Being Old
I went jogging in the park near my house this morning, and one of the elderly gentlemen in the park stopped me to comment on the weather. This is really common in Montenegro, particularly if you make eye contact or say good morning - it turns into a 15-minute chit-chat about all the nothing. Today he was asking me something about the weather - something like, I think, "Is it warm enough for you?" And when I had to ask him to repeat it, he just said, "Toplo." He talked a bit more - I didn't really understand about what, and then I continued on running.
We met again coming the other way out of the park, and he asked if I'd been to the sea. I told him at the sea it's nice when we swim, but still too hot in the tent, so we're not going soon. And he was like, "No, no, you should go. Sutumore's great!" And then some more things I didn't understand.
The curious thing about these conversations with old people is that they never ask where I'm from. With young and middle-aged people, as soon as I start talking and they hear an accent, they ask. I used to think that old people just had bad hearing and couldn't pick up on my accent because of that, but the thing is, they also never seem to pick up on the fact that I have terrible grammar, or that I'm not dressed like a Montenegrin, or that I don't look Montenegrin. And it's not just here in Montenegro - this happens in every foreign country I visit or live in: I have distinct memories of it happening in Russia, Mexico, Spain, and Colombia, and likely it's happened elsewhere and I just don't remember (except China...obviously I do not blend in there at all).
It's led me to believe that being old is like being in a foreign country, even though you're in your own country. It seems so unfair...you work your whole life, you support a family, you build a society, and just when you're at the age that you should be able to rest on your laurels and enjoy the fruits of your labors, your home is overrun with young people doing strange things, eating weird food, buying fancy technology for god-knows-what, dressing in stupid fashions, and using new words and slang that are opaque to you. When you're old, all young people look equally foreign and bizarre, even the ones from your hometown...and when your attention was elsewhere, they somehow took control of things.
***
When I'm jogging, I really don't look like a Montenegrin at all. It should be easy to pick up on. I mean, there are some Montenegrin ladies out jogging, but typically Montenegrin ladies go to the park with their friends, not alone. And typically they are just walking. Younger ladies, like me, wear either casual streetwear and push strollers, or they are in cute matching athletic wear. They are not in shlubby mismatched things with coffee stains on the front. And they do their make-up first - at least eyeliner and lipstick. And typically they try not to get too sweaty, because afterward they are, naturally, going to go get coffee with their friends and gossip a bit before they have to go buy the groceries to cook lunch.
So when I go jogging in the park in the morning, I see 5 distinct groups of people:
1. People walking through the park to work. They are in work clothes, nicer shoes, and carry bags, and they have serious faces and a quick pace.
2. Old men in suits, just strolling, and chatting with whomever will chat.
3. Old men in athletic gear doing their martial arts routines.
4. Women walking with their friends (the younger ones are usually pushing strollers).
5. People walking their dogs.
You don't see families walking together until evening time, after the 4 o'clock meal.
And women jogging by themselves are not that common. I mean, there are few, but usually I'm the only woman who's in the park alone, which is probably part of the reason I attract the chatty old men who don't notice I'm foreign.
We met again coming the other way out of the park, and he asked if I'd been to the sea. I told him at the sea it's nice when we swim, but still too hot in the tent, so we're not going soon. And he was like, "No, no, you should go. Sutumore's great!" And then some more things I didn't understand.
The curious thing about these conversations with old people is that they never ask where I'm from. With young and middle-aged people, as soon as I start talking and they hear an accent, they ask. I used to think that old people just had bad hearing and couldn't pick up on my accent because of that, but the thing is, they also never seem to pick up on the fact that I have terrible grammar, or that I'm not dressed like a Montenegrin, or that I don't look Montenegrin. And it's not just here in Montenegro - this happens in every foreign country I visit or live in: I have distinct memories of it happening in Russia, Mexico, Spain, and Colombia, and likely it's happened elsewhere and I just don't remember (except China...obviously I do not blend in there at all).
It's led me to believe that being old is like being in a foreign country, even though you're in your own country. It seems so unfair...you work your whole life, you support a family, you build a society, and just when you're at the age that you should be able to rest on your laurels and enjoy the fruits of your labors, your home is overrun with young people doing strange things, eating weird food, buying fancy technology for god-knows-what, dressing in stupid fashions, and using new words and slang that are opaque to you. When you're old, all young people look equally foreign and bizarre, even the ones from your hometown...and when your attention was elsewhere, they somehow took control of things.
***
When I'm jogging, I really don't look like a Montenegrin at all. It should be easy to pick up on. I mean, there are some Montenegrin ladies out jogging, but typically Montenegrin ladies go to the park with their friends, not alone. And typically they are just walking. Younger ladies, like me, wear either casual streetwear and push strollers, or they are in cute matching athletic wear. They are not in shlubby mismatched things with coffee stains on the front. And they do their make-up first - at least eyeliner and lipstick. And typically they try not to get too sweaty, because afterward they are, naturally, going to go get coffee with their friends and gossip a bit before they have to go buy the groceries to cook lunch.
So when I go jogging in the park in the morning, I see 5 distinct groups of people:
1. People walking through the park to work. They are in work clothes, nicer shoes, and carry bags, and they have serious faces and a quick pace.
2. Old men in suits, just strolling, and chatting with whomever will chat.
3. Old men in athletic gear doing their martial arts routines.
4. Women walking with their friends (the younger ones are usually pushing strollers).
5. People walking their dogs.
You don't see families walking together until evening time, after the 4 o'clock meal.
And women jogging by themselves are not that common. I mean, there are few, but usually I'm the only woman who's in the park alone, which is probably part of the reason I attract the chatty old men who don't notice I'm foreign.