4 Months In
When Damien was born, we held him 24/7. Part of it was out of need, since he refused to sleep if he was set down. The rest of it was pure selfishness, we didn't want to ever put him down. Yoshi and I even argued over who got to hold him. We could spend hours just staring at him, overwhelmed by how much love we already felt for this little person. For me, it was like I'd been waiting for him my whole life. When I'm not with him, it feels like I'm missing something important...and I am.
We don't really get to spend so much time just holding him and basking in our shared love these days. Oh, Damien still loves to be carried...but teething makes him cranky, and most of my time is spent trying to distract him from the discomfort. Just tonight, Yoshi had to take him out of the store to try and calm him, because nothing we were doing was stopping him from shrieking. I don't care about the looks we get, it just hurts me to hear him like that. I don't have it in me to let him cry.
When we got home though, I nursed him (yet another lovey-dovey mother/child moment) and he fell asleep in my arms. I got to hold him, and just watch him sleep. For a moment, it was like I was back in the hospital, and was still trying to get used to being his mother. I didn't want to hand him over to Yoshi. I didn't want to put him to bed. I just wanted to hold him forever. Damien's growing so fast, and I can't seem to get enough of those little moments. I'm not sure whether I should be happy that he's getting more interactive, or sad that he's not the tiny baby we brought home. He's still the same baby he always was, but he somehow seems...different every single day. Damien's changing, and it's bittersweet. I love his sly smirks and giant grins. I love his giggles, but I also wish I could freeze time and fully enjoy every phase he goes through. I'd even go through the sleep deprivation of the first month, all over again. It was so frustrating at the time, but now I realize how precious every moment of it was.
We don't really get to spend so much time just holding him and basking in our shared love these days. Oh, Damien still loves to be carried...but teething makes him cranky, and most of my time is spent trying to distract him from the discomfort. Just tonight, Yoshi had to take him out of the store to try and calm him, because nothing we were doing was stopping him from shrieking. I don't care about the looks we get, it just hurts me to hear him like that. I don't have it in me to let him cry.
When we got home though, I nursed him (yet another lovey-dovey mother/child moment) and he fell asleep in my arms. I got to hold him, and just watch him sleep. For a moment, it was like I was back in the hospital, and was still trying to get used to being his mother. I didn't want to hand him over to Yoshi. I didn't want to put him to bed. I just wanted to hold him forever. Damien's growing so fast, and I can't seem to get enough of those little moments. I'm not sure whether I should be happy that he's getting more interactive, or sad that he's not the tiny baby we brought home. He's still the same baby he always was, but he somehow seems...different every single day. Damien's changing, and it's bittersweet. I love his sly smirks and giant grins. I love his giggles, but I also wish I could freeze time and fully enjoy every phase he goes through. I'd even go through the sleep deprivation of the first month, all over again. It was so frustrating at the time, but now I realize how precious every moment of it was.