GO/HP/LotR/Discworld crossover...
....Just to prove that me and santity never were on speaking terms.
It's a short sequal to The Interdimensional Book Club, which I wrote ages ago. Though this should also make sense - as far as a multifandom crossover can - in isolation.
It had all started off as a simple enough enterprise; a few friends from across dimensional boundaries having a cosy discussion about the book of the week. Aziraphale enjoyed it greatly. There was The Librarian of The Unseen University, one of the most sensible and down to Disc entities Aziraphale had had the pleasure of meeting, the delightful Miss Granger, the noble and wise Lord Elrond and Dobby, whose heart was in the right place but had once committed the near unspeakable crime of dusting the shelves whilst the angel wasn’t looking.
One July afternoon however - upon which it had fallen to Aziraphale to host the weekly meeting - four figures emerged from behind one of the harder to reach book shelves in the shop, each wearing a thunderous expression.
“Oh dear,” he said, feeling rather concerned. “Whatever’s happened?”
The Librarian told him in a series of loud ooks.
Aziraphale was horrified.
This situation clearly called for a nice cup of tea, and fast.
Ten minutes later and the five of them were sitting around the table in Aziraphale’s back room. He had, that morning, cleaned the entire space from top to bottom five times, worried that there may be some residual trace of improper activities involving demons going on. Lord Elrond was well known for his perceptiveness and Aziraphale really didn’t want a repeat of that thoroughly embarrassing mind reading act that Galadriel had subjected him to on his last visit to Arda. Elrond however, seemed to have other things on his mind.
“You really mean to say that they were…” he lowered his voice as if he were about to say something utterly blasphemous, “ripping the pages out?”
“Ook,” The Librarian assented.
“It was horrible,” said Hermione. “There seem to have been some unreality shifts in L-Space and we had to cut through a university library instead of Waterstones, and there were two people and one of them said that they didn’t have enough money to photocopy the article they needed to read, and the other said ‘never mind just tear it out’.”
“What did you do?”
“There wasn’t really anything we could do. None of us work there, and we couldn’t just reveal our presence, though The Librarian only just managed to stop himself from charging at them.”
“Ook!”
“It is no new thing,” declared Lord Elrond, sipping his Earl Grey in a solemn and dignified manner. “It is but an age since I espied Celeborn writing red ink annotations in the margins of Tales of Gondolin.”
“Dobby once saw young Master Malfoy throw one of his books out of the window,” whispered the brightly attired house elf.
“Well that doesn’t surprise me,” muttered Hermione. “Though Ron and Harry aren’t much better. Both of them bend the spines back until they break.”
Aziraphale shook his head sadly. Even Crowley knew better than to treat books like that. “Somebody really ought to do something about it.”
“Though who would undertake such a task?” said Lord Elrond.
“Ook?” suggested The Librarian.
“But wouldn’t that be library vigilantism?” said Hermione, voice ever so slightly wistful.
For a few minutes there was thoughtful silence
“Well,” said Aziraphale, eventually. “There’s no actual rule prohibiting anybody from taking a concerned interest in book welfare in the wider multiverse. And it wouldn’t be as if we’d be giving them anything more than a stern talking to.”
“Ook?”
“Well, maybe in extreme circumstances, but even so.”
“Dobby is wanting to help.”
“I suppose that the cause is good. And if we weren’t actually breaking any rules….”
“I must confess that life in Valinor can be rather dull at times. It would be a great challenge. A quest even.”
“Ook!”
And thus The Interdimensional Book Club was truly born.
*****
Somewhere in South Wales a ten year old girl has completly forgotten to return the book she borrowed from the library seven weeks ago, and it is now languishing in the bottom draw of her cluttered wardrobe. She’s rather startled when a small male humanoid in the strangest mishmash of clothing she’s ever seen, kindly reminds her that there are probably lots of other children who would like to borrow the book. The next day the small town library’s only copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone is returned.
*****
At a well known university an undergraduate politics student is lectured at length by a rather intimidating man with pointy ears on the importance of returning books to their rightful places on the shelves. The man carries on talking for over an hour drawing upon several obscure analogies and tales of The First Age to make his point. The student never lazily places a book on Chairman Mao on the organic chemistry shelves again.
*****
A group of boys in the school library sit around sniggering at a picture of breasts in an illustrated anatomy textbook. One of them removes from his bag a pair of scissors and brandishes them. His friends nod encouragingly.
There is the sound of somebody clearing their throat.
“I do hope that none of you young gentlemen are about to wantonly vandalise that poor book.”
The boys are not sure that people should glow like that.
“What’s it got to do with you, you pouf?” says the least perceptive of them.
“Oh dear,” says Aziraphale, sadly. “I did try. Such a shame.”
“What do you mean?” says the boy.
“Well, you see, I’m the nice one.”
There is a low menacing ook from behind the art shelf.
The book is quickly returned to its rightful place.
*****
The five of them stand in the ancestral library of The Malfoy family. Hermione and Dobby are understandably rather nervous.
They watch in horror as Draco callously throws a venerable old tome on magical history onto the open fire.
Dobby shakes his head.
Hermione gasps.
Lord Elrond clenches and unclenches his fists.
Aziraphale sighs and looks at The Librarian.
“I do believe that this is one for you to sort out.”
There’s something positively gleeful in the way The Librarian charges.
It's a short sequal to The Interdimensional Book Club, which I wrote ages ago. Though this should also make sense - as far as a multifandom crossover can - in isolation.
It had all started off as a simple enough enterprise; a few friends from across dimensional boundaries having a cosy discussion about the book of the week. Aziraphale enjoyed it greatly. There was The Librarian of The Unseen University, one of the most sensible and down to Disc entities Aziraphale had had the pleasure of meeting, the delightful Miss Granger, the noble and wise Lord Elrond and Dobby, whose heart was in the right place but had once committed the near unspeakable crime of dusting the shelves whilst the angel wasn’t looking.
One July afternoon however - upon which it had fallen to Aziraphale to host the weekly meeting - four figures emerged from behind one of the harder to reach book shelves in the shop, each wearing a thunderous expression.
“Oh dear,” he said, feeling rather concerned. “Whatever’s happened?”
The Librarian told him in a series of loud ooks.
Aziraphale was horrified.
This situation clearly called for a nice cup of tea, and fast.
Ten minutes later and the five of them were sitting around the table in Aziraphale’s back room. He had, that morning, cleaned the entire space from top to bottom five times, worried that there may be some residual trace of improper activities involving demons going on. Lord Elrond was well known for his perceptiveness and Aziraphale really didn’t want a repeat of that thoroughly embarrassing mind reading act that Galadriel had subjected him to on his last visit to Arda. Elrond however, seemed to have other things on his mind.
“You really mean to say that they were…” he lowered his voice as if he were about to say something utterly blasphemous, “ripping the pages out?”
“Ook,” The Librarian assented.
“It was horrible,” said Hermione. “There seem to have been some unreality shifts in L-Space and we had to cut through a university library instead of Waterstones, and there were two people and one of them said that they didn’t have enough money to photocopy the article they needed to read, and the other said ‘never mind just tear it out’.”
“What did you do?”
“There wasn’t really anything we could do. None of us work there, and we couldn’t just reveal our presence, though The Librarian only just managed to stop himself from charging at them.”
“Ook!”
“It is no new thing,” declared Lord Elrond, sipping his Earl Grey in a solemn and dignified manner. “It is but an age since I espied Celeborn writing red ink annotations in the margins of Tales of Gondolin.”
“Dobby once saw young Master Malfoy throw one of his books out of the window,” whispered the brightly attired house elf.
“Well that doesn’t surprise me,” muttered Hermione. “Though Ron and Harry aren’t much better. Both of them bend the spines back until they break.”
Aziraphale shook his head sadly. Even Crowley knew better than to treat books like that. “Somebody really ought to do something about it.”
“Though who would undertake such a task?” said Lord Elrond.
“Ook?” suggested The Librarian.
“But wouldn’t that be library vigilantism?” said Hermione, voice ever so slightly wistful.
For a few minutes there was thoughtful silence
“Well,” said Aziraphale, eventually. “There’s no actual rule prohibiting anybody from taking a concerned interest in book welfare in the wider multiverse. And it wouldn’t be as if we’d be giving them anything more than a stern talking to.”
“Ook?”
“Well, maybe in extreme circumstances, but even so.”
“Dobby is wanting to help.”
“I suppose that the cause is good. And if we weren’t actually breaking any rules….”
“I must confess that life in Valinor can be rather dull at times. It would be a great challenge. A quest even.”
“Ook!”
And thus The Interdimensional Book Club was truly born.
*****
Somewhere in South Wales a ten year old girl has completly forgotten to return the book she borrowed from the library seven weeks ago, and it is now languishing in the bottom draw of her cluttered wardrobe. She’s rather startled when a small male humanoid in the strangest mishmash of clothing she’s ever seen, kindly reminds her that there are probably lots of other children who would like to borrow the book. The next day the small town library’s only copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone is returned.
*****
At a well known university an undergraduate politics student is lectured at length by a rather intimidating man with pointy ears on the importance of returning books to their rightful places on the shelves. The man carries on talking for over an hour drawing upon several obscure analogies and tales of The First Age to make his point. The student never lazily places a book on Chairman Mao on the organic chemistry shelves again.
*****
A group of boys in the school library sit around sniggering at a picture of breasts in an illustrated anatomy textbook. One of them removes from his bag a pair of scissors and brandishes them. His friends nod encouragingly.
There is the sound of somebody clearing their throat.
“I do hope that none of you young gentlemen are about to wantonly vandalise that poor book.”
The boys are not sure that people should glow like that.
“What’s it got to do with you, you pouf?” says the least perceptive of them.
“Oh dear,” says Aziraphale, sadly. “I did try. Such a shame.”
“What do you mean?” says the boy.
“Well, you see, I’m the nice one.”
There is a low menacing ook from behind the art shelf.
The book is quickly returned to its rightful place.
*****
The five of them stand in the ancestral library of The Malfoy family. Hermione and Dobby are understandably rather nervous.
They watch in horror as Draco callously throws a venerable old tome on magical history onto the open fire.
Dobby shakes his head.
Hermione gasps.
Lord Elrond clenches and unclenches his fists.
Aziraphale sighs and looks at The Librarian.
“I do believe that this is one for you to sort out.”
There’s something positively gleeful in the way The Librarian charges.