don't pity me...it won't help.
the past 2 days have been nothing but shit to me. no, i didn't win the contest and i didn't expect to. it just hurts cuz i was so passionate and the crowd loved me. all the boys did at least. a couple of them came up to me after the show and told me i was robbed. thanks whoever u guys are, that made my night better :) i felt like i WAS robbed. but whatever i guess i was just born to lose at something i'm great at. so after the show, i go over to chris's house to see the kitten and just to chill with him. professor has gotten even more adorable of course and he's very playful now. he loves to run around on the couch too. so me and chris tell each other we still like each other. and i explained to him that what i want right now is a friend for intimacy. someone i can hold hands with or kiss or hug or whatever and not have strings attached. not be expected to be in a relationship. just someone there for comfort. and he thought it was kool. we kissed even. it felt weird. i didn't expect it. anyway, so after, i get home and get online all happy cuz of the nice time i had with him. he tells me that he has a small little crush on another girl that he hasn't even seen in person. he talks to her online and he met her through another friend. she obsessed over him and bugged him and constantly im'd him. now judging from my past experiences of being like that and failing miserably, i don't see how she got it to work. so that basically ruined the rest of my evening and i went to sleep crying. today was sam's party that he went to and carrie was there. i was well aware of this party and he reassured me lots of times that nothing would happen between them. and i guess nothing happened...they didn't kiss or hug or hold each other or anything. the thing that she did that really ticked me off though was she rested her head in his lap, and he didn't do anything about it! he may think it means nothing, but to a girl it means SO MUCH MORE! i honestly don't know what to do about us anymore. i thought we were fine. i always think we're fine. then he does something to screw it up!
so those things are just part of what's stressing me. other things involve the move, school, my grades, the HSA's, the finals, getting my liscence, finding a drivers ed place, getting money to pay for insurance AND gas for my car, making sure i can actually attend blake next year since i won't have any way of getting there the first week, getting a job over the summer so i can actually GET some money, throwing my 16th bday party and hopefully having ppl come...that's a majority of it. i need a week away from here. or a day at the spa. something...maybe a good lasting and loving relationship with no flaws. something to make me happy.
so those things are just part of what's stressing me. other things involve the move, school, my grades, the HSA's, the finals, getting my liscence, finding a drivers ed place, getting money to pay for insurance AND gas for my car, making sure i can actually attend blake next year since i won't have any way of getting there the first week, getting a job over the summer so i can actually GET some money, throwing my 16th bday party and hopefully having ppl come...that's a majority of it. i need a week away from here. or a day at the spa. something...maybe a good lasting and loving relationship with no flaws. something to make me happy.