where did everybody go?
So...I have been having a lot of issues lately. I feel like i am here in abilene and no one can relate to me...not even my roommate. I have felt really alone this semester....it definitely has not been good for me. Sometimes I feel like everybody just assumes that I am fine since I have always been...and that I am not struggling or hurting in ways that they dont bother to find out about. It hurts...because I want to know what is going on in their lives and stuff and they come to me and ask for advice and prayer...which i love to give and do...but sometimes they forget to ask me about things..and if i need prayer...or if I need someone to talk to about things. Sometimes it hurts. Where did everybody go? I used to feel like I could relate to all my friends and everything would be great...but I have felt a sort of distance from a lot of them...and it sucks. I feel frustrated because it seems that there is a wall or something not sure what...between some of the most important people in my life. I feel like this huge support system I had before is not there..or aware that I just may need them right now. My family especially likes to call and unload crap on me and expect me to give them some revelation or grand plan to fix things...but sometimes I just cant do it. Graduate school is really crazy right now..and i am getting really stressed out. I feel like when I get something finished I cant really celebrate because I still have a whole list of other things to do. I think that sometimes I lose the joy in what God intended because I am so worried about other things. I also miss my music. I love singing and everything to do with music and I have not had the chance to perform or sing much at all since graduation. That makes me incredibly sad. I miss my michael too. I really need him right now. There are some things that nobody else but him can help me with and it sucks. I know that he has his own stuff to worry about but I realy wish that I could be with him right now and not have to wait until January. It has been really hard...but it is my own fault I suppose. Maybe I did not listen close enough to God when He was telling me what to do or suggesting I go a certain way. Maybe I was too worried about my own stuff that I did make the wrong choice. I am trying to figure out why I came back to Abilene...if there is a reason why I am here and if it wasnt just a poor decision. I have not figured out what that might be...
I have been just trying to get each day over with and that is so unlike me because I am usually a postive and joyful person. I do love the MFT program. It was also so good to see all my gamma sigma girls and everyone else at homecoming this weekend. It was weird being an alumnus. I also felt a little weird being there though ...things have just not set right with me lately. I dont know what it is. I definitely need prayer. I love this new song by Nichole Nordeman called "Someday"...its my favorite song right now...some good lyrics.."We are born with a lingering hunger...we are born to be unsatisfied...we are strangers who cant help but wander and dream about the other side...and someday all thats crazy all thats unexplained..will fall into place...and someday all that hazy through a clouded glass will be clear at last.." It just relates to everything going on in with my spirit and stuff. I like it. :) I am way excited too because Nichole Nordeman is coming for a concert in Abilene...you should all go...october 23..she is fabulous...maybe one of the backup singers will get sick and I can take their place...is that mean? :) I do get to serve Nichole Nordeman and her band some dinner and stuff at the church before they sing and help the band clean up afterwards..maybe I will slip a demo in her bag or something. :) I miss singing so much it makes me wanna cry.
I know there are a lot of people struggling right now with things and such. I just hope you guys are taking it up to GOd with prayer...sometimes I take for granted that He is there and waiting for me to share the day with Him. I suck sometimes. Today was an okay day. I was a Soprano 2 judge for the All-Region vocal auditions. It was a lot of fun...but after 69 rounds of "Johnny said no" and "Jubilate Deo"...I was ready to get out of there. It was weird to think I used to be the little girl behind the curtain freaked out by the judges listening to me sing on the other side. I used to freak out befor auditions. My music would be colored in 10 different shades of marker with encouragement and bible scriptures..my backpack would have like 5 back up water bottles...my shoes would come off when I got in the audition room...deep breath..sing it....first chair...yaya. I used to get so pissed if I got anything over 3rd chair...:) I was a total nerd....but i loved it. TOday was a good reminder of my passion for music. Its awesome how God reminds me of those things everyday. Anyways..im just babbling...have a good day! God BLess!
I have been just trying to get each day over with and that is so unlike me because I am usually a postive and joyful person. I do love the MFT program. It was also so good to see all my gamma sigma girls and everyone else at homecoming this weekend. It was weird being an alumnus. I also felt a little weird being there though ...things have just not set right with me lately. I dont know what it is. I definitely need prayer. I love this new song by Nichole Nordeman called "Someday"...its my favorite song right now...some good lyrics.."We are born with a lingering hunger...we are born to be unsatisfied...we are strangers who cant help but wander and dream about the other side...and someday all thats crazy all thats unexplained..will fall into place...and someday all that hazy through a clouded glass will be clear at last.." It just relates to everything going on in with my spirit and stuff. I like it. :) I am way excited too because Nichole Nordeman is coming for a concert in Abilene...you should all go...october 23..she is fabulous...maybe one of the backup singers will get sick and I can take their place...is that mean? :) I do get to serve Nichole Nordeman and her band some dinner and stuff at the church before they sing and help the band clean up afterwards..maybe I will slip a demo in her bag or something. :) I miss singing so much it makes me wanna cry.
I know there are a lot of people struggling right now with things and such. I just hope you guys are taking it up to GOd with prayer...sometimes I take for granted that He is there and waiting for me to share the day with Him. I suck sometimes. Today was an okay day. I was a Soprano 2 judge for the All-Region vocal auditions. It was a lot of fun...but after 69 rounds of "Johnny said no" and "Jubilate Deo"...I was ready to get out of there. It was weird to think I used to be the little girl behind the curtain freaked out by the judges listening to me sing on the other side. I used to freak out befor auditions. My music would be colored in 10 different shades of marker with encouragement and bible scriptures..my backpack would have like 5 back up water bottles...my shoes would come off when I got in the audition room...deep breath..sing it....first chair...yaya. I used to get so pissed if I got anything over 3rd chair...:) I was a total nerd....but i loved it. TOday was a good reminder of my passion for music. Its awesome how God reminds me of those things everyday. Anyways..im just babbling...have a good day! God BLess!