I should legally change my middle name to Procrastination.
I've been up all night (because, thanks to weekend on-calls and fire alarms at 3:30am, I'm now nocturnal again), and despite watching the days slip away and these tests barreling at me, I have yet to study for them.
So, I am now looking at a 4-class day when I've skipped just as many in the past two because I couldn't drag myself out of bed for them. In which I am unprepared for Biology (and praying that the online materials will not be referenced today in class), expecting to fail my French quiz today and forgot about my review pages due as homework until about five minutes ago, need to SparkNote nearly the entirety of Moby-Dick and pick a passage to possibly extemporaneously bullshit about for class today, as well as make it through a second round of unpreparedness for a quiz in EDCI today.
Oh, and I did I mention the double-barreled gun of a Brit Lit II test and a French test that I'm looking at the business end of for tomorrow and Friday, respectively? No? Well, expect them to take me out like a well placed one-two punch combination from Evander fucking Holyfield. Or Mike Tyson, or who the fuck ever I am so fucking screwed.
I can't believe I let myself do this. I knew it was going to happen. I was watching it happen. I was living it as it happened, but I didn't stop it or myself from circling the drain. I'm pretty sure I left my motivation in Houston a couple weeks ago and I haven't been able to get myself to focus significantly on schoolwork of any shape or form for the past couple weeks. I got away with it because there was Mardi Gras break, but now I'm looking at a solid four weeks of school with midterms all over the fucking map and several regularly scheduled tests just waiting to suck me and my GPA down into a hole of dark, non-Columbia despair.
I'm mad that I let myself do this, and I know how I could have prevented it, or at least staunched the flow of blood that's about to come shooting out of these hemorrhaging wounds in my grades. But I'm not even really that mad! I just said that first sentence out loud to myself, and then the second, and then I laughed, because I knew, I know that I don't really care. That's how little I care these days, and it's practically frightening how much I just want to shut my brain off and not think at all.
I just want to play guitar, or watch TV or movies, and not actively think. I don't want to be challenged, right now. I don't want to be intellectually stimulated. I want to see pretty colors and hear pretty things and pretend that my voice isn't the most terrible thing on the planet when I sing along to my strumming chords.
Jesus, I'm a fucking mess right now, literally, figuratively and emotionally.
I realized I never got around to posting that thing I alluded to before, and I think I'll do it tomorrow after I limp back from Brit Lit II, post-raping. That test is going to skull-fuck me into tomorrow like Yelling Bird is it's fucking sensei.
ARGH. Okay, I have to go to four classes, make it through two quizzes, and cram for Brit Lit tomorrow. Then tomorrow I have to make it through a 1 on 1 with my boss, 3 hours of desk work, and cramming for French on Friday. Hopefully I will manage some sleep tomorrow night, and also not forget about my Bio quiz over the weekend. I've been awake for roughly 12 hours today, but I need to make it through, at the very least, the next 17. Shiiiiit.
Game plan:
- go eat breakfast now
- print out French stuff when I get back
- grab a couple hours sleep
- do French worksheets during Bio
- wing it through French
- eat a light lunch, SparkNote the fuck out of Moby-Dick/find a passage for class//cram for EDCI/do reading response
- make it through 4.5 solid hours of learning
- grab dinner
- DON'T CRASH
- cram for Brit Lit
- actually get sleep, go to bed by 1am at the latest.
Fuck my life, this is going to be a long day.
So, I am now looking at a 4-class day when I've skipped just as many in the past two because I couldn't drag myself out of bed for them. In which I am unprepared for Biology (and praying that the online materials will not be referenced today in class), expecting to fail my French quiz today and forgot about my review pages due as homework until about five minutes ago, need to SparkNote nearly the entirety of Moby-Dick and pick a passage to possibly extemporaneously bullshit about for class today, as well as make it through a second round of unpreparedness for a quiz in EDCI today.
Oh, and I did I mention the double-barreled gun of a Brit Lit II test and a French test that I'm looking at the business end of for tomorrow and Friday, respectively? No? Well, expect them to take me out like a well placed one-two punch combination from Evander fucking Holyfield. Or Mike Tyson, or who the fuck ever I am so fucking screwed.
I can't believe I let myself do this. I knew it was going to happen. I was watching it happen. I was living it as it happened, but I didn't stop it or myself from circling the drain. I'm pretty sure I left my motivation in Houston a couple weeks ago and I haven't been able to get myself to focus significantly on schoolwork of any shape or form for the past couple weeks. I got away with it because there was Mardi Gras break, but now I'm looking at a solid four weeks of school with midterms all over the fucking map and several regularly scheduled tests just waiting to suck me and my GPA down into a hole of dark, non-Columbia despair.
I'm mad that I let myself do this, and I know how I could have prevented it, or at least staunched the flow of blood that's about to come shooting out of these hemorrhaging wounds in my grades. But I'm not even really that mad! I just said that first sentence out loud to myself, and then the second, and then I laughed, because I knew, I know that I don't really care. That's how little I care these days, and it's practically frightening how much I just want to shut my brain off and not think at all.
I just want to play guitar, or watch TV or movies, and not actively think. I don't want to be challenged, right now. I don't want to be intellectually stimulated. I want to see pretty colors and hear pretty things and pretend that my voice isn't the most terrible thing on the planet when I sing along to my strumming chords.
Jesus, I'm a fucking mess right now, literally, figuratively and emotionally.
I realized I never got around to posting that thing I alluded to before, and I think I'll do it tomorrow after I limp back from Brit Lit II, post-raping. That test is going to skull-fuck me into tomorrow like Yelling Bird is it's fucking sensei.
ARGH. Okay, I have to go to four classes, make it through two quizzes, and cram for Brit Lit tomorrow. Then tomorrow I have to make it through a 1 on 1 with my boss, 3 hours of desk work, and cramming for French on Friday. Hopefully I will manage some sleep tomorrow night, and also not forget about my Bio quiz over the weekend. I've been awake for roughly 12 hours today, but I need to make it through, at the very least, the next 17. Shiiiiit.
Game plan:
- go eat breakfast now
- print out French stuff when I get back
- grab a couple hours sleep
- do French worksheets during Bio
- wing it through French
- eat a light lunch, SparkNote the fuck out of Moby-Dick/find a passage for class//cram for EDCI/do reading response
- make it through 4.5 solid hours of learning
- grab dinner
- DON'T CRASH
- cram for Brit Lit
- actually get sleep, go to bed by 1am at the latest.
Fuck my life, this is going to be a long day.