Brokeback Mountain's Oscar Snub...
Life lessons from the Oscars
By David Kronke, Television Critic
Knowing going in that the 78th annual Academy Awards were meant to be good for us - as opposed to, say, the usual egomaniacal, exhibitionist, desperate, career-advancing fun - I decided that, this year, I would learn the great lessons Oscar's wise and enlightened voters saw fit to impart.
Of course, the main one was that, given a chance to honor a strong statement against prejudice, demonization and intolerance, Hollywood's elite would step right up to the plate and give the best picture Oscar to a movie with no gay people in it, "Crash."
Yup. Even in a year when they made a big show out of boldly nominating politically progressive, commercially daring stuff, Oscar voters remained the same bunch of sissies they've always been.
Still, I tried to take in the profound messages the show brought down from The Mountain ... or, at least, from Beverly Hills ... for us lesser philistines watching. So, herewith, the Oscar moments that made a better person out of me.
When I wasn't wondering where all the cleavage went, anyway.
For starters, I learned some ancient Mayan from no less a prophet than Mel Gibson, himself. Since that opening gag reel wasn't very funny, good thing it was at least educational.
• The first award of the evening, George Clooney's for supporting actor in "Syriana," taught me that being handsome, charming, politically correct and looking bad for a movie role were all deserving things. See? Proof positive that this year's Oscars were really something different.
• British animators will wear goofy bow ties and think it's funny. Kinda like the twee humor in their Oscar-winning "Wallace & Gromit" movie. Not a great year for big-screen cartoonery, 2005.
• Guess what? Hollywood isn't a bunch of knee-jerk liberals. They gave that "Narnia" movie, with all of its over-obvious biblical references, the makeup award over the "Star Wars" thing, which some felt had a not-so-obvious criticism of President Bush slipped in among its awful dialogue. Rumors that everyone having had it up to here with George Lucas' tired fantasy and not wanting to encourage him to make any more will surely be spread by Satan.
• Rachel Weisz's best actress win for playing a particularly annoying activist/martyr in "The Constant Gardener" made me want to save Africa, never again take legal pharmaceuticals and act as self-righteously sure of myself as I want to be. Considering my best picture prediction this year, that last one will sure feel good.
• French documentarians will bring stuffed penguins on stage with them. Don't really want to think about what that means, but it's kind of reassuring to know that we'll never understand the French.
• I came to the realization that no matter how many statuettes "Memoirs of a Geisha" wins, I didn't care.
• Itzhak Perlman? What was this, the Oscars or classical music appreciation class?
• New Zealand sound mixers will make ape noises onstage. Nothing I didn't already know.
• Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin introduced honorary award-winner Robert Altman with Altman-esque overlapping, improvisational-seeming dialogue. No lesson to learn from that, but it was totally, breathtakingly great.
• And Altman himself, that curmudgeonly old rebel who could wipe the floor artistically with all of "Crash's" unsubtle ensemble, taught a master class in show-biz grace and wit with what may be the best acceptance speech since Alfred Hitchcock's curt, polar-opposite "Thank you." That doesn't make it OK that neither of these geniuses ever won a directing Oscar, though.
• Original song: "Pimpin' pays." Who knew?
• Oh, and "Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars; Three 6 Mafia, one." Whatever else he might have done wrong, Jon Stewart earned his keep with that one.
• Philip Seymour Hoffman's best actor win for "Capote" reassured me that no, the academy isn't made up of easily panicked homophobes. In fact, they love gay people - as long as they act according to stereotypes and don't have any sex.
• Cinematography mini-upset. (Or is it movies that look pretty often beat true photographic artistry?) I still can't care about "Memoirs of a Geisha."
• Reese Witherspoon still acted like she was the only person on Earth surprised she won the best actress Oscar for her "Walk the Line" performance as June Carter. Guess that's why, huh? She said, like June, that she just wants to matter. Could be the motto of this year's whole Oscar race. I'm sure making it the purpose of my life.
• "Brokeback Mountain" adapted screenplay winner Larry McMurtry's paean to booksellers and reading was so inspiring that, really, I don't want to say anything facetious about it.
• Conversely, original screenplay winner Paul Haggis' statement about art being a hammer, or whatever it was, sure explains a lot about "Crash." I'm still on the fence, though; should I trade in my word processor for a ball-peen?
• For directing "Brokeback Mountain," winner Ang Lee proved that great taste, emotional intelligence and true, fearless humanism are still virtues that the Hollywood establishment appreciates, no matter how many Adam Sandler movies its members make their money off of.
• And of course, "Crash's" best picture win proved that arguing, belittling and fearing anyone that's different is what most members of the Hollywood establishment relate to. Sad to say, but that's probably the most realistic lesson that the 78th Academy Awards had to offer.
David Kronke, (818) 713-3638 david.kronke@dailynews.com
He said it much more eloquently. All I can think to say is, "What the fuck happened???".
By David Kronke, Television Critic
Knowing going in that the 78th annual Academy Awards were meant to be good for us - as opposed to, say, the usual egomaniacal, exhibitionist, desperate, career-advancing fun - I decided that, this year, I would learn the great lessons Oscar's wise and enlightened voters saw fit to impart.
Of course, the main one was that, given a chance to honor a strong statement against prejudice, demonization and intolerance, Hollywood's elite would step right up to the plate and give the best picture Oscar to a movie with no gay people in it, "Crash."
Yup. Even in a year when they made a big show out of boldly nominating politically progressive, commercially daring stuff, Oscar voters remained the same bunch of sissies they've always been.
Still, I tried to take in the profound messages the show brought down from The Mountain ... or, at least, from Beverly Hills ... for us lesser philistines watching. So, herewith, the Oscar moments that made a better person out of me.
When I wasn't wondering where all the cleavage went, anyway.
For starters, I learned some ancient Mayan from no less a prophet than Mel Gibson, himself. Since that opening gag reel wasn't very funny, good thing it was at least educational.
• The first award of the evening, George Clooney's for supporting actor in "Syriana," taught me that being handsome, charming, politically correct and looking bad for a movie role were all deserving things. See? Proof positive that this year's Oscars were really something different.
• British animators will wear goofy bow ties and think it's funny. Kinda like the twee humor in their Oscar-winning "Wallace & Gromit" movie. Not a great year for big-screen cartoonery, 2005.
• Guess what? Hollywood isn't a bunch of knee-jerk liberals. They gave that "Narnia" movie, with all of its over-obvious biblical references, the makeup award over the "Star Wars" thing, which some felt had a not-so-obvious criticism of President Bush slipped in among its awful dialogue. Rumors that everyone having had it up to here with George Lucas' tired fantasy and not wanting to encourage him to make any more will surely be spread by Satan.
• Rachel Weisz's best actress win for playing a particularly annoying activist/martyr in "The Constant Gardener" made me want to save Africa, never again take legal pharmaceuticals and act as self-righteously sure of myself as I want to be. Considering my best picture prediction this year, that last one will sure feel good.
• French documentarians will bring stuffed penguins on stage with them. Don't really want to think about what that means, but it's kind of reassuring to know that we'll never understand the French.
• I came to the realization that no matter how many statuettes "Memoirs of a Geisha" wins, I didn't care.
• Itzhak Perlman? What was this, the Oscars or classical music appreciation class?
• New Zealand sound mixers will make ape noises onstage. Nothing I didn't already know.
• Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin introduced honorary award-winner Robert Altman with Altman-esque overlapping, improvisational-seeming dialogue. No lesson to learn from that, but it was totally, breathtakingly great.
• And Altman himself, that curmudgeonly old rebel who could wipe the floor artistically with all of "Crash's" unsubtle ensemble, taught a master class in show-biz grace and wit with what may be the best acceptance speech since Alfred Hitchcock's curt, polar-opposite "Thank you." That doesn't make it OK that neither of these geniuses ever won a directing Oscar, though.
• Original song: "Pimpin' pays." Who knew?
• Oh, and "Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars; Three 6 Mafia, one." Whatever else he might have done wrong, Jon Stewart earned his keep with that one.
• Philip Seymour Hoffman's best actor win for "Capote" reassured me that no, the academy isn't made up of easily panicked homophobes. In fact, they love gay people - as long as they act according to stereotypes and don't have any sex.
• Cinematography mini-upset. (Or is it movies that look pretty often beat true photographic artistry?) I still can't care about "Memoirs of a Geisha."
• Reese Witherspoon still acted like she was the only person on Earth surprised she won the best actress Oscar for her "Walk the Line" performance as June Carter. Guess that's why, huh? She said, like June, that she just wants to matter. Could be the motto of this year's whole Oscar race. I'm sure making it the purpose of my life.
• "Brokeback Mountain" adapted screenplay winner Larry McMurtry's paean to booksellers and reading was so inspiring that, really, I don't want to say anything facetious about it.
• Conversely, original screenplay winner Paul Haggis' statement about art being a hammer, or whatever it was, sure explains a lot about "Crash." I'm still on the fence, though; should I trade in my word processor for a ball-peen?
• For directing "Brokeback Mountain," winner Ang Lee proved that great taste, emotional intelligence and true, fearless humanism are still virtues that the Hollywood establishment appreciates, no matter how many Adam Sandler movies its members make their money off of.
• And of course, "Crash's" best picture win proved that arguing, belittling and fearing anyone that's different is what most members of the Hollywood establishment relate to. Sad to say, but that's probably the most realistic lesson that the 78th Academy Awards had to offer.
David Kronke, (818) 713-3638 david.kronke@dailynews.com
He said it much more eloquently. All I can think to say is, "What the fuck happened???".