GUILTY.

[loveyousave]

I just reread every entry of this journal and have never felt like a bigger idiot in my life. I have been dealing with this thing from my past now for quite some time and I just can't seem to get over it or forget about it, you know, i'm constantly pressing a thumb into the bruise to see if the wound is still sore and it is, it continually just is. I don't know what it's going to take to get me there, what lesson I have to learn along the way to clear my conscience, but I want those songs back, and my life. I know I deserve living with this but I can't continue seeing your face in my dreams and waking up to remember how far I fell and worse, how it was all for nothing.

I think 2009 is going to change my life, for better or worse. I'm happy and I know you'd never guess it, but I am. I don't miss anyone or anything. I don't feel sorry at all.