I was being sarcastic. To be frank, I find it difficult to take people serious who cannot do anything but give negative critique about something, and even pointing out that they only wish to write "biting commentary" as you put it, but "won't. For the egos of all involved."
What amazes me even more is that you believe this to be sub-par GO fiction, and yet you fail to point out why you believe this. You're entitled to have your own opinions, but why, exactly, is it that a piece of work deserves to be torn to shreds without any given reason?
And as for the badly mutilated English used? Firstly, this is a FANwork! If you believe that each and every story posted in the Good Omens genre should be of the same language as that in which Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman write, then I believe you should begin moving away from the internet and instead memorize the book. And, secondly, I don't speak English natively, and, thus, my grammar and spelling is very much off compared with native English speakers; and Silverwolf was, as she pointed out, writing in the early morning hours while being ill. You may have a Bachelor's degree in English Literature or whoknowswhat, but I will still claim that you can easily find much worse pieces of writing with little to no effort.
Also, you DID have the possibility of simply ignoring the story and going on your merry little way, rather than pointing out your obvious hatred towards this story.
My two cents on this matter. Call me a hypocrite if you wish, but I greatly dislike and disrespect people who state that they hate something and can only say negative things about it, without stating why. If you MUST make a scathing review, then do it in full rather than only hinting at something, and leaving me to be searching through the story in order to figure out what is wrong.
*blinks and goes to look at mangy_mongrel's lj again* Wow, I didn't notice that, I just went to your info page.
Hmmm, well, I must say that any slaughtering of the English language is my fault as wsprite above me stated, she doesn't speak or write English natively. I do.
I wanted to know if you thought all of it (both chapters so far) or just this one was bad? And I would also like to know what is wrong with it in a constructive way please. Don't flame us to death.
I know. I dislike giving flames, which was why I didn't write the scathing commentary in the first place. And I always start out doing things in the heat of the moment, only to regret it later. You could almost say that I've never heard of the phrase "Look before you leap." I'll post a more thorough... thing when I'm more awake.
I cannot replicate how I felt that day; all I remember is that I fel that the entire tone was in the wrong category of fantasy... more like Star Trek, and things like that - almost Mary-Suish.
First off, I was peeved to find that this was practically unbetaed. Or if you had a beta, well, s/he was doing a damnable job. It's just all those little mistakes that nibble on the edge of your story, especially when the story is just average to start with.
Following is (mostly) a list of spelling/grammatical errors.
anythign other than normal people self-explanatory
good lay down good lie down
prophesy prophecy: a matter of noun vs. verb
agry hissing of words self-explanatory
by some sheer luck by sheer luck would have been just fine
the world had faced its end the world would have had faced its end
strenght needed self-explanatory
Why would the lighter being made of steel intrest Crowley?
And when you say It usually had that effect are you referring to Newt? Or some other thing? Anathema's smile, perhaps?
You should never be unclear about what you mean, and force your reader to go back and forth trying to decide what you mean. If you want to build a trap, to make the reader think about what you said, and its implications, go ahead. Just build it so that the reader doesn't fall through the branches covering the trap-pit on the first round, and only when the reader comes back and stomps on the branches does s/he fall through. In other words, do it intentionally.
Also, Power (to hide their forms)? Please, you could have phrased that better, couldn't you? Power with a small 'p' would also have done nicely. That is just unimaginative, unskilled writing - trying to grab your reader's attention using cheap gimmicks like capital letters works, but it also cheapens the story.
My other peeve would be the inclusion of the Book. It was burned, wasn't it? The whole point of that sequence where Adam saw Agnes was to indicate that Anathema could finally put down her career as a professional desecendant, and live a relatively normal life. Unless you add a bit where Anathema saves the Book from the flames or something, which would defeat the whole spirit of GO.
What I truly felt was sub-par about this chapter of this story is extremely difficult to put in words. The Mary-Suishness was one part of it, as was the grammer/spelling mistakes. It just didn't settle well.
The first chapter was better. But again, with the spelling mistakes! Beta first before posting, please! And you turn green with envy, not red. Nor do you use first gear with your car when going at top speed, unless you want to spoil your car. Although, this might concievably not bother Crowley as he can easily put things back. There were other things too, that bothered me, but I believe it could have been avoided with the simple expedient of a beta.
It would have been far easier if you had just pointed out that we had some spelling errors and confusion of verbs and nouns, rather than start yelling that we've mutilated the English language and written the worst piece of crap ever found on the internet...
Mostly, it appears to be that what has vexed you mostly is spelling errors. Yes, I admit that those are there, and when pointed out, I do wonder how some of those could make their way in without neither Silverwolf nor I had spotted them. However, there are a few things that I noticed as well.
Firstly, what part of "strenght needed" is wrong? To me, it isn't self-explanining.
Secondly, we applied the word Power, with a capital P, to express that Crowley and Aziraphale DO have powers that allow them to change their form, the mind of others and even influence how the world works. The capital P is because it's isn't just power, but Power. Just as you don't spell god, but God.
Thirdly, we only ASSUME that the book was burned. We had nothing in Good Omens that told us it was burned, but only have Newt commenting that they ought to burn it.
Fourthly, the lighter looks like something from the 23rd century, BECAUSE it's made of steel. Also, at least where I come from, steel-lighters are quite expensive, and, as such, a symbol of high status in the society, thus enhancing Crowley's image of being a yuppie.
As for the fifth thing, where exactly is it said that Crowley drives in first gear?
And where, exactly, is there anything Mary-Sueish? That we have Anathema appearing, or that we actually let her interact with her enviroment?
strenght needed spelling error. Should be "strength". I should know, I have the same mistake practically all the time.
Power, with a capital P it just came across as cheap. I'm sorry.
Where I come from steel-lighters are... well, I wouldn't say common, but they're popping up. And this is from someone who doesn't actively go out and ask people "what kind of lighters do you have?"
first gear That would be the first chapter. Your partner did ask me about the first chapter as well, did she not?
As I said, the overall feel is difficult to put in words, mainly because I've never been much of a methodical person. If I feel something is right, then it just *is*. That is my value system.
A Mary-Sue is not necessarily a girl, or even a guy. In this case, I suppose the Mary-Sue to me would be the Book. It was indeed almost spelt out that the second Book was burned if you'd care to read the bit where Adam saw Agnes' face in the smoke from Jasmine Cottage, so in bringing back the new Book, you'd be creating a Mary-Sue.
I was being sarcastic. See, there's this thing called 'faceless communication' and this thing called 'first impressions as given by the story' and this thing wholly unconnected with you called 'being bombarded by lots of shitty stories to not give a damn anymore' and this thing called 'expecting the GO fandom to have the best stories (seeing as how I pimped it out so much) and being disappointed', and what was I going to say again? Oh yes, it didn't so much as occur to me to think that you might be sarcastic.
As I said, I dislike giving flames, and I was on the verge of walking away, but I gave in to temptation. So bite me.
I don't expect every story posted in this fandom to have the same tone as Pratchett and Gaiman. Heck, I don't even expect any story to. I know I can find much worse examples, but given that this was posted to lower_tadfield and not the pit of voles, I expected better. For the rest of the scathing review (which might not be scathing anymore, merely warm) see my reply to malicehaughton.
And where is it stated that it is only the top notch of ultimate literary works that is allowed to be posted here? Some things are good, some things are not-so-good.
And if you do dislike to give out flames, then, excuse my language, keep your big mouth shut instead when you can't properly express yourself. And you still haven't told us why this story is so bad that you have to whine about it over several posts and in your own livejournal.
There is a tradition, if you haven't noticed, of works here being better than those posted on fanfiction.net/the pit of voles, probably because it is less likely to be accessed by people.
And I was typing out the goddamned review while you were throwing your temper tantrum over here. Go read it if you so feel inclined to.
What amazes me even more is that you believe this to be sub-par GO fiction, and yet you fail to point out why you believe this. You're entitled to have your own opinions, but why, exactly, is it that a piece of work deserves to be torn to shreds without any given reason?
And as for the badly mutilated English used?
Firstly, this is a FANwork! If you believe that each and every story posted in the Good Omens genre should be of the same language as that in which Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman write, then I believe you should begin moving away from the internet and instead memorize the book.
And, secondly, I don't speak English natively, and, thus, my grammar and spelling is very much off compared with native English speakers; and Silverwolf was, as she pointed out, writing in the early morning hours while being ill. You may have a Bachelor's degree in English Literature or whoknowswhat, but I will still claim that you can easily find much worse pieces of writing with little to no effort.
Also, you DID have the possibility of simply ignoring the story and going on your merry little way, rather than pointing out your obvious hatred towards this story.
My two cents on this matter. Call me a hypocrite if you wish, but I greatly dislike and disrespect people who state that they hate something and can only say negative things about it, without stating why. If you MUST make a scathing review, then do it in full rather than only hinting at something, and leaving me to be searching through the story in order to figure out what is wrong.
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Hmmm, well, I must say that any slaughtering of the English language is my fault as wsprite above me stated, she doesn't speak or write English natively. I do.
I wanted to know if you thought all of it (both chapters so far) or just this one was bad? And I would also like to know what is wrong with it in a constructive way please. Don't flame us to death.
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First off, I was peeved to find that this was practically unbetaed. Or if you had a beta, well, s/he was doing a damnable job. It's just all those little mistakes that nibble on the edge of your story, especially when the story is just average to start with.
Following is (mostly) a list of spelling/grammatical errors.
anythign other than normal people self-explanatory
good lay down good lie down
prophesy prophecy: a matter of noun vs. verb
agry hissing of words self-explanatory
by some sheer luck by sheer luck would have been just fine
the world had faced its end the world would have had faced its end
strenght needed self-explanatory
Why would the lighter being made of steel intrest Crowley?
And when you say It usually had that effect are you referring to Newt? Or some other thing? Anathema's smile, perhaps?
You should never be unclear about what you mean, and force your reader to go back and forth trying to decide what you mean. If you want to build a trap, to make the reader think about what you said, and its implications, go ahead. Just build it so that the reader doesn't fall through the branches covering the trap-pit on the first round, and only when the reader comes back and stomps on the branches does s/he fall through. In other words, do it intentionally.
Also, Power (to hide their forms)? Please, you could have phrased that better, couldn't you? Power with a small 'p' would also have done nicely. That is just unimaginative, unskilled writing - trying to grab your reader's attention using cheap gimmicks like capital letters works, but it also cheapens the story.
My other peeve would be the inclusion of the Book. It was burned, wasn't it? The whole point of that sequence where Adam saw Agnes was to indicate that Anathema could finally put down her career as a professional desecendant, and live a relatively normal life. Unless you add a bit where Anathema saves the Book from the flames or something, which would defeat the whole spirit of GO.
What I truly felt was sub-par about this chapter of this story is extremely difficult to put in words. The Mary-Suishness was one part of it, as was the grammer/spelling mistakes. It just didn't settle well.
The first chapter was better. But again, with the spelling mistakes! Beta first before posting, please! And you turn green with envy, not red. Nor do you use first gear with your car when going at top speed, unless you want to spoil your car. Although, this might concievably not bother Crowley as he can easily put things back. There were other things too, that bothered me, but I believe it could have been avoided with the simple expedient of a beta.
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I meant to say that Why would the lighter being made of steel interest Crowley?
Also, I seem to have forgotten to close a tag.
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Mostly, it appears to be that what has vexed you mostly is spelling errors. Yes, I admit that those are there, and when pointed out, I do wonder how some of those could make their way in without neither Silverwolf nor I had spotted them. However, there are a few things that I noticed as well.
Firstly, what part of "strenght needed" is wrong? To me, it isn't self-explanining.
Secondly, we applied the word Power, with a capital P, to express that Crowley and Aziraphale DO have powers that allow them to change their form, the mind of others and even influence how the world works. The capital P is because it's isn't just power, but Power. Just as you don't spell god, but God.
Thirdly, we only ASSUME that the book was burned. We had nothing in Good Omens that told us it was burned, but only have Newt commenting that they ought to burn it.
Fourthly, the lighter looks like something from the 23rd century, BECAUSE it's made of steel. Also, at least where I come from, steel-lighters are quite expensive, and, as such, a symbol of high status in the society, thus enhancing Crowley's image of being a yuppie.
As for the fifth thing, where exactly is it said that Crowley drives in first gear?
And where, exactly, is there anything Mary-Sueish? That we have Anathema appearing, or that we actually let her interact with her enviroment?
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Power, with a capital P it just came across as cheap. I'm sorry.
Where I come from steel-lighters are... well, I wouldn't say common, but they're popping up. And this is from someone who doesn't actively go out and ask people "what kind of lighters do you have?"
first gear That would be the first chapter. Your partner did ask me about the first chapter as well, did she not?
As I said, the overall feel is difficult to put in words, mainly because I've never been much of a methodical person. If I feel something is right, then it just *is*. That is my value system.
A Mary-Sue is not necessarily a girl, or even a guy. In this case, I suppose the Mary-Sue to me would be the Book. It was indeed almost spelt out that the second Book was burned if you'd care to read the bit where Adam saw Agnes' face in the smoke from Jasmine Cottage, so in bringing back the new Book, you'd be creating a Mary-Sue.
Reply
As I said, I dislike giving flames, and I was on the verge of walking away, but I gave in to temptation. So bite me.
I don't expect every story posted in this fandom to have the same tone as Pratchett and Gaiman. Heck, I don't even expect any story to. I know I can find much worse examples, but given that this was posted to lower_tadfield and not the pit of voles, I expected better. For the rest of the scathing review (which might not be scathing anymore, merely warm) see my reply to malicehaughton.
Reply
And if you do dislike to give out flames, then, excuse my language, keep your big mouth shut instead when you can't properly express yourself. And you still haven't told us why this story is so bad that you have to whine about it over several posts and in your own livejournal.
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And I was typing out the goddamned review while you were throwing your temper tantrum over here. Go read it if you so feel inclined to.
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