...just breath
I forgot about this....
but it's time
In the past three weeks my life has changed more than I could ever imagine. Lesson learned : just relax, have fun, and don't try to change people you love because you fell in love with THEM for a reason.
The past 2 years on my life have been absolutely indescribable. I fell in love with the most amazing person I have ever met. We were absolutey in love and people longed to have what we had. On Christmas we got engaged. I'm always so eager to grow up and im not sure why. It's like... I always want to be the first... I always want to know whats going to happen before anyone else... I want people to say, wow... look at her, she's doing realy good for herself. I was excited, I was planning a wedding. I was picking out a wedding dress. I was gettingh flyers from a trave agent.. I was so proud and so happy. I would love when people asked me about Kevin... I would brag for hours. Eventually him going away started wearing a huge hole in me.. but it's becase i was totally stressing MYSELF out. What is Kevin doing? Who is he with? I should have been out with my friends and hoping he was having as good of a night as I was but it was the exact opposite.... I was hoping that he wasnt having too much fun because i was sitting home by myself...it was completely backwards. Im 20 years old. I needed to be out. I needed to be having fun. I got way tooo wrapped uo in al of it. Eventually I tried to keep him soo close that I completely pushed him away. I dont blame him fir wanting to be a part from me. I would want to be a part from me too. What sucks is that im totally ready to have fun and fucking relax.... but i would love more to be able to do it with him by my side. I don't NEED him, but i WANT him. I miss my life i had with him before we both got old. i'm glad this happened even though it hurts more than anything, if this didn't happen.... i never would have learned. I could ever thank him enough for that....
but it's time
In the past three weeks my life has changed more than I could ever imagine. Lesson learned : just relax, have fun, and don't try to change people you love because you fell in love with THEM for a reason.
The past 2 years on my life have been absolutely indescribable. I fell in love with the most amazing person I have ever met. We were absolutey in love and people longed to have what we had. On Christmas we got engaged. I'm always so eager to grow up and im not sure why. It's like... I always want to be the first... I always want to know whats going to happen before anyone else... I want people to say, wow... look at her, she's doing realy good for herself. I was excited, I was planning a wedding. I was picking out a wedding dress. I was gettingh flyers from a trave agent.. I was so proud and so happy. I would love when people asked me about Kevin... I would brag for hours. Eventually him going away started wearing a huge hole in me.. but it's becase i was totally stressing MYSELF out. What is Kevin doing? Who is he with? I should have been out with my friends and hoping he was having as good of a night as I was but it was the exact opposite.... I was hoping that he wasnt having too much fun because i was sitting home by myself...it was completely backwards. Im 20 years old. I needed to be out. I needed to be having fun. I got way tooo wrapped uo in al of it. Eventually I tried to keep him soo close that I completely pushed him away. I dont blame him fir wanting to be a part from me. I would want to be a part from me too. What sucks is that im totally ready to have fun and fucking relax.... but i would love more to be able to do it with him by my side. I don't NEED him, but i WANT him. I miss my life i had with him before we both got old. i'm glad this happened even though it hurts more than anything, if this didn't happen.... i never would have learned. I could ever thank him enough for that....