No Idea
So i decided to write in this again since no one looks at these anymore and i need a place to write.. so im using this aagain to get out what ever i need to get off my chest..
Today i've quite frequently pondered my thoughts through out the day about what someone once said to me, " Your always in trouble or getting into trouble" and at the time when this was said to me my short temper kicked in and i got real pissed and upset. know as i think that comment over i realized some things and the only reason i got pissed is because it was true.. I mean yeah i got some problems that ill probably discuss in future entries but i am such a fuck up.. i mean i was raised into this good well respected family within the town, all my family has been successful and none have gotten into any trouble which has affected there reputation..that is until i came along. I mean i'm always in trouble or doing stupid shit, more so now a days than before it's just i never realized it because i havn't gotten caught or been grounded for it. In school im either sleepin or getting in trouble for being a smart ass with the teachers or being a dumbass doing stupid things to get in trouble.. so in school i don't hold to much of a reputation that is good especially since the way i dress and i get judged on that also. but that doesn't really bother me much cuz i hate school and i suck at it and im just going to a community college anyways( nowhere near here i can assure you that) so that doesnt bother me. but like none of my family likes me cuz they all know ive done/do drugs, they all know i get in trouble alot so i really don't have anyone.. i don't have any real friends, well i did but we aint even cool no more which i guess kind of sucks becuase he was one of the only people who knew and understood me, but thats not an issue of discussion because he's made it clear that we ain't tight no more and i do have this girl that ive been like so close with since 7th grade but this past month or two we ended up liking each other ( not the first time, actually probably like the hundredth time), but we actually tried to have a relationship and now i regret it more than anything ive done lately because now it's not the same between us and i don't see it being the same anytime soon and i fucking hate it because i could always talk to that girl even if we didnt talk for weeks i could just start talking to her about problems or shit going on and the same went with her but now that's fucked up like eveerything else in my life... i seem to like fucking up everything not even intentionally.. these are the days in which i wish i just left lincoln in 8th grade to go to new hampshire for prep school( only if my family could afford 30 g's a year) cuz it would have prevented this fuck up me, would have saved me so many ruined friendships and would have prevented my lonliness and unwantedness and depression and my everything else.. i just wish i could leave before i ruin anything else.. takeee me away and bear me the pain.. just let me leave this earth and let everyone be happy
Today i've quite frequently pondered my thoughts through out the day about what someone once said to me, " Your always in trouble or getting into trouble" and at the time when this was said to me my short temper kicked in and i got real pissed and upset. know as i think that comment over i realized some things and the only reason i got pissed is because it was true.. I mean yeah i got some problems that ill probably discuss in future entries but i am such a fuck up.. i mean i was raised into this good well respected family within the town, all my family has been successful and none have gotten into any trouble which has affected there reputation..that is until i came along. I mean i'm always in trouble or doing stupid shit, more so now a days than before it's just i never realized it because i havn't gotten caught or been grounded for it. In school im either sleepin or getting in trouble for being a smart ass with the teachers or being a dumbass doing stupid things to get in trouble.. so in school i don't hold to much of a reputation that is good especially since the way i dress and i get judged on that also. but that doesn't really bother me much cuz i hate school and i suck at it and im just going to a community college anyways( nowhere near here i can assure you that) so that doesnt bother me. but like none of my family likes me cuz they all know ive done/do drugs, they all know i get in trouble alot so i really don't have anyone.. i don't have any real friends, well i did but we aint even cool no more which i guess kind of sucks becuase he was one of the only people who knew and understood me, but thats not an issue of discussion because he's made it clear that we ain't tight no more and i do have this girl that ive been like so close with since 7th grade but this past month or two we ended up liking each other ( not the first time, actually probably like the hundredth time), but we actually tried to have a relationship and now i regret it more than anything ive done lately because now it's not the same between us and i don't see it being the same anytime soon and i fucking hate it because i could always talk to that girl even if we didnt talk for weeks i could just start talking to her about problems or shit going on and the same went with her but now that's fucked up like eveerything else in my life... i seem to like fucking up everything not even intentionally.. these are the days in which i wish i just left lincoln in 8th grade to go to new hampshire for prep school( only if my family could afford 30 g's a year) cuz it would have prevented this fuck up me, would have saved me so many ruined friendships and would have prevented my lonliness and unwantedness and depression and my everything else.. i just wish i could leave before i ruin anything else.. takeee me away and bear me the pain.. just let me leave this earth and let everyone be happy