thou. In a way I think I have gone numb. I wonder sometimes if I did something to cause their deaths. Is it some punishment I deserve. I realize it is not it just feels that way. I am incredibly tired. Much like when Steven died I feel like an old dish rag, warn abused and wrung out left wet in the sink.
On a brighter note the flood from the air conditioner is gone and it still works. The apartments I live in are up for sale. I am hoping that this will convince larry's mother to let us move. She has been acting somewhat better lately. She is worried about my health that is at least some improvement.
I will graduate this May. May 10th My grandmother Nelson's Birthday. She passed away on Election day in 2000. I guess them putting in Bush for the first time was just to much for her.
The Larps are good. I enjoy my characters. I am dropping several classes at school. I have a hard time sitting and listening to someone who hates their job try to convince me what a wonderful experience their work is.
Still hanging at the doster's Freddie is hanging over there occasionally rarely and usually he plays on the computer but at least he is out of his house. I am helping him in his classes. I am hoping to talk Larry into getting us a membership to the Y. I really need to try to get in better shape. I am not holding my breath but I need to try to lose ALOT of weight. It's not that I feel bad about myself. It's that my weight is causing my health issues and that is not good.
Still trying to figure out where I want to be besides with Larry. I really think I could be perfectly happy just being with him for eternity. I know everyone else thinks I need a job and money and stuff I just don't see why I need those things. I am relatively healthy Extremely happy with my life at present and I love my husband I don't see what else I need, aside from losing some weight.
Well I think this post is more than long enough so I am going to crash.
All My Love Guys
Tonya
On a brighter note the flood from the air conditioner is gone and it still works. The apartments I live in are up for sale. I am hoping that this will convince larry's mother to let us move. She has been acting somewhat better lately. She is worried about my health that is at least some improvement.
I will graduate this May. May 10th My grandmother Nelson's Birthday. She passed away on Election day in 2000. I guess them putting in Bush for the first time was just to much for her.
The Larps are good. I enjoy my characters. I am dropping several classes at school. I have a hard time sitting and listening to someone who hates their job try to convince me what a wonderful experience their work is.
Still hanging at the doster's Freddie is hanging over there occasionally rarely and usually he plays on the computer but at least he is out of his house. I am helping him in his classes. I am hoping to talk Larry into getting us a membership to the Y. I really need to try to get in better shape. I am not holding my breath but I need to try to lose ALOT of weight. It's not that I feel bad about myself. It's that my weight is causing my health issues and that is not good.
Still trying to figure out where I want to be besides with Larry. I really think I could be perfectly happy just being with him for eternity. I know everyone else thinks I need a job and money and stuff I just don't see why I need those things. I am relatively healthy Extremely happy with my life at present and I love my husband I don't see what else I need, aside from losing some weight.
Well I think this post is more than long enough so I am going to crash.
All My Love Guys
Tonya