A little venting before the new year
I feel....suffocated, I suppose. Suffocated by my own desires and others' expectations, at least what I perceive them to be.
For all of my self-discover and self-acceptance, I can't seem to silence the little voice that whispers 'why not me?' I want to believe that I'm good enough without having to see it reflected in the world around me.
I grasp at straws, I question myself. I feel like there are secrets crowding in the air, truths that no one dares to reveal. I don't understand, and that gets to me.
So many things about you somehow makes me feel inadequate. It's not your fault, but it stands between us, a glass wall. I hate that you've become this for me, a symbol of everything about me that just doesn't measure up. I don't want to set you up as my competitor; it brings your triumphs and your faults in to sharp relief when I really want to see the whole of you in soft colors, and I hate it.
I don't want to talk about college anymore, I just don't, even though it's pretty much the only thing on my mind. I just don't want to do it anymore, and I want to stop worrying about this essay or that form every other freaking second. Okay, I get it, I won't ever be good enough, can you stop rubbing it in PLEASE?
This post ended up way more angsty than I intended. Oh well. Just airing all my woes in an attemept to abandon them and start fresh. You never know, right?
For all of my self-discover and self-acceptance, I can't seem to silence the little voice that whispers 'why not me?' I want to believe that I'm good enough without having to see it reflected in the world around me.
I grasp at straws, I question myself. I feel like there are secrets crowding in the air, truths that no one dares to reveal. I don't understand, and that gets to me.
So many things about you somehow makes me feel inadequate. It's not your fault, but it stands between us, a glass wall. I hate that you've become this for me, a symbol of everything about me that just doesn't measure up. I don't want to set you up as my competitor; it brings your triumphs and your faults in to sharp relief when I really want to see the whole of you in soft colors, and I hate it.
I don't want to talk about college anymore, I just don't, even though it's pretty much the only thing on my mind. I just don't want to do it anymore, and I want to stop worrying about this essay or that form every other freaking second. Okay, I get it, I won't ever be good enough, can you stop rubbing it in PLEASE?
This post ended up way more angsty than I intended. Oh well. Just airing all my woes in an attemept to abandon them and start fresh. You never know, right?