At the Crossroads
He was running. Running down...the hallway. OK, that one was new. There was a sense of urgency that he had to get to his room. But nothing was chasing him...
He saw the door and flung it open, throwing himself inside. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to see in there; he just knew the room wouldn't be empty.
He stared in shock.
He was lounging in the armchair, one leg dangling over the arm of the chair as he smirked at Jason's shocked face. "Took you long enough."
Jason continued to stand against the door, gaping at the figure in the chair. "You're...you're..."
"Me. Well, you. Us." The other Jason laughed, swinging his foot to the floor and sitting up. "You were expecting someone else?"
"I wasn't expecting this." He sighed, pushing away from the door. These dreams were getting crazier. His eyes raked over the other...him, and his mouth quirked up. "You look good."
Jason snorted. "You look like shit."
He frowned. "Thanks a lot."
"Hey, don't get pissy with me: I didn't fuck up how we look. You did that on your own." He sighed. "We never had to work out for this body, and now you're going to make us have to work for it."
He frowned, looking down at himself. "What's wrong with how I look?"
His other self gestured to the mirror. "See for yourself: you try to live off blow and it takes its toll, especially with our metabolism."
Jason stepped forward, but the image was distorted for all the cracks in the glass; large chunks of his image missing from pieces having fallen from the mirror.
"Oops," said Other Jason, "Forgot about that."
Jason growled, turning away from the mirror. "Fine, so what do you want? You're going to give me a lecture and then I'll wake up, so let's get this over with."
His other self looked up in amused surprise. "Lecture? No, I'm just here for the ride. You made me take the backseat when we started up with Ruin, but this is...well, call this the pit stop: he's in getting the road snacks and we can either ditch his ass or wait for him to come back." He smiled. "My vote is for ditching his ass and giving me my turn at the wheel. But that's just me."
Jason closed his eyes, pressing his fists against them. "Ok, this is really fucked up. You're talking about that asshole like we invited him in. Did you see what he did tonight?"
There was a soft sigh as the other him rolled his eyes. "We didn't do anything: you invited him in as soon as you started freaking out over not having enough control." He shook his head. "And yes, I saw. I didn't like it, but I understand why he did it."
Jason snarled. "Take it back!"
The Jason in the chair laughed. "What, you're going to fight me? Jesus, Jason, do you even realize how fucked up we've gotten? You were pushing everyone away and not listening to anyone about how bad things were getting, not even to me. Especially not to me. You kind of forced his hand: you'd never have gotten to the point where you had to make a decision if he hadn't done that. Granted, he was playing dirty, but I'm sure you'd play just as dirty if someone fucked over our sister."
Jason glared at him. "Christ, is this what we sound like when we give everyone else advice? It's fucking obnoxious from this end, let me tell you."
He snickered. "I'll keep that in mind. But we usually don't offer unless they're fucking up pretty bad. And you're fucking up pretty bad."
"Oh, I am, huh? So what would you like me to do? What's your master plan for fixing everything?
The other Jason shook his head, his smile fading slightly. "It's not a you or me thing: we've got to work this out together. You want to know what I want to do? I want to get our life back on track, stop alienating and hurting all our friends, and move the fuck on. That's what I want."
Jason nodded to himself. "And forget about everything that's happened? Go back to being under everyone's thumb? No thanks."
"We weren't under anyone's thumb, Jason."
"Bullshit!"
"We've always had control over whatever situation we were in. That's one thing Ciaran got right: they were all our own choices."
Jason growled at the figure in the chair. "What the fuck have you been smoking? You forgetting about Yvette? The two in Branson? The barn? Khem?!"
He held up a warning finger, his face going slightly stern. "All our choices, Jay." He saw the retort coming and cut himself off angrily. "Shut the fuck up for two seconds and listen to your voice of reason, ok? Pallas and Bettina: our choice. They would've happily whipped those two human girls, but we made the offer. Yeah, we didn't know what they'd do beforehand, but no one forced us to go with them."
He counted off a second finger. "Yvette: our choice. We wanted to serve Jean Claude, so we did our duty guarding the Circus. It was taken and we were the perk. I don't remember either of us complaining until we found out what she was." He swore angrily as Jason tried to cut him off again. "Goddamn it, Jay, I'll tape your fucking mouth shut if you don't stop trying to cut me off."
He waited a moment in silence, and when Jason merely glared silently at him, he continued. "That second time with Yvette was all us, buddy. And I know you'll ask what choice we had, but Richard and JC were there. When Anita walked us over there, we could've easily thrown her across the room and bolted. But we went and took it, and when it was too much, it was our idea to focus on Anita. And it worked, didn't it?"
He held up a third finger. "The barn with Charlie. Yeah, that blew. But we tried. You can't blame yourself because we couldn't handle being raped, and yes, even though we told him to do it and he's our friend, it's still rape. We've never done anything like that before, so yeah, it's only natural we freak out. But you didn't tell him to stop and you didn't push him off: Raina stopped him. Remember? Because she wasn't getting the footage she wanted? You stuck to the plan Jay: the plan was to do it, not enjoy it."
Jason let out a shaky sigh, not looking at him. "And Khem?" he asked softly.
The Jason in the chair sighed. "How long were we with her, Jay?"
Jason frowned. "I don't know...the year in her world; about a year total in Milliways..."
"Two years then. Two years and how much did the relationship change?"
"I wasn't going to force her!"
"And we weren't really jumping on the idea of marrying her, either, were we?"
Jason was silent. At last, he said softly, "I was thinking about it."
"Thinking isn't doing. I'm not trying to slam her; God knows I loved her, too. But...we didn't want to be married this young. And maybe Fate saw that and intervened. Just...hear me out for a second: would how much we loved each other have made it work in St. Louis? Honestly, now. We'd have to stop working at the club; being JC's pomme would be out, because she wouldn't be able to accept everything that comes with that. She'd be ok with the blood, but the ardeur? Council visits? Hell, what if she came in while he was feeding and we were getting off on it? You know she couldn't handle that. So we'd have to find a job to support us both and have a place somewhere that she'd be happy in. And even if her idea of a shop worked out, it'd be some time before we turned any sort of profit unless she branched into scented oils and candles and soaps and crap. And there'd probably be kids if she could have them, and then there'd be more mouths to feed. Forget spicing up the bedroom, because you'd be worried about scaring her. And because we wouldn't be under JC's protection anymore, we'd have to seek protection from within the Pack and hope to God one of the dozens of challengers to Richard doesn't kill us before the kids hit grade school."
Jason just stared at him, his mouth hanging open slightly. "So...what, we just forget about her?"
He shook his head. "No. We'll never forget her. We really did love her. And if she ever comes back, let's see what happens. But do we really want to take that chance?"
"I miss her."
"I do, too. But you know, I think we've got something going with Moon. I mean, we'd be attracted to each other regardless, but...I'd kind of like to see where that takes us."
Jason huffed and shook his head. "We're going from one long term relationship into another?"
He laughed. "Hell no, haven't you learned anything? We're lycanthropes, Jay: we don't do long-term. It's just not practical. Not to mention she's the Moon: we can't really piss on her and shout 'mine'. I'm just saying let's see what happens, one day at a time. If she'll have us back, that is."
Jason looked at himself, a hint of worry showing in his eyes. "That's gonna be a stretch, isn't it?"
Jason cocked an eyebrow back. "You hurt her bad, Jay. Maybe not physically, but everyone could see how she felt about us, even if she was fighting it. You broke that trust."
Jason's eyes closed and he shook his head, silently cursing himself. His wiser self watched with an empathetic look.
"Then again," he added, "she did step in and stop Ruin tonight. Even after what you did, and even after she told us time and again that she couldn't interfere...she did. For us."
Jason stood there, letting this all sink in. Letting himself love her without having to put a forever seal on it seemed...unlikely. All women wanted that, right? But then, he hadn't really bothered to find out what she thought about all that. It was a thought...
The other Jason spoke up again. "We're going to have to make our choice soon, Jay. Time's running out."
Jason blinked himself out of his thoughts and gave himself a puzzled look. "What? Well...what are the choices?"
He sighed. "Wake the fuck up, pitch the fucking blow and take some responsibility for your life; or don't and when Ruin comes back we'll keep running whatever path we've got left. But I don't think it'll be a long one."
Jason closed his eyes, chewing his lower lip. "I'm scared, Jay. I'm...I'm fucking scared of detoxing again."
The other Jason nodded. "I am, too. It was hell before. But you know, we have something now we didn't have last time."
"What?"
He holds up a hand. "Yri. Nat. Liz, Asher, Demeter, Teja, Charlie...all our friends. Every one of them was there at the party, trying to support us. In spite of all the shit we've put them through, they're still there trying to hold us up. And they'll still be there to help us out of this, Jay. I promise you that."
Jason managed a small smile, knowing that he wouldn't be alone this time.
Then an acrid smell hit his nose, and it wrinkled in disgust. "Jesus, what is that?"
His other self closed his eyes with a terribly sad look. He took a long, deep breath and sighed. "You just pissed yourself. Damn it, if Nat doesn't hurry his ass up to check on you, we're not even going to have a choice to make."
Fear fell like a rock into his stomach. "What are you talking about?"
Jason nodded towards the bed. "Go see for yourself."
He felt like he was moving in slow motion, like in one of those bad horror films. He saw the feet first, then the body half turned on its side. The bright blue eyes had rolled far back into his head, the half-closed lids showing only a blood-shot white. He shook his head, feeling the bile rise in his throat.
"No..."
"We're not dead yet, Jay, or we wouldn't still be talking." He sighed. "We just don't have long."
"How...?"
"How do you think," he snapped, "You fucking OD-ed, man. Your heart faltered and you stopped breathing." He stopped short, craning his head towards the door. "Thank God." He rose and crossed to Jason, taking him by the shoulder. "You need to make a choice."
"I'm freaking out here..."
"Jason, you have to choose." There was a soft knock and Nathaniel called his name. "Do you want to see this?""
He was still shaking his head, but whether it was in answer to the question or not was uncertain. The door opened and Nathaniel poked his head in. "Jason?" His nose wrinkled at the smell and worry immediately flooded his features. He moved with nervous tension into the room, bolting forward when he saw Jason's feet behind the bed.
"Oh no, oh no, oh no..." He made it around the bed to where Jason lay crumpled on the floor, unmoving. "LIZ!" he screamed, "YRAEL! HELP!" He fell to his knees, pulling Jason out from behind the bed and into his arms. "Goddamn it, Jason, why did you do this?" He bent over Jason's chest, listening for anything at all to give him hope. When he found nothing, he laid Jason down and began CPR. Being an addict for as long as he had, he had learned what to do when someone OD-ed. Not that it ever did much good.
Liz and Yrael rushed in to find Nathaniel sobbing and pumping furiously at Jason's chest.
"Oh God," Liz said, her hand flying to her mouth. She rushed up beside Nathaniel, hovering uselessly.
Yrael's bone-pale face lost what little color it did as he rushed forward, his face set as he began hastily drawing Charter marks in the air over Jason's body. The acrid scent of his own Free Magic scorched the air as he called the Marks aloud.
Jason watched them as they worked frantically, shouting out to him both curses and pleas to come back. He looked to his other self. "Why aren't I waking up?"
Jason touched his face, sadly. "You need to make your choice, Jay. Please."
"Charter damn you, Jason!" Yrael growled, rage and grief mingling in his tone as he stood. "I'm going after him, Abhorsen be damned. If I go now I should be able to catch him before he gets to the Ninth Precinct. This close to the body-" His voice broke as his eyes lost focus, his skin and clothes becoming encrusted with ice as he stepped into Death.
Jason's face screwed up as he nodded in his Other's hands. "I want to try. I'll make it work, just give me a chance!"
Jason gently caressed his face. "Come find me and we'll make it work, Jay," he promised and kissed him softly.
There was a bright flash through his mind and his eyes shot open with a ragged gasp.
"Yrael!" Liz called frantically.
He could feel something cold and wet hit his face as Yrael suddenly shook free of the ice encrusting his body and leaned over him. "Jason?!"
He saw their faces above him, and then they swirled into blackness.