Jason is alone up in his room, curled on his side with a book. He'll being going to sleep soon enough, but he just wants to finish one more chapter before he does. A quiet end to a quiet day.
Nathaniel slips out of his room and heads a door down, sighing tiredly. He's spent most of the day curled up in bed, unhappy, replaying everything in his head. He can't quite figure out what he's doing wrong, why Anita will go to everyone but him, but she can feed from him and his lust without all that much hesitance. It's horribly unfair, and he doesn't want to burden Asher with his unhappiness.
So he knocks lightly on Jason's door, just in case the wolf is already sleeping. When he's given the okay to enter, Nathaniel slinks in, eyes falling on Jason.
"Would you mind if I spent the night here?" he asks, hovering by the door.
Jason scoffs and motions him closer. "Do you even have to ask? You're always welcome here, Nat."
He sets his book on the nightstand and scoots over, making room. "You're back then? Everything ok?"
He's noticed the lack of friends from back home in the Bar and figured they must have been called back. Seeing Nat, though, he knows that everything is not ok.
Nathaniel scrambles into the bed beside Jason, cuddling close to the older man.
"We're back. Went through the crap with Musette. Not pleasant. I don't want to do that again... and Asher's with Jean-Claude and Anita. I'm not sure how I really feel about that, but Asher gave me the second mark." He tilts his head up to look at Jason. "He also gave me piercings, since the second mark is more for him than me. I was happy about it. And then I talked to Damian today and... he and Anita..."
He shakes his head, sighing.
"You're fucking her. Asher's fucking her. Damian's fucking her. But I'm not. I'm the only one feeding her but not having sex. I love her. I think she loves me because she looks after me like everyone else, but I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong that she won't make love with me too."
Jason sighs, wrapping his arm around Nathaniel, stroking his arm comfortingly. "Well, if we're getting technical, I 'fucked' her, but if it makes you feel any better, she considers me strictly a last resort."
He's quiet for a moment, wondering what to say. Should he tell Nat that he'll get there? Should he give the advice he knows he'll be giving Nathaniel shortly in that other timeline? Fucking Milliways.
"I'm not sure what to tell you, Nat. She does love you. She got pissed at me for pointing out how much she holds back from everyone, especially you. She doesn't think she should be able to love more than one person, and..."
He stops, again wondering how much to say. "You bring out the protector in her, Nat. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's not an image she can shake easily."
Nathaniel cuddles closer, shaking his head a little.
"I bring out the protector in everyone," he murmurs. "Most of the time, I don't mind, but right now... right now I mind. I mind that all she sees is that I'm broken and need to be fixed somehow."
Because he's doesn't need to be fixed, even if there are broken bits to him.
He smooths back Nathaniel's hair. "We're doing what we can to convince her otherwise, Nat. I'd rather convince her she's wrong than ask you to change who you are."
Which is good because he's finally starting to rather like who he is.
Nathaniel closes his eyes, leaning into Jason's touch. It's soothing just being around Jason, and Nathaniel knows he made the right choice to come to him.
"I know," he says. "I'm grateful, you have to know that, I'm just..."
He's young and impatient, seeing everyone else around him having what he's wanted since Anita first took him in.
There's a hesitant sigh from Jason. "As tough as she is, Nat, she's just not a top. She likes being dominated, even if she doesn't understand the extent that you like it."
"Jason, I'm not a top. Not in any sense of the word."
He may, on a rare occasion near a full moon, taken Asher, but it was by no means dominant. Asher retained the control, his role only to satisfy what his master wanted from him.
"I'm just telling you what I've noticed from her, Nat. You love her so much and you can't tell that? She might be fine giving orders in bed and she'd probably end up drawing blood if you wanted, but I really think you're going to need to meet her halfway if you want in her bed."
He continues stroking Nathaniel's hair, not liking the advice he has to give. "It's not like you'd have to all-out dominate her, but show her you've got a pair and she might see you as more than someone to be protected."
"I don't know how, Jason," he admits. "Even when I'm on top with Asher, he's the one who controls everything. I've never been with someone I had to be the dominant one with. I don't even know where to begin with that."
Jason is quiet for a moment, thinking. "How about just starting with baby steps? I don't think you'd be happy completely overhauling your life just to suit Anita if you and Asher are happy. And you shouldn't. But if you want to catch her eye, let her know once in awhile what you want."
He feels comfortable in this advice, because he thinks it would be good for Nathaniel anyway. Being a sub is well and good, but he needs to be able to speak his mind.
"Don't let her blow you off and just slink off with your tail between your legs. Open up and tell her; and don't get all nervous and look away, either. Look her in the eye and tell her how you feel and what you want."
Nathaniel sighs, cuddling Jason. Not an overhaul of himself, but a tune-up. That's what Jason and Asher were asking of him, and what Anita would probably settle for.
Compromise, he supposes.
"You think I can do that?" he asks softly. "Do you think I can change even that much?"
Not even because he's already seen it in his own time. "When you came back after your younger self was in the Bar, you didn't roll over. You got up in my face and said what was on your mind. And that's good, Nat; that's what we want for you."
"I was angry, Jason," Nathaniel reminds him, nuzzling the wolf's throat with a sigh. "I was hurt and I lashed out. Lashing out isn't going to get Anita to see me as more than her house leopard."
Also, Anita intimidates him in ways he's only accustomed to with Asher, but where Asher would bend for him, Nathaniel isn't certain Anita will.
So he knocks lightly on Jason's door, just in case the wolf is already sleeping. When he's given the okay to enter, Nathaniel slinks in, eyes falling on Jason.
"Would you mind if I spent the night here?" he asks, hovering by the door.
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He sets his book on the nightstand and scoots over, making room. "You're back then? Everything ok?"
He's noticed the lack of friends from back home in the Bar and figured they must have been called back. Seeing Nat, though, he knows that everything is not ok.
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"We're back. Went through the crap with Musette. Not pleasant. I don't want to do that again... and Asher's with Jean-Claude and Anita. I'm not sure how I really feel about that, but Asher gave me the second mark." He tilts his head up to look at Jason. "He also gave me piercings, since the second mark is more for him than me. I was happy about it. And then I talked to Damian today and... he and Anita..."
He shakes his head, sighing.
"You're fucking her. Asher's fucking her. Damian's fucking her. But I'm not. I'm the only one feeding her but not having sex. I love her. I think she loves me because she looks after me like everyone else, but I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong that she won't make love with me too."
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He's quiet for a moment, wondering what to say. Should he tell Nat that he'll get there? Should he give the advice he knows he'll be giving Nathaniel shortly in that other timeline? Fucking Milliways.
"I'm not sure what to tell you, Nat. She does love you. She got pissed at me for pointing out how much she holds back from everyone, especially you. She doesn't think she should be able to love more than one person, and..."
He stops, again wondering how much to say. "You bring out the protector in her, Nat. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's not an image she can shake easily."
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"I bring out the protector in everyone," he murmurs. "Most of the time, I don't mind, but right now... right now I mind. I mind that all she sees is that I'm broken and need to be fixed somehow."
Because he's doesn't need to be fixed, even if there are broken bits to him.
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Nathaniel closes his eyes, leaning into Jason's touch. It's soothing just being around Jason, and Nathaniel knows he made the right choice to come to him.
"I know," he says. "I'm grateful, you have to know that, I'm just..."
He's young and impatient, seeing everyone else around him having what he's wanted since Anita first took him in.
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"Jason, I'm not a top. Not in any sense of the word."
He may, on a rare occasion near a full moon, taken Asher, but it was by no means dominant. Asher retained the control, his role only to satisfy what his master wanted from him.
"I can't dominate her."
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He continues stroking Nathaniel's hair, not liking the advice he has to give. "It's not like you'd have to all-out dominate her, but show her you've got a pair and she might see you as more than someone to be protected."
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It doesn't mean Nathaniel has to like it.
"I don't know how, Jason," he admits. "Even when I'm on top with Asher, he's the one who controls everything. I've never been with someone I had to be the dominant one with. I don't even know where to begin with that."
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He feels comfortable in this advice, because he thinks it would be good for Nathaniel anyway. Being a sub is well and good, but he needs to be able to speak his mind.
"Don't let her blow you off and just slink off with your tail between your legs. Open up and tell her; and don't get all nervous and look away, either. Look her in the eye and tell her how you feel and what you want."
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Compromise, he supposes.
"You think I can do that?" he asks softly. "Do you think I can change even that much?"
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Not even because he's already seen it in his own time. "When you came back after your younger self was in the Bar, you didn't roll over. You got up in my face and said what was on your mind. And that's good, Nat; that's what we want for you."
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Also, Anita intimidates him in ways he's only accustomed to with Asher, but where Asher would bend for him, Nathaniel isn't certain Anita will.
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He gives a shaky sigh and bumps his chin against Nathaniel's forehead goodnaturedly. "Hey, stop teasing."
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