Procrastination is finding new heights when you should be doing other things
Minutes to midnight and I've yet to start the final paper that constitutes a large portion of my grade due tomorrow half after noon. When I have yet to study for the same class's final, and I plan on attending a study session for my econ final (for Saturday) right before it.
Man, I'm really trying to fuck up my A in Theatre.
*buckles down*
I mean, it could be because I'm just fucking tired of studying. I worked my ass off, cried, pitied myself, got resolved, went for help, studied some more, cried some more, shed blood/sweat/tears/unidentified substances over them, got papercuts on my fingers for flipping the pages of my textbook back and forth and back and forth and I STILL didn't get a B in Trig.
FML.
I mean, I'm going to get a 79.
Now, to be fair, I got a 76 on my final. Which is fairly good; only half a point off of being my all-time high score on a trig test, sadly enough. But I needed a 79 or better. This literally means that if I had gotten one more question right I could've gotten an 80 in the class and kept my GPA from the dangerous depths of financial aid probation. Oh, and it shot the dean's list all to hell.
I'm also irrationally angry about the snow. I mean, I can't even fucking enjoy it. Anywhere. Can't ctach a break. I want to be home, because Facebook is all, "OMG SNOW IN HOUSTON" everywhere, and I'm jealous and homesick, and then it snows here but I don't wake up until it's all gone and turned to ice because I'm up late studying fucking TRIG last night and there's no one here to play in it with anyway because Kiah's kinda not talking to me and I'm not really making an effort to talk to her because she's leaving and I don't wanna think about it really and damn it, is it too much to fucking ask that snow wait three days so I can be in Houston with my friends to play in a miracle of white flaky substance that we've hardly ever seen before?
It just made me want to cry. Like I said, irrationally upset. I was stressed about Trig still. This was kind of a bubbling over feeling that happened from about this time yesterday until roughtly 5:00 tonight. I also found it irritating that I had "Darienne is close to tears" as my Facebook status for nearly a day and no one commented on it.
Look, evrymemry and tikimoof, I know you're there for me. I know you are. Really, I do. Postpone the hugs. Hold them in. Tackle me when you see me if you have to, but it kinda just makes me sadder to see that people I'm half a state away from care more than people around me here, or the people that I want to notice I'm unhappy but don't seem to have the time to, and that doesn't really apply to like, cherryfeather or ukrazy or paskettios or other LJers, it's those who don't blog and who Facebook that I want to pay attention to how upset I really am.
Now a problem with that might be that I just don't come right out with my emotions and say I'm upset or having a bad day, but is it so much to ask that someone fucking notice I'm unhappy? Even in an IM-type conversation? I know I might not say it but I certainly wasn't acting like myself, either. Whatever. I can't pretend like it's fair that Bethany can't tell I'm unhappy from Germany when I won't say something and she's in such a good mood herself.
Anyway. Mom wasn't as upset about it as I thought she would be, which was refreshingly nice, and just told me to focus on what I have coming up, since it's in the past and I now don't have to worry about it ever again. Dad said the same thing; ace what I can that's ahead of me. So, that was good. For once I came out of a talk with my parents happier than I went in, which I think Amalie would be happy about. (I was at her house during Thanksgiving break, and she said I picked up the phone with a smile and by the time I hung up I had completely deflated and my eyes had gotten sad in a matter of minutes after talking with mom.)
Oh, and it needing to be so cold that it can snow means OMFG I'M A FROZEN SHADOW OF MY FORMER SELF. Like, I'm bundled up in rain boots, jeans, soccer socks, underwear, an undershirt, a longsleeved shirt, a t-shirt, a fleece-hooded jacket, my outer rain/winter coat with a fleece lining, a scarf wrapped around most of my face and a hat with ear flaps (and no, it doesn't look that dumb actually, it's really kind of cute, it has a poof on the top). I can't even ride my bike anywhere because it's too cold for my fingers and I have no gloves.
In other news, I'm still procrastinating, and man, Qwantz is friggin' ADDICTING. Try reading just one.
OKAY IT'S 1AM I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED MY PAPER OR STUDIED GOODBYE NOW
Man, I'm really trying to fuck up my A in Theatre.
*buckles down*
I mean, it could be because I'm just fucking tired of studying. I worked my ass off, cried, pitied myself, got resolved, went for help, studied some more, cried some more, shed blood/sweat/tears/unidentified substances over them, got papercuts on my fingers for flipping the pages of my textbook back and forth and back and forth and I STILL didn't get a B in Trig.
FML.
I mean, I'm going to get a 79.
Now, to be fair, I got a 76 on my final. Which is fairly good; only half a point off of being my all-time high score on a trig test, sadly enough. But I needed a 79 or better. This literally means that if I had gotten one more question right I could've gotten an 80 in the class and kept my GPA from the dangerous depths of financial aid probation. Oh, and it shot the dean's list all to hell.
I'm also irrationally angry about the snow. I mean, I can't even fucking enjoy it. Anywhere. Can't ctach a break. I want to be home, because Facebook is all, "OMG SNOW IN HOUSTON" everywhere, and I'm jealous and homesick, and then it snows here but I don't wake up until it's all gone and turned to ice because I'm up late studying fucking TRIG last night and there's no one here to play in it with anyway because Kiah's kinda not talking to me and I'm not really making an effort to talk to her because she's leaving and I don't wanna think about it really and damn it, is it too much to fucking ask that snow wait three days so I can be in Houston with my friends to play in a miracle of white flaky substance that we've hardly ever seen before?
It just made me want to cry. Like I said, irrationally upset. I was stressed about Trig still. This was kind of a bubbling over feeling that happened from about this time yesterday until roughtly 5:00 tonight. I also found it irritating that I had "Darienne is close to tears" as my Facebook status for nearly a day and no one commented on it.
Look, evrymemry and tikimoof, I know you're there for me. I know you are. Really, I do. Postpone the hugs. Hold them in. Tackle me when you see me if you have to, but it kinda just makes me sadder to see that people I'm half a state away from care more than people around me here, or the people that I want to notice I'm unhappy but don't seem to have the time to, and that doesn't really apply to like, cherryfeather or ukrazy or paskettios or other LJers, it's those who don't blog and who Facebook that I want to pay attention to how upset I really am.
Now a problem with that might be that I just don't come right out with my emotions and say I'm upset or having a bad day, but is it so much to ask that someone fucking notice I'm unhappy? Even in an IM-type conversation? I know I might not say it but I certainly wasn't acting like myself, either. Whatever. I can't pretend like it's fair that Bethany can't tell I'm unhappy from Germany when I won't say something and she's in such a good mood herself.
Anyway. Mom wasn't as upset about it as I thought she would be, which was refreshingly nice, and just told me to focus on what I have coming up, since it's in the past and I now don't have to worry about it ever again. Dad said the same thing; ace what I can that's ahead of me. So, that was good. For once I came out of a talk with my parents happier than I went in, which I think Amalie would be happy about. (I was at her house during Thanksgiving break, and she said I picked up the phone with a smile and by the time I hung up I had completely deflated and my eyes had gotten sad in a matter of minutes after talking with mom.)
Oh, and it needing to be so cold that it can snow means OMFG I'M A FROZEN SHADOW OF MY FORMER SELF. Like, I'm bundled up in rain boots, jeans, soccer socks, underwear, an undershirt, a longsleeved shirt, a t-shirt, a fleece-hooded jacket, my outer rain/winter coat with a fleece lining, a scarf wrapped around most of my face and a hat with ear flaps (and no, it doesn't look that dumb actually, it's really kind of cute, it has a poof on the top). I can't even ride my bike anywhere because it's too cold for my fingers and I have no gloves.
In other news, I'm still procrastinating, and man, Qwantz is friggin' ADDICTING. Try reading just one.
OKAY IT'S 1AM I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED MY PAPER OR STUDIED GOODBYE NOW