Let's clear this up.
I'm having a bit of a rough time tonight.
I guess I haven't really gotten too into the whole Eva story here. It's a long one. :\
I don't know if I'm in the position to get into it yet.
I think I need this song to change first. It's too happy for such a fucked up story.
On a good note, I really like this song.
And I've met a lot of nice people lately.
A lot of people that I really like.
When I'm out with them, this isn't really so hard to deal with.
When I get home, though, and I run out of things to do.. it all starts coming back at me.
Okay, the song is over, so here it all is.
So, when Eva and I first got together, there was this whole drama with Alex. Alex was this girl that Eva left to be with me, that Eva left me for multiple times, that Eva cheated on me with, blahblah. But I was inlove, you know? And love gives people the strength to overlook things they normally wouldn't.
That's what I did. About a year into the relationship, I told Eva I would not stick around if she was going to have anything to do with Alex. This came after Eva spent my whole birthday lying to me and talking to Alex. It was the second birthday of mine that she'd spent that way. It completely ruined my birthday everytime.
Anyhow, she began to use this as leverage against me. When she got mad, she would go back to Alex. This happened a few times since I told her I didn't want her around Alex, and I always caught her. She did this on my birthday again, last year, while I was working my ass off at a stupid fucking job to be able to pay for the plane ticket to go see her. She never told me any of the times, I always caught her. This time, I'd caught her with a fake myspace, hitting on Alex through myspace comments.
Happy fucking birthday. :|
Before I go any further, I wasn't wrong in telling Eva I wouldn't stick around if she was going to talk to Alex. Alex liked all the "I love you, you're the only one for me" bullshit, and pulled that card every single time she talked to Eva. No, I wasn't comfortable with it. I was fucked up by the games Eva used to play between us. If she got mad at me for anything, she would "break up" with me and run back to Alex. They would "date" until Eva and I talked it out, at which point she would come back to me. All the while, she and Alex were always "I love you, blahblah" all the time. I got to read about it everyday on myspace.
Yay technology. :|
So, after this last birthday, she knew she hurt me pretty badly. Shit started changing, because I refused to trust her. She took every chance she could get to completely destroy me, so I wasn't up for giving her anymore chances.
Recently, about a month or so ago, we got into this fight because I was feeling way too controlled. She treated me like I was the worst person ever, like I couldn't be trusted, like I went out and got fucked up every chance I got. Keep in mind, I had been clean for over a year. I hadn't ever betrayed her trust. I did not deserve to be treated that way.
She wanted me to stop talking to my family, after I'd already given up all of my friends because she didn't like them. She started throwing fits because I went out every Tuesday to see my aunt and her band play at this Mexican restaurant. So, I told her it wasn't working. I told her we need some sort of friendship before we could attempt this relationship again.
Atfirst, she decided it was be with her or nothing. So she went back to Alex. I stood firm, I wouldn't have anything to do with her if she talked to Alex. It hurts too much, I've been fucked up too many times over it, I wouldn't do it.
Eva came back and decided that she would try this friendship out. First time she got mad at me, though, she ran right back.
This happened roughly three times, before this last one when I told her this was the last chance. She gave me every password, told me some bullshit story about how Alex found her first and it wasn't a prolonged thing, just something she did when she was mad at me. She tried to put it on me, saying that Alex found her through my online profiles.
What did I do? Bought it, like an idiot.
Come to find out a few days later that it was all bullshit. Eva found Alex on Facebook, sent her a message first saying all this completely made up bullshit about me and how I've been treating her. They talked for two weeks before I'd found out again.
I called Eva out on it. She never bothered explaining anything, she just went back to Alex again. Completely ignored any plea I had for answers. I finally reached her and told her I just wanted my shit that I left up there back. Still got no answers. Eva just tried to play the martyr, tried to make me feel bad for everything.
I was always getting the blame in that relationship.
I'm still really fucking torn up over it all. She fed me all this shit about love and needing me and me being the only one, but she can replace me within a week?
She did all the stuff that she knew would hurt me the most. Over and over. What did I do to deserve all of that? Why couldn't she try to be friends with me? What does this Alex have that I don't? What's wrong with me? Why did I deserve to be lied to that much?
I put absolutely everything I had into that relationship for more than two years. Why wasn't that worth anything?
Needless to say, it's fucked the way I think up. I can't trust anyone, at all. Even people I just met, I'm sure they're all plotting against me the second I walk away. I think everyone's lying to me about everything.
Josh and Maggie have been completely wonderful throughout all of this. They've done everything they can to comfort me, to keep me from looking at shit that would make me upset again, to keep me from checking up on her. They've listened to me bitch and complain and go back and forth between wanting her back and totally hating her.
But even with all that, I think they're plotting against me too. I'm afraid that they lie to me about liking me, or.. just everything.
And it's nothing that they did wrong. It's just the way I think now.
Honestly, I regret the whole two years. I wish I'd never gotten involved. It's fucked me up too much, and I don't know how to recover from it.
And that's the whole story, in a nutshell.
Am I wrong to feel this way?
By the way, Eva, I know you're sneaking around and reading this.
Go away.
You did this. Live with it.
Just let me forget you and get over this shit, please.
I guess I haven't really gotten too into the whole Eva story here. It's a long one. :\
I don't know if I'm in the position to get into it yet.
I think I need this song to change first. It's too happy for such a fucked up story.
On a good note, I really like this song.
And I've met a lot of nice people lately.
A lot of people that I really like.
When I'm out with them, this isn't really so hard to deal with.
When I get home, though, and I run out of things to do.. it all starts coming back at me.
Okay, the song is over, so here it all is.
So, when Eva and I first got together, there was this whole drama with Alex. Alex was this girl that Eva left to be with me, that Eva left me for multiple times, that Eva cheated on me with, blahblah. But I was inlove, you know? And love gives people the strength to overlook things they normally wouldn't.
That's what I did. About a year into the relationship, I told Eva I would not stick around if she was going to have anything to do with Alex. This came after Eva spent my whole birthday lying to me and talking to Alex. It was the second birthday of mine that she'd spent that way. It completely ruined my birthday everytime.
Anyhow, she began to use this as leverage against me. When she got mad, she would go back to Alex. This happened a few times since I told her I didn't want her around Alex, and I always caught her. She did this on my birthday again, last year, while I was working my ass off at a stupid fucking job to be able to pay for the plane ticket to go see her. She never told me any of the times, I always caught her. This time, I'd caught her with a fake myspace, hitting on Alex through myspace comments.
Happy fucking birthday. :|
Before I go any further, I wasn't wrong in telling Eva I wouldn't stick around if she was going to talk to Alex. Alex liked all the "I love you, you're the only one for me" bullshit, and pulled that card every single time she talked to Eva. No, I wasn't comfortable with it. I was fucked up by the games Eva used to play between us. If she got mad at me for anything, she would "break up" with me and run back to Alex. They would "date" until Eva and I talked it out, at which point she would come back to me. All the while, she and Alex were always "I love you, blahblah" all the time. I got to read about it everyday on myspace.
Yay technology. :|
So, after this last birthday, she knew she hurt me pretty badly. Shit started changing, because I refused to trust her. She took every chance she could get to completely destroy me, so I wasn't up for giving her anymore chances.
Recently, about a month or so ago, we got into this fight because I was feeling way too controlled. She treated me like I was the worst person ever, like I couldn't be trusted, like I went out and got fucked up every chance I got. Keep in mind, I had been clean for over a year. I hadn't ever betrayed her trust. I did not deserve to be treated that way.
She wanted me to stop talking to my family, after I'd already given up all of my friends because she didn't like them. She started throwing fits because I went out every Tuesday to see my aunt and her band play at this Mexican restaurant. So, I told her it wasn't working. I told her we need some sort of friendship before we could attempt this relationship again.
Atfirst, she decided it was be with her or nothing. So she went back to Alex. I stood firm, I wouldn't have anything to do with her if she talked to Alex. It hurts too much, I've been fucked up too many times over it, I wouldn't do it.
Eva came back and decided that she would try this friendship out. First time she got mad at me, though, she ran right back.
This happened roughly three times, before this last one when I told her this was the last chance. She gave me every password, told me some bullshit story about how Alex found her first and it wasn't a prolonged thing, just something she did when she was mad at me. She tried to put it on me, saying that Alex found her through my online profiles.
What did I do? Bought it, like an idiot.
Come to find out a few days later that it was all bullshit. Eva found Alex on Facebook, sent her a message first saying all this completely made up bullshit about me and how I've been treating her. They talked for two weeks before I'd found out again.
I called Eva out on it. She never bothered explaining anything, she just went back to Alex again. Completely ignored any plea I had for answers. I finally reached her and told her I just wanted my shit that I left up there back. Still got no answers. Eva just tried to play the martyr, tried to make me feel bad for everything.
I was always getting the blame in that relationship.
I'm still really fucking torn up over it all. She fed me all this shit about love and needing me and me being the only one, but she can replace me within a week?
She did all the stuff that she knew would hurt me the most. Over and over. What did I do to deserve all of that? Why couldn't she try to be friends with me? What does this Alex have that I don't? What's wrong with me? Why did I deserve to be lied to that much?
I put absolutely everything I had into that relationship for more than two years. Why wasn't that worth anything?
Needless to say, it's fucked the way I think up. I can't trust anyone, at all. Even people I just met, I'm sure they're all plotting against me the second I walk away. I think everyone's lying to me about everything.
Josh and Maggie have been completely wonderful throughout all of this. They've done everything they can to comfort me, to keep me from looking at shit that would make me upset again, to keep me from checking up on her. They've listened to me bitch and complain and go back and forth between wanting her back and totally hating her.
But even with all that, I think they're plotting against me too. I'm afraid that they lie to me about liking me, or.. just everything.
And it's nothing that they did wrong. It's just the way I think now.
Honestly, I regret the whole two years. I wish I'd never gotten involved. It's fucked me up too much, and I don't know how to recover from it.
And that's the whole story, in a nutshell.
Am I wrong to feel this way?
By the way, Eva, I know you're sneaking around and reading this.
Go away.
You did this. Live with it.
Just let me forget you and get over this shit, please.