Yeah, it's really interesting how words like "middle-class" and "privileged" can be perfectly accurate descriptors, but seem like insults. I think it's because they're so often used to describe negative things that it's hard to hear them any other way. (For the record, I'm white, American, upper-middle class, and extremely privileged in a number of ways.)
A lot of people have actually said they prefer your sort of "I'm a person, ooh, this looks interesting and useful, may as well stay around and keep it up" attitude towards the more mission-focused type. (I have an emotional tendency to get drawn into "I shall go forth and Do Good!" so my natural inclination is to defend it, but it's definitely something that can often cross the line into icky White Savior territory.)
It sounds like the whole experience did have an impact on your life, but one that doesn't exactly fit the conventional narrative of how these things are supposed to go, and that may be part of the reason why you're having trouble.
I did the Peace Corps with an eye towards going forth doing good and noble stuff, and it mostly ended up being just living. There was a lot of time spent sitting through boring staff meetings, going out drinking with friends, popping into the nearest city for pizza and a movie, and doing stuff that would never make the Noble Overseas Mission montage. And when I came home, I'd learned some new things, but I hadn't undergone any kind of radical transformation. I think that's how things end up for most people.
A lot of people have actually said they prefer your sort of "I'm a person, ooh, this looks interesting and useful, may as well stay around and keep it up" attitude towards the more mission-focused type. (I have an emotional tendency to get drawn into "I shall go forth and Do Good!" so my natural inclination is to defend it, but it's definitely something that can often cross the line into icky White Savior territory.)
It sounds like the whole experience did have an impact on your life, but one that doesn't exactly fit the conventional narrative of how these things are supposed to go, and that may be part of the reason why you're having trouble.
I did the Peace Corps with an eye towards going forth doing good and noble stuff, and it mostly ended up being just living. There was a lot of time spent sitting through boring staff meetings, going out drinking with friends, popping into the nearest city for pizza and a movie, and doing stuff that would never make the Noble Overseas Mission montage. And when I came home, I'd learned some new things, but I hadn't undergone any kind of radical transformation. I think that's how things end up for most people.
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