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i never update anymore, but maybe i should start again. so what's new in my life now? i'm trying to get everything together to go to spain next semester and pretend like i'm not american for a while. ross moved to florida which sucks big time, but hopefully everything will work out alright in the end. i still have no job, though not for lack of effort; and three out of four of my classes are too complicated and i don't even really care to try. oh the best part is this beautiful house i live in happens to be on the busiest fucking street in dover and have the craziest cracked out mother fuckers on earth roaming it at all hours of the night, and my bedroom window is stuck open so i get to hear all the traffic and crazy fuckers stumbling around drunk, peeing on the curb, and swearing at their spouses, not to mention my neighbor with the TABLE SAW FETISH that only comes out after 10 o'clock at night. on the good side of stuff, i'm moving to spain in 3 months, i should be starting to work next week, i've lost three pounds in the last week, and i'm supposed to have some good mail headed my way. back to bad news since that's what livejournal is all about, with no ross and no work i'm going a little crazy bored. yesterday i stayed in bed all morning watching "beaches" (a.k.a the saddest girliest crappiest movie ever made) which made me utterly depressed, lonely, and bummed about my aunt. grief is such a long complicated process and i don't think i'm anywhere near the end of it. she's still on my mind pretty much constantly both good and bad, but i'm not sure i'd want it any other way. I was really hoping to be able to go see Alice this last weekend in Georgia, but it didn't work out and I wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway. Hopefully I'll be able to see her soon though because I miss her and those few times she was home this summer were definitely some of the best parts of it. I really can't wait until she moves home for good so I'll have someone to randomly go do my nails, get haircuts, and watch t.v. with. I've gotten really lazy recently about keeping in touch with people and making a point to call or hang out. I'm pretty much an old lady who doesn't enjoy parties, social gatherings, or outings, i pretty much can't and don't like to be bothered to attend or host anything that would require me to wear something other than sweat pants. So when I say I want to hang out I mean I want to hang out with my friends not your friends (they're my friends becasue I don't care if they see me in my sweat pants) on my couch, probably stoned, watching movies, and eating food that doesn't require much effort to make. If that sounds good to any of you, come on down, as of now my schedule is pretty open. Any hoo it's 2 o'clock in the morning and I'm not tired but this computer chair sure is uncomfortable, so I'll be moving to the couch now. I'll be surprised if anyone reads this, and if they don't that's fine too because I won't lie when I see other people's updates that are longer than a short paragraph and don't contain any pictures or links of any kind i tend to skim. but i feel better having written a few things down and that's what i was looking for in the first place.