I hate this! These overwhelming feelings all piled up inside me and I can’t tell what’s real and what’s hormonal! Am I being overly sensitive? Or is there actually some merit to what’s going on in my head
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I get the impression that you are blaming yourself for something that isn't your fault. While it is honorable to look at how you can help make the relationship work, before thinking about asking him to change... The reality is that this is not really all about you. Some of the things you said really hit home with me, and made my memories stir. I can't say whether you are high maintenance, but I'm pretty sure I am. However, I could probably have been the lowest maintenance person in the world, and he probably would have still pushed me away. Every time I was even a little clingy, or anytime we actually had a close moment, he pushed me away. I, mean, one day he was telling me how he thought he was really falling in love with me, and the next day he was cold and distant and untouchable... because he was so scared. (And I am not exaggerating with the whole: one day, and the next day… or with how close he pulled me towards him, and how hard he pushed me away.)
I have to believe that to survive in a relationship for over 6 months he must have gotten better at dealing with of his fears... But the way he is treating you isn't about you "doing something wrong"... and you are NOT crazy OR alone in feeling rejected and hurt by HIS actions. If I can leave you with anything it would be that this isn't your fault. He is acting out from issues that were around long before either you or I came along.... And I truly believe that he will have to learn to deal with those issues to be successful in a mature relationship (i.e. a relationship with someone who has anything emotionally invested in him, and/or that he allows himself to be emotionally invested in.)
Of course, I don't know... maybe my eye's are tinted by being his ex, and by the fact that I remember how his rejection hurt.... So, it's kind of a touchy subject... But for better or worse, that's how I see it. So, do with this what you will…. And I hope you feel better.
I love you. *hugs*
On a different note: Just a reminder that livejournal cut is a good and happy thing. (Please don't take offen.)
I have to believe that to survive in a relationship for over 6 months he must have gotten better at dealing with of his fears... But the way he is treating you isn't about you "doing something wrong"... and you are NOT crazy OR alone in feeling rejected and hurt by HIS actions. If I can leave you with anything it would be that this isn't your fault. He is acting out from issues that were around long before either you or I came along.... And I truly believe that he will have to learn to deal with those issues to be successful in a mature relationship (i.e. a relationship with someone who has anything emotionally invested in him, and/or that he allows himself to be emotionally invested in.)
Of course, I don't know... maybe my eye's are tinted by being his ex, and by the fact that I remember how his rejection hurt.... So, it's kind of a touchy subject... But for better or worse, that's how I see it. So, do with this what you will…. And I hope you feel better.
I love you. *hugs*
On a different note: Just a reminder that livejournal cut is a good and happy thing. (Please don't take offen.)
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